Sam's from Chunk to Hunk Journal :)

I said this to Korrie and I'm saying it to you: SCHOOL COMES FIRST!!!!! THIS IS YOUR CAREER, YOU'RE TALKIN", AND THE WORLD NEEDS YOU!!!

That being said, thanks for all the love! :grouphug: Take care of yourself and remember that intense brain activity makes people want to eat lots of carbs (as you know the brain functions on them) so make em complex and nutrient dense! ;) Glad your bro is there for you. Don't freak out, you can do this! Stay strong--in fact, don't even waste time worrying. When you start to, change your train of thought and go over what you just learned. It's much better to fill your head with knowledge than with worry! And it'll be better for you when you get tests :)

Is Park City far from you? There's the Sundance Film Festival going on this weekend, and Beats Antique is going to be there with hot belly dancer Zoe Jakes, you should go if you can:
 
Hey Val,

Thanks for the advice. I will remember all that for sure. No more worry! I promise :) Until I get my first test back at least, lol...

Park City is pretty near me and I know all about the Sundance Film Festival, or just Sundance as we call it here... I've never been because it is always an intense crowded ZOO of peeps because everyone there goes to celebrity watch, etc (just ask fellow Utahns/former Utahn Paula and JudyB) I would love to go someday and I'm sure I will eventually. Lots of people own huge houses and property up in Park City that they rent out for a fortune when the festival comes. I have some friends who have crazy celeb sightings/stories from their times going up there.

I'm trying to get in all my complex carbs, I promise ;)

-Sam
 
Damn Sam, you sound busier than heck. It's a good cause. Keep your head straight and enjoy the opportunity to learn and progress.

Happy New Year man.
 
sammyboy24 said:
ILM- thanks for stopping by. Your so wise and I'm glad to have started conversing with you on this forum.
I wigged out last night and was freaking out about school and everything... My bro and I had a talk- he "talked me off my ledge" as I like to call it. We had a great heart to heart (he was the one I'd been wanting to talk to for awhile) and it went great. I feel better about things and I think he does too. He even mentioned it to my dad today, which is a very good sign :)
Click to expand...

I'm glad that your bro was able to calm you down about school. You'll be fine, Sam. You just need to take things one step at a time :)

I'm not so sure I'm very wise, but I'm certainly opinionated :D

Seriously, thanks for the vote of confidence, though! It means a lot coming from you, Sam. I think quite highly of you XO
 
:hurray: So PROUD of ya Sam!

Just remember to fit in 'rest' to!
I'm so excited about the journey you have started on all accounts.
2009 is gonna be great for ya! :hug2:

TTYS

<3 Stacy
 
sammyboy24 said:
Hey all :)

I will admit I'm tired as hell and my brain does hurt a little bit from all the reading and lecturing I've endured over the past few days. -Sam
Click to expand...

before you notice it will be a piece of cake to go through 100 pages per day. trust me.
Curvie Girlie said:
Take care of yourself and remember that intense brain activity makes people want to eat lots of carbs (as you know the brain functions on them)
Click to expand...

wish i remembered that last year lol


i'm glad you had a great week. i'm sure you'll overcome all the obstacles and make through all the challenges ahead of you :D
 
Hey all :)

So... I'm at work for the next two days, 12 hr shifts, so I know i can get a lot of my schoolwork/studying/quizzes/reading, etc. done, so I'm happy about it.

I went out for my friend Tim's graduation from hairschool on Fri. night. It was fun. I got really dressed up not only because I felt like it but also because I wanted to look good for him and all his hairschool friends, etc... I think my friend took a picture but I looked HOT!!! I don't feel concieted in saying that i was the hottest guy there, and especially the hottest gay. I spiked my hair up (which is pretty long right now by the way, so it took some major product and effort, lol) and wore this awesome gray cord blazer with a white button down, and some William Rast jeans and my Aldo shoes. I looked like a million bucks and felt like it too.

