nataliejo's diary: Moving, flowing, grooving forward... change is coming...

So Peter's out again?

:head spinning:

good for you for volunteering at the library - one or the last towns I livedin in NJ i did that - I had unintentionally started a homework helper program for the grade school kids, who would get parked at the lbirary until their parents came home from work... Was a great program and I had a bunch of high school kids volunteering as well...

Enjoy getting out and meeting some new people..
 
maleficent said:
So Peter's out again?

:head spinning:

good for you for volunteering at the library - one or the last towns I livedin in NJ i did that - I had unintentionally started a homework helper program for the grade school kids, who would get parked at the lbirary until their parents came home from work... Was a great program and I had a bunch of high school kids volunteering as well...

Enjoy getting out and meeting some new people..
Click to expand...

Hello Mal,

I just have been thinking heavily what you and Cinder were saying. I have been thinking about what the girls on the DBSA forum have been saying. And I knew he was possibly using me for sex, but I wasnt letting him go. I was just letting myself stress about a man not worth stressing about. I just figured he was like that and I finally decided time to ditch him and move on. So I got rid of him and I was on the okcupid.com and this guy started writing me. We both checked each others profile. He looked at mine first, but never said anything. So I decided to answer his message and he started the IM and we were talking about being used in past relationships and what not. I told him about my depression and he was pretty understanding, you never know. They say when you aren't really looking, I had given up on the site. Wasnt looking anymore, just a lot of tests, personality and stuff, and questions. I was playing around with the info stuff, u know. Just games, for fun. And he came along and he is just blowing me away. He called me today... and was sad to hear me say I would go because he had to get back to work...he really wanted to chat with me. So he said he would chat with me at eight pm online and we would also talk on the phone. He said he was looking forward to talking with me .. never had a guy say that before. Never had a guy call me, always been me who does the calling .. I am feeling ... spoiled even just a little by the attention, positive attention I am getting lol

I hope it continues.

but I am thinking about my future, and being able to take care of myself .. and my degree and what I need to become more independent ... I am happy ... meeting someone nice possibly ...we will see ... trying to keep myself from getting too airey lol

well ttylater
always
natalie jo
 
Good grief, I miss out on diaries for a few days and you get back together then break up with Peter, and now you have a date this weekend!!! :smilielol5:

Teasing, of course. :) I'm really glad to hear you continue to evaluate your motives and asking yourself if you are really into the guy or are just into having someone. It's REALLY hard to change behaviors like that, and it won't happen overnite and you'll probably need a little more time to retrain yourself to think differently. But the fact that you're actively doing some soul searching and trying to figure out why you have behaved the way you have in past relationships is really awesome. AND you're continuing to love yourself through exercise and good habits which is definitely part of that changing process! Hooray for you. :) Hope you had a good one. :)
 
heathercb04 said:
Good grief, I miss out on diaries for a few days and you get back together then break up with Peter, and now you have a date this weekend!!! :smilielol5:

Teasing, of course. :) I'm really glad to hear you continue to evaluate your motives and asking yourself if you are really into the guy or are just into having someone. It's REALLY hard to change behaviors like that, and it won't happen overnite and you'll probably need a little more time to retrain yourself to think differently. But the fact that you're actively doing some soul searching and trying to figure out why you have behaved the way you have in past relationships is really awesome. AND you're continuing to love yourself through exercise and good habits which is definitely part of that changing process! Hooray for you. :) Hope you had a good one. :)
Click to expand...

Hey Heather,
Ive got the feeling going I dont need a man to be happy, what I need is to be committed to becoming more healthy and I havent walked since the hike on last Tuesday, I need to get walking and than it rained for the past two days. I have felt awful. I miss my walking, so tomorrow is supposed to be nice, pavement here I come!
ttylater
love yas
natalie jo :party:
 
So at this point, I think I am going to stay single and just focus on me. Monday I start volunteering at the library and if I dont get out for a walk, than I am on a mission, to use my mother treadmill, granted the max weight is 250 ..now come on.. whats wrong with an extra 23 ..lol I can hear the music cue up ... a little James bond ... yes .. my mission folks is to take full advantage that the mom isnt home all week, so thus my mission is when I dont feel like going outside, to use the treadmill..gently ..maybe I can knock off another ten pounds by the end of summer, would be nice lol

and I am still looking for the May two pounds challenge...will have to look under club challenges once again!

love you all
cue song up
love ya
natalie jo :auto:
 
Hello guys and gals,
Well I strayed off the path once again, but am back. I went for a twenty three minute walk outside yesterday in Kittery Maine, and than today I took a twenty minute walk, actually walked through the throngs of screaming kids, so that was good...

I did it... my social anxiety is disipated with every baby step I take towards my next goal of 270 ....so I hope I will be there soon and than on to 265 pounds. Than I will have reached my October goal. I dont know how long it will take me to lose ten pounds, I am going to try my hardest to lose three to four pounds this month...

