My Road Back

Trusylver said:
Just checking in to see how your going ?
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Not great to be honest! Thanks for checking in!

Lockdowns and then coming back to work have been disastrous for my drinking... it really is a hard one for me to control, especially working as a bartender and cellarman! Although I knew it'd be important to come back here! I'm always motivated to read the messages of support from this community!

Just weighed in at 139.2kgs.... STILL not back to square one!

I'll be getting back onto this forum tomorrow and starting a new counter, so to speak!
 
As an ex-publican, I understand totally. It's very hard not to drink. Keep trying to get back on track. It will be good to have you back with us :)
 
Cate said:
As an ex-publican, I understand totally. It's very hard not to drink. Keep trying to get back on track. It will be good to have you back with us :)
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Yeah, that’s what counts the most - keep getting back on the horse!

I remember struggling with food courts after work in my last good run, I seem to be having the same thing with convenience stores at the moment! Instant noodles, sandwiches, all of it!
Day zero is today, day 1 is tomorrow!
 
Convenience is just so... convenient. Being able to grab something hyperpalatable with no effort at all is hard to resist but (and I'm talking to myself here...) it's easier once it's a habit to have something else planned and ready.
 
LaMaria said:
Convenience is just so... convenient. Being able to grab something hyperpalatable with no effort at all is hard to resist but (and I'm talking to myself here...) it's easier once it's a habit to have something else planned and ready.
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Yeah, agreed! Although most of my transgressions nowadays seem to revolve around alcohol, and in this part of the year I always seem to hit it hard!
 
Well, a horrible couple of weeks! The whole range of bad decisions were out in strength and all seem to revolve around alcohol...

Today I took the step of talking with an alcohol counsellor in an anonymous setting, and it helped to motivate me a little... I'm going to attempt to make it to the weekend without anything to drink... at night I'm attending/working at a friend's party... they need someone to mix cocktails for a couple of hours, then want me to hang around with them and drink afterwards... This has been in the pipeline for some time! But if I can make it until then it'll be a massive moral victory!
 
Alcohol is a beast, a bit like a sweet housecat that'll cuddle with you by day only to then go out and kill baby birds all night. But you can do this if you focus.
 
The alcohol counsellor sounds like a good move! I tend to drink when I'm anxious or depressed, so I know how it can mess slow down progress. But: every day of breaking a habit is a victory. I like that you have the chance to take the risk management route, it has worked way better for myself than aiming for, say, life long black and white abstinence. (Personally I think it's because it's hard to just deny myself an emergency coping mechanism, which leaves me feeling vulnerable; whereas drastically cutting down and having periods of planned abstinence still leaves me in control.)

Take care, you can do this!
 
If a headache is all you get you'll be fine but if not drinking gives you a headache that's a clear sign things weren't fine before. One of my uncles literally drank himself to death: it's not worth it.
 
No worries: we weren't close and it's been a long time. It was hard on my aunt though: I almost think she may have breathed a small sigh of relief when it was finally over. Worked with some alcoholics as well: the things that happen to your brain aren't pretty even if you don't mistreat the people around you.
 
Hi, Gu.y. I, at long last, decided a week ago that if I am to get back to my happy weight I need to drastically reduce my wine/alcohol consumption. I am cutting it out altogether until Christmas eve & am also restricting my calories to 1200 until then. I don't think about drinking anything until about 4.30-5 pm & then I have a nice cold diet soft drink. I also have non-alcoholic sparkling wine in the fridge & can have that if I want. Check out the NA drinks available now. There are lots of choices. Heineken NA beer looks like normal beer. You can do this buddy!
 
Thanks a lot, guys! Although I did end up drinking moderately yesterday, although not due to temptation... it was due to the splitting headache I was having! And a few drinks really did help! I've done some reading and apparently cold turkey is a bad way to stop drinking after an extended period in which you've been drinking heavily.

Ah well, onto the logging of results!

30/11/2021
Day 1
140.2kgs (309.08lbs)
The first hour at work was extremely physical, with about 40 straight minutes of heavy lifting and sets of stairs. Followed it with a breakfast of a toasted ham, cheese and tomato sandwich. As stated above, had a couple of shots around 11:30am to ease my headache. Soon after I succumbed to temptation and ate a bag of potato chips... big surprise there lol. Had three pints of low carb beer after work with a couple of mates and left. Big step as they were ordering another drink as I left.

After work I stopped at the supermarket and grabbed something quite healthy for dinner - a couple of stuffed field mushrooms with cheese to cook in the oven when I got home! Except I also managed to grab a chocolate bar. Then I walked most of the way home, about an hour and a half of a two hour walk.

