(Re)new Journey

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Number on the scale is 155.1 and that's fine with me. I am still feeling really good. Of course I want to continue to see the numbers drop but slow and steady wins the race. Generally I am feeling more mobile and just overall healthier. I've shed 17 pounds in the last few months and nearly 30 since a year ago. I'd say that's something to be proud of.

Two different friends texted me yesterday morning to say that they saw pictures on Facebook from my event on Wednesday night and that I looked really good. It totally made my day to see those messages. I don't think people realize how much it means to people when they go out of their way to give compliments. I need to remember that and compliment others more! Anyway, I wrote in my last post that I felt satisfied with the way I looked but it was nice to hear it from some friends too.

I think my eating has been good these last few days. I am mostly eating, fruits, vegetables, chicken, ground turkey, eggs, and very limited dairy. Seems to be working for me. I think I might want to go see a nutritionist at some point to get his/her insight. I need to look into finding a local one and schedule an appointment. For now, I will continue with what I'm doing. I have mad so many positive changes so far (no fast food, soda, candy, bread, very limited dining out, no coffee with cream and sugar, etc.) and I think I am off to a great start with my diet.

Yesterday I did 30 minutes on a cardio machine and 30 minutes of walking at an incline on the treadmill. Then I did some ab exercises. Today the weather is gorgeous so I am planning a run once it cools off a little. Hoping to run the whole 10k but I'm only human so I'll do the best I can. Looking forward to a nice relaxing night after that.
 
Sure is something to be proud of kakes. Getting compliments from others is always nice especially when you know they mean it. Lovely. Hope you get in a good run. Cheers, Cate.
 
Kakes2 said:
I have mad so many positive changes so far (no fast food, soda, candy, bread, very limited dining out, no coffee with cream and sugar, etc.) and I think I am off to a great start with my diet.
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Amazing :D and you can see how well that's working out for you so just keep it going :)
 
Thanks Cate and Delsid. So nice to have so many supporters along the way!

Today I slept in and it was awesome. When I finally got myself up and going, I ran some errands and then hit the gym. 15 minutes on the stair master, 15 minutes on the rowing machine, and 30 minutes on the treadmill at an incline. Then I did some stretching and ab exercises.

During the week, my eating is fairly simple and easy because I am on a schedule with work and everything. The weekends are a different story. When I sleep later on the weekends, I am inclined to not want to eat breakfast. Also, temptations are worse on the weekends. I don't quite buy into the "cheat day" thing at this point so I try to keep myself in check on Saturdays and Sundays, just as much as I do during the week. The issue, though, is the social aspect that comes into play, especially now that it's Springtime and going into Summer. There are always going to be cookouts and BBQs and get togethers where there is SO much tempting food!

Today, for example, I had a housewarming to attend where there was food galore. I ate a small portion of salad, 3 small meatballs, a tablespoon of guacamole with a few tortilla chips, one chicken wing, and a small piece of pita bread. Oh and one small cookie. I am happy with the choices overall, considering there was potato and macaroni salads (loaded with mayo), pizza, finger sandwiches, cupcakes, cake, and tons of other delicious foods. I carefully picked out the foods I wanted most and took a small helping of each. I think that I was pretty successful. I don't want to be the weird one who sits there and doesn't eat, all the while torturing myself. So I will use my self control to keep myself in check. Any other advice or input is greatly appreciated! Anyone who has read my diary should know that I have been struggling with eating outside my house so this shouldn't come as a surprise haha!

My sister made a comment to me: "Are you still on that diet?" and I responded that the way I have been eating isn't really a diet, more of how I'd like to eat in general. She then rolled her eyes at me. So, I told her that I don't like it when she rolls her eyes at me! It makes me feel crazy. I could tell that she sort of felt bad but I am glad I said something. She rolled her eyes at me last time I declined to eat pizza and I just let it go. I am not judging her for eating anything, so I don't want her to judge what I am eating either.