I will walk, building up to my forty minute walk and eventually moving it up to an hour


and than I will be eating right, which I havent been
and I will be watching moderation. Moderation and knowing when to eat is also important keys.

Went to the library today, walked there, took out two books and Monday I am going to start volunteering at the library. As I said, and as the head librarian, Deb, agreed, baby steps. I have been isolating myself, getting for the next haruh that my disorders like to play on me ... u know...

Ive been taking my meds late and thats not good ...

so I need to get up on my game
I have been not using neutrogena, which I desperately need and I used a shaving cream that was not right, it was something I was sensitive too ..

so I havent been taking very good care of myself, and I need to be. Knee deep in depressions is not where I want to be. I want to be hopefull and live a full life, and this weight is really kicking my ass. But its time I kicked its ass... I lost the first fifty ..yea... but than I gained 4.8 pounds back. Well I am going to lose that and more. I am on to the next 4.8 and than onto the golden number of 265. I would be out of the seventies for good, making a bold statement ... I would be happy to be losing instead of gaining once again. I dont want to go back where I was even two months ago, I want to keep losing... so I have 4.8 pounds to lose as my first goal ..and than so on, the next fifty .. I am one third the way there... now its to get the other two thirds done ... and here I come ...

love you all
natalie jo

Going out with my sister tomorrow. Trying to convince her to let us walk the beach lol I guess it all depends on the weather ... :cheers2:
 
Hang in there, NatalieJo! Good on ya for all of your walking! And for recognizing you've just hit a bumpy patch. You can knock down that little bitty bit NO PROBLEM-O! Keep your eyes on the prize...

xo
ABBA
 
We're all going to hit these bad patches, but you're doing exactly what needs to be done, making up your mind and getting back on track as quickly as you can! I'm so proud of you.

Sophie
 
ABBAgirl said:
Hang in there, NatalieJo! Good on ya for all of your walking! And for recognizing you've just hit a bumpy patch. You can knock down that little bitty bit NO PROBLEM-O! Keep your eyes on the prize...

xo
ABBA
Click to expand...

Thanks Janice,
The bump has been a pain in the arse, but I think I have made it over and I am starting to move forward and bump up the exercise. Today I walked for an hour and a half, between the beach and the city. IT was really nice ..

Thanks for stopping by hun
I needed and need the encouragement. I have been feeling so down lol icks ... well I feel like I am going to lose a ton of weight this year. Well I am hitting the path once again, back on the path to a better, healthier, thinner, and improved me!

love yas
always
natalie jo
hugs :seeya:
 
jw372 said:
We're all going to hit these bad patches, but you're doing exactly what needs to be done, making up your mind and getting back on track as quickly as you can! I'm so proud of you.

Sophie
Click to expand...

Oh thanks Sophie! I am kind of proud of myself. I am going to see if I can go walking tomorrow. The rain will be pouring buckets, but I am going to see about going walking when it is a light rain, I mean I walked during snow storms, I can do rain!! I can do this and will do this!

Thanks hun
Happy to have your support, as well as others...

love yas
always
your friend
natalie jo :seeya:
 
".. Changed My traffic signs to brighter yellow!"

Hello everyone,
Well I am doing better! I am so happy! I went for an hour and a half walk today, between walking all the way down the beach (which was very difficult) (my poor ankles and feet hurt, but it was good), and walking through out the City of Portsmouth, the entire city just about, down the back roads, went to the park, walked onto the pier and watched the choppy water, went to the cafe eventually ..had a cappucino with sweet n low, a little fuzzy milk, at least I have some calcium. I havent been taking in any calcium and I will start doing that, I normally only get half of my calcium. I should take the caltrate pills, which I will from now on. I have problems with dairy, it really messes with me, just too much. But I love dairy, but I also want to stay away from it, because it is very fattening, but for bone density I need to exercise, not drink soda, because of the phosphorous ingrediant and do my body a favor and take calcium pills and drink some milk... an eight oz cup wont kill me, u know!

I am eating well today! Not going to eat now until supper. Didnt down any sorbet today, and when I went to the cafe I did not a pastry, they looked good.. I was definitely doing the drooling thing, but I tried to keep my eyes off them and talk with my sister. The whole time I was there, I was tempted to get something lol, but I just got a coffee. Coffee isnt great either, but I rarely drink it and it is better than soda.

