Radiant's Diary

So yesterday my self esteem pretty much got tossed into jagged rocks by someone I considered a good friend. Actually, if you read back in this diary, she was one of the people who worked out with me before Christmas.

Anyway, she was trying to get me to go to the campus gym (working out around all the really good looking jocks and whatnot)... and I told her no and explained to her that I can handle working out around like 10 people, but not 50. Then she said, "well you walk across campus looking like that." I couldn't help it... I just started crying and left her house. She is such a bitch.
 
Wow. What a scazzy hooch! Ya know what? Screw that noise. I'm the same way, don't go to the gym till bout 11:30, midnight, cuz I like to work out around less people. Lots of people are like that, and don't you dare let that comment get to you. I don't know if this is the kinda friend she is- but I have a few friends that are reallllly trying to sabatoge(sp?) me now that I'm getting skinnier and hotter than them. I don't know if they realize they're doing it, but it gets bad, to the point where I just can't be around them all the time.

Cheer up, don't let her take ya down. You do whats comfortable for you, and you will meet the goals that you have set for yourself.
 
Some people don't think before they open their gobs!
I also felt very selfconscious in the beginning. The last time I went to the gym (friday I think) I actually looked like them suddenly! That was a mighty surprise! I looked in the mirror and I did nto think, OMG how much fatter are you than everybody else.
Our uni has 2 gyms, one is cheaper and my friend calls it the gym "for wimps". I used to go there, only I never actually went. Everything was set up in a concentric circle so from any position you could watch everyone else sweating and looking their worse!
It is true however that the people there were either the anolimics (anorexics and bulimics), the wimpy boys (skinny, sweating up a storm by doing 1 pound weights) and the generally unfit. Not so many overweight people (because once you are bigger and decide to lose weight, you wouldn't go to a gym like that, you would take it more seriously).
However the other gym is more expensive (like 1/3 more expensive) and it isn't for wimps. Here everything is set up so that you watch 4 giant tv screens (generally 1 channel with music, 1 with news, and 2 random channels with tV series and stuff like that on). The people here are more muscly boys, bigger people, older people and there is no stupid loud drum and base pumping away overhead!
I like this gym. I always thought I would never be one of them, and I do not adore my gym, I'd rather do 100 other things, but if I go there I don't feel out of place! That is really important!

So I bored you to tears to tell you: you will only do this if you can enjoy it even a bit! If you don't then you will find many excuses. So if you do not like the gym, don't get shit from nobody! Tell her: "well I will lose this weight, but you will never develop a nice personality!" and do the exercise where you feel comfy with it!
Camy
 
Well, finals ended AN HOUR AGO. Yay for that. I'll be moving over the next three days... partially back to my parent's house for three months, and some of my stuff is going to the apartment that I'll technically be living at in August. I'm excited.

I've applied for a few jobs over the summer but things are mostly picked over. I have an interview at bath and body works (hahaha) on Friday.. that could be fun. I would deal with some discounts :D Theoretically I would like to have two jobs over the summer to keep me busy and make some moulah.

The gym in the dorms has been closed for about a week. I decided to get my soon to be roommate to go with me to check out a couple gyms around town. We decided on a 24 hour fitness place. It's brand new (like open for two weeks) and about 25 bucks a month.. really nice equipment and a 30 minute session with a trainer after about a month (they want to watch how we normally work out, then work with us on our specific goals and teach us things that we don't know.... which is freaking awesome.) All in all, I'm ready to get back on track (I know I keep saying it, but I really AM going to do it.)
 
Haven't had a chance to be on much lately. I got moved out of the dorms.. half of my stuff is over where I'm moving to in August and half of it is here at my parent's house for the next three months. I haven't unpacked boxes more than throwing things around to get what I want haha.

Like I said, I got my new gym membership. I went for the first time today with my friend and we were there for about an hour and twenty minutes. Did the arc things (weird elliptical or whatever) for twenty, some arm weights (I am waiting on most leg things to see what my physical therapist says), and then bikes for twenty minutes. Felt good at the end.. but then I had three slices of taco pizza for dinner haha.