A relative told me that I was looking good today and that I should keep up the good work. I told her I wanted a cupcake and she said "No, you look too good to eat that!" Hahah. That made me laugh. She then said that she wishes that my parents would start to eat healthier and I said that I agreed. Speaking of that, my mom actually had a doctors appointment yesterday, her yearly appointment, where she found out she is the heaviest she has ever been. She said that she is going to be making some major changes and start eating much healthier. I hope that she is going to stick to her word because it would make my life easier to have her on my team. Plus I want her to be healthy too. I told her that the first thing that needs to go is the soda. She is addicted! She agreed and said it would be hard but she was going to work on cutting down. Aside from that, I told her that we need to get rid of a lot of junk that we have in the house so that we won't be tempted. Crossing my fingers that this pans out and I have both my mom and her husband on board!
 
Great work being sensible at that party! I think what you did (surveying the options, then deciding what´s worth the calories for you at that day) is a very good solution as it means you will likely really enjoy every mouthful and won´t feel deprived. Well done calling out your sister too; I know these things are hard but then she knows she wasn´t being kind to you. It´d really be awesome to get your mom on board though!
 
:iagree: with LaMa. It sounds like you have had lots of pluses. It is much better to speak up. I'm glad you did. Your sister should be proud of you. Well done to your reli for paying you the compliment. I hope your Mum will make major changes. Fingers & toes crossed honey, xoxo
 
Thanks, LaMaria and Cate!

Yesterday certainly wasn't the best day for healthy eating for me with the party and all, and then on top of that, I went out with some friends and drank afterward. I had what some consider a "healthier" drinking option, vodka and soda, so I don't feel too guilty about it. I actually had two. But I do feel guilty about the four oreos I ate when I got home! All I can do is laugh at it and move on. They did taste pretty good. It is a prime example of why I can't have food like that in my house! Mind you, I am not the one who bought the oreos--- my parents did. So I am not to blame for that. Hoping that the junk food is gone this week as my mom says that she is going to start eating healthier.

It was supposed to be a really crappy day here weather-wise, but I think the rain is going to hold off. That's great because I would much rather go for a nice long walk outside than go to the gym. I still have yet to really try the machines at the gym as I am slightly intimidated by all the muscle-y people who lurk around them. Maybe I'll go to the gym later this evening when its not busy and try a few out. I want to start incorporating weights into my schedule as I don't think walking is enough of a workout for me. I am tempted to want to run today but I think my legs need the rest. They are awfully sore from the stair master yesterday, and my knee bothered me a lot on Friday when I went running. So I think my plan will be walk and weights today, step class on Monday, and Tuesday I'll run, weather pending.

While I wait for it to clear up a bit, I am headed to the grocery store to pick up some food for the week. The other day I went to BJs (wholesale store for those who aren't familiar; they sell everything in bulk) and picked up a big container of blueberries. I LOVE blueberries but the pints are usually so expensive in grocery stores and are probably only two servings or so. Well I have put quite the dent in the container over the past few days so I am going to pick up another container for the week. Sometimes I worry that I am eating too much fruit because I love it so much. I try to limit myself to 3 servings a day but that's really hard. I will usually eat one serving for breakfast either in my smoothie or with my eggs, then one serving as a snack at work, then one serving at night as a snack if needed. I know it's better than eating junk food but still, can't use that as an excuse forever. Another reason why I want to visit a nutritionist at some point.

In other news, last night I saw a friend that I haven't seen in a while and she said that I was looking great. I hope people who read this don't think I am bragging when I mention these types of things because that is not my intention at all. My point is that when the friend said this to me, I said, "thank you, I still have a ways to go" and she said, "will you just accept the compliment?!" She was right to call me out for not just accepting the compliment on all my hard work. She then asked what I've been doing and I said that I've been eating healthy and working out a good amount. She then asked me if I was miserable and I said "No! I feel great!" I was so happy she asked me that question because I didn't even have to think of my answer. I feel really good, eating healthy and working out and I'm happy that my hard work is paying off. Of course it is difficult to maintain this lifestyle but I can tell that it is worth it to me, just based on my conversation with this friend. I keep wanting to push myself more and more and that's how I know that I'm on the right track. Some days are hard but I know that it will pay off in the end.

