Lindseybot3k's Diary

The dorm food is terrible! A lot of it is burnt and greasy and not suitable for eating for anyone, let alone someone on a diet. And there's never any healthy warm options- it's either a salad or a sandwich and when it's cold outside, I want something nice and warm! It really makes me not want to eat sometimes, and there have been quite a few days where I stayed in my dorm and ate whatever I had in there.

I'm actually kind of scared to go back to school, not because of my diet, but because this girl, Leah Hickman, went missing and they found her dead in the basement of her apartment....her apartment is two streets away from campus and I could probably walk there. The Huntington police department doesn't know yet whether it was someone who knew her or a random killer....until this is found out I'm not going out at night without someone with me.

Okay, watching season three of Biggest Loser is not the same for me know that I know about Marty and Amy's affair, and seeing Marty's poor wife on the cruise ship cheering on this @#@!#%#@....I loved Marty and Amy before that came out and I think cheating on someone you married is one of the most deplorable things you could ever do. My father cheated on my mother several times and his last bout caused the divorce and now is married to what was his mistress....ugh.
 
lindseybot3k said:
it's either a salad or a sandwich and when it's cold outside, I want something nice and warm!
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I don't know anything about what dorms are like in the States so perhaps my idea is a no-go, but is it possible for you to have a microwave in your room? Like that, you could perhaps buy soups or something nourishing to fill you up a bit. It's crazy that your school food is so unhealthy :rant:
 
until this is found out I'm not going out at night without someone with me.
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::wags finger at you:
that should be advice you always follow, missy... be safe and always be aware of your surroundings...
 
Auburn said:
I don't know anything about what dorms are like in the States so perhaps my idea is a no-go, but is it possible for you to have a microwave in your room? Like that, you could perhaps buy soups or something nourishing to fill you up a bit. It's crazy that your school food is so unhealthy :rant:
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Yeah, well, I live in West Virginia and there are a lot of obese people here, and the eating habits in general are disgusting- even the richer and thinner people eat pretty unhealthily, and the school's very cheap. I'm not allowed to have a microwave in my room, but there is one on the floor that all the girls use. I think I'm going to stock up on soups and healthier things I can heat up (and definitely not Ramen noodles....). I am allowed a mini-refrigerator and I do have one, so I keep yogurt and milk and other things in there that help. In fact, one of my friends, when she found out about my refusal to eat cafeteria food sometimes, she said that she's going to start a feed-Lindsey fund and get me stuff so I'll eat!

I typically don't go out at night unless I'm with someone or I'm just going to be on campus. There are emergency contact posts all over campus where you can just hit a button and the Marshall University police will come running to help, but I also carry a small knife on me just in case.
 
but I also carry a small knife on me just in case.
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I'm not a mother, I just annoyingly mother people on the internet... A small knife isn't much protection... most of those small knives will barely cut butter let alone help you get out of trouble if you were in it...

Can you suggest to the school offering self defense classes? it would be good exercise and good fun and probably beneficial to most of the female student body :D
 
Actually, they do have self-defense classes. My friend Katie took one last year, but she said it was pretty easy....it's taught by either the MUPD or the HPD, and I might look into it.
 
Hello sweetie. I just read your whole diary and I know I don't know you but I am so proud of you and how well you have done! In my college halls [dorms] we have like an apartment with 5 other people and a lounge, two bathrooms and kitchen, I can't imagine how restricting it is to not be able to choose what you eat! I am going to start doing the ten percent plan as well! Good luck with it! Keep up the good work.

Lily.
 
Thanks! My residence hall is totally different. There are about twenty rooms on the floor and each room is supposed to have two girls in it, but a lot of the rooms are currently occupied by one. There are two bathrooms, one at each end of the hall, a study lounge and a tiny, itty bitty kitchen that's pretty much not usable. The stove and oven are just terrible, so most girls eat what's in the cafeterias.
 
So I went back and read through this journal yesterday evening, and I've come a long way. I'm getting better and better at counting calories and watching what I eat, and surprisingly, eating enough. I didn't make the goals that I set for myself but looking back I think I might have made them too ambitious, but there's nothing that I can do about it now but to get over it and keep up the hard work, and eventually I will get to where I want to be in the end. I'm hoping within the next year I'll get down under 250, and since I'll be at school for the most part I should be able to manage it as long as I don't fall back into old habits, whether it be eating very little or eating too much. Really, I just need to suck it up, stop being such a princess and get on that bike.
 
Okay, so, three out of the five Christmas pounds are gone, thank god. I don't think I'm going to be under 300 on New Year's but I'm still going to bust my butt and hopefully I'll manage 301 or 300....I think I'm still holding onto some water and next week my visitor probably will come. I've been sucking down water like there's no tomorrow and yesterday I did 40 minutes on the bike when I usually do 40 only on Monday, Wednesday and Friday...and I'm still doing it today. I want this more than ever knowing that it's so close, and once I hit it, I can move on to my next goal and start doing ten percents rather than every fifty pounds.

When ever I'm on a forum and I see people whose starting weights are weights that I dream of being, I feel so jealous and I get angry. I've been fighting so hard and to see people who take their perfectly normal bodies for granted make me so upset....I can walk, I can somewhat run, I can do pilates, I have perfectly functioning limbs and organs and eyes and ears but all of this weight makes me feel like a monster who doesn't deserve to live, and when I see people who don't have to worry about if they'll fit in chairs or if they'll break chairs or if there will be enough room for them someplace, or can shop just about anywhere wanting to change their bodies, it frustrates me....so many people take what they have for granted. I just want to be a normal person, I don't want to have to worry about all these things, I don't want to have to worry about a store's clothes not fitting, or people staring at me out in public.....I'm willing to do anything that it takes to lose weight, anything but have a portion of me cut out. I'm blessed to have a body that functions well, but goodness- things would be so much easier if I was smaller.
 
