nataliejo's diary: Moving, flowing, grooving forward... change is coming...

[nataliejo]

Thanks Margaret!!

Hi Natalie Jo

I just called by to wish you a happy new year.

Lots of vegetables was a good idea. I find that I often do not have any potatoes these days in roast meat dinners. I just pile the plate high in other vegetables and know that I am getting all sorts of nutrients for my calories - and all those nutrients seem to help me stay full of energy.

Dont worry too much about the pillsbury dough boy comment. We have all recieved hurtful comments and it is not nice. We know when we have issues and sometimes we are able to address them and sometimes we are not. I am pretty sure that we are both in the right frame of mind to address our issues and resolve our problems. It will take hard work but we are up to the task. 2008 will be the year that we will make some major changes.

Take care
Love
Margaret

Your right Margaret!
It hurt at first and for a while, but I realized than I needed to do something ...and I found this book that answered some of my problems, actually a lot to do with my eating problems ... Its called "Fat is a Feminist Issue" and its about Compulsive Eating Syndrome ...thats what my problem is ...and it stinks ...but it has a guide to how to stop it... they say its hard to stop ...but I am thinking before I binge ..which is good and am losing belly fat ..which is awesome ...considerably lower now ... its good ..getting a small inch of a figure is always motivation to keep it going ..

thanks for your wonderful words ...

Love yas
always
Natalie jo

 

[nataliejo]

Happy New Year Sarah!!

HIYA NJ

i just heard mika on the radio so had to stop and dance around abit as everytime i hear it i smile and it always makes me think of you!!!

Well anyway hope you had a good christmas and your dinner sounds lovely!! loads of veg is my thing as well makes the plate look really full and its great for you!

Pillsbury dough boy was a bit harsh but at least you can say not for long and your doing something about it!

Have a great new year
and i hope you contine to do well with your studies your book and your weight loss you have so much going on!!!
Sarah

Sarah! You have visited me!
Awesome! So stoked to see you ...

So happy to see all of you!!

Thanks Sarah..
Happy New Year to you too
and I hope 2008 brings all you want and a New wonderful ..fabulous ..fantastic ... stupendous New Year ..lol

love yas
Natalie jo

 

[nataliejo]

Compulsive Eating Syndrome/disorder!!

So everyone,
I have been thinking of reasons why I gained seventy to eighty pounds by last January. Trying to think why I am still the weight I am and have only lost a few pounds since June ... and I have been thinking about how all of you are so motivated and actually losing weight and aquiring wonderful figures, yet I gain than lose, I binge and promise a New Year but don't follow through ..

I was binging all the time, until I started reflecting on why I allowed myself to gain the weight
and there are many purposeful reasons

There were bad elements in the Neighborhood and they were whistling at me ...
and I gained weight so I wouldn't get raped, a fear I have always had, that haunts me sometimes still ..and will definitely haunt me when I lose all my weight and become more attractive as the pounds come off...
another reason

I want someone to love me through all my layers ..a test of that would me gaining weight .. I wanted Alex to learn to love me through all my layers and he was so on top of me ...so I rebelled and gained weight ...
somehow I equated this as a good thing ... wierd huh ..but I did ...

I ate out of anger, rebellion ... everything ..and still was until I started reading this book I happen to find in this little books store called

"FAT: is a Feminist Issue"
A self help guide for Compulsive Eaters...

and I am a Compulsive Eater ..the ques are there, now I need to gain control and I have been through their guides they put in the book ...

What Fat means to a compulsive Eater? and such are found in the book ...all of the obsessions with my weight ...talking about it all the time ... etc ... gaining weight to be safe from harm

and usually people who are Compulsive eaters have horrible time with diabeties ...

so I am listening to this book
and finally losing weight!! Talk about a book making a difference in ones life...

The Author is
Susie Orbach ...and she is a psych doctor that has done tests to figure out about this ..studies since the sixties ..and published the first copy of this in 1978 ..crazy huh ...

She says Diets don't work for Compulsive eaters, rules are not workable ...
she tells me what is workable and I am doing it !!

I am losing and I will continue to lose ..going for a walk tomorrow and will enjoy the Winter Wonderland ...

ttylater lovies
always Natalie jo

 

[Auburn]

I don't know about the book you've mentioned, but I agree that gaining weight is like trying, subconsciously, to put a layer of protective or insultating fat between you and the outside world. You feel less vunerable because you feel less attractive.

I think you're right to try to analyse the reasons why you've put on weight, but it is only one step on the path to doing something about it. I began to understand my weight problems several years ago, but I've only really tried to do something about it recently. I kept procrastinating, finding excuses and all the rest. I'm sure that you'll be stronger than me, and I wish you all the best for the New Year! You can do it!

