Happy and Healthy

I soooo woke up late today for work and I blame it on Chef lol for keeping me up late! Haha jk, but I was about 40 minutes late to work *oops* my alarm kept going off but it was just static so It didnt really do a full job of waking me up. Im super tired too and I have a test at 2:30 which I haven't studied for :banghead: Then when I get home Ive decided Im going to nap and then polish off 4-5 pages of a 10 page paper thats due in two days.

We dont have classes tommorow because its advisement day, but I work in the advisement center so I still have to get up at 7 and work for 4 hours *crud*

Earlier last night I had posted before pics in a bra and undies but I took them down lol cuz I was embarassed I might have to do before and after in a tank top and shorts or something!

Food hasnt been awesome today but its not bad so I'll take it:
Breakfast:
1 mini pecan roll
2 clementines
1 soy latte
1/2 liter water
Snack:
Cheddar Chex mix
Diet pepsi
Lunch:
1 chicken samich w/cheese
almonds
Dinner
2 Kashi Blueberry Waffles
2 meatless sausage pattys
1 mango banana protein shake
Diet Cream Soda
Dessert:
1 square of dark chocolate
Totals = 1,775 (21% 96.5 g protein, 26% fat 53.5 g fat, 53% Carbs 246g, 31.6fiber, 3,341 mgsodium)

*Oh yeah and Im down .4 lb today, so *crosses fingers* that tommorow is the day I can move my ticker woohoo*

So Im a little over my calories around 275--this is the most Ive eaten in a while, I really shouldnt have had that chex mix today, I had actually gone to the vending machine to get a granloa bar but they didnt have any :( and I didnt have ANY veggies today which is bad news I had packed some for my little impromptu lunch but didnt have time to eat them BOO!

*Goal for tommorow eat more veggies calorie count of around 1,225 and drink more waters!

Hopefully tommorow I can move my ticker *Crosses Fingers*
 
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up .8 >.<

I am up .8lbs today *Sad day* I think my little extra calories and my excessive amount of carbs yesterday are to blame. I was really hoping to break 173 today. *Damn* but im trying to flush out all my salt retenion with lots of water in hopes that Im just retaining water weight *Prays!*I know its not much to be upset about but ive been losing steadily for a week now and I just hate to break my streak! Defintely gunna stay around 1,200 calories for today.

Food For the Day:
Breakfast:
1 Fiber one poptart
2 clementines
lunch:
1 mango banana protein shake
2 turkey tacos with low carb wheat tortillas (lettuce, cheese, f.f. sour cream, salsa)
Diet Cream soda
1 bite of a brownie
Dinner:
1 cup of split pea w/ham soup
1 cup of broccoli with a teensy bit of parmesean cheese
another bite of brownie :piggy:
Totals: 1,240 (38% protein, 21.7% fat, 51% carbs 30.3 g fiber, 2,235 mg sodium)



Side note I seriously deliberated on having a brownie sundae with coffee ice cream, a frosted fudge brownie, whip cream, and a cherry for my dinner, but decided to resist because well Im up today and that just wont solve my problems--although it sounded marvelous.....
 
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Hey girl! Read the diary and I'm so happy you can be so honest about everything! It's a breath of fresh air! Good luck on the Challenge and keep strong with your ED.

Have a good day!
 
BansheeBabe said:
Hey girl! Read the diary and I'm so happy you can be so honest about everything! It's a breath of fresh air! Good luck on the Challenge and keep strong with your ED.

Have a good day!
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Hey Banshee! I love seeing new faces in my journal! Thanks for the encouragment I'll have to stop by your journal as well!
 
Damn it! I caved...I had the stupid sundae, it wasn't huge but I had it---now i feel guilty I just hope it won't affect the scale too much tommorow, my luck I'll prolly gain like 12 lbs. *sigh* 160's why arent you here yet?

Oh yeah because you just had to eat that sundae........
:icon_bs:​
 
up .2

Growls, So I am offically up one pound >Hates Self< I am going home tonight for a long too and so I will be weighing myse lf on my parents scale. So hopefully, I wont totally bomb my weight this weekend.

Food for today:
2 fiber one poptarts
 
So I didnt really get to update yesterday I was kind of busy! I had to work and then I had to help with a group project and then do a test for my sensory evaluation class, but afterwards I was heading home for the weekend! I have a psychiatrist appointment today (med-check) so I have to come clean bout the purging, not sleeping, etc...so Im a little nervous. Shes prolly going to up my prozac to 60mg/day which is quite a lot *yikes* but it helps with the feelings about binging and food in general so thats nice!

