(Re)new Journey

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Misty and Cate, I certainly needed those words of encouragement today. I had a very long day at work and when I came home, the last thing I wanted to do was workout. I was so close to just staying home and skipping my step class for today... but I managed to get myself going.

I am remembering from last week that my week also started off rough then too. I am seeing a theme here. Anyone else have a rough time transitioning from the weekend back to the work week? I'm so tired today and just want to sleep! Feeling lethargic and unmotivated. I'm hoping tomorrow is a better work day and that I can adopt a better, more positive attitude.

I know one thing. I am NOT venturing downstairs to my kitchen at all for the rest of the night because then stress/emotional eating may ensue. Can't allow that to happen. I've had my dinner of chicken, broccoli and tomatoes, so I don't need anything else!
 
First thing this morning, the scale read 160.1!!!! I am getting so close to the 150s. However, today I was a tad "lenient" with my food choices as lunch was provided at work since it was a special day. I had a small piece of a calzone and some salad. I also had one cookie. Then after that, someone gave me some raisinettes and I had a handful of those. It is SO hard to resist temptations when you are given them!!

My breakfast was good at least, scrambled eggs (made with almond milk) and my snack was grapes. I have to admit that my lunch could have been worse. I could have easily eaten two (or maybe even three) pieces of the calzone. I also could have had more than one cookie. I am at least thankful that I was able to keep it under control in terms of portion sizes.

Later this week, we are also being provided with lunch and I feel a bit rude not eating it. I may just bring my own lunch anyway.

This evening I am hitting the gym. My plan is to run my 2 miles and then walk a half mile. My goal for the end of May is to run 3 miles straight so I have to start building up my stamina past 2 miles. I also want to do a little bit of cardio on another machine, some stretching, and some abs. Hopefully that'll be enough to offset the poor food choices from this afternoon.
 
Soooo close :) Lunch still sounded healthy Kakes. Do you know what the lunch later in the week will be? Good for you hitting the gym. You'll be in the 150's in no time at all.
 
Just a few hours ago I wrote how I wanted to run 3 miles by the end of May... well today is May 3rd and I ALMOST did it! I ran 2 miles, walked for a quarter mile, then ran three quarters. I can't believe it! I do think I could run a little more if it wasn't for a raging blister on my right foot. I wore different sneakers today but I should have known that was a bad idea. Either way, so proud of myself for being so close to this next goal.

And speaking of goals, I actually saw a number in the 150s on my scale just now. I have been so close to the 150s that I am having a hard time resisting the scale so I stepped on it tonight and BAM! 159.8! Not sure if that number will stick around but I sure hope it does! I can't remember the last time I was in the 150s but I think it was over 2 years ago.

Cate, the unhealthy thing about the lunch was the dough that the calzone was made from and the salad dressing was creamy so I'm sure it was more calories than my "lite" one. Thank you for your reassurance! I think I was a tad thrown off because I have been making all of my own food (I won't even eat anything my parents make) because then I know exactly what is in it. Eating something made by someone else gives me a bit of anxiety. That might sound a tad crazy but that's where my head is at. It's a control thing I suppose. Anyway, the lunch this Friday is a chicken salad sandwich from Panera Bread. I am scared about the amount of mayonnaise and things and also about the bread. I've been avoiding most carbs and it's working for me. I know that a little bit won't kill me but I also don't feel that I NEED to eat it so perhaps I should just eat my own lunch? I'm not sure. I'm also guessing there will be other treats provided and I'd much rather have my own lunch (which will be lower calorie) and then a small treat. Hope that makes sense, haha!
 
Kakes- if the chicken salad sandwich is anything like the chicken salad I had in Baltimore, I would take my own. It was one of the grossest mealsI have ever eaten. I am used to a chicken salad being cold roast chicken, lots of salad( lettuce, cucumber, tomato, celery etc) & maybe about 2 teaspoons of mayo & a little vinaigrette. Taking your own sounds like a very good idea!
YAY for seeing the 150's :D
 
Thanks for your input! The chicken salad here is basically chicken and mayo. It also has grapes in it and maybe green onion. It tastes good but I'm guessing it isn't healthy. I wouldn't mind eating it but the calories I do not need. I think I might stick to my own lunch.