 

[nataliejo]

I don't know about the book you've mentioned, but I agree that gaining weight is like trying, subconsciously, to put a layer of protective or insultating fat between you and the outside world. You feel less vunerable because you feel less attractive.

I think you're right to try to analyse the reasons why you've put on weight, but it is only one step on the path to doing something about it. I began to understand my weight problems several years ago, but I've only really tried to do something about it recently. I kept procrastinating, finding excuses and all the rest. I'm sure that you'll be stronger than me, and I wish you all the best for the New Year! You can do it!

Thank you Auburn! Your words are very kind ...

They are layers to make me less vulnerable to harm, but now I am being harmed by words and what not and now I need to take back what I lost ..u know .. I need to become healthier ...lose weight in increments ..

thanks hun for stopping in


always
Natalie jo

 

[nataliejo]

Hey all...

Well today was a disappointing day--food wise...
I kind of was bingeing today ...ugh I hate that or these kind of days...
Where all I cannot think, but automatically go to the fridge and start eating anything in sight ... its an atrocious problem...

bingeing stinks peeps...
and the binger feels horrid; however, today I did clean my room, by meaning that I finally scrubbed off the left over black mold from the summer time, when the roof was leaking big time, so my depression from the room being crappy is lifting. I took down a bookcase yesterday and have brought it downstairs finally ..in pieces ... I was able to move a bookcase on top of my dresser beareau ...which I did finally scrubb down with lysol/clorox.. I done good! The walls are perty again lol ..jk ...

so ... no black mold, except on one window that I did not get to, but don't feel like smelling clorox again, but will go after it tomorrow ..it will give me something more to do ..

Tomorrow night we pick up my new bookcase, because I desperately need it! I didn't know quite how huge my library of books was, but now I know...too much for two bookcases ..or one and a a half ...so I need another one, but putting it in a different spot this time... putting it near my bed, close to my head. It will be so cool ...just reaching over at night, and picking at will whatever book I want ... ahh literature is what I need to feed on ...it what makes the brain grow fonder of life in general. All writers write about are the wonders of life, and it just makes you want to make your way out there into the big world of unknowing ... I love love love literature!

I am reading a book .. called ... A Cavern of Black Ice. by J. V. Jones.
Its quite good. Really good writing, but not the best. Its a little better than how I write ... I need to get up to his level before I can make my way into publishing however, which will be difficult, but something I trully want ...when I get my degree, it won't be so hard dealing with library as my job/ writing/ and exersize ... u know ..

School is gonna be tuff, especially once I hit the fourth and fifth term ..where I will have to go to school early and stay there until ten thirty pm at night. My mom says she will be going to the pheasant Mall while I am in school ...cool beans, as long as she picks me up in time to go home when that time arrives.

but I didn't walk today, but it was beautiful out today, but I will walk tomorrow. Tomorrow I am destined for greatness, its only a matter of taking the reigns of my subconcious and taking it on hold and rearing it in from binge eating ...
and than getting over the fact I need to walk in the cold in order to lose another fifteen pounds by June ...so I will go tomorrow!

anyway ttylater peeps..
love yas all
Happy New Year lovies
love
always
natalie jo

 

[a-n-g-e-l]

hey

i had a day like that today but because i woke up at stupid-o-clock i didn't eat tooo many calories. but seriously i think days like that just come and go. need to build up on the self-control lol!!!

tomorrow i am planing on excercising again. haven't done any for 2 days! i just feel disgusting today! but will be better tomorrow!

i love reading. i could read anything you give me. i've just started reading persuasion! again! it is awsome!

have fun

;-)

x

 

[nataliejo]

I just binged again. I am like wacko ... I am going to talk with my therapist about this. The book says that therapy can help Compulsive Eaters. I had one doctor try the therapy on me already. Doing the twelve step program ...but I messed up ...and he kind of died by the third time I was supposed to see him, plus I didn't realize he was trying to help because he thought I was a compulsive eater. I thought since he said to eat as many as I could, meant go at it and you will feel full and figure out what to do ... icks

they actually say to find food as your friend, and not enemy...

it actually says you may gain a few before losing ..and I think thats why ...

