Losing Weight in the Land of Chocolate and Cheese!

AHi Ruthie, Thanks for checking up on me. You're an angel. Yeah, everything is actually falling into place! We are locked into our current place til the end of feb, but we found a great guy and his 6 year old boy who want to take it up until that time, so that gets us out of having to pay double rent (phew! Especially when we will be in Oz for one of those months!). A few things to organise, but not too much, seeing as we own STUFF ALL! haha. I think we'll be moving in around November 15. Not far away!

Did okay with food yesterday. I had one of those days where all I wanted was McDonalds.WHAT THE?!?! A big mac. With mmmm all that meat and mmm floppy lettuce and mmm crappy sauce and yucky bun and mmm.... But I didn't. Today, the urge is still there. I still really want it. But I'm trying to avoid it.

FOOD
- porridge with dried cranberries and skim milk
- skim COFFEEEEE - a REAL one. Holy shit. It did the job though! The first coffee I've had in about 5 months, and I tucked those guilty feelings away. It was GREAT!
- Leftover thai yellow veggie curry with basmati rice, leftover slice of pork loin
- kiwi fruit
- small potato rosti (thought the salt and carbs would calm my desire for a big mac. It didn't)
- small cup pumpkin soup
- pasta with sundried tomato and olive sauce, with parmesan cheese.

TODAY
Just got back from the dentist. Got my first filling in about twelve years - SO happy I finally did it. It's not that I haven't needed it, I just haven't GONE to a dentist in that long. After having the dreaded B word for seven years (it's ridiculous that I still can't say it), I was petrified my teeth would be a disaster and just avoided the humiliation. Turns out I looked after them all really well throughout that horrific phase of my life, so the damage aint too bad. I'm so lucky that screwing with my body so badly for so long hasn't caused any other major problems (that I'm aware of). I was also worried it might have caused issues with my fertility, which it often does... so I know I'm a lucky chicken.

Still want a big mac. Still not going to have one.
 
AI figured it out! Yahreepa! The secret to avoiding cravings? Sleep! I slept for four hours (whoops) and now I don't want a big mac. Huzzah!
 
AHeya sweetie & Beanie

How cool that you have found someone to live in your 'old' place and that you get to move in so soon. Soooooooo excited for you :hurray: :hurray: You will have to post some pictures, did you say it was on the edge of the lake?
Sorry to tell you this but when you want something when you are pregnant you will end up having it :) and slleping all the time wont make it go away tee hee!!!! I can't wait til you come on here saying that you crave weird stuff. I think the worse thing i had was cheese and jam on crackers!!! eeeewwww!!!

Oooh, Mark has bought me a really cool digital camera for my late birthday&early christmas present. It's not a really expensive posh one but it is way better than our 'point and squirt' one we have. I love taking photo's and i am gonna have some great fun with this. I have even borrowed some books on digital photography from my boss. Anyway, i remember reading somewhere about you liking photography and doing some sort of daily thing.Could you let me know what it is or any tips and advice.:) Mark and a friend of his have started their own I.T business and they have bought a massive printer (god knows why lol) so i can print massive canvas prints on it!!! Well, they can cos i'm bloody usless as technical stuff :)
 
AWell done on saying the B-word my lovely. I know that must have been really hard for you :grouphug:. It isn't a weakness or anything to be ashamed of. I hope you know that *sterneyes*. Just look at how far tyou have come. You have a great attittude towards food now, though I guess that at times your old demons may have haunted you, you are doing fabulously xxxxx You can talk about it y'know. :bigear: 7 years of your life is a long time to have been suffering with that, so get it out!!! GET IT OUT!!!!!!! xxxxx I am so glad that beanie implanted himself so quickly :), it didn't cross my mind that you could be worried about your fertility.

Kfc was all I fancied when I was preggers. A lot of pregnant women get those fast food urges. If we ever have another world war, towards the end of it I am going to put my stocks and shares in fast food places, because when all the men come back home from war and impregnate their ladies, the profits will go through the roof :)

Ooooh, three and a half weeeeeks! That's the perfect amount of time to get the removal van and other stuff sorted, without being too long that it will get boring. That's gonna be all yours soon!!!!!! Wooohhoooooooo!
 
ACONGRATs on the awesome apartment!! Beanie is going to be so so happy...along with mommy and daddy :) :) :)

Yoga sounds wonderful....how great that they welcomed you with such open arms...i am sure they will help you so much.....its hard to talk about anything else but babies...and non-preggo people sometimes give us mommys and mommies to be...that glazed over look...haha...don't worry about that here....we all want to know every single detail...ALL THE TIME!!!