Looking forward to tomorrow. Hoping I am still in the 150s but if not, I will be there soon enough. Hoping that the blister on my foot allows me to run tomorrow afternoon. Also have step class tomorrow evening. It can be a lot to do both in one day but I am only working half the day so I think I can manage both. I really want to run and I also don't want to miss the step class since this great instructor only teaches once a week. The things we do for fitness!!
 
I need some of YOUR self control :D Those times (work lunches/eating out etc.) is when I usually fail massively.

I can defo relate to the anxiety about eating stuff you've not made yourself...trying to sort it out, coz it links to the point above. How it works in my head is really screwed up. I'd make my own food, know exactly what's in it and then eat a portion which is satisfying...when I eat out though I don't know what's in the food and then end up eating loads of it. Doesn't add up in any logical way...

Awesome news on your running progress and hope that blister heals soon.
 
Delsid, my self control has slowly built up but it is HARD. In my very own house, I have had a pan of chocolate frosted brownies sitting on the counter for two whole days and I haven't touched them. The roommates (my parents) don't understand the concept of temptation so they don't realize that it is not nice for them to buy these foods. I am holding strong and avoiding the junk and I will have the last laugh in the end!

And I've also tried to understand the logic of eating and it makes no sense to me. I do the exact same thing and that is why I don't go out to eat anymore. Unless I absolutely have to.

Today I am feeling bloated and it is putting a damper on my mood. I am headed to the gym shortly and I hope that it lifts my spirits some. Hoping also to run at least 2 miles and also have a good step class. I like how I am now turning to exercise to ease my mind and change my mood instead of emotional eating. I have learned that the food just makes me even more miserable, but exercise is a means to change it.
 
You're a smart cookie kakes (pun intended). Feeling bloated does make you feel down. I have been the same for 2 days & my stomach is only just starting to feel better & so is my mood :grouphug:
 
A few good things to report. I ran 3 miles today! It was really hard and I took two short 30-second breathers (I didn't walk, just literally stopped to breathe) within the last mile... but I did it! After running, I was thinking how since March 28th, my first day back at the gym after a year hiatus, I have slowly worked my way up to tolerating (and somewhat enjoying) running. Feels like a great accomplishment and I sure am proud. I want to keep pushing myself and increase my distances, and then eventually decrease my times.

After running, I did my step class. I didn't stay for the ending abs and stretching because I had hit my limit for the day. Came home and saw a 159.0 on the scale. Again, hoping this number will stick around!

Small victory for today... we were provided cupcakes at work and I didn't take one. I was on my way out of the building when they arrived so I was happy that I didn't have to awkwardly refuse one. I did eat the rest of the raisinettes that I was given yesterday. Probably about 1/3 cup or so. The cupcake was pushing it so I'm happy I avoided it.

For the rest of this week, temptation looms. Tomorrow night I am going out for margaritas with some friends. I am going to try my best to get to the gym between work and going out. I know that will make me feel better about the extra calories that I will undoubtedly consume. I will most certainly get a salad for dinner and keep it to one margarita. The sugar scares me! I am so close to being below 160lbs and I don't want to ruin it and sabotage myself.
 
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Kakes- have some lean protein( 6 almonds?) just before you have the margarita. The protein helps absorb the alcohol & also helps stave off cravings.Enjoy your night :D
 
Today started out well... the scale read 158.0. That kind of surprised me. However, I made it to the gym after work but I just didn't have it in me to run. I ran one mile and just couldn't run any more. So I walked two more miles on an incline. Better than nothing. I was pressed for time so that's all I did. Well, then I went out to eat and made bad food choices. I won't even list them here because I don't want to see them in writing.

It is fairly easy to control my eating at home but going out to eat is another story. I just can't really control myself. I would rather just not go out to eat but it is a very social thing that often can't be avoided. I wouldn't see my friends much if I said no to going out to eat. I suppose I need to work on making better choices when I go out to eat. Even if I take the mindset that its a "once in a while thing," it seems to me that those "once in a whiles" come far too often and so then it essentially becomes the norm. I am working too hard on a daily basis with my eating habits and exercises and I don't want to ruin that hard work.

