Marsia's Diary

[Llama]

Definitely be careful with the sun this time of year. My mom had a second melanoma removed last year and now has two large scars right in the middle of her face. The second one runs from her eyebrow down to just above the corner of her mouth and I'm glad I never saw it while it was fresh.

 

[liza3]

K joined me and was even worse at keeping up with the people in the video, which was fun and chaotic. Dancing just instantly puts us in a good mood!

That's the best sort of dancing when it can make you laugh lots! Doing it together would definitely add to the joy!
Yes to the sunscreen--I actually carry on with sunscreen throughout most of the year now on any sort of sunny days. I burn so easily now--never used to. Part of it is probably the meds I'm on makes me extra sensitive to sun.

 

[Marsia]

Hi, M. Can you post the link to the Nutbush video that you & K are doing please? It would be fun to do the same one xoxo

It's this one

, but I think we can find an even nicer one.

Definitely be careful with the sun this time of year. My mom had a second melanoma removed last year and now has two large scars right in the middle of her face. The second one runs from her eyebrow down to just above the corner of her mouth and I'm glad I never saw it while it was fresh.

Oh, no, your poor mom. I do have to watch it. I had a spot removed on my eyebrow, and it sometimes peels there and makes me a little worried.

That's the best sort of dancing when it can make you laugh lots! Doing it together would definitely add to the joy!
Yes to the sunscreen--I actually carry on with sunscreen throughout most of the year now on any sort of sunny days. I burn so easily now--never used to. Part of it is probably the meds I'm on makes me extra sensitive to sun.

Definitely! I really want to keep doing dance move videos just for sharing the fun with K. That's a good idea to carry the sunscreen with you. The weather changes so fast here and will be different island to island.

So I was having a nice rainy cooking day (made bacon spinach quiche and granola so far, and may make a zucchini bread later) when J texted and asked to have a call. I got really grouchy at his attempts to work around the procedures that my lawyer put in place, and I told him off calmly and thoroughly. I basically told him that I can have him thrown in jail for how he handled the estate, and that he better set things right in mediation, or I will consider that. I started there and kept going. I am at a point where I don't have to ask J for any more favors, so I gave him a piece of my mind and then when I hung up, I felt very apprehensive about divulging that I know all this stuff that he is doing, but also relieved not to have to hold all that in anymore and tiptoe around the truth. It probably wasn't the best idea, but I am so sick of pretending to not know what is happening so I can keep the peace. Also my lawyer can't threaten to have him put in jail for the financial abuse, so I really have been wanting to sneak that into a conversation. When I got super irritated, it just popped out. Blah.

I am getting really concerned at supermarket prices. Bread is double what it was a few years ago, so I am going to make things from scratch a lot more. We have a lot of raw ingredients I bought when I saw prices sneaking up, and I want to use them up before they get too old or we have to move them to the new place. It feels nice to get organized and use up my back stock foods.

 

[Cate]

I did watch a little of that one, but I'm sure we can find a much nicer one. I'll keep looking.
You have done well to keep your cool with J, but that was bursting to come out. You're only human, M. He should do the right thing by you & K at mediation or he is a complete fool.
Yay for making more things from scratch. Food is a crazy price here too. I should try making my own GF bread.

 

[Emilyrose]

I'm so glad you are enjoying all the dancing.

I think releasing some of that pent-up tension on the phone was probably needed. Onwards!

 

[liza3]

I can imagine the mixed feelings about letting J have it. So good to let it out and a relief not tiptoeing around him I'm sure. Will be so good when all this is over once and for all!

Yes prices going up all the time--that'll be good though to use up a lot of your ingredients around the house. I stopped buying bread a while back and just stick with buying flour and making that into things--I never make bread, but I do things like pancakes, or biscuits. I actually don't miss bread at all besides the convenience factor, but I always have crackers around so that if I need something quick I can just have that with some cheese or nut butter.

 

[Llama]

I don't know about the possible practical implications of what you told J, of course, but showing him you're done being a doormat sounds like a good thing to me.

 

[Llama]

Do you know if it's really important to get 100% of the recommended protein for the day? I don't do well with that either.