I started taking my Alli again yesterday because my gain is really putting a damper on my mood. So I hope that will aid in shifting the excess poundage Im having issues with. I just want to get out of the 170's *grr*

Food was kind of devestating yesterday, but todays a new day I havent really eaten anything yet except some malted milk balls (bad news I know) But according to my parents scale (which im always hesitant about) Im 173.5 so I have lost about .9 since yesterday--so I'll take it.

Well I should go get ready for my appointment! Until next time :)
 
Im having a hard time trackin my food at my parents house *sigh*
but today Ive had

Malted Milk Balls
Meat Loaf
Baked Beans
Bagel w. cream cheese
Diet green tea
Diet Pepsi

all in all pretty bad :S
 
Mad4Chillas said:
Im having a hard time trackin my food at my parents house *sigh*
but today Ive had

Malted Milk Balls
Meat Loaf
Baked Beans
Bagel w. cream cheese
Diet green tea
Diet Pepsi

all in all pretty bad :S
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I read that list wrong and thought it said "Malted Meat Loaf Balls"...:willy_nilly:
 
So yesterday went pretty well, I went to my psychiatrist appointment and came clean with pretty much everything. She renewed my ambien and my prozac and said that maybe in 2 month we can should up my prozac to 60mg if my purging continues.

I have been purgng more recently and I dont really know how I feel about it I mean Im not overly upset or guilty but I KNOW i shouldnt be doing it cuz well its stupid for me to fall back into stupid habits like that again. But I havent been stuck at this heavy of a weight for such a long time and its miserable for me. So insanely enough I keep thinking even though I was miserable when I was at the peak of My ED I was skinnier, and now that Ive "recovered" my medication tells my mindfor brief moments of time that im happy with who I am and mybody and so I get comfortable and eat...eat like a little piggy. I just dont think I should ever be thiscomfrotable withmy self to let my weight spiral out of control again.

I swear each year I reach a new "high weight" I remember when I brok 140 in highschool and just felt disgusting, and then I broke 150 and then 160 and then finally 170, and I was like this is it thats 30 pounds from 200 I need get back on track and take my life under control, and then just recently I saw the 180's on the scale and I wanted to die.

I just wish that I could shed all this weight finally so I ca be around 135 lbs again, because I Just feel that my ED symptoms would vanish if I could platuea at a weight for I would mentally feel happy with. I know its just a number on a scale, but to me its so muh more than that.

:rant:​

So I just hope that in the next couple weeks things get easier and the weight will come off faster cuz Im starting to get aggravated.

On another note I am down 1.5 pounds today (even though I dont really believe it I did reset my ticker) but tonight me and my bf are having a date night to a nice pizza place so I hope I can control my appetite! Because Im probably going to expect the worse tommorow.

No food yet except an appetite suppressant pill :chillpill:

And a Diet Pepsi. Yay me :)
 
Mad4Chillas said:
So yesterday went pretty well, I went to my psychiatrist appointment and came clean with pretty much everything. She renewed my ambien and my prozac and said that maybe in 2 month we can should up my prozac to 60mg if my purging continues.

I have been purgng more recently and I dont really know how I feel about it I mean Im not overly upset or guilty but I KNOW i shouldnt be doing it cuz well its stupid for me to fall back into stupid habits like that again. But I havent been stuck at this heavy of a weight for such a long time and its miserable for me. So insanely enough I keep thinking even though I was miserable when I was at the peak of My ED I was skinnier, and now that Ive "recovered" my medication tells my mindfor brief moments of time that im happy with who I am and mybody and so I get comfortable and eat...eat like a little piggy. I just dont think I should ever be thiscomfrotable withmy self to let my weight spiral out of control again.

I swear each year I reach a new "high weight" I remember when I brok 140 in highschool and just felt disgusting, and then I broke 150 and then 160 and then finally 170, and I was like this is it thats 30 pounds from 200 I need get back on track and take my life under control, and then just recently I saw the 180's on the scale and I wanted to die.

I just wish that I could shed all this weight finally so I ca be around 135 lbs again, because I Just feel that my ED symptoms would vanish if I could platuea at a weight for I would mentally feel happy with. I know its just a number on a scale, but to me its so muh more than that.

