Now you´re speaking my language
Marsia's Diary
- Thread starter Marsia
- Start date
Thanks LaMa! It was so beautiful today. My daughter and I gardened and hung out together all day. I weeded the forget-me-not flowers out of the bed because they grow wild here and have seeds that stick to your clothing. I got seeds all over me so I looked like one big burr, so my daughter brushed me with the cat brush and got it all out. Ate well and didn't overdo things, so good day. I have a massive hole dug for the big cactus with water soaking in it to loosen the soil in the bottom so I can get lots of sand and potting soil in there before sticking the cactus in tomorrow. I have to switch to working on the house to get it ready for vacation soon. Don't want to, but someone's got to. It'll be good to get the house ready for the house sitter though because that means it will be clean and organized after we get back from vacation so we can enjoy it, too. Tomorrow we go see an outdoor concert and have lunch downtown. Nice mellow weekend with sun and roses are out, so the yard smells wonderful!
Hi LaMa and Cate! I got the cactus in after lots of experimentation, a big tarp and pushing with all my strength to get it in the hole. It looks good, but you can't really tell how big it is. I am glad for the deadline to clean our house, even though it means finishing sorting a bunch of decluttering stuff. It'll be nice to have that all put away before summer break.
I was in a really weird, blaming mood yesterday and said something really wretched to J. He was very hurt, and I was very shocked at myself. I am really stressed at having a house sitter have to go into my mom's part of the house to feed my mom's cat, as my mom is a hoarder. So I was really stressed about just getting our stuff done never mind getting her house somewhat presentable - it's very bad right now, plus my mom has stopped exercising, and we are about to go on vacation and I worry she will be so out of shape I am going to have to spend the vacation sitting beside her on park benches or something. So I was not nice to J who did nothing wrong, he just said something I completely misinterpreted. We talked about it a lot, and are going to try therapy, because we really need it just to figure out communication, plus the stress of taking care of my mom who makes me incredibly frustrated. This is the last vacation I take her on.
Anyway, I have a while to get my house and yard all nice, so going into high gear!
I was in a really weird, blaming mood yesterday and said something really wretched to J. He was very hurt, and I was very shocked at myself. I am really stressed at having a house sitter have to go into my mom's part of the house to feed my mom's cat, as my mom is a hoarder. So I was really stressed about just getting our stuff done never mind getting her house somewhat presentable - it's very bad right now, plus my mom has stopped exercising, and we are about to go on vacation and I worry she will be so out of shape I am going to have to spend the vacation sitting beside her on park benches or something. So I was not nice to J who did nothing wrong, he just said something I completely misinterpreted. We talked about it a lot, and are going to try therapy, because we really need it just to figure out communication, plus the stress of taking care of my mom who makes me incredibly frustrated. This is the last vacation I take her on.
Anyway, I have a while to get my house and yard all nice, so going into high gear!
I am looking up couples therapists and found a really nice one I think I'll call when we get back from vacation. If not, I am hoping she will be my individual therapist. I think I need both for a little while. I fluctuate between really doing well with my new lifestyle of gardening really hard and then feeling very out of sorts and not happy with my situation in general. I often feel like I feel with my house - there is so much to work on and when I concentrate on one thing, two others are demanding my attention, too.
I am going to wipe down the walls and ceiling and everything in my room today. It only got sort of done after the ceiling got replaced in the living room, and I think there is still a lot of drywall dust in there that I don't want the house sitter to breathe in. Very telling that I allow myself to breathe it in, but I don't want the company to. Ugh!
I made nice egg bites and a big batch of seafood stew so I don't have to cook much for a few days. It rained a lot yesterday and today, which is not normal for here. Usually we don't get rain except for in the winter. But the yard is so happy and it will make it easier to get out the last of the thistles I didn't get to yet. So, so much to do before vacation, but the rain helped a lot with the gardening parts.
I am staying about 5 pounds above my low weight now, but I am definitely firming up, too. I am not going to worry about the weight (like LaMa's video talked about) and just concentrate on being healthy for a while. I need to get less stressed, so time to meditate!!
I am going to wipe down the walls and ceiling and everything in my room today. It only got sort of done after the ceiling got replaced in the living room, and I think there is still a lot of drywall dust in there that I don't want the house sitter to breathe in. Very telling that I allow myself to breathe it in, but I don't want the company to. Ugh!
I made nice egg bites and a big batch of seafood stew so I don't have to cook much for a few days. It rained a lot yesterday and today, which is not normal for here. Usually we don't get rain except for in the winter. But the yard is so happy and it will make it easier to get out the last of the thistles I didn't get to yet. So, so much to do before vacation, but the rain helped a lot with the gardening parts.
I am staying about 5 pounds above my low weight now, but I am definitely firming up, too. I am not going to worry about the weight (like LaMa's video talked about) and just concentrate on being healthy for a while. I need to get less stressed, so time to meditate!!
Ugh indeed. I´m glad you´ll be seeing someone to help you find your balance. You deserve support.