With that being said, I am dreading Sunday (mother's day) because my family is getting together for pizza. I don't want to eat the pizza but I'm afraid that I will look crazy if I bring my own food. I don't want to be rude or anything but I also don't want to ruin my streak that I've been on. These instances stress me out so any advice is welcome!
 
Kakes2 said:
It is fairly easy to control my eating at home but going out to eat is another story. I just can't really control myself.
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Ditto!! We gotta sort that out, sistah ;)

My advice on the pizza thing would be: eat well before you go there, maybe do some exercise too so you're in a healthy mindset, so that you won't be tempted by the greasy pizza. That's what I used to do. I'd then go to whatever gathering and have a little bit, rather than have the unhealthy stuff as my meal, without feeling self conscious about being the 'diet girl'.

Thinking about it it's crazy coz WE REALLY shouldn't feel anxious and stressed about this stuff, and if you don't want to eat bloody pizza you shouldn't feel like you 'should' just for the sake of conforming, at the end of the day pizza IS utter junk. And YOU, my friend are in the right.

Is this pizza thing at your house or out? If it's at yours' you could prepare a healthier alternative in advance (I used to make cheese free pizzas with LOADS of veg on top) and then eat with the rest of your family. If you're eating out, you could order something different. It doesn't matter what your family think, and the stuff they might think is probably bigger in YOUR head than it reality, you know what I mean? I think we tend to think people pay attention to what we do, more than they actually do :D

Also, you might want to talk to your family, explain what you're doing and why you're doing it and how important it is for you.

This is just a stream of consciousness, coz I can totally relate to what you're going through, so try to navigate through it ;)
 
Thanks so much, Delsid! This get-together is not at my house so I'm thinking that I will work out and eat before I go so that I am not tempted to eat the pizza as my meal.

I think I am officially hitting my first wall. I gave in to the Panera lunch today at work. I can make excuses but ultimately I sort of just gave in and ate it, not really caring. I had packed my own lunch but I wanted to eat with my colleagues and didn't want to be the outcast so I felt that I needed to eat what was being served. It made it worse that a meal was ordered specifically for me so I would have felt bad turning it down. I did manage to hold myself to eating half the sandwich instead of the whole thing, so that's a plus. However, I did also eat the chips and a large cookie. I am mad at myself for it (especially after last night's meal too). I can't beat myself up over it though. I need to accept it, move on, and make better choices.

The worst part is that I stepped on the scale this afternoon and saw a 161.7. I am so disappointed. I was at 158 just a few days ago!!!! Not only that, I feel like a cow. When I eat healthy food, I feel better, therefore am in a healthy mindset to work out, and it's a good cycle for me. I have now fallen out of that and need to get back in it.

First thing is that I am only going to eat meals that I make myself. I have tried to eat out and control myself but it just isn't working for me. I clearly can't make good choices when eat out so that just can't happen for a while. I am driving myself slightly crazy with it so I am going to keep it simple and eat only food that I prepare. Secondly, I need to find some energy to work out. I haven't skipped a day yet but I can feel myself headed in that direction. No matter what the work out is, I need to keep myself moving. Thirdly, I need to get myself out of the mindset that if I have a minor setback then the world is over. That is not the case. So yesterday and today have not been good days for me, but that does not mean that all my work thus far is ruined or that I can't get myself back on track.

I am headed to the gym now and hoping to walk a few miles on an incline. I don't think I have it in me to run tonight. I also want to get a good stretch in, do some abs, and perhaps a little more cardio. I need to get my mind back to a place where I feel in control! That starts with moving past my bad food choices and resetting myself so that I am focused.
 
Oh kakes. I know how it feels when you don't want to be the odd one out, but for a different reason these days. I am really allergic to most fragrances, so can't go out without getting sick. Your health & well-being is much more important and I think people should appreciate that you are doing this for a good reason & respect you for that. The lunch is done & dusted. The world is not over honey. You can do this xoxo
 
Thanks Cate! I have managed to refocus myself this weekend and I am back on track. Not that I'm blaming my horrible mood on anyone else but myself, but the weather for the past week has been absolutely crumby. Rain and overcast every single day, no sunshine in sight. Finally we are supposed to get the last of the rain this afternoon and it will clear up over the next few days. I am hoping that will lift my spirits a bit as well.