I mostly just like mentioning these compliments because a lot of the time I am so hard on myself. One second I am feeling great and then I see a picture of myself (happened yesterday) and I get down on myself that I don't look as good as I feel. I keep telling myself that I will get there and that it takes time. The worst thing I can do is give up and I am not going to let that happen. I may have minor setbacks (like eating oreos) but it isn't going to ruin my progress.

My next goal is to get into the 140s. I am currently at 154.1 and can't wait to say goodbye to the 150s. This week I really want to be diligent about my food options and inch my way closer to the 140s. I hate putting a date on things like this because I don't want to set myself up for disappointment, but I think I would be satisfied to hit the 140s by the first couple days of June or so. The scale seems to have stalled out a little lately but I think with some hard work over the next few weeks, I can do it! I have been thinking about my ultimate goal weight lately and I think I've decided that I am going to just wait it out and see how I feel. I don't even want to know what the "ideal" weight is for my height because that might make me depressed. I am only 4 foot 10 inches so I am sure it is in the low 100 lbs or so. I think for now I will say that my goal weight is 135 lbs. I like having a number to try and reach. That means I have 19 pounds to lose. I've already lost 18 so I am about halfway there. That is so exciting. Again, it's difficult to predict when that is going to happen but I would be so happy to reach that goal sometime this summer. I think I am going to make some type of motivational chart to hang in my bedroom to make it more visual for me. As I'm typing this, my wheels are turning with ideas. I love doing crafts and have tons of supplies. I think I might make a chart for my running too, so I can cross off goals when I reach them. I really want to run a 5k race (and eventually a 10K race) so those will definitely have to be included. This is going to be a good motivator for me. I think I will get started on my charts as soon as I finish with my food shopping and my walk!

I am constantly nervous that I am going to give up but I am not sure why I have that feeling since I am the one in control here so I need all the motivation I can get. I just know that when I think of what my body will look like and FEEL like at 135 pounds, I have to keep going. I can't wait to get to that point and to know that if I work hard it is only a few short months away... it makes me so excited! Anyway, enough rambling on. If you've read through all this crap, I thank you sincerely. This diary has been AWESOME for me, if you couldn't already tell that. When I reach a new milestone, the first thing I want to do is come on here and write about it. When I make a bad decision food-wise, I am reluctant to write it on here but I usually do it anyway because it's sort of like a form of therapy. It helps to keep myself accountable for my choices, both good and bad.

Happy Sunday everyone!
 
Kakes2 said:
Hoping that the junk food is gone this week as my mom says that she is going to start eating healthier.
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Don´t be too disappointed if your mom doesn´t get it right the first time. We all stumble and we´ve (most of us) given up several times before getting it right.

Kakes2 said:
I still have yet to really try the machines at the gym as I am slightly intimidated by all the muscle-y people who lurk around them. Maybe I'll go to the gym later this evening when its not busy and try a few out.
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I know the feeling! If you´re unsure of how to use the machines, maybe take pictures of them and check the internet for tips on settings and posture. I like to go to the gym right when they open the doors in the morning because at that time I can be sure all anyone is interested in is their own work :p

About the fruit: berries are actually pretty great because they tend to be high in fiber and low in calories.

Kakes2 said:
If you've read through all this crap, I thank you sincerely. This diary has been AWESOME for me, if you couldn't already tell that. When I reach a new milestone, the first thing I want to do is come on here and write about it. When I make a bad decision food-wise, I am reluctant to write it on here but I usually do it anyway because it's sort of like a form of therapy. It helps to keep myself accountable for my choices, both good and bad.
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I love the diaries for all the reasons you mentioned plus the added benefit that reading about other people´s struggles and victories reminds me that what I´m doing and feeling is normal. I´m not super-weak, stupid or just a plain loser, I am dealing with things my body wasn´t originally programmed for and it´s ok if I mess up sometimes.

Hope you´re having a lovely Sunday!
 
Excellent point about my mom, LaMaria. We talked a bit earlier today about a few changes that she is going to make and I think it's going to be a good start. I am also a little relieved that there will be less junk around so that's a win for me!