My friend Celestia and I looked amazing and it was too funny because we actually ran into a couple of guys we went to highschool with. I'm not going to lie, they weren't the nicest people to me in school but, they weren't the meanest... I try really hard to stay positive and let things go and such but once I've had a few drinks I sometimes get really defensive, etc... It comes from years of being gay and going out in UT, I think I've just developed a thick outter shell, or a complex where I think a lot of people are trying to clown me when they really aren't... It's embarrassing as hell and I really want to work on it so I don't become the friend all my friends "dread" going out with... I've just been fucked with a lot in years past by stupid douches at the bar who think they are funny. I guess I just need to have a little more faith in humanity but it's hard sometimes in UT, lol... Anyways, I digress... The guys we ran into from highschool recognized my friend Celestia (who looks amazing by the way, I wish I could get here to post some before/afters on here because she's lost over 150lbs by now) and they thought they recognized me. It's so funny how you remember people from years ago, and probably how they remember you. Everyone is much shorter than I remember, lol... Whateves :)

I did go do some running intervals at the gym last week. I hadnt' been there in awhile and they now have flat screen TVs mounted to most of the treadmills. Kinda weird because I'm just a Ipod/headphones type of guy, and my gym already has a cardio cinema room...

Thanks for stopping by my journal Maureen, Stacey, and Lena :) I appreciate your positive posts and thoughts on my current endeavors. The positive reinforcement really does help and keep me level... I'm feeling good about things. Nursing school is definitely hard work, there is no doubt about it. But, for awhile there I was thinking it was completely impossible and something I WOULD fail at... This past week (and I know it's just the first week) I realized that if I put in the work and try my hardest there is no possible way I will fail. I'm finding I have so many more advantages than others who are in the program with me that I'm feeling pretty good about things, and I'm very grateful and know how lucky I am, believe me.... ;)

Take Care,
Sam
 
Tell me about school and being gay, Sam. It wasn't easy being me, either. The name calling, the snickering behind my back, the jokes in the hallways, always feeling as though I was the brunt of their sick humor ... I remember the time somebody threw a double-headed dildo at me when I was standing at my locker, and one of my male friends was gay, and they mentioned that if I wasn't using it on a dyke, I could always use it on him.

It was just so infantile ... and quite hurtful.

I ended up getting a pretty thick skin, too. Every now and then I do run into people I went to school with, and the first thing they say is "WOW, you look great!" as if I'm not supposed to look great ... or that I didn't when I was in school :D

Then they want to get all friendly and ask me personal questions, and frankly, I'm just not into that BS. I'm sure a lot of them felt bad doing what they did because I'm sure they knew it was wrong, but it still doesn't take away the sting of the negative comments. People can just be so incredibly insensitive. And not just in school -- there are still people giving me grief, Sam.

I can't imagine coming out in Utah ... that's a pretty conservative area of the US. That must not have been very easy for you.

Is it any easier for you now? I'm sure it's still hard in many respects, because people still have preconceived ideas, inflexible mindsets, homophobia, etc. etc. It's all so unnecessary and just downright stupid, but it still happens.

On another note, I'm flabbergasted at how the US won't give gays the right to marry. I think there are only 3 states that allow gay marriage ... but I'm not 100% sure on that.

Anyway, just keep on trucking, Sam!!!! I'm SO proud of you, and isn't it awesome that you were the best looking gay guy? I wish your friend would give you a copy of the picture, because I'm dying to see your hair! :)
 
Thanks Maureen :)

Yeah, growing up in UT did have it's drawbacks and being gay (closeted) in school wasn't easy... My whole thing was to just go unnoticed, which sucks because it really isn't my personality. I just tried to keep my head down and keep to myself, which always didn't work out. I remember stupid guys pushing me around calling me a fag, spreading disgusting rumors that I was having sex with other guys, etc... One time one guy grabbed his bare balls and came up to me and wiped his hand on my face... Yea, school pretty much sucked. I was just a loner and didn't have many friends, and the few I did have were outcasts too. I'm lucky I didn't do drugs in school because that could have turned into a major problem I imagine.

Now when I see people they can't believe it's the same person or they don't remember me at all, which I take as a compliment. I'm a much different person. When your more confident in who you are, you aren't afraid to be your normal self, right? Bottom line kids are mean, and I went to an upper-middle class highschool where the kids thought they were entitled to and to say anything they wanted, so i think it made it worse. Getting older certainly does put a lot of things in perspective and I know people change. It just sucks people who are different have to go thru so much xtra BS in their lifetime, and sometimes it kills them. I know I had times where I really thought it would have been easier to end it all then go on one more day in my life back then... Obviously I'm glad I didn't ;)

I don't have as many people giving me grief today, and I'm much more resilient with it than I was back then. I won't lie, I'm probably a little bit intimidating and people probably don't want to get into it with me. I just try to remember that life is all about doing what you want, not trying to make anyone else happy. I don't feel like anyone specifically tries to make me happy by the choices they make in their life, they have their own shit going on, so why would I do that for them?