I cleaned every square inch of my room yesterday including the walls and ceiling and pulled out all the furniture from the walls, and finally the air is nice in the room. I slept sooo well and didn't wake up with a sore throat like normal. Wow, so better! I feel like anything more I do before going on vacation is just icing on the cake. The house is nice enough for someone to stay in now and it's just getting it so it is maintenance free for the summer now so when we get back I can spend time with my daughter instead of doing so many chores.
Today is sunny but it's expected to rain the rest of the week (so strange for this time of year) so I am out the door and gardening like crazy today. Happy end of the week!!
Today is sunny but it's expected to rain the rest of the week (so strange for this time of year) so I am out the door and gardening like crazy today. Happy end of the week!!
Thanks LaMa! I worked a lot today on patents and pulled out all the remaining thistles in the rest of the yard. Just getting out my maps now and plotting out where we'll go on vacation. I keep getting lost looking at all the interesting things I find on Google maps! J and I have been talking a lot and I am finding that he is really amenable to change lately. Shockingly good!
We still don't agree, but we are working toward figuring out what we want in common. J has a tendency to see his past behavior that was inconsiderate in a way more complimentary light, so I can't talk about the past and why I am frustrated with him, because he doesn't agree that he was being difficult. So I have to approach it from how I want to be treated now. He is a lot better with that. It is because his mom was a control freak and emotionally abusive (she's way better now though), so it triggers him defending himself if I talk about what he did that I don't deal well with. I am surprised at how now he is willing to change. He hasn't really seen these things as his concern before, but he is finally getting it that his behavior deeply affects me. I think his parents lead largely separate lives though they live in the same house, so that is what he is used to, and I am really a one on one person who needs a few very close friends and outside of that couldn't be bothered with people. We are polar opposites in that way. We talk with the therapist over the phone briefly Monday to see if we should schedule something with her.
Yes, it is, thanks! I think I really have to have a lot less investment in if I am understood by him (so I can just calm down and give myself time and space to think more and not try too hard and get so frustrated) and have more of a life of my own where I am around more people I have more in common with. I am used to my significant other also being an artist and having so much in common with me, so this is very different and very hard to adjust to, but still good and workable.
My daughter had an assignment where she needed to interview me on my pregnancy and her babyhood. So I found my journal that I was going to make a baby book from and never got to it - I hope to at least type it all up when we get back from vacation. I read her all the milestones and funny things she used to say - it went up to age 4 when we moved here. It ends with her talking about how she wants to live in the house with the koi pond (which did become our house). J wrote a bunch of milestones in there, too. So we had a nice bonding night reading 4 years of notes on raising my daughter and laughing a lot together around the fire while it rained like crazy outside. So nice!
It's predicted to rain until about 4 today, so I'll probably do a little yoga and get ready for a week of intense outdoor chores because I didn't get to do much of that for the last few days.
My daughter had an assignment where she needed to interview me on my pregnancy and her babyhood. So I found my journal that I was going to make a baby book from and never got to it - I hope to at least type it all up when we get back from vacation. I read her all the milestones and funny things she used to say - it went up to age 4 when we moved here. It ends with her talking about how she wants to live in the house with the koi pond (which did become our house). J wrote a bunch of milestones in there, too. So we had a nice bonding night reading 4 years of notes on raising my daughter and laughing a lot together around the fire while it rained like crazy outside. So nice!
It's predicted to rain until about 4 today, so I'll probably do a little yoga and get ready for a week of intense outdoor chores because I didn't get to do much of that for the last few days.
Hi LaMa! It was really nice to reminisce!
After making almond cookies with my daughter last night for her class and sneaking a little dough here and there I thought I would have gained weight, but I have been working so hard, I actually lost .4 pounds. I didn't get outside today much even though it was lovely and sunny, but I did work non-stop until now cleaning, running errands, hauling things around, and making myself exhausted and sore. I didn't get to sleep until after midnight last night, and since I get up very early, I am pretty tired now. Usually I try to meditate in bed to make myself go to sleep, and it conks me right out.
I noticed the other day handing J a box of heavy stuff that he had more trouble picking it up than I did, and at the nursery today, someone who worked there asked me if I wanted help picking up the compost bags, and they really weren't very heavy - around 35 - 40 lbs., but they called me some superhero name as I declined help and put the bags in myself. So I think I am doing well with the gardening regimen and it is keeping me strong. I know I need to add aerobics, too, and this summer I think I'll ease into it biking and doing fun things like that with my daughter.
After making almond cookies with my daughter last night for her class and sneaking a little dough here and there I thought I would have gained weight, but I have been working so hard, I actually lost .4 pounds. I didn't get outside today much even though it was lovely and sunny, but I did work non-stop until now cleaning, running errands, hauling things around, and making myself exhausted and sore. I didn't get to sleep until after midnight last night, and since I get up very early, I am pretty tired now. Usually I try to meditate in bed to make myself go to sleep, and it conks me right out.
I noticed the other day handing J a box of heavy stuff that he had more trouble picking it up than I did, and at the nursery today, someone who worked there asked me if I wanted help picking up the compost bags, and they really weren't very heavy - around 35 - 40 lbs., but they called me some superhero name as I declined help and put the bags in myself. So I think I am doing well with the gardening regimen and it is keeping me strong. I know I need to add aerobics, too, and this summer I think I'll ease into it biking and doing fun things like that with my daughter.