I ended up going on an hour-long hike this afternoon. I would have done a bit longer but the place closes early on Sundays and I had no idea. So i made my way to the gym and tried out a few of the machines. It is intimidating but I did it and I'm so glad I did. I just started with two machines and that was enough for me. Just trying to get my feet wet. Then I did 2 one minute planks, some squats with weights, some free weights, some abs, and some stretching. I am still in the "guessing" phase of being at the gym. In other words, I have no idea what I am doing, but I'm just doing it. I watch other people and take ideas from them. Seems to be working so far!

So my conversation with my mom today was interesting. She told me that she is the heaviest that she's ever been. When I asked her how much she weighed, she was reluctant to tell me, but then blurted out: 160!!! I was appalled. Not for her. But for me! I am currently 154 but my heaviest is 184! I was 172 just a few months ago! It is very interesting how people hold weight differently. My mom was shocked that I weighed 154. I know that I have a lot more muscle than she does but I have to say that she appears a lot heavier than I am. Either that or I am delusional about the way I look. Such a crazy thing because we are nearly the same height. I am only an inch or 2 taller than her. Anyway, it was an interesting conversation, to say the last. I told her that I want to get down to 135 lbs and she kind of made a face like that would be too small. I asked her what the "healthy" weight is for a person our height and she said 110 lbs!!! If I weighed that, I would be a stick figure. I may be short but I am built muscularly so I will stick with my goal of 135. Weight is so interesting and confusing!

Off to make myself a few goal charts!
 
I loved your longer post from yesterday kakes. LaMa beat me to most of what I wanted to say. I'm glad your friend called you out & said to accept the compliment. You are doing so well & I am so happy for you & love hearing all about how you're going.
Kakes2 said:
I feel really good, eating healthy and working out and I'm happy that my hard work is paying off.
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So am I! Well done honey. Keep up the good work & hopefully your Mum will start making healthier choices. She may want to join you when you're shopping at the whole food shop next time you go.
 
Thanks Cate. You always have some great insight for me. And apparently you and LaMa think alike! :)

Tonight's thought: I am not drinking enough water. I drink it when I work out but other than that I have to remember to drink throughout the day. I don't drink anything other than water. I am not sure what it is but I sometimes think of it as an inconvenience. Maybe I should look up the benefits of drinking water (like how it helps the body) and that will make me more inclined to drink throughout the day. I would say that on average, I probably get 50 oz of water a day or less. I know that's not enough so that's my next goal. I am going to say 75 oz of water a day this week to get me going. That's my goal. Hope I can do it!

Oh, I almost forgot. I made myself a weight chart where I can cross off each pound I lose. Wish I had done that from the start so I could have 18 big marks under my belt! Starting now with 154 lbs, ending weight of 135. So that's 19 big 'x' marks I hope to have in the coming weeks. I'm hoping its going to help me with my motivation. Not going to obsess over it. Just going to refer to it when I need a little boost!
 
:D-
Top 10 Benefits of Drinking Water: Don't Medicate, Hydrate!
1. Increases Energy & Relieves Fatigue
Since your brain is mostly water, drinking it helps you think, focus and concentrate better and be more alert. As an added bonus, your energy levels are also boosted!

2. Promotes Weight Loss
Removes by-products of fat, reduces eating intake (by filling up your stomach if consumed prior to meals), reduces hunger (hello natural appetite suppressant!), raises your metabolism and has zero calories!

3. Flushes Out Toxins
Gets rid of waste through sweat and urination which reduces the risk of kidney stones and UTI’s (urinary tract infections).

4. Improves Skin Complexion
Moisturizes your skin, keeps it fresh, soft, glowing and smooth. Gets rid of wrinkles. It’s the best anti-aging treatment around!

5. Maintains Regularity
Aids in digestion as water is essential to digest your food and prevents constipation.

6. Boosts Immune System
A water guzzler is less likely to get sick. And who wouldn’t rather feel healthy the majority of the time? Drinking plenty of water helps fight against flu, cancer and other ailments like heart attacks.

7. Natural Headache Remedy
Helps relieve and prevent headaches (migraines & back pains too!) which are commonly caused by dehydration.