-Sam
 
Yeah, I went to an upper class/upper-middle class high school, too ... and the kids were HORRIBLE. They all seemed to have such a perverted sense of entitlement and privilege, and they knew that whatever they did or said would go unpunished.

Sam, I'm so glad things have worked out for you :) Sometimes it takes awhile to feel comfy with who you are, especially when who you are is considered aberrant by so many people.

Calgary is very conservative (I call it the Buckle on the Bible Belt) and being anything other than hetero when I went to school was disastrous on a monumental scale. I can remember a gay kid in high school who was beaten up regularly. I never seemed to see him without a cast on his arm or leg, or a black eye, fat lip, etc. It was so incredibly cruel that these kids did that to him AND GOT AWAY WITH IT!

We were friends in high school, and he would get so depressed about his life, because he couldn't tell his parents he was gay because they were super religious and thought being gay was an abomination.

BTW, he was one of the best looking guys in the school and had such a big heart. He was so super sensitive, and really shy. When he was 20 he finally came out -- his family disowned him, his partner dumped him, and one night he took a rifle and blew half his head off. I was devastated because he had not ever mentioned taking his life when we would talk. I still think about him. We were best buds.

Oh ... that was really depressing ... but I know a few gays who have done themselves in because they just couldn't handle the pressure or the pain.

There were many, many times I contemplated suicide as a teenager. I think that stuff stays with you, whether you are aware of it or not. I still expect people to hurt me. When they don't, I'm always surprised.
 
Last edited:
I'm so happy that school is going well for you. I totally know you will do just fine--and I absolutely agree with Sheryl about you being a hot nurse--I've said this before..lol.

That is so irritating about how you were treated in high school. I just wanna hug ya. I know if we'd been in high school together we'd have been good friends--I was of the opinion even then that gay men are cool, and defended homosexuality in my church's youth group when they told us it was a sin. I told them exactly what I thought of that, and they didn't like it too well. ;) That is really sad about ILM's friend who committed suicide over being gay and unaccepted. What the hell is wrong with this world? :banghead: I also agree with her that it's crazy this country is so anti-gay marriage. All this nonsense about protecting the sanctity of marriage when heteros certainly don't respect it--just look at our divorce rate. :rolleyes:

Anyway Sam, I think you're pretty wonderful. :)
 
I miss you today, Sam. It's been a laugh and a half for me, on here, and I thought you would make it better :)

I WANT to see the picture of you and your friend looking like a million bucks! And I LOVE long hair! :party:
 
Awww. Thanks you guys your so sweet :) That is terrible about your friend ILM. My highschool experience was definitely not as bad as that... I can't imagine going thru that day in and day out... Very tough stuff.

Something I didn't know before I came out... My dad had a friend in highschool who was gay who was deeply closeted (it was the late 60's in LDS UT)... He ended up coming home from his mission and committing suicide by hanging himself. I was the most scared to tell my dad about being gay but finding that out when I did come out was a shock to me. My dad is awesome and completely supportive of my lifestyle.

So, school has been kinda hard this week. More info and more stuff to learn. It's all extremely interesting to me though, so I guess that is good. I took a nursing math test last night and am awaiting my score to see if I have to take it over again. I must score an 85 or higher... I think I did alright but I won't completely believe it until i see the score set in stone ;)

I was sick at school today. Had body aches and a headache and thought I had a fever... So appropriate because today's lecture in Patho was about fever and the different symptoms and signs/causes, etc... I took some pills and I feel a little better for the time being. No exercise for today, unless exercise for the brain counts, and in that case I'm done :) I plan on finishing a couple more hours of work and going home, taking a hot shower, looking over my reading for tomorrow and going to bed early...