So I am drinking the last of my soda and I am not going to have soda for another month. I am only going to have a little once a month, when I go out to eat once a month. And I am staying away from lovely fattening desserts, yes I am back on track. I have been cheating horribly, but I know what I need to do and am doing it, as hard as it is to control it, I am trying to do it and am! Havent touched anything since we have come back... Why do I need to eat, If I already ate and I am not hungry. No I dont... so here goes something... time for the May two pounds a week Challenge to bring me down about three to four pounds and the walking is going to increase. I will go walking in light rain, not heavy pouring rain, but when the rain slows down I am going out, like tomorrow, but it is supposed to pour all day, but any chance is slows to a drizzle or close to it I am going for a forty minute walk ..

love you all
your friend
hugs
natalie jo :seeya:
 
Ok well it was pouring today folks, but tomorrow is supposed to be nice and I am volunteering at the library tomorrow, which I am trully excited about. And I have a date with a guy, a new guy, that only lives fifteen minutes away! and he writes like I do! sci fi and fantasy, the same genre...

and he is in the process of taking weight off himself. I am going to bike ride to him, which will take 45 minutes to an hour...and we are meeting in the library in the magazine section. The library, a man after my own heart...

and we are going to chill and go for lunch ..and just walk around ..it should be fun ...
I am really looking forward to this
now this will be a date..
I never had a real date with Peter ..
but this is going to be a date... I am hoping it turns out alright

he has the same disorder my ex had, but seems to be under control ..we will see

well love yas
and tomorrow is a day for walking!
and I ate well today
I am down to 273 and fitting very comfy in my was tight size 22 jeans

ttylater
natalie jo :seeya:
 
maleficent said:
well - how'd the date go?
Click to expand...

lol Mal...

The date went really well! He picked me up after he was done work. He has the COOLEST jobs. He has two. He works for a machine shop, making parts... and he also worked at the newspaper putting the paper together. He showed me where he works for the paper. It was so cool ...

and we just sat and watched "Pushing Daisies" and "mythbusters" and we had so much fun!! It was a blast... we just were watching and both laughing our butts off at the shows! It was just so comfy. And he has his own apartment and three cats, so the cat thing is alright ... and I told him about my guinea pig... his cats are so cute

they are named
Zoey, Stewy and Bailey
they are so adorable ...

anyway ttylater
will tell more later
love yas
natalie jo :auto:
 
So the date, was just a chill together lol He told me. We cuddled and snuggled and watched mythbusters and pushing daisies, and did the same thing last night. Its cool. I think at this point, I am not going to go searching for more than a friend, because I am just striking out lol I will let the one who would cherish me, find me for once lol

ttylater
love yas
natalie jo :seeya:
 
Hello everyone,
Well I haven't been walking much...but I have been barely eating...so its like I go to extremes... I need to find a balance of food intake and exercise ...
I am just flat out tired from hanging with Jay...

We just sit and watch shows and he says he will download any show I want to watch... he says the reason he doesnt want to date is because he feels he isnt ready...thats cool ... so just chilling with a new friend is nice and if he happens to like to cuddle the way he does ..thats all good ...he said he doesnt expect anything from me ..so I just lye there cuddling and watching movies ... it just nice hearing him and I bust out laughing at Myth Busters ... that show is outrageous, but wonderful to watch with someone who likes it too ..kind of nice

well ttylater everyone

I will go for a walk tomorrow, must,.. no time but the present, strike while the iron is hot!!

love yas
always
natalie jo:troll:
 
maleficent said:
you do know what that's code for right?
Click to expand...

Well I am figuring he is not interested in anything more lol because of some reason, like my body or something. It happens to me all the time, at least he wants to be my friend lol usually they dont bother with me and he is VERY nice... so I dont mind just being a friend ...

but what does it mean to you mal?


ttylater
natalie jo
 
nataliejo said:
Well I am figuring he is not interested in anything more lol because of some reason, like my body or something. It happens to me all the time, at least he wants to be my friend lol usually they dont bother with me and he is VERY nice... so I dont mind just being a friend ...
Click to expand...
Why would you automatically assume it's your body.. you have said often that you're hot.. so why would you automatically assume that others don't agree... Size isn't a factor for some people.. it's how you see yourself...

nataliejo said:
but what does it mean to you mal?
Click to expand...
that response is boy code for he's just not that into you - for whatever reason...


so I dont mind just being a friend ...
Click to expand...
You dont MIND being JUST a friend.. .

have some respect for yourself.. Friend trumps pretty much anything in a relationship -

my best friend once said to someone -- after they were asked if we were involved romantically -or JUST friends - tom said - that he wouldnt ever diminish our relationship by adding a JUST to it - we were friends.. JUST makes it something less than it is -

and you should never MIND being friends with someone- MIND is l ike being tolerated -I have no desire to be tolerated either -you either like me or you don't - you shoudl never MIND someone being there.. you want them there or you dont...

But - enough of my lecturing -it jsut sounds like you're falling into what I thought you were trting to not have happen and allow a relationship to happen - before getting involved sexually..

Why would you cuddle and snuggle with someone who's got no interest in anything with you? Why don't you have more respect for yourself than that?

oooh boy i'm crabby today :)

carry on
 
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