8. Prevents Cramps & Sprains
Proper hydration helps keep joints lubricated and muscles more elastic so joint pain is less likely.

9. Puts You In A Good Mood
When the body is functioning at its best, you will feel great and be happy!

10. Save Money!
Water is FREE! Even if you choose bottled/filtered water, it’s STILL cheaper than that high sugar and fat-filled latte!
Cheers, with water, of course, xoxoCate
 
Kakes, one of my favorite things about your diary is that while reading through it I can definitely feel that you are indeed REALLY making an effort to improve yourself, for the RIGHT and GOOD reasons that I personally believe anyone on a weight loss program should...one should want quality of life and health, you are doing just that darling. AND you soooooooo deserve all the compliments you are getting sweetie. Loosing weight and trying to be healthier, specially when you are living in a "not so favorable" environment (food wise and apparently with some judgmental looks)...it can be hard, REALLY HARD...some days it won't be easy, most days it won't be easy...but you seem to be taking steps - POSITIVE AND CONCRETE STEPS - and turning these adversities into your favor (I love that you are making charts and trying out equipment at your gym)...most importantly, I love that you are standing up to yourself, to the be the best version of you...never be ashamed to admit that you are doing this, that you are eating healthier, working out, etc....don't let anyone make you feel stupid or silly for doing that...by standing up to those efforts you may be changing someone's life too, you may indirectly be encouraging these very judgmental people to become healthier too once they start noticing your results.

Re. your fruit intake........GIRL, I've been the queen of fruits since I decided that I had to decrease my refined sugar consumption - I usually eat 3-4 different portions of fruit daily...I feel every person has a different goal, and thus I don't want to necessarily suggest that this is completely right for you, BUT...my nutrologist and some research says you should consume at least 15 portions of different fruits and veggies daily to make sure you have all the nutrients your body needs.
For the most part that is unpractical to do (it would be too expensive and just a lot of food- that's why physicians usually suggest you take some vitamins), I personally don't do well with pills/vitamins...they make me nauseous, so my nutrologist said healthy eating is better than stuffing my face with unnatural sugar, so having a VARIETY of fruits is the key here...each will give your body different nutrients and that's the way to go when choosing your snacks/overall food, find a balance. My personal trainer suggested I keep it to two portions of fruit daily and no more than that, but I feel that that's because she sees potential in me and wants me to become SUPER FIT and have some washboard abs, hahahaha...which is not necessarily my goal...in other words, DON'T WORRY...you will still loose the weight if you go a little over on your fruit intake, plus (if you are going for oranges/watermelon) don't forget that those fruits also hold a lot of water in them...so that helps with your water intake for the day too!!!

Keep up the good work!

Xoxoxx
 
15 portions of fruit and veg??? That´s a bit extreme, unless you´re vegan. General recommendation is at least 5 portions and if those are varied you get plenty of vitamins, don´t worry.
 
Thanks Cate... I can always count on you! So far today I've had about 50 oz of water and it's only 3pm so I have a ways to go. It is definitely work for me to remind myself to drink all day but judging by the list you provided me... it will be worth it!

And thanks CaliGirl! I love that I can potentially be inspiring to other people. I usually write exactly what I am feeling and thinking (and I think A LOT about exercise and nutrition lately) so this is a perfect place for me to dump all of those thoughts. What you said about the fruits is a tad relieving for me. I know everyone is different and their bodies need different things, but I think I just need peace of mind that I am not going to go into a sugar coma if I eat 3 portions of fruit per day. I am currently trying to focus more on my vegetables and hope that it balances me out a bit. I tend to go for strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, grapefruit, grapes, and watermelon. Less inclined to eat bananas, apples, or pears but perhaps I should try to work those in too. For the nutrients and all. Anyway, thanks again!

Today I was able to lay out after work and get some sun. I have parts of my body (i.e. stomach and back) that have not seen the light of day in quite some time. Usually I wear a tankini (bathing suit top that covers one's whole stomach) and bathing suit bottoms while at the pool and the beach but this summer I am hoping to wear a bikini. My body is not anywhere near where I want it to be, but the important part is that it's getting there. Little by little and day by day, I am working on it. I don't want to have to hide myself at the pool anymore so I think I can be convinced to reveal a little skin. Plus the people in my life who I will be around know how hard I've been working so I don't think they will care what I wear. So I'm trying to get a little color on my skin before the real summer hits!