Sam:)
 
I am SORRY you're sick :( but truth be told, I guffawed at this: "So appropriate because today's lecture in Patho was about fever and the different symptoms and signs/causes"

FEEL BETTER! Glad things are good in da hood, I'm eagerly anticipating some sexual gratification here in a bit, heh heh :D

HUGS!
 
hope you feel better soon sam :)
its so good that your dad is supportive. i have many gay friends who are having lots of problems because of their immediate families. its sad when your own family cannot accept you for who you are.
 
Sam, good to hear you're enjoying your classes, but I'm sad to hear you aren't feeling well :( Please get better XO

I find it odd that you were having sympathetic fever in your Patho class, though ... I hope you're OK when they start addressing other physiological anomalies :D

You are very lucky that your dad is so supportive of you being gay -- and your dad IS really awesome. Like Lena, I know so many gay men whose fathers practically disowned them when they came out. That makes the whole situation so much more difficult (as if it isn't hard enough to begin with!).

BTW, I was very sorry to hear about your dad's friend. I can't wait for the day when people stop judging, categorizing, labelling and bashing people who don't happen to fit what they perceive to be the societal "norm" ...

I've got my fingers crossed for the math exam ... hopefully you got at least 90% :)

Do you have any more classes this week?
 
Hey all :)

I had my Nursing Fundies class today, which is a pretty fun one. A lot of discussion and critical thinking which I enjoy. It's the class that really trains you to being thinking like a nurse.

I had a pretty shitty day yesterday... I had that fever for most of the day and felt like dog shit... Then I get to work and find out bad things about my bank account, lol... fees fees fees... Then I find out I have some how managed to lose my brand new driver's license in the past week... Then this morning i find out I left the light on in my car all night but, by the grace of god my car started and didn't need to be jumped... Anyways, today was much better. I think it's the fact that I don't have class again until Monday and IB Profen has become my friend. Yesterday I also began freaking out over stupid shit... But today I'm back to normal, lol... The ups and downs of being in this program will be something I probably never get used to. Today I'm much better with all that though, still don't feel that great though. I think my fever has subsided some but my body still hurts and it seems as though too much sleep is never enough.

Still haven't gotten to the gym and I refuse to while i feel like this... I gotta get back there though, so there is some slight guilt, etc. Food has been alright. Tonight I just want to go home and relax and do nothing, lol... I'm still waiting on my Math Test score and it's driving me insane! The score that I got right after the test is completely innaccurate because the computer that I took it on will mark it wrong if I put a space in the wrong spot, etc... So my professor has to go thru and hand grade them all, and being that my friend and I are the only ones who have taken the test so far, you would think she could find the extra five minutes to grade them in her day?... This test score means a lot to me (actually all of them do in this program) because if I get less than an 85 I must retake the test, and if I don't get 85 on the retake I get one more shot to get an 80... If I can't manage that on the 2nd retake I FAIL the course which is Pharmacology 1250... I'm pretty sure I got over an 85 but I need to see it in stone before i can relax :D

The list of Oscar Nominations came out today and I'm determined to watch at least some of the movies on the list... I'm probably going to end up watching them online (shame shame I know :reddevil:) because I'm becoming too poor to go spend a fortune seeing a movie at the theaters... I want to see Doubt, and Slumdog Millionare... and I really want to see Gran Torino with Clint Eastwood.

Hopefully I can get to a few diaries tonite/this weekend and see how all my peeps are doing :)

-Sam
 
I hope you are feeling better sweetie.
:hug2:
What a mess you have been going through! :(

Did you ever find your DL?
I have done that before.. I lost my new one after a great pic and then the one I'm stuck w/now looks terrible..lol

HeeHee...Reminds me of that one episode of Ellen when she went back 'n forth tryin' to get a good DL pic!!!
I loved that show years ago when it was on. That episode was so freakin' funny.
:D

I hope everything works out re: your grades! You have worked so hard.
*Best Wishes*

OMG, Gran Torino is awesome! We saw it about 2 weeks before it hit the movies..(My sis knows a guy...LMBO!)
Did this movie come to late (Opened Jan. 9th) for this year's Oscars?

BC this movie will CLEAN HOUSE along with Clint..
It was so freakin' good we watched it again the next day before we had to take the disc back to my sis.

It will be a Great Feb! :D My Steeler's are in the Super Bowl and the Oscars are coming..lol..

Have a Great Sunday!

<3 Stacy
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top