I also got a job at Bath & Body Works. I get paid crap but it's easy as heck. I'll be applying for a second job here soon. I've always worked in restaurants and actually enjoy the mood swings serving allows you to have haha. But yeah.. that's about all my summer seems to be consisting of so far.
 
JFKDSAFIVJNIRWAHGFDNKJVNF

Okay. I am sick of letting my weight slide as well as the site. I am back again and my weight is UP again. fjkfajapijpivwa.

I went to the gym last night for a little over an hour.. 20 minutes elliptical, some time on weights, then 20 minutes on a bike.

Yesterday was both my mother and my brother's girlfriend's birthday so we had a huge party. I kept things to one serving but I couldn't really eat things that healthy as there were ribs, pies, and crap like that. Ugh.

My boyfriend is gone... I'll write more about that later. I have to get off to work now.

Calories today are 338. I haven't tracked them in a while and I am SO SICK of just forgetting or being TOO LAZY to do stuff. Some PLEASE smack me over the head.
 
So I worked for nine hours today. Whoohoo. My feet hurt too much from bad sandals to go to the gym, though. I'll take the dog for a walk or do the gym tomorrow. I also have to pack up all of an old roomate's stuff because she decided to stop paying rent, leave all her crap in MY room, and not tell us about it.

Cals at 1469. I guess I'll grab a snack later.
 
So I haven't done cals for the past few days. I met my physical therapist yesterday and tested... my knee is at 78% of normal. I am meeting her on Monday at my gym to get a routine that will benefit my knee as well as the rest of me, so I am really excited about that.
 
So I got off my butt today, yay. Went to work around 9:30, got off an hour early, then went back in town to see my physical therapist. She went to my gym with me and set up a program that is good for my knee and the rest of me which is great! Now I just have to get back into going on a regular basis. My friend that I have the membership with and goes with me is out of town for another couple of weeks, so all the motivation is up to me.

Sometimes I'm really passionate about it, then I end up going out and completely losing my head with things. It's so frustrating and I need something to kick me into gear.. but I have no idea what that may be. I'm still trying to get back on track, but at least I'm still hanging around the forums so I don't forget (ha like I could forget what I look like if I tried).
 
DON"T worry hun, YOU WILL find that SPARK of motivation YOU are REALLY looking for!!!! :iagree:

YOU just have to stay consistent....and I KNOW how hard it could be....I just wanted to tell you that about that ex-friend of yours........PEOPLE like that JUST have DEEPER problems going on inside of themselves and what they project OUTWARDS is just a REFLECTION of what is going on INSIDE of them....HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH you.!!!!! BRINGING others DOWN is usually what people do WHEN they can't MAKE themselves FEEL BETTER about themselves!!!

PLAIN ol losers I TELL YA!~ I AM SO EXCITED that you are BACK and part of a GYM!!! YOU go girl.....!!!! I'm rooting for you, try the shakes...YOU LOOSE inches faster that way...not to mention BELLY BULGE!~~~:iagree:
 
Hey guys, and thanks for stopping in, Alta. So I've heard a lot about these shakes from you. Do you have any literature on them that I could read online? I'm sure I can google something, but it would be cool to read the same stuff that you looked at when deciding to try them.

As for the friend, it has actually escalated to a horrible situation... the post at the top of this page and the one about the roommate not paying rent, etc. is the same person. Real gem, hu? Anyway.. that's a bad situation and I'm glad to almost be done with it, except that she is trying to turn a bunch of other people against me as well. It's really not fun.

As far as exercise, today wasn't much. I worked for six hours and spent all but maybe 15 minutes on my feet walking around. I need to get some more comfortable shoes.

Calories at 1966 today. I've been shooting to get between 1800 and 2100, so yay for today.
 
My computer was soooo extremely slow yesterday that I couldn't even load my diary page! How sad is that?

Anywho... calories yesterday were 2104. Right over my limit, but good enough for now. Those are always a little guesstimated anyway, so who knows, maybe it was under as I usually try to put more rather than less.

Surprisingly, today when I hopped on the scale, I was down 2.5.. probably because of water weight or something, however it made me feel good. It's also possible that just by watching my food habits this past week that I've made a difference in my body. I'm going for that because it makes me feel better :D

Exercise yesterday didn't pass work.. but I was there for six hours, all of which spent on my feet but not necessarily walking (I was behind the counter). So I had a better day than if I was to sit at home and watch tv or be on the computer all day. I'm leaving for work in about an hour and I'm scheduled to work 7. No idea where in the store I'll be though.
 