Depends on what limits you have set. Here's what the Mayo clinic has to say:

How much protein do you need?

Anywhere from 10% to 35% of your calories should come from protein. So if your needs are 2,000 calories, that's 200–700 calories from protein, or 50–175 grams. The recommended dietary allowance to prevent deficiency for an average sedentary adult is 0.8 grams per kilogram of body weight. For example, a person who weighs 165 pounds, or 75 kilograms, should consume 60 grams of protein per day.

Once you reach ages 40–50, sarcopenia, or losing muscle mass as you age, begins to set in. To prevent this and to maintain independence and quality of life, your protein needs increase to about 1–1.2 grams per kilogram or 75–90 grams per day for a 75-kilogram person.

People who exercise regularly also have higher needs, about 1.1–1.5 grams per kilogram. People who regularly lift weights, or are training for a running or cycling event need 1.2–1.7 grams per kilogram. Excessive protein intake would be more than 2 grams per kilogram of body weight each day.

If you are overweight, your weight is adjusted before calculating your protein needs to avoid overestimating. You can see a dietitian to help develop a personalized plan.

I take the last bit to mean that in case of overweight you take 0.8 (or more) times your reasonable healthy weight in kilos rather than your actual weight. And yes: structurally underconsuming protein is indeed bad for you. It can lead to weak nails and brittle hair but also bad bones and a crappy immune response. One of my patients recently figured out she wasn't getting enough protein (which she had to insist her doctor check because it wasn't included in her blood panel despite having issues) because of bad wound healing. At 50-ish.

 

[Marsia]

I did watch a little of that one, but I'm sure we can find a much nicer one. I'll keep looking.
You have done well to keep your cool with J, but that was bursting to come out. You're only human, M. He should do the right thing by you & K at mediation or he is a complete fool.
Yay for making more things from scratch. Food is a crazy price here too. I should try making my own GF bread.

Thanks Cate! We actually did the Nutbush while waiting for our lawn mower gas can to fill up at the gas station. So we're staying in solidarity with you dancing off the pounds! I hope J does the right thing in mediation, but your guess is as good as mine. I am feeling less shocked at giving J a piece of my mind. Now that I have recovered from the shock, it does feel good that I said that stuff, though I know he won't take it in at all. It was more to get it off my chest. It's been nice getting my energy back. I have the house nice inside, the front and side yard mown, the decks and front walk pressure washed, and some home made food cooked. I think I'll keep baking - it calms me down and is a fraction of the price. I have been thinking of trying a gluten free version of cheese-y zucchini buiscuits that I had in a cafe. I love making gluten free bread, too.

I'm so glad you are enjoying all the dancing.

I think releasing some of that pent-up tension on the phone was probably needed. Onwards!

Thanks Em! We're just doing a little short dance each day to keep Cate company, but it's really fun, and I want to keep this up! I agree that I needed to get out some of the pent up feelings. It was so good to let J know that I know what he is doing.

I can imagine the mixed feelings about letting J have it. So good to let it out and a relief not tiptoeing around him I'm sure. Will be so good when all this is over once and for all!

Yes prices going up all the time--that'll be good though to use up a lot of your ingredients around the house. I stopped buying bread a while back and just stick with buying flour and making that into things--I never make bread, but I do things like pancakes, or biscuits. I actually don't miss bread at all besides the convenience factor, but I always have crackers around so that if I need something quick I can just have that with some cheese or nut butter.

Biscuits sound really nice. I like that idea a lot. We used to make our own corn tortillas, too. I may start that again. It's going to be paradise when this is done!

Thanks for all the great info, Llama! I will have to sit down and figure this out better. I didn't realize people start losing muscle mass so early in life. Yikes!!

I took all my nervous energy at telling J off and used it to get a mess of stuff done around the property. When pressure washing the decks, I realized I have way more painting and repairing than I had anticipated and may get a handyman to repair things. New dates came in for the mediation, and that won't be for almost 2 months, so I have a good window to get as much done as possible on the house in case we do settle in mediation. That is nice to have a deadline. It's been the weirdest weather. It was hot and I could barely stand wearing a sun hat while mowing the lawn yesterday, and today it's chilly. And the day before yesterday it was blowing like crazy and rainy. It seems to be cycling through the seasons.