He was trying to show me that you can't get satisfaction out of food after a few bits ..and what not ... Overeating doesn't accomplish anything, except a bad waist line ... so I need to go by what he said and I need to buy the book showing the twelve steps ... there is an overeaters anonymous book about the program and about the twelve steps ...
we will see .. But after this weekends reaction, crying while reading the book, my sister ridiculing me ...she told me to go to my therapist after I split on her ... so ... I need therapy ..

she may be able to kick it just like that ...
but I can't .. I need help .. I also have borderline ..which makes me a little compulsive and obsessive ...so ... u know

well ttylater
one lucky thing feel into my lap the other day .. I can't drink juice ..my sugar level after having juice with water mixed in was 177 mg/dL... so not good ..so juice is a no ...but I found spiced apple cider packets with aspartame instead of sugar ... what a blessing ..now I have more than water, tea ..water and more tea ...lol

ttylater all
love yas
always
natalie jo

 

[nataliejo]

sUGAR IS NOT MY FRIEND... my enemy more like it ...

the cravings are ultimate pains in the rear... I have been bingeing ...but not more my friends ...
I am going to do some Pilates for Dummies. Very
Intense work ... twenty five minutes Aerobic exersize ...very difficult to keep going midway ...but
I will just pause the dvd when I really run out of breath and than keep going .. I want to make it through the whole dvd ... and I shall!!! mauuhhh lol

ttylater lovies
love yas
always
Natalie jo

 

[a-n-g-e-l]

hey thanx for popping by my diary!! sori i haven't been around lately especially since you've been feeling down!

i can see you've come out of it (feeling down). the walk will do you a lot of good. i went for a walk today first thing (short walk but still) and it gave me time to think and reflect. we don't as humans give our brain a break to just contemplate and wander. we are always worried about something or other and controlling our thoughts. we can control our bodies and its just amazing how many times we get lazy and take the easy route out and give in.

haha i am of on a ramble in your diary! anyway hope you feel better after your walk!

;-)

x

 

[nataliejo]

hey thanx for popping by my diary!! sori i haven't been around lately especially since you've been feeling down!

i can see you've come out of it (feeling down). the walk will do you a lot of good. i went for a walk today first thing (short walk but still) and it gave me time to think and reflect. we don't as humans give our brain a break to just contemplate and wander. we are always worried about something or other and controlling our thoughts. we can control our bodies and its just amazing how many times we get lazy and take the easy route out and give in.

haha i am of on a ramble in your diary! anyway hope you feel better after your walk!

;-)


x

Hello ...
Thank you a-n-g-e-l ... it helps knowing someone is here to support me a weee bit ... I have been down, but not so much today.

I just had breakfast ..
two eggs scrambled with milk, with all colors of pepper in it .. no cheese, which is very fattening .. I feel good, but need to get out and walk. Today is the coldest day of the year, but I know I need to do this ..so here goes something!

love yas
always
natalie jo

 

[nataliejo]

So I joined a Challenge and Want to remember it and post where I can see ...so here goes something ..and I know it will be the weight on my body ..lol

Thanks for the inventive challenge... here goes something!

January 3: 292.2 pounds.
January 10:
January 17:
January 24:
January 31:
February 7:
February 14
love yas
always
Natalie jo
oh and I must remember I am on page eleven in the challenge ..yes

I am dedicated people ... no real goal ..just a loss is wanted and expected .. I am in this for good ..

Watch out world, here I come

and I have bought three books on Compulsive eaters. One for info ..and two handbooks ..and one is a handbook and journal and it is such a pretty journal ..it works on the cognitive bit and like I said I think this is attached to my borderline ... and bipolar .. I need to take care of this and am ..

thanks guys for writing when you can ..
all of you are much appreciated
love yas all
always
your friend
natalie jo

 

[rah]

Hi Hun

Great you have joined the challenge im in there too somewhere and i have a postit with my page on so i can update but figured i will just add a new one each time as i will forget LOL

Its great to know you are really taking this seriously with all your books i think i need to read things like that to see ways of coping with my comfort/boredom eating infact i am going tomorrow to boarders straight from work to see what they have

I like your attidude with the
"I am dedicated people ... no real goal ..just a loss is wanted and expected .. I am in this for good .. "
I wish i could do this without mini targets but i am scared i would get bored without reaching mini accomplishments

Will pop by soon
Sarah

 

[nataliejo]

Hi Hun

Great you have joined the challenge im in there too somewhere and i have a postit with my page on so i can update but figured i will just add a new one each time as i will forget LOL

Its great to know you are really taking this seriously with all your books i think i need to read things like that to see ways of coping with my comfort/boredom eating infact i am going tomorrow to boarders straight from work to see what they have

I like your attidude with the
"I am dedicated people ... no real goal ..just a loss is wanted and expected .. I am in this for good .. "
I wish i could do this without mini targets but i am scared i would get bored without reaching mini accomplishments