Congrats again on your awesome home :) :) and your awesome little family!!
 
AI wish I didn't have to talk about my food yesterday. Really. And yet I know when I have a day like that, that is when I actually NEED to talk about it. I ate TOO MUCH, and I ate TOTAL CRAP. I felt like shit from the moment I woke up (I dreamt I killed my friends baby... it was so horrific and real and graphic and... :( And then I dreamt that I had a crow stuck to my arm and it just wouldn't go away... and then i was just smothered in ugly black crows... :( ) and it didn't get any better. So I ate crap too.

And yes, Kate was right, I did eventually give in and get a big mac. Sleep didn't work. But DAMN it was good.

TODAY I am being good. Truly. I cant believe that I was so healthy before, and now that what I am actually eating is going into little beanie, I just want shite. Weird. Today I've had 1/2 grapefruit, a small bowl of porridge with stewed plums, a little veg curry and some edamame beans.


EDIT - TOTAL FOOD TODAY (not as good as I'd like, but not bad. And lots of fruit for me!)
- 1/2 grapefruit
- porridge with stewed plums
- veg curry with edamame beans
- 30g pack plain corn chips with 150g low fat cottage cheese
- slice wholemeal bread with apricot jam
- 2 slices bread with cheese (crappy dinner - went to a friend's place for poker - there was meant to be dinner, but just bread and cheese)
- 1/2 banana, 1 plum, 3 strawberries
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KatieHotBuns - Yes! It's right on the lake! I posted some pics probably last week... of the view from the balcony and the upstairs bedroom with the bathtub.... but all the other pics aren't on the website now that we've snagged it! I'll just have to post the pics when we move in :) And I HATE THAT YOU ARE RIGHT!!!! I had a flippin Big Mac. I HATE THAT YOU ARE RIGHT! But damn, it was heavenly. I wish it was gross, but it wasn't. Go to my blog to see my attempt at the photography challenge: http://confessionsfromthebathtub.blogspot.com/ and I'll try to find the full list for you. Good on ya!

Rainbow - You really get me, you know? It was bloody hard to write, even though I didn't write it. And I DO feel like it is a major weakness.... so thanks for the stern eyes. :) 7 years IS such a long time, but it's amazing how it can just become a part of your normal existence and you don't even question it anymore. It's the only secret I've ever really had, so it's hard to try to not have it anymore. And yes there are days where the ugly demon comes back, but they are few and far between now, and I deal with food guilt in a much more 'normal' and healthy way now. Like just beating myself up for it, whining on here, and then eating healthy the next day.

Ijustwannabefit - HI!!!! Long time! :) Yup, things in this corner of the world are really changing it up! It's all good though!

Tete - :) I had a dream about our new apartment last night with dunc and me and beanie there, in the summer, going for a walk to the lake and then back up for a sunbake on the balcony and I watered our tomato plants... it was just heavenly. It was like I dreamt an advertisement! :) hehe. THANKS for being so excited for me all the time!

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AHeya sweetie.

I went to save your site as one of my favourites and i saw that i already have it there :) i will take another look and check out the photography thing.

Horrid, freaky dreams are really really common when you are pregnant. I don't know why :( I had never suffered from nightmares before but i had one when i was about 7 months. I was dreaming that i was being attacked by badgers and magpies. I was apparantly crying out in my sleep and when Mark touched me to try and calm me down i shot out of bed and stood in the bedroom and screamed and screamed. It was at this point that i woke up and felt such a bloody idiot. Mark said that if someone had heard that they would have thought i was being murdered!!!!!
I also had one where i kept my baby in a box in a room and another when i totally forgot to feed or change my baby for 24 hrs. Once i figured that they were only cos i was pregnant i found them ok. I don't wanna freak you out, you will get use to them. I even looked up some on dream books and the badgers and magpie one is aparantly a fear of change (the whole black and white thing) I also had some lovely dreams too so please don't worry too much about them, Try and forget the bad ones, the lovely ones way out numbered the bad ones.

Ha ha so knew you would cave on the Mcdonalds. And i am sooooooooo glad it tasted as good as you wanted it too.
 