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that's so cool being close to such a major milestone... :) keep doing what you're doing and you will be there before you know it...
 
Lindsey, maybe I'm one of those people that you've mentioned, with a fairly reasonable weight but nevertheless wanting to lose some pounds. (I need to shed some weight because, at over 30 BMI, I'm officially obese - but it's true there are many people here who are only a bit overweight and yet are still disatisfied.)

I can't say much in the way of comfort to you, except this: don't forget that you are one of the ones we all admire, that you will be one of the ones who we will cite as an amazing example of detemination and strength of character, and that you will come out of this a person who knows the value of what she has, and will take pride in what she has worked for.

You know, you cannot prevent people from being disatisfied with their lot. It's human nature - and that is not a platitude, it's a reality. This basic, inherent disatisfaction has given our species the longing to improve ourselves and our environment. Were it not for this, we might still be living in trees in Eastern Africa.

I'm not saying this to minimise your observations. They are right. It is very frustrating to listen to people complain when they already have what you are working so hard to get. But perhaps they have less than you in other ways, for example, your intelligence. Imagine how many people out there, no matter how hard they work, are incapable of getting the sorts of grades that you get. You, at least, will achieve your weight goal. They might never achieve their grades goal.

Anyway, I hadn't planned on writing so much. I hope I haven't offended you because it wasn't my objective. Try to keep focused, and don't pay any attention to other people's disatisfaction - you've got enough to keep you occupied!
 
Oh no, you haven't offended me at all- I understand that I'm very fortunate in other ways, and I understand that other people who are much smaller than I have body issues that are just as bad as mine and I can understand them wanting to lose weight, it's just....very frustrating to see that take something for granted that's so simple and basic. I've seen people take for granted a lot in my life; I was always one of the poorer students in my school district and I've seen people lose very expensive things and act like it was nothing, and kids throw away perfectly good lunches because it wasn't what they wanted.
 
Okay, so it's New Year's Eve....I'm 18 and I'm not going to any parties or anything, I'm going to be sitting here by myself unless I can get some plans together.

This weekend I bombed...I ate too many things I shouldn't have and I didn't exercise or count calories. It was like I hadn't ate in weeks and needed to gorge (although I really didn't need to) and I couldn't get filled up. I think it was partly due to PMS and partly due to being bored and depressed. And I think some of it is due to the fact that there is no way I'm going to make my goal...I'm so few pounds away but there's no way that I'm gonna make 300 or under by tonight unless I eat very little and I just ride the bike all day.
 
So this morning I've done 10 miles in 30 minutes which means I on average, I do a mile on my bike in 3 minutes...that's pretty good. I used to do 5 miles in a little over 16 minutes, which means I've really improved. Now I usually hit a rate around 20 miles per hour on the bike, when in the past I would get winded if I even went that fast for a just a minute, and now I'm doing it for much longer and much more consistently.

I think New Year's resolutions for the most part are kind of silly, but yet I still make a few myself....usually when I do it's stuff that I've been working on (like this year I want to lose at least 50 more pounds, maintain my good grades and get on the dean's list again), not big changes like other people do. I feel as like if you're going to make a big change, you should take small steps and start it right then and there, not wait till New Year's and use the time before hand to have last meals and binges or that last pack of cigarettes, but I think that this year I'm going to make a somewhat big change and that would be trying to focus on the positive and not be so down on myself. I go so easy on everyone else around me but I'm so hard on myself(mainly because nobody's hard on me, so I beat up myself so much). Maybe focusing on the positive and what I'm doing right will help me stay on track and make me do better.
 
I think you're absolutely right about keeping your goals or New Year's resolutions managable. There's no point in aiming for something which is either inachievable, or only possible in the very best of circumstances because, let's face it, who ever has a life which runs smoothly? There are so many upsets that could hinder your progress - at school, in your family, amongst your friends, in your community... - that excessively difficult aims are bound to fall flat on their face.

Keep yourself focused and on target - you can, and you will, do it!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
 
You too!

New Year's Eve I invited my friend Danielle over, and she spent the night...we stayed up till 2:30 playing this video game of hers. I ate somethings I probably shouldn't but I did work out earlier that day and I did work out yesterday although it was a Tuesday and I usually just work out Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

This morning I woke up and got on the scale and it said 303, which I haven't seen since before Christmas, and that makes me happy (that I saw it again, not that I haven't seen it since before the holidays!). I'm closer to my goal now and if I keep up what I've been doing the past few days I'll lose the last three pounds for this goal and get to move on to my first 10% goal of 30 pounds. I'm ready to move on to the next goal and start a new ticker! I'm sick and tired of working towards the goal of 300.
 
YAY for being back where you were... 3lbs will come - holidays are done now -- so those will come off pretty easily... you know what you're supposed too do and you're doing it...

Let's hear it for 10 percent :D
 
Thanks, Mal!

I'm pretty proud of myself for today (and really the past couple of days). I drank 8 cups of water, I ate enough calories, I worked out. Maybe when I wake up tomorrow I'll get a belated Christmas gift....*crosses fingers*. I probably just jinxed myself, ugh.

I still haven't received my refund, and I think it's because they haven't received my financial aid. The school site says it's supposed to be paid on the 5th so maybe I'll get it sometime next week? It's starting to anger me because I was hoping to have my refund in time to go to the mall and splurge on some new things and get used books online.
 
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