Owl writes about things that make people blush

So far today I've had:
Lean cuisine: 180
crackers: 75
smoked oysters: 100
diet coke: 15
coffee: 100
flax seed cookies: 160
Total: 630 so far...

Thanks to that anti-pancake diary lady I think I'm having pancakes for dinner...drools...at any rate, they are soft and I can't eat anything hard or chewy until I get my new crown. I broke my tooth on a tater tot, can you flippin believe that? I should sue the tater tot company for the cost of my dental work. I will never eat tater tots again. Or, at the very least, for the rest of the week.

I have decided to give up beer and liquor. NOT wine, just the beer and liquor. Wine is something I'll never give up. The beer however, has entirely too many carbs and the liquor has entirely too many calories. And with wine, I can actually drink one glass and nurse it all evening because I have to drink it with lots of water or I get a headache.
 
Owl said:
Thanks to that anti-pancake diary lady I think I'm having pancakes for dinner...drools...at any rate, they are soft and I can't eat anything hard or chewy until I get my new crown. I broke my tooth on a tater tot, can you flippin believe that? I should sue the tater tot company for the cost of my dental work. I will never eat tater tots again. Or, at the very least, for the rest of the week.

I have decided to give up beer and liquor. NOT wine, just the beer and liquor. Wine is something I'll never give up. The beer however, has entirely too many carbs and the liquor has entirely too many calories. And with wine, I can actually drink one glass and nurse it all evening because I have to drink it with lots of water or I get a headache.
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Yes, I can believe you broke your tooth on a tater tot, however, I don't think you can sue them... let me know, (lol) I broke my tooth on a peanut butter sandwich, made with the softest white bread out there.. I just got my crown, and I'll be paying my share of it for awhile. It totally sucks. What sucks more is that dental insurance only covers 50% for me.... what sucks even more than that is that I JUST finished paying for a root canal and was told it "shouldn't" break- phyeah.. right.

As for the beer and liquor, good thinking- the only alcohol I ever drink is Jack Daniels, and I gave that up for now, but I'm really REALLY wanting some.. but I'll be good. Oh, wait, I lied.. I will have the occasional Mike's hard lemonade.
 
This is too easy and I'm probly going to Hades for it, but I still gotta ask.....

Owl said:
Well, too much plastic...that would stink...but, cremation would be my personal choice if it was a flesh phone...omg, ew...I'm so inventing that now. DIBS on the copyrights!
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Is that any relation to a fleshlight? (google it if'n ya don't know, but not at work or around small children)

RIP on the Razor, sorry about that Owl
 
Not commenting on fleshlights. Not. Nope. Huh-uh. :)

Re: The gun emplacements. One of the coolest places I ever hiked was on the Kenai Peninsula in Alaska. There's an overnight hike to an old WWII gun emplacement just south of Seward. It's overnight because part of the trail is underwater at high tide. We hiked out, camped *in* the abandoned bunkers, and hiked home the next day.

So very cool.
 
Why google something that automatically shows up as a pop up ad on a lot of websites I go to.

What, you don't go to those websites, too?:leaving:

BTW, I went through your diary here and have decided that if you ever need another creepy cyber stalking pervert I'd like to volunteer.

Not that I'm necessarily creepy or a cyber stalker, but I could learn (pervert I think I have covered mostly).

On a more serious note, your diary is nothing if not entertaining.
 
Ya, sooo not googling fleshlight, I can pretty much guess what that would be. And I'm sure any website featuring it probably has spyware I don't want to have to remove from my computer.

I have a really bad headache right now. I WAS going to give up liquor but my ex stopped by for visitation with the guitar again last night, and brought a bottle of Jack with him. We drank the whole thing. And then made out, and then came to our senses and remembered that we hate eachother. And then we had angry sex, which is the best kind of sex to have if your doing it with your ex whom you hate. Unfortunatly now he wants to get back together because he remembered I have a magic punani and no matter how much he hates me, he loves the punani. He's texted me three times this morning.

Dinner last night was the last of the nasty lean cuisine panini/bug spray on bread. I wasn't motivated enough to actually make pancakes, and lack the fundamental ingredients like butter and syrup.

Starting today, no more liquor! Hey, at least I remembered that I gave up beer and didn't drink any of that.
 
um, ya...duh! He comes, he plays the guitar, and usually he leaves (with half the refrigerator in his belly). I just texted him that maybe the guitar should take an extended stay at his place till he gets over me again.
 