 

[Cate]

Thanks Cate! We actually did the Nutbush while waiting for our lawn mower gas can to fill up at the gas station. So we're staying in solidarity with you dancing off the pounds!

I absolutely love this! To music?

I took all my nervous energy at telling J off and used it to get a mess of stuff done around the property.

Way to go, M! Channelling that nervous energy into something positive is smart. A 2-month deadline to get the house Schmick gives you something to throw yourself at.

 

[Marsia]

I don't know about the possible practical implications of what you told J, of course, but showing him you're done being a doormat sounds like a good thing to me.

Thank for the nice support, Llama! I thought about this more, and I am glad I told him off now. K pointed out that before he was doing whatever he wanted and was polite in ignoring me and what I ask for, but now he knows that I am not falling for his politeness. He'll still do whatever he wants, but eventually the lawyers will help straighten all this out, so why not speak my mind and get this all off my chest?! I think we are starting to heal from the constant stress and not tiptoeing around gives me way more energy!!

I absolutely love this! To music?

Way to go, M! Channelling that nervous energy into something positive is smart. A 2-month deadline to get the house Schmick gives you something to throw yourself at.

No, not to music - that would have been so fun dancing to music in sync at the gas station! I hope to get the house Schmick by then just so I can proclaim it Schmick because that is the best word ever!! It's also such a good image throwing myself at all the projects - I really love that!

Yesterday we needed some R & R, so went out and studied and then went to a local park and wandered in the marshes and finally found the fishing pier we've been looking for on a few trips there. It's by a pristine little river (called a creek here) and there was the sweetest hound dog and her owners on the dock. It was a nice dog visit and we found a favorite new place that even has a boat launch place. The creek is small enough to stand up paddle board in, so I think we'll try that some day soon. K is writing a paper on the study of gratitude and how it impacts group cohesion. She really wants to have a tight knit music and artistic community some day, and so she gravitates to studying things that will help to form something like that. She met a guitarist at the music event she went to, and he invited her and a drummer over and they took lyrics that K wrote and made it into a song. I hope they'll meet up regularly. K misses that sort of collaboration so much. We only have a month left of school!

 

[Llama]

That would be so lovely for K to have musically minded friends to hang out and get creative with!

 

[liza3]

When pressure washing the decks, I realized I have way more painting and repairing than I had anticipated and may get a handyman to repair things.

I hope the work won't get overwhelming. Sounds like a good idea to get a handyman in to help out with some of it.

The visit to the creek/river sounds lovely. I do hope K finds her music community!

 

[Cate]

I think we are starting to heal from the constant stress and not tiptoeing around gives me way more energy!!

I think it was a good thing too. Tiptoeing around is hard.

No, not to music - that would have been so fun dancing to music in sync at the gas station!

I loved having that image of the two of you doing The Nutbush at the gas station. I'll think of you whenever I do it.

She really wants to have a tight knit music and artistic community some day, and so she gravitates to studying things that will help to form something like that.

I am sure she will. It's lovely that she has found some musical friends to collaborate with now xo

 

[Marsia]

I hope the work won't get overwhelming. Sounds like a good idea to get a handyman in to help out with some of it.

The visit to the creek/river sounds lovely. I do hope K finds her music community!

Thanks Liza! I hope I can do a lot of it. It really gets me back in shape. But replacing deck boards and stuff like that is beyond my abilities, so I think I need to find someone. I really hope K can keep going to the little practice group while we are here. When we move, she'll be in a college town, and I bet it will be easy to form or join a band.

That would be so lovely for K to have musically minded friends to hang out and get creative with!

I hope they keep meeting - they sound really fun to hang out with.

I think it was a good thing too. Tiptoeing around is hard.

I loved having that image of the two of you doing The Nutbush at the gas station. I'll think of you whenever I do it.