I can't imagine having those allergies though, Cate. Must make it very difficult going out and being around people. Sorry to hear that!

Friday I had a quick gym session, walked 3 miles on an incline then did some stretching and a little bit of abs. Then I went to the movies with my friend. I brougt carrots to eat. No popcorn or anything! Saturday I went on a 6 mile walk. I took a chance with the rain but it ended up holding off while I was out. I ran the first 1.75 miles of that 6 miles, my first time running outside this time around. Felt great but also very challenging. Hoping to be able to increase that distance over the next few weeks and do a 5k outside! This morning I got myself to yoga at 10am, my first time going in a week! I was more focused on the gym this week so neglected yoga for a few days. Felt great to practice again. Also set the mood for my day.

I am off to get ready and celebrate Mother's Day with my family. I am going to eat grilled chicken and probably some veggies before I go. My family is planning on getting pizza and I do not want any. I'm guessing they will have a dessert too. I will allow myself a small piece but I need to practice self control. I can't avoid these types of situations altogether so its important that I stay focused when I eat outside my home!

Have a great Sunday everyone!
 
Crummy weather makes it all so much harder. It has been the same here. We really needed it though. Well done on not eating popcorn at the movies! I used to love yoga. Hope you survived the family lunch OK, xo
 
The weather here has been beautiful these past two days and it has made quite the difference in my mood. Sunday is when it finally cleared up, while I was celebrating Mothers Day with my family. I ate my lunch before I went and I didn't eat any pizza. I was barely even tempted. After last week's traumatizing experience eating out, I am slowly realizing that the food isn't worth it. I was slightly upset when my sister rolled her eyes at me when I told her I wasn't eating any pizza. She is overweight too but doesn't have much willpower when it comes to working out or eating healthy. I tried to brush it off but made me kind of mad. Other than that, my grandmother asked why I wasn't eating, I simply said that I ate before I came and that I've been trying to eat healthy. Everyone else seemed to accept that and the conversation moved on. I had about a half cup or so of strawberry shortcake and I was satisfied with that. Didn't go crazy. Afterward I felt great and didn't have that overwhelming feeling of guilt that I'd had when I ate at a restaurant last week. Very proud of myself.

Sunday when I got home, I went for a long walk (6 miles). That was after doing yoga in the morning! I was just bored and so happy to see the sun that I couldn't help myself. Monday (yesterday) I had a meeting until about 6:45pm and I so badly just wanted to go home and get ready for bed but I got myself to the gym and did an hour on a cardio machine and 10 minutes on the stair master. I've also been trying to do some ab exercises here and there at home since my stomach is my biggest problem area.

Today I am going to continue to enjoy this weather and go for a run/walk. I've been having trouble running lately because I think I pulled a muscle in my lower left leg. It is on the inside of my leg, almost at my ankle. Not sure what happened there but it's been bothering me for the last few days. I've been trying to go easy on it but I also don't want to be using it at an excuse to be lazy. Walking is fine, I think it's mostly the impact of running. I think I'll try to do a mile or so of running today and then walk the rest. Seems like a fair compromise.

One of my coworkers told me today that I look great and that she can tell that I've been working hard. I was SO happy to hear that from her as she is the first person at work to comment on my progress. I see some changes with my body but it's nice when other people notice them as well. I weighed 172 at the beginning of this year so I'm down about 12 pounds since then. It doesn't seem like a lot but this is only the beginning.

The scale has been giving me some trouble lately. It's been stubborn and sticking between 158 and 160. My goal for last week was to get below 160 and I think I did do that, but the numbers haven't stayed down there. It is interesting because the last time I was really working hard on eating healthy and exercising, it seemed that the weight was coming off easier. I'm not sure what it different this time around but I am very thankful for the 12 pounds that I have lost! I wish I could ditch the scale and just focus on how I feel but unfortunately I don't think that would be enough for me. Oh well, just going to continue with what I am doing and hopefully watch the numbers decrease while I increase my overall health!
 
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