Will pop by soon
Sarah

I am thinking that way to safe gaurd myself from possibly not reaching the goal I set ... a Compulsive Eater feels guilty after eating ...and if I didnt make lets say fourteen pounds by that time .. I would give up and do the same thing I always do ..which is yo yo and binge ...because food is my comfort ... my mother said something very interesting the other day
she cooked a Turkey dinner as if it was thanksgiving ... Ive had enough with the winter holidays ...lookin for some good ole fun with Vday ..lol I hope I get a card ..lol no choco although .. I don't need that ...
but I am finding a little chocolate doesnt hurt .. I had some little squares ..like mints last night ..and I have a loss this morning ..so I am happy .. I just need to keep focus and not make food my life ...

but food should not be my comfort food ... I didn't eat my whole dinner .. I piled it on big time .. I shouldn't have done that ..thats the worse thing I can do ..because than I feel compelled to finish every last bite ..so I threw half of it away .. I decided it was high time I listened to my stomach ..instead of my bingeing and eating out of comfort, anger, frustration ..etc ..

its time I take care of me .. I am hanging in the balance between losing and gaining all I have lost so far ..and I have decided to lose instead of giving up on a healthy life ..

so thanks hun for stopping by ...support is much needed at this time

love yas
always
natalie jo

 

[a-n-g-e-l]

So I joined a Challenge and Want to remember it and post where I can see

good on you!!! well done! keep it updated.

...so here goes something ..and I know it will be the weight on my body ..lol

haha!!! i love that!!!

I am dedicated people ... no real goal ..just a loss is wanted and expected .. I am in this for good ..

good good!! keep it up! that is a great attitude. saves from dissapointment!

and I have bought three books on Compulsive eaters. One for info ..and two handbooks ..and one is a handbook and journal and it is such a pretty journal ..it works on the cognitive bit and like I said I think this is attached to my borderline ... and bipolar .. I need to take care of this and am ..

Good to hear you have got more and more organised!! keep it up!

;-)

x

 

[ABBAgirl]

HAPPY NEW YEAR, NATALIEJO!!!

I expect you'll find some interesting things in the books you have on compulsive eating/behaviors. It is wonderful that you're heading into this new year with a positive attitude. It is very important to LOVE YOURSELF and to be patient with yourself as you grow...er...that is, as you grow in some ways and SHRINK in others!

Wishing you all the best as you continue on with your journey,
ABBA

 

[nataliejo]

Hey you!

good on you!!! well done! keep it updated.



haha!!! i love that!!!


good good!! keep it up! that is a great attitude. saves from dissapointment!



Good to hear you have got more and more organised!! keep it up!

;-)

x

Hey you,
Thanks a-n-g-e-l for stopping in ...

I am a we-bitttt more organized lol I am thinking a walk would do me good today ... I will get out there for a short one. Its cold today! lol but not as cold as usual ..it will be up to 29 degrees today lol ..so its shall be good ..and this weekend will be perfect ..in the 30s ..well high 30s... I am going to go bike riding ... Saturday ...

Anyway
ttylater hun
love yas
always
natalie jo

 

[nataliejo]

HAPPY NEW YEAR, NATALIEJO!!!

I expect you'll find some interesting things in the books you have on compulsive eating/behaviors. It is wonderful that you're heading into this new year with a positive attitude. It is very important to LOVE YOURSELF and to be patient with yourself as you grow...er...that is, as you grow in some ways and SHRINK in others!

Wishing you all the best as you continue on with your journey,
ABBA

Thank you Janice! I am in a more positive attitude, but trying not to psych myself out, just in case at some points I let myself down ...trying to learn moderation in every aspect of my life ...

ttylater hun
love yas
always
natalie jo

 

[a-n-g-e-l]

I am a we-bitttt more organized lol I am thinking a walk would do me good today ... I will get out there for a short one. Its cold today! lol but not as cold as usual ..it will be up to 29 degrees today lol ..so its shall be good ..and this weekend will be perfect ..in the 30s ..well high 30s... I am going to go bike riding ... Saturday ...

you can never be cmpletely organised!! you are doing great!
yeah a good walk always does the world of good...and biking sounds great...i might go for a walk later if i find a walking partner hehe!

take care
;-)
x

 

[misty22]

NJ! How have you been Nat? I'm sick at home , in bed, with a slight fever, a runny nose and a sore throat- all those crazy walks in the winter I am assuming- I do not know how you do them? Maybe I should bundle up more?

Anyways, aren't you excited? Another year towards a new and improved you! No looking back!

Hmm...emotional binging...I think everyone does that at some point in there life. While I have not completely stopped doing it, I know I do it far less than I used to. Really, I would not know the best way to tackle it. We all go through our " I give up" points...but something just pushes us back on track.


Anyways, I hope you had an awesome start to the year Nat...it's going to be a new and better year for all of us!