I am sure she will. It's lovely that she has found some musical friends to collaborate with now xo

It was fun dancing at the gas station. The people here are a bit conservative, so we got funny looks, which in itself made it more fun. The new casual band K is in already has a guitarist, so I am encouraging her to learn more bass guitar and to keep going writing lyrics. The guitar player is good at writing guitar parts, but he doesn't write lyrics, so this will be good for her as she has experience writing lyrics and figuring out the melody from the guitar chords.

Today K mowed the huge back yard and I raked some of the front to get it ready for seeding clover and annual grass. It was tiring raking and my arm got a good workout and stretch. It is aching in that way that means that tomorrow I'll have more range of motion. My muscle zapper ran out of battery, and it's a high voltage battery, so I need to order a new one. We made the best Caesar dressing and stuffed our faces with chicken Caesar salad last night. We could hardly move afterwards. I think I'll make a smaller one tonight for a late dinner. We did nice Wim Hof breathing, and wow did that help drop my stress level! We'll do Nutbush and a little yoga before dinner, too.

 

[Marsia]

Cate, we're going to dance the Nutbush like the ponytail lady with the white gloves by the time we master this!

 

[Cate]

Wow! Can she dance or can she dance?

It was fun dancing at the gas station. The people here are a bit conservative, so we got funny looks, which in itself made it more fun.

I really love that you did this. I have been a bit stiff & sore today so haven't danced today.......yet, but I will now. I did take Arch for a long walk in the drizzling rain, but I will make sure I have a short practice.

 

[Llama]

I remember my little sister showing me the carnival routine she was learning with her dance group when she was 12: in the headlights of the car in her school's parking lot while we waited for Mom. It was kind of amazing.

 

[liza3]

It was fun dancing at the gas station. The people here are a bit conservative, so we got funny looks, which in itself made it more fun.

wouldn't it have been so great if people had recognized the dance and joined in!

The new casual band K is in already has a guitarist, so I am encouraging her to learn more bass guitar and to keep going writing lyrics. The guitar player is good at writing guitar parts, but he doesn't write lyrics, so this will be good for her as she has experience writing lyrics and figuring out the melody from the guitar chords.

this is so great--what a great motivator for her to keep on with music.

 

[Marsia]

Wow! Can she dance or can she dance?

I really love that you did this. I have been a bit stiff & sore today so haven't danced today.......yet, but I will now. I did take Arch for a long walk in the drizzling rain, but I will make sure I have a short practice.

We were in awe of the dance video! I skipped a couple days on dancing. The raking was not good for my arm and it hurt a lot, so I have just done gentle yoga and lots of hiking. Taking a dog for a walk in the drizzle sounds so nice. I have been contemplating getting a dog when we move.

I remember my little sister showing me the carnival routine she was learning with her dance group when she was 12: in the headlights of the car in her school's parking lot while we waited for Mom. It was kind of amazing.

That sounds like an amazing memory - like from a movie!!

wouldn't it have been so great if people had recognized the dance and joined in!

this is so great--what a great motivator for her to keep on with music.

A gas station line dance would have been epic! I really hope she can keep meeting up with her new musician friends - being in a band is so much a part of her identity!

We went to our favorite county park - a place with lots of raised wood boardwalks that lead out to a pretty island with confusing trails where we got terribly lost last time. This time we figured out how to keep the marsh in our sights the whole time, and we hiked the whole island. We are getting back in shape again! I got a new date for the mediation, and it's about 2 months away, so I have a good deadline for having the house fixed up. I am not looking forward to telling C - the reunification therapist that we're ready to schedule that letter reading therapy session. I really intensely dislike her at this point. I have been feeling better that I told J off. I think when you tiptoe around making sure you don't offend someone, you can maintain a vision of a relationship being less awful than it is, and telling him off helped me let go of that image of him as an ok person who just doesn't have any emotional intelligence. He is an unredeemable person, and I have accepted that now. It doesn't feel very safe divorcing such a person, but it feels good to acknowledge the truth.

Oh, also we went to the beach to watch a solar eclipse. We couldn't get eclipse glasses anywhere. They were all sold out, so K put about 6 pairs of sunglasses together and we watched through them - it worked great!

I ate too much comfort food this week and gained again. I may have to start calorie counting. At least I am off sugar now.