AIt doesn't have to be a secret though. I understand if you don't want to shout it from the rooftops, but I hope you can talk to Dunc and your sister etc about your feelings about it xxx

I had mental dreams as well. In one of them my bump grew so big I was like that blueberry girl off Charlie on the chocolate factory, but bigger, and I was rolling all over town lol. Another one where Charlie was born and had Bruce Forsythes head. And wait till after beanies born... I used to wake up in the night panicking that he had fallen on the floor. Once I was in hysterics searching under the bed for him and he was safely asleep in his moses basket lol.
 
A_____________________
WEIGH DAY
I'm +0.6kg. Which I am okay with.... I'm glad it wasn't more. I've really been eating like a horse. It's that weird situation where I am hungry ALLLLL THE TIME even though my belly is full. Weird.
I hate not telling people, cos I'm looking FAAAAAAAT! Eight days til we can shout it from the rooftops!
http://weight-loss.fitness.com/image/id/308215/width/284/height/700
Meanwhile, stretchy jeans for the win!

We went out for a yummy 'traditional swiss' breakfast today with a coupon thingy. It was YUM!

FOOD TODAY (why can't I get through ONE DAY without having something bad?)
- scrambled eggs with a slice of seed bread, small bowl bircher muesli with fruit, slice of bread with a slice of gruyere cheese, tea and half cup orange juice.
- 1/2 avocado, 1 tub low-fat cottage cheese
- 1 slice raspberry cheesecake


Dinner... well I'm defrosting some mince-meat,... so I think I'm heading in the direction of a spag bol. Will have wholemeal pasta (as if that makes up for the cheesecake)

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Hi my sistas!

Kate - Yeah, I have been having really graphic, often terrible dreams... your story reminded me of one I had a few weeks ago where I was worried my baby was going to die because I wasn't watering it enough :) haha. I'd pour a jug of water on its head and wonder why it wasn't growing... You're right, it does make it feel better to know that everyone has these crazy dreams. I just wish they weren't so disturbing and wouldn't stick with you so much.

Ruthie - Nah, it does need to be a secret. I did talk with dunc about it but it is still really awkward, and because it's something in my past it seems a bit silly to make a big deal about it now. I don't think I could ever bring it up with my family - they would feel so guilty, I just know it. I mean, it started when my sister got sick (as some kind of 'attempt to regain control of my life' apparently), and I KNOW that my Dad fostered a really unhealthy self-image for me, but it would be heart-breaking for him to know this. He would always comment that I was 'getting chubby' or shouldn't be eating x while everyone else is, or that I am bigger than everyone else, or, at one point, that I was becoming monstrous, But all the time, he would say these things and then explain that my mum's self-image is so terrible, he's only saying them so I can 'fix it now' before it becomes a problem that will really affect me. Whatever. Fail right there. And EEEEK that dream you had about Charlie falling onto the floor sounds awful!
 
AHeya sweetie

Loving the photo. You look radiant!!!!!!

You made me laugh out loud with 'watering your baby' that is a good one :smilielol5: and i thought my dreams were warped!!!!!

OH, NO :eek: a slice of cheesecake!!!!!!

I have pretty much eaten my body weight in chocolate this evening cos i didn't lose this week.......I'm sulking :ack2:

Not long now until you get to tell everyone!!!! so exciting :)
 
Hi Joh, Can't wait for you to be able to shout out your lovely news from the rooftops! You do not look even faintly fat! You look really slim & really happy. Do you remember when you finished Cohen's & they recommended cheesecake as a better alternative to most desserts, because of the protein? Also the having dessert within one hour of having main course in which you have also had a little carbohydrate to reduce insulin rushes. I think it's good advice & it seems to work. What I'm trying to say is cheesecake is not sooo bad. :rolleyes: Really sweetie, you are doing so well. Re the B word, I, too, went there many years back, in a time when I my life went a bit pear-shaped and beyond my control & it was a way of "regaining control" over something. It's not something I usually share either. I think it's good for us to know that that obsession can be there but that we are able to keep it at bay, with that knowledge. I also think it is very sweet of you to protect your family from the hurt. Another "snap" moment for me. I think you are doing really, really well sweetie. I really do. Good things will continue to come your way. Much love, xoxo Cate
 
AHow was today hun?