:rant:​

So I just hope that in the next couple weeks things get easier and the weight will come off faster cuz Im starting to get aggravated.

On another note I am down 1.5 pounds today (even though I dont really believe it I did reset my ticker) but tonight me and my bf are having a date night to a nice pizza place so I hope I can control my appetite! Because Im probably going to expect the worse tommorow.

No food yet except an appetite suppressant pill :chillpill:

And a Diet Pepsi. Yay me :)
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I like to first off say, thank you so much for being so honest about yourself, that is serioulsy, the steps that will get yourself to a heathier, new you. Also, I don't think I am the first one to say that you ABSOLUTELY, DO NOT, LOOK LIKE YOU WEIGH WHAT YOU WEIGH IN YOUR PICTURES. Your body is very nicely proportionate and I would have never guessed you weigh the same as me. The numbers game is brutal but is truly is how you feel about your body, just like you said. I wish I could give you advice about looking in the mirror and feeling confident but I think we all struggle with that here. I think you are so gorgeous and I want you to be healthy and lose weight the right way. It takes time, but slow and steady wins the race!! Be patient and if you need any support, WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU.... Lean on us, we'll help you carry on!!! You can do this girl and I have every faith in the world for you to fight this evil demon of ED! :hurray:
 
Mad4Chillas said:
I know its just a number on a scale, but to me its so muh more than that.
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Don't focus on the scale. Focus on the woman that's on the scale; you.

You're right...it is just a number on a scale and it's nothing more than that. Don't pay attention to a few digits that show up on your scale. Pay attention to how you look...and you look great.
 
ChefChiTown said:
Don't focus on the scale. Focus on the woman that's on the scale; you.

You're right...it is just a number on a scale and it's nothing more than that. Don't pay attention to a few digits that show up on your scale. Pay attention to how you look...and you look great.
Click to expand...

BansheeBabe said:
I like to first off say, thank you so much for being so honest about yourself, that is serioulsy, the steps that will get yourself to a heathier, new you. Also, I don't think I am the first one to say that you ABSOLUTELY, DO NOT, LOOK LIKE YOU WEIGH WHAT YOU WEIGH IN YOUR PICTURES. Your body is very nicely proportionate and I would have never guessed you weigh the same as me. The numbers game is brutal but is truly is how you feel about your body, just like you said. I wish I could give you advice about looking in the mirror and feeling confident but I think we all struggle with that here. I think you are so gorgeous and I want you to be healthy and lose weight the right way. It takes time, but slow and steady wins the race!! Be patient and if you need any support, WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU.... Lean on us, we'll help you carry on!!! You can do this girl and I have every faith in the world for you to fight this evil demon of ED! :hurray:
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Thank you guys for replying :blush5: Im sure Im just being over dramatic but I just hate being this weight its so frustruating :nopity:

Ive always been told that I don't look like how much I weigh and I know I carry a bit of muscle from sports and such, but it would just be nice to be lean again.

Right after I logged off my mom came home and brought some food taco bell blahh not my first choice but I ate it out of gratitude. My mom has always tried to be very supportive of me and told me that Im pretty and I dont need to change anything. But alas she doesnt know that Im in treatment for an ED she simply thinks its for Depression and Anxiety--which it is, but she doesnt know the whole story, I dont want to break her heart.

I forgot to add as well yesterday my psychiatrist wants me to start seeing a therapist again and she reccommended a therapist geared towards more ED's rather than just a general therapist so I made an appointment slightly reluctantly, and now I have my first appointment with Carolyn on April 16th or something. Hopefully this will be another step in the right direction. :smash:

My mom took me grocery shopping as well today because her and my dad are going to the cabin for the weekend so she bought me some food for the weekend as well as for up at school. I bought stuff like greek yogurt, soup, whole grain bread, fruit and veg, marinara sauce, cottage cheese, etc... we also bought like 3 whole chickens because get this they were on sale for 99 cents EACH (not per pound) isnt that ridiculous!? I told my mom she should get like 5 just cuz it was such a bargain. She bought two and then bought me one as well, so now I have to make some roast chicken. Any suggestions Chef??

Well I think thats about it :)
Again thanks a lot everyone...

