Rox2
New member
I am a 44 years old mom to four kids and this is far from being my first diet. Like many people on this site, I've been concerned about my weight since I was a child and have been on just about every diet invented by human-kind (and a few possibly invented by aliens).
I was always tall for my age and never stick-thin, but certainly never fat or even chubby as a child. But my bad relationship with my weight seemed like destiny: First of all, all through my life I watched my mother struggle terribly with her weight and low self-esteem. (She is now at a very low weight and has been for several years, but maintains it through binge+purging.)
Another event marked me..it may seem silly, but when I was about 10 years old, another little girl in my class told me that I had "fat arms". It was then that I took a look at myself and noticed that I wasn't as thin and dainty as some of the other girls.
This was the beginning of the end.
By age 12 I was on a diet and excerise program. (I did the Jane Fonda Workout with a book and a record album! Too funny!)
Another terrible event was getting weighed in gym class in junior high. It was considered shameful for any girl to weigh over 100 lbs. That was FAT. Now, by age 13 I was 5feet 5 inches - much taller than most of the girls, but that didn't matter. I was a Big Fatty McFatterson. And I hated all 110 lbs of myself.
Despite my sporadic efforts at dieting, I gained more weight (and got taller!) By the time I was in high school, I was just over 5 feet 6 inches tall and my weight stabilized at 144lbs. I was pretty popular and went on plenty of dates..but I felt like a giant cow. I was Not Good Enough.
When I went away to University, I put on the Freshman Five, plus 25! The changes and stress had really gotten to me. But I did manage to take that weight off by strenuous diet and excercise and got down to 138.
And then I gained it back. Then I lost it. Then I gained again....and on and on.
You get the picture?
Now here I am, STILL not at peace with myself and once again obese...
Why am I trying this yet again despite my bad track record?
Well, there are a couple of reasons.
First of all, I want my husband to think I look beautiful again. He doesn't want to do anything with me or take me anywhere. I think he's ashamed of me.. He doesn't say much, but things are not that great between us.
That's the big reason. I've had enough and have to try to change my marriage.
There's also another, less important trigger: in 2003 I went to my high school reunion. I was just coming off a strict diet where I'd lost lots of weight, so I was still at a pretty good weight. I was at about 170, which looks ok on me- I wore about a size 12 and was pretty fit.
And now they are having another mini-reunion this summer and I'll be back in my hometown visiting then. I really wanted to go and didn't want to stay away because I'm ashamed that I'd gained 50lbs in the seven years since then!
Last month, I decided that I would go to the reunion! Then I weighed myself: 221 lbs. This was my highest weight ever- It was on April 24, 2010.
On that day, I went on a strict low-cal, high protein diet. The excercise thing was not yet on the radar. I needed to get my eating under control first.
So far, my plan is working. I have lost 14.5 lbs in three weeks. (yay!) I know this is pretty fast, but I know that the rate will be slowing down soon. But as it slows, I plan to make excercise more and more a part of the plan.
My target date is July 17, 2010. I plan to lose a total of 45 lbs. I have already lost over 14 lbs, so that makes about 30 lbs more to lose in the nine weeks remaining. I believe it can be done and I am determined.
And after my target date, I plan to set up a new goal and keep losing!
I plan to keep up my diary here. I am also participating in the Month of May Challenge on this site.
Plus I am keeping track of my food at Livestrong.com.
On top of all this, I have a friend that lives nearby who is at exactly the same weight as I am and who is on a diet as well. So, we can give each other some real-life support and excercise together!
All this in mind, I feel that my chances are good for real success!
Today's food so far:
Breakfast-
protein powder and skim milk - 200 calories
Lunch-
sautéed zucchini- 70 calories
mango soy dessert- 76 calories
I usually try to eat better than this, but we just had to have our beloved cat euthanized on Friday and I feel too horrible to eat very much.
I look forward to reading the other diaries here and being part of the group. Good luck to everyone reading this. I hope we will all achieve our goals!
I was always tall for my age and never stick-thin, but certainly never fat or even chubby as a child. But my bad relationship with my weight seemed like destiny: First of all, all through my life I watched my mother struggle terribly with her weight and low self-esteem. (She is now at a very low weight and has been for several years, but maintains it through binge+purging.)
Another event marked me..it may seem silly, but when I was about 10 years old, another little girl in my class told me that I had "fat arms". It was then that I took a look at myself and noticed that I wasn't as thin and dainty as some of the other girls.
This was the beginning of the end.
By age 12 I was on a diet and excerise program. (I did the Jane Fonda Workout with a book and a record album! Too funny!)
Another terrible event was getting weighed in gym class in junior high. It was considered shameful for any girl to weigh over 100 lbs. That was FAT. Now, by age 13 I was 5feet 5 inches - much taller than most of the girls, but that didn't matter. I was a Big Fatty McFatterson. And I hated all 110 lbs of myself.
Despite my sporadic efforts at dieting, I gained more weight (and got taller!) By the time I was in high school, I was just over 5 feet 6 inches tall and my weight stabilized at 144lbs. I was pretty popular and went on plenty of dates..but I felt like a giant cow. I was Not Good Enough.
When I went away to University, I put on the Freshman Five, plus 25! The changes and stress had really gotten to me. But I did manage to take that weight off by strenuous diet and excercise and got down to 138.
And then I gained it back. Then I lost it. Then I gained again....and on and on.
You get the picture?
Now here I am, STILL not at peace with myself and once again obese...
Why am I trying this yet again despite my bad track record?
Well, there are a couple of reasons.
First of all, I want my husband to think I look beautiful again. He doesn't want to do anything with me or take me anywhere. I think he's ashamed of me.. He doesn't say much, but things are not that great between us.
That's the big reason. I've had enough and have to try to change my marriage.
There's also another, less important trigger: in 2003 I went to my high school reunion. I was just coming off a strict diet where I'd lost lots of weight, so I was still at a pretty good weight. I was at about 170, which looks ok on me- I wore about a size 12 and was pretty fit.
And now they are having another mini-reunion this summer and I'll be back in my hometown visiting then. I really wanted to go and didn't want to stay away because I'm ashamed that I'd gained 50lbs in the seven years since then!
Last month, I decided that I would go to the reunion! Then I weighed myself: 221 lbs. This was my highest weight ever- It was on April 24, 2010.
On that day, I went on a strict low-cal, high protein diet. The excercise thing was not yet on the radar. I needed to get my eating under control first.
So far, my plan is working. I have lost 14.5 lbs in three weeks. (yay!) I know this is pretty fast, but I know that the rate will be slowing down soon. But as it slows, I plan to make excercise more and more a part of the plan.
My target date is July 17, 2010. I plan to lose a total of 45 lbs. I have already lost over 14 lbs, so that makes about 30 lbs more to lose in the nine weeks remaining. I believe it can be done and I am determined.
And after my target date, I plan to set up a new goal and keep losing!
I plan to keep up my diary here. I am also participating in the Month of May Challenge on this site.
Plus I am keeping track of my food at Livestrong.com.
On top of all this, I have a friend that lives nearby who is at exactly the same weight as I am and who is on a diet as well. So, we can give each other some real-life support and excercise together!
All this in mind, I feel that my chances are good for real success!
Today's food so far:
Breakfast-
protein powder and skim milk - 200 calories
Lunch-
sautéed zucchini- 70 calories
mango soy dessert- 76 calories
I usually try to eat better than this, but we just had to have our beloved cat euthanized on Friday and I feel too horrible to eat very much.
I look forward to reading the other diaries here and being part of the group. Good luck to everyone reading this. I hope we will all achieve our goals!
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