I can see why you don't want to talk to your family about it.... But it isn't silly to talk to Dunc about it because its in the past. xxx
 
Hi Joh, I have hardly spoken to my LH about that period of my life either as it was a reaction to stress brought about by something that he would only blame himself for (but shouldn't- it was not his fault ) and a history of feeling fat and ugly, in comparison to my older sister. If you feel that you may relapse one day & might benefit from talking about it with someone, then I suggest an impartial professional. Our sweet husbands are too close for it not to hurt them. It is painful to re-live those times but it is good to be able to put it into perspective and to stop feeling any fear or shame. Having had the experience makes us stronger, although at times we will still have that niggling self-doubt. We should both know that we are stronger these days. That's in our past. It seems to me that you & Dunc have a very special relationship and that you have changed your life. Cherish the love you are surrounded with Joh & enjoy your lovely life without any qualms about your future. I'm sure it will be mostly rosy.

Sending you lots of love, xoxo Cate
 
AHi Team! Sorry I've been AWOL. No excuse. Just lazy.

Kate - heheheh happy I made you giggle with my stories of watering the baby! :) And you make me laugh with your flabbergasted faces all the time at my 'bad' foods. :) I can't believe you say I look radiant! I feel like I look SO dreadful in that photo, in my thermal top and everything! haha. You're a sweetheart.

Cate - Yes, I definitely AM very happy, and I'm glad that comes across with my pic! But I really am not feeling slim! haha. It's okay, no biggie. I just have to keep reminding myself that 'I'm not fat, I'm PREGNANT' haha. Can't wait til I can tell people THAT! LOL. And you really DID make me feel a lot better with your talk of cheesecake - that really helped actually. Thanks. It's amazing how we have all these *snap* moments like that.. I had no idea you had a similar story, and it is (I'm sorry to say) really comforting to me, as I see you as such a strong and well-balanced woman. Everything you wrote really rings true with me so much. What you said about not talking to your LH about it too much, all that. I think it will cause my man so much stress for something that isn't even an issue anymore. And he knows, which is SUCH a big deal for me (aside from you guys, he's the only person. So he's the only REAL person, hehe), so that's enough I think. Thanks so mcuh for being an incredible support to me all the time. Through everything.

Rainbow - well... today... here you go! :)

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TODAY
-Well, we headed out the door to ride down to the real estate office to sign the lease on our new place before Dunc went to work, but MY BIKE WAS NOT THERE! Just a sad little chopped up bike lock. :( :( :( It's strange that when you spend such a big part of your life with barely any material possessions at all, the ones you DO have take on some kind of magical properties and become really important. I mean, that bike seat - it was SUCH a hard and horrible seat - it gave me full on pressure sores (I had to stop riding for 3 weeks for them to properly heal), but after our huge adventure, that seat is now moulded to my arse and is the most comfortable thing ever. It won't be right for any other person. And the frame has stickers on it from every country we cycled through... :(
http://weight-loss.fitness.com/image/id/308655/width/350/height/523
This is from our first ever day on the road, with many many more months ahead....

Anyway, it's just a thing. I'm thinking that it is perhaps symbolic of that chapter of my life closing, and now I can get a shiny pastel green old-fashioned bike with pink tyres and a basket, and that will signify my new life. But taking public transport is just SO DARN INEFFICIENT!

Had my pregnancy yoga again today. :) I am really liking it. I almost started full-on crying two times because it was so poignant. I was picturing Beanie in there loving it, feeling all the love and the energy and the light I was bringing inside of me. At the end, we sing this really beautiful little song about wishing that sunlight will shine on them and bring them warmth for all of the years of their life. There's something about singing and feeling these things while I have my hands on my belly that just does something really powerful to me.

FOOD TODAY ( I'm SO HUNGRY throughout the day now! afternoons are a disaster!)
- porridge with milk and dried cranberries (it's always a pretty small bowl)
- zucchini soup with a slice of sourdough bread
- beef and veg chilli (so much veg!) with cheese and some corn chips (okau, so I had too many corn chips...)
- tub apricot yoghurt and a kiwi fruit
- 15 green olives.
- YUMMMMY caramelised onion, sundried tomato, artichoke and feta tart (was so good! I made it for our vego friends that came over for dinner) with green salad
- 3 caramel truffles
 
AOh no :( I totally understand how emotionally attatched you are to your bike. Have you reported it to the police? You never know, it might turn up somewhere. Also, look on ebay/anything similar to see if someone has put it on there. If it still has the stickers you'll be able to spot it easily. I am so sad for you. What a bloody f*cker who nicked it. I don't know why, but I see Switzerland as a place with no crime. How can there be with all them huge lakes and fresh mountain breezes?

The yoga sounds really lovely and spiritual :) You've made me go all gooey :)

Have you got the recipe for that tart? It sounds gorgeous.
 