RadiantPebble said:
My computer was soooo extremely slow yesterday that I couldn't even load my diary page! How sad is that?

Anywho... calories yesterday were 2104. Right over my limit, but good enough for now. Those are always a little guesstimated anyway, so who knows, maybe it was under as I usually try to put more rather than less.

Surprisingly, today when I hopped on the scale, I was down 2.5.. probably because of water weight or something, however it made me feel good. It's also possible that just by watching my food habits this past week that I've made a difference in my body. I'm going for that because it makes me feel better :D

Exercise yesterday didn't pass work.. but I was there for six hours, all of which spent on my feet but not necessarily walking (I was behind the counter). So I had a better day than if I was to sit at home and watch tv or be on the computer all day. I'm leaving for work in about an hour and I'm scheduled to work 7. No idea where in the store I'll be though.
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WooooHOOoo 2.5lbs...DOWN!!! YOU are on a ROLL......!!!!! ;)


OMG.....LOOK at you about to BREAK another BARRIER and ALMOST READY to break out of the 200's......AHHHHHHHHH!!!! GREAT for YOU!!!! I can't WAIT for YOU...!!!! THERE is nooo BETTER feeling than SEEING a DIFFERENT number BRACKET!!! YAY!!!! :party: soooon....
 
Yeah, what sucks is that the first time I tried to lose weight (Last November)...200 was my starting weight.. so I gained after my surgery and had a higher starting this time. But thanks! It's still a couple digits down.

Cals were at 1805 today. Whoohoo. No extreme exercise. Worked for 10 hours, and was only supposed to be there for 7 but that's nice. I can use the money.
 
So today I didn't work or anything. I took my mother around town and did some shopping. It's my dad's birthday and she didn't get him a present. Sooo that's basically it. They are making hot dogs and hamburgers and chips for dinner. I decided to make a veggie and fruit tray to counter the chips and have a boca burger instead of a regular burger. So I think I'm dealing with it fairly well. Meh. I hate family get togethers.
 
I was ok with food today. No definite cal number, though. All I had for exercise was a 1 mile walk with my dog that we went backwards on and turned into two miles. We took our time and spent about an hour out. It was fun. Then I worked for nine hours. That's about it.
 
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RadiantPebble said:
I was ok with food today. No definite cal number, though. All I had for exercise was a 1 mile walk with my dog that we went backwards on and turned into two miles. We took our time and spent about an hour out. It was fun. Then I worked for nine hours. That's about it.
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Alright....way TO CRANK in that 2 MILES>.....thats WAY better than I could SAY for myself!!! Glad to hear you're moving on that TRAIN!!! CheeeowWW!!!
 
Thanks girls! Yeah, I guess I've just been wanting to get to my gym lately so I felt lazy walking :( I got to the gym today, though!

So today was a bit better.

Calories at 1717 so I'll probably have a snack later on. I got to the gym and went on the cybex for 20 minutes. There were about 15 people there... which is crazy for my gym as I've never seen it that busy.. I guess I mostly have gone at night, though.. and especially not during the day on weekends. I feel gross working out in front of other people. I pushed myself through the cybex.. then when I got off, I was going to do some of my weight machines, but there were about 7 other people on them (they are all in a circle.. so pretty much anywhere I wanted to go, I would be RIGHT by somebody else.) I freaked out and split. :( I know I should just get over it.. and who knows, maybe the skinny in shape people would feel motivated to beat the fatty... but I just can't bring myself to work out around all those good looking people yet. There was not ONE OTHER PERSON WHO HAD EXTRA FAT ON THEIR BONES!!! Ugh. And.. all but one other person was a guy, so I was not just the only fatty, but nearly the only girl as well. I came back home and took my dog out for another walk.. we didn't go the whole 2 miles because there was thunder and the skies were looking like rain, and sure enough it started raining shortly after. Oh well.. at least I got to the gym and I got some good exercise in today. So about 40 mins of exercise and good eating.
 
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