:leaving:

Food for day:
1 chicken quesidilla
1 chili cheese burrito
water
diet pepsi
1 side salad with ranch
1 piece of pepperoni pizza
1 piece of ham pizza
1 bowl of samoa ice cream
2 glasses of water

Not good...I know :(

*Side not today is offically 4 weeks in with me trying to tackle my weight and from my super-uper weight Im about -10.6 lbs down yayy. Which is about 2.65 pounds a week---slow but its workin i suppose :)
 
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Last night was super fun! Im so glad me and my boyfriend got to go out just one on one. We went to Old Chicago for some pizza goodness and then we went back to my house and watched some movies and played with my pets lol. Not to be vulgar, but I have to add we had the best sex last night that we've had in a longgggg time. It was so good :D The only downfall---I had to change the sheets and bedding on my bed because it was soaked after everything was done and through. I was breathless and my legs were shaking and I was dizzy and sore and it was MARVELOUS. If only everytime could be like that haha.
:beating:​

But on onther note Im up today about a 1/2 pound, but ate pretty shatty so I wasnt excepting a loss.

Today:
Bagel w/honey nut cream cheese
w. diet pepsi
 
I Havent weighed myself today but I bet Im up cuz last night although fun was prolly not the best food wise:

8 chicken nuggets
1/2 shamrock shake
1/2 bag of quaker cheddar mix
3 servings green tea

But I did get to hang out with my boyfriends friends while they played some games and watched some pretty bad and some alright movies lol. We ended up watching some ultimate fighting movie i think step up or something Twenty-One (which i really liked), What About Bob, an Awful horror movie called Shrooms and the boy's choice Wild Things haha. Me and my boyfriend didnt get back to his house til about 4, and it snowed like crazy which sucked! Both sets of our parents are out of town this weekend so that was nice. But now its back to the grind of school, but next Friday and Monday we have off for Easter... Yayy

Burger king for lunch today--not so great but tommorow will be better :)
 
So Im back at school and weighed myself this morning on my Scale and it read 172.8 which is not bad :)

I was convinced it might be higher, but im hoping to break 170 by this week! Not much is going on-so heres my food intake:

Breakfast:
1 Kashi Granola Bar
1 Apple
Lunch
1 large mango banana protein shake (used 1 whole banana instead of half and 2 scoops of p.p powder instead of one since thats my whole lunch)
*I actually felt full afterwards!
snack:
1 south beach smores granola bar
Totals: 911 Calories (28% protein, 15% fat, 57% carbs, 33.3 fiber, 650mg sodium)

Def gunna need to get in some fat and veggies for dinner!

:lurk5:​
 
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Mad4Chillas said:
So Im back at school and weighed myself this morning on my Scale and it read 172.8 which is not bad :)

I was convinced it might be higher, but im hoping to break 170 by this week! Not much is going on-so heres my food intake:

Breakfast:
1 Kashi Granola Bar
1 Apple
Lunch
1 large mango banana protein shake (used 1 whole banana instead of half and 2 scoops of p.p powder instead of one since thats my whole lunch)
*I actually felt full afterwards!
Totals: 792 Calories (32% protein, 14% fat, 54% carbs, 24.3 fiber, 524mg sodium)

Def gunna need to get in some fat and veggies for dinner!

:lurk5:​
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You are almost in the 160's, yaya for you! Great job on the food and good luck in the challenge!
 
So heres my food run up of the day:
Breakfast (8:30)
1 Kashi Granola Bar
1 Apple
1 soy latte
1/2 liter water
Lunch (12:30)
1 Mango Banana Protein Shake (1/2 cup mangos, 1 banana, 1 cup light soymilk, 2 scoops p.p powder, 2 tsp fiber powder)
Snack (4:00)
1 South Beach Snack Bar
1/2 liter water
Dinner (6:00)
1 Tuna Sandwich w/ light mayo and pickles on whole grain white bread
1 Side salad w/romaine, snow peas, cheese, croutons, and dress.
1/2-100 calorie pack of almonds
Diet Orange Soda
Dessert (6:30)
1 Square of dark chocolate
Totals: 1,580 (106.7 g protein-27%, 45.2 g fat-24%, 219 g Carbs-51%, 44.5g Fiber, 2,210 mg sodium)

*Im a little heavy on the carbs, and about 80 calories over but all in all I think I did ok


Tonight I had to do a counseling session with my roomate (a Nutrition Counseling session for 1 hour for my Counseling class) and I think it went good! I had to tape it which was awkward but I think I got through most everything I wanted, I have more sessions left with her (shes such a good team player) so on our next sessions I'll find recipes and diet plans for her :)

Im excited-yayy for actually applying my knowledge wohoo!

:party:​
 
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