ARainbow - Hiya! I know! Switzerland IS a place with no crime! Everyone I've told is totally shocked! But it's also a place of paperwork and beaurocracy, and I didn't keep the silly little numbered tab they gave me when I registered my bike (who knew you had to? It probably said it really big in German...) so the police won't even make a report! GRR!

Anyhow. Yes! Tart recipe. Get ready. It ain't hard! I sliced 5 onions and cooked them for AGES until they were really really really brown and gooey. I bought some pastry and blind baked it for 15 minutes at 200 degrees. Then put in the onions, a whole jar of chopped sundried tomatoes ontop, a jar of chopped artichokes ontop, crumbled feta (I used 1 and a half packs). Then to bind it all together, I whisked 3 eggs and 3/4 cup full cream milk (don't be tempted to put in salt! You can put in a bit of italian herbs if you want), and pour it over. Pop it in a 160 degree oven for about 25 min... I turned it up to 250 for 5 min at the end tobrown the top. Yep! Easy peasy and SOOOO YUMMY! You need a green salad with it, though, cos the flavours are really strong and it is pretty salty.

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Feeling like I shouldn't be here at the moment. I'm not really focusing on my food right now and I'm just eating so much... I am trying to be healthy, but I just want to eat ALLL THE TIME. SO I am feeling a bit like... yeah, well like I shouldn't be here. There's just not much point. I can always come and visit you guys, but feeling like a fraud... Maybe after I have beanie I'll come back and get back into it.

Yesterday
- porridge with milk and dried cranberries and a decaf skim coffee
- green tea and a walnut scone
- small bowl green curry with chicken and lots of veg
- apple
- sausage casserole with mashed potatoes (first time! 'sausage casserole' had never appealed to me before, but I thought I'd try it, and it was SOOO GOOD!)
- 3 biscuits

REPLACING NETBALL WITH SINGING!
I've come to terms with the fact that it is time for me to say goodbye to my national netball dreams. My ankle is still a major problem, and now I'm pregnant I can't play anyhow. So when I first came to Zurich, the only two things I wanted to do were join the netball team and join the 'female funk project' singing group. But they were on the same night.

SO last night I took a deep deep deeeep breath and went to the rehearsal. It was SO HARD for me to do, because as everyone knows, it's really hard to turn up to a cliquey group of people (there are about 20 of them) and try to speak to someone and fit in....... Now try to do all that when no one is speaking your language. FARK! It was so hard...... BUT I did it! When we all started singing, the language issue is not an issue. At the break, a really nice girl came to talk to me, but she didnt speak english and my German isn't good enough yet.... boo. There was one girl who I could speak to, and she helped me out a bit.... All in all, it was hard, but GOOD for me, and the singing was sensational! So good for my spirit to sing like that again! And I reckon Beanie totally got with the groove :)
 
no this IS the place to be even when eating "bad" , if you re not on here then thats to worry about!!!

I think its really lovely the feelings you describe about your baby,you seem so loving and sweet.!!!

Now that you are pregnant is there a calorie limit you are sticking to or not?When i was pregnant and NOT On a diet i gaine 23 kg.10 was normal weight from the baby ect and the 13 kg was just plain old FAT.i didnt care at all , and been depressed just made me eat more.

I remember some nights when i was alone while my husband was working i used to order for pizza hut a pizza 8 pieces philadelpia crust peperoni topping...i ate the whole thing...every time...

I am curious about the food you should eat while pregnant.
 
ASeems like I'm having a bad day. I went to the physio and cried pretty much the whole way through. Not sobbing sort of crying, but just where tears are leaking out and I can't stop them. I am just so sick of it. Everywhere she pressed really hurt and she says it has gone majorly downhill, despite all the exercises and everything that I'm doing. :( And I apparently missed an appointment that I had no idea I made... I think it might have been when I went to see the doctor and there was no appointment.... maybe they made a physio appointment for me instead of a doctor's (they are in the same place). And because of that there is a whole bunch of shit with my insurance. And my doctor was meant to fill in these forms and send them off to the insurance, but she just didn't do it, so now the shit has hit the fan there too... and it might actually end up affecting how muchof my pregnancy they cover, believe it or not.

Anyway, my eyes are leaking. And taking the bus with leaking eyes is so much worse than riding a bike.

Jasper, thanks for your nice words, I'll reply to you properly in a bit. xx
 
AYou can't leave us......We need you....AND we want to hear about your life, even when it isn't about food!!!!
Coming on here is like meeting the girls for coffee, your seat being empty will leave a huge gap!!
 
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