My grandparents have a beautiful in ground pool and my family often hangs out there in the summer. I also live about 45 minutes from many beaches in Massachusetts and Rhode Island so I will be spending a lot of time in the sun these next few months. I am so excited to continue to work on myself and continue to feel comfortable in my own skin. I am sure I will have plenty of "fat days" when I feel like a beached whale... but those are par for the course. I can think of many, many times when I've said, "I really want to get in shape for the summer" and here I am doing it!
 
You're welcome kakes :) I eat 3 pieces of fruit every day. Berries are so good for you. I'm going to buy some fresh strawberries today before the season finishes. You are doing so well. I loved your last sentence!! Indeed you are doing it xo
 
Kakes2 said:
Plus the people in my life who I will be around know how hard I've been working so I don't think they will care what I wear.
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Be confident, rock that bikini and enjoy the sun (with suncream :D)

Kakes2 said:
What you said about the fruits is a tad relieving for me. I know everyone is different and their bodies need different things, but I think I just need peace of mind that I am not going to go into a sugar coma if I eat 3 portions of fruit per day. I
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Don't be scared of fruit. Sugar in fruit is different from processed sugar and berries especially are brilliant for you. So are apples and bananas so make sure you include them in your diet. Your body will help you for the vitamins and fibre :)
 
Well today was a good lesson in paying attention to the weather. I planned to go for a run despite the fact that it was very cloudy out. Well almost 2 miles in, it started to really rain. I wouldn't mind running in the rain, but I was worried for my cell phone! I have an arm strap that it goes into while I run, but it has holes in it and it's not waterproof. I had to hang out under a tree for a few minutes but then I was able to keep going. I ran 4 miles and then my left knee started hurting again. Same exact thing that happened last time I ran, which was last Friday. I figure that 4 miles straight might be my limit for a while. I tried to push myself but I ended up walking the rest of the way (2.2 miles) home. I really want to run the entire 6.2 miles (a 10K) but I shouldn't push myself to the point of pain. I figure that 155 pounds is still a lot on my knees at this point, although I've ever had knee pain before. I will let go of my ego and listen to my body. A 4 mile run is still something to be proud of!

Typical Tuesday stress this week, per usual. I wore a bathing suit out to my jacuzzi tonight and I was feeling HUGE! I know that I have made progress but it is hard to remember that when you still see that you have a far way to go. I DO feel healthier and I DO feel happier so I will continue with what I am doing and trust the process. I know I am not the only one who wishes that the results were a little more immediate! BUT, I also know that it takes time to gain weight, so it also takes time to lose it. I just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep my eyes on the prize.

Tomorrow is step class. I am excited because the Wednesday class has my favorite instructor. I haven't had her class in 3 weeks so I am really looking forward to it. Two weeks ago she was out so the class was canceled and then last week I had an event on Wednesday night. I did go to step on Monday but that instructor isn't as good (in my opinion) and so I don't feel that my work out is as good. When you know what you are doing and you are confident, it makes a world of difference in your workout. It is also going to be 90 degrees here tomorrow (unseasonably warm for New England) so I am also excited about that!
 
The too much too soon mistake is easy to make with running. You might want to give this article a read https://www.verywell.com/common-running-mistakes-to-avoid-2911703

Don't underestimate how much strain your'e putting on your body when running. 10k is not a short distance :) It took me months before I did my first 10k race building up my milage slowly. Getting injured really sucks so be careful!

Kakes2 said:
DO feel healthier and I DO feel happier so I will continue with what I am doing and trust the process. I know I am not the only one who wishes that the results were a little more immediate! BUT, I also know that it takes time to gain weight, so it also takes time to lose it. I just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep my eyes on the prize.
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You're in the right mindset so you WILL get there. I'm super impatient so I feel your pain. Bit by bit we'll get there :)
 
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