Despite the transgressions I can say, hand on my heart, that this was a much better day than I've had since the end of lockdowns. No getting hammered, no stopping at a convenience store for $55 worth of stupid food and sweets, no junk food delivery from Uber eats, and I managed a good chunk of my walk home.

Definite step in the right direction, and I weighed in at 139.4kgs because of it!
 
Guy_Dudeson said:
I've done some reading and apparently cold turkey is a bad way to stop drinking after an extended period in which you've been drinking heavily.
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This is true. If/as physical dependency has formed, alcohol withdrawal can kill. If you choose to taper off with alcohol - which is hard, but doable unless you have developed addiction - you should make a plan of how to do it, with the amount you drink decreasing each day until you reach not drinking at all.

If this doesn't work out and the withdrawals are intolerable, home detox with a 3-day course of benzodiazepines is another option, if you can get a doc to prescribe them to you, which you won't if you tell them what the intended purpose is. And of course if you drink while taking benzos, you are royally screwed, even if you don't die. Prescription antihistamines are used - among other things - for those patients who can't have benzos due to being addicted to those. And the final option is a detox clinic, but this will leave a permanent mark on your patient history and that's a whole different story.

I'm not trying to use the tough love approach here because the whole concept is bullshit based on bullying IMHO. Rather, I'm encouraging you to focus on this now that you still have the reins in your own hands and are most likely able to taper off and quit without medical intervention.
Guy_Dudeson said:
Had three pints of low carb beer after work with a couple of mates and left. Big step as they were ordering another drink as I left.
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This is a big step. Being able to resist peer pressure is big, so you do have what it takes. Now on to more steps!
 
Cate said:
A definite step in the right direction, Guy. Do you feel that you want to stop drinking altogether or just cut down?
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I'd ultimately like to cut down, but I was so motivated to go without... it's disappointing that my withdrawals stopped me. I've had a good relationship with alcohol before, and I'd like to have that again!
Floater said:
This is true. If/as physical dependency has formed, alcohol withdrawal can kill. If you choose to taper off with alcohol - which is hard, but doable unless you have developed addiction - you should make a plan of how to do it, with the amount you drink decreasing each day until you reach not drinking at all.

If this doesn't work out and the withdrawals are intolerable, home detox with a 3-day course of benzodiazepines is another option, if you can get a doc to prescribe them to you, which you won't if you tell them what the intended purpose is. And of course if you drink while taking benzos, you are royally screwed, even if you don't die. Prescription antihistamines are used - among other things - for those patients who can't have benzos due to being addicted to those. And the final option is a detox clinic, but this will leave a permanent mark on your patient history and that's a whole different story.

I'm not trying to use the tough love approach here because the whole concept is bullshit based on bullying IMHO. Rather, I'm encouraging you to focus on this now that you still have the reins in your own hands and are most likely able to taper off and quit without medical intervention.

This is a big step. Being able to resist peer pressure is big, so you do have what it takes. Now on to more steps!
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Yeah, I read that, although I don't think I'm on such an extreme end of withdrawals... it definitely wasn't pleasant though! The counsellor recommended I try medication, and I just might! But yeah, I hope to taper off... I had slightly less to drink today, and no pesky headache to contend with! Second day in a row I finished my beer and split!
LaMaria said:
What the others said. Take care and keep chipping away at this thing.
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Thanks! I'm not expecting any dramatic results in the first month or so, just the changing of bad habits, first and foremost!
 
Day 2
1/12/2021
139.4kgs (307.32lbs)

Little mini woohoo for a first day improvement!

For breakfast I had a salad banh mi roll and was going pretty well... until a regular customer bought in a big bag of Rashuns for me (a Kiwi equivalent of cheetos)... You chouldn't have scripted it any better lol... I had a few... then a few more... then a few more... then the whole bloody bag lol. Have to get up early in the morning so I skipped my walk home. I had the same field mushrooms to oven bake waiting at home for dinner, but felt like a little something more. Grabbed a small serve of potato salad and a small pasta salad from the supermarket, with the intention of having a little bit of each (yeah, right) and ended up eating all of both.

As for the drinking, reduced from 14 standard drinks to 12 (six pints over the whole day). Feel clear-headed now!

As far as slip ups go, this wasn't so bad. The scales mightn't tell me a happy story tomorrow, but it's a far healthier day than I had this time last week!
 
The scales will tell you that was a lot of salt, I expect. Still:
Guy_Dudeson said:
I'm not expecting any dramatic results in the first month or so, just the changing of bad habits, first and foremost!
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That's a healthy mindset and you're working on it.
(For reference: back in my 20s when I drank regularly 5 pints over the afternoon and evening was my absolute max and my stomach would be ruined the entire next day! Of course I was under 70 kg at the time...)
 
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