Well, that might have been what had been happening, but he was laying the groundwork for last night. This was all part of "the plan"...
 
Ya, no. He's not that smart. He doesn't "plan" anything, except for fishing trips, and even then its always a bad plan. And, up until last night after a bottle of Jack, he hated me, so much so, that he was always trying to "hook me up" with his "friends". Last night was pure stupidity on both of our parts, I just catch on quicker. He'll realize it in a few more hours or maybe tomorrow when he has that head slap moment and askes himself the important question "am I f*cking retarded?" to which my answer is "yes".
 
Food for today: (its only 11am here)
coffee: 100
cup of soup X 2: 90 see, I ate breakfast...sort of...

planned lunch
lean cuisine: 180
sugar snap peas: 100
diet coke: 15

planned dinner:
chix tenderloin: 120
broccoli: 120
baked beans: 240
glass of wine: 125 (its a big glass...)

snacks:
4 figs: 115
crackers: 75
cheese spread: 55

Total planned calories: 1335
No workout planned for today, unless I get really motivated and do my beach body abs dvd.
 
Owl said:
Food for today: (its only 11am here)
coffee: 100
cup of soup X 2: 90 see, I ate breakfast...sort of...

planned lunch
lean cuisine: 180
sugar snap peas: 100
diet coke: 15

planned dinner:
chix tenderloin: 120
broccoli: 120
baked beans: 240
glass of wine: 125 (its a big glass...)

snacks:
4 figs: 115
crackers: 75
cheese spread: 55

Total planned calories: 1335
No workout planned for today, unless I get really motivated and do my beach body abs dvd.
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That's a pretty good day. Especially if you do the Beach Body Abs DVD. I have one of those, but it's hosted by Jack Black. So, it's really nothing but 45 minutes of him bouncing around shirtless, yelling about random things...

"Tacos make me want to SCREEEEEAM!!!"
"Avril Lavigne has Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle PANTIEEEEES!!!"
"My movies are all TEEEEERRIBLE!!! Except for that one roller blading movie I was in, Airborne. That movie was alright. I played a fat goalie who didn't speak a lot, so I don't know if I was even really IN that movie. (pause) YEEEEEAH!!!"

...I wouldn't recommend it.
 
ChefChiTown said:
"My movies are all TEEEEERRIBLE!!! Except for that one roller blading movie I was in, Airborne. That movie was alright. I played a fat goalie who didn't speak a lot, so I don't know if I was even really IN that movie. (pause) YEEEEEAH!!!"
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I think he's probably being overly-critical of himself...I thought he was pretty good in "The Holiday".

Maybe it's just cuz I like the music in that movie...I dunno.
 
Owl said:
I have a really bad headache right now. I WAS going to give up liquor but my ex stopped by for visitation with the guitar again last night, and brought a bottle of Jack with him. We drank the whole thing. And then made out, and then came to our senses and remembered that we hate eachother. And then we had angry sex, which is the best kind of sex to have if your doing it with your ex whom you hate. Unfortunatly now he wants to get back together because he remembered I have a magic punani and no matter how much he hates me, he loves the punani. He's texted me three times this morning.
Click to expand...

There really IS good in this.. angry sex burns a helluva lot of calories. :coolgleamA:
 
Oh.EM.GEEEEEE! The freakin hottest hottie hot hot Doctor is here for the next two days at MY clinic. Eye candy. I can now bank on all the nurses and lab staff ladies to be here, on time for the rest of the week. Of course they'll be covered in drool, but shit will get done.

Last night, I drank a bottle of wine, while cooking dinner. I grilled chix tenderloin on the foreman grill and carmelized a sliced onion with the wine I was drinking. Then I had to lock all my doors and pretend I wasn't home because the ex-tard decided to try and visit. After that I watched 10 episodes of 30 Rock and ate two bowls of frosted flakes, then passed out on the couch. This morning I woke up to a visitor, her name is Aunt Flow, and she's early and I hate her. But, that accounts for the no weight loss thing I suppose.

Being that time of the month, I am madly craving french fries, pizza and a chocolate milk shake. Good thing I just doled out all my liquid assets to buy school clothes for my son...and some new clothes for myself too, prepaid my college tuition and bought my plane tickets to fly up to the uni for my intesive weeks, or I'd be at the pizza joint right now demanding a breakfast pie.
 
Forgot to add, this morning I am trying something new. Its called breakfast and it consists of a pack of plain oatmeal and a packet of splenda. I call it...drum roll...crap in a cup.
 
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