General hysterical diet related rambling: From Flab to Fab.

ATete Unfortunately I don't seem to be doing well on giving up any of my vices at the moment! But I am doing less of them all, which is a start. Tbh I don't know what I will do with myself when I'm not always eating, smoking or drinking coffee.... That's all I ever do lol. I am hoping it will make me more productive and efficient, especially at uni work because I seem to take twice as long as I should to do anything.

Sunflower I changed to roll ups about a year ago now, they are so much cheaper. Still smoke normal fags when I go out tho. You should try the Champix... cos it works on the addictive bit of your brain you don't feel like drinking either, and it made someone not want to play the x-box when they were addicted to it as well :) And coffee has started tasting horrible to a few people, fingers crossed eh?

Apparently you just stop wanting to smoke at day 7... I can't wait for that to happen! I really bloody hope it does.

As its been a month since I started the diet I've done another youtube comparison vid, and I do look a teensy bit less fat which is encouraging :D

I have decided to do circuit strength training at the gym... Basically alternating the arm and leg machines on one set of 12 heavy weights each, then doing it all again in the same order. No aches today on my normal lifting load, think I will up it next time. Just enough so I ache slightly, that way I know its working.

Will catch up with everyones diaries tomorrow. I watched the closing ceremony and I'm knackered.

Food
2 egg on 2 multigrain toast
small fruit salad
2 slices of jam on multigrain toast
Large handful of chips with mayo
non-creamy tomato soup

Exercise
ran 1k (No time for more)
30 minutes strength training.
 
Let me know how you get on with them my lovely--might be interested in getting some! Do you get them through your doctor? Your food looks good hun, keep it up xx
 
AOooh..... I will, no doubt that is all your going to be hearing from me for the next month :rofl: It does worry me a bit taking them. I have felt suicidal on a few occasions in the past, and they are not actually supposed to be prescribed to any one with a history of depression cos some people top themselves on it. About an hour after taking the first tablet I did burst into tears for no reason (Maybe cos I didn't take the tablet with food), but touch wood I've been fine since then. If I start feeling awful I will stop taking them. Yeah, I got them from my doctor. Think you can go in the chemists and make an appointment to get them prescribed tho.

I ate an absolute shit-load of cake today. Disgusted with myself. I bought a small birthday cake for Nicks mum, but she also brought 12 cupcakes.... I ate about a quarter of the birthday cake, and 6 small cupcakes eeeeeek.

But apart from that, I have done very jolly well!!!!! Lol.

Food
Nuts and dried fruit
Prawn and pasta salad.
crustless quiche.
Lotsandlotsandlots of cake

Exercise
None.
 
AFood
2 slices multigrain toast with jam 400ish
nut and dried fruit 250
rack of bbq ribs with salad 750
2 birds eye potato waffles 210
4 coffees 240
=1850. Thought I did better than that.... seriously under-estimated the calories in the ribs! Will be good and count calories again from tomorrow. I will first guess, then add up the total to see if I'm close, when I get good ta it I'll stop counting calories.

Exercise
20 minutes on the cross trainer at resistance 8
12 heavy reps of all the gym machines.
 
A:) Just checking in....hope you are eating healthy and getting your groove on at the gym :)

I think your cals and exercise is right on track....keep up the awesome work!!!
 
AI need those healthy vibes! The last two days have been a write off really, I am lacking so much energy because of tese stoopid stop-smoking pills that I just cannot be arsed to do food. So I have lived off jam sandwiches, cornflakes, takeaways, and shop bought food. My mind and body just feel like one great big void of empty nothingness. The pills are depressing me a bit. I feel like they have just made myself see what I truly am like. But I am hoping that will give me the motivation to change the things that I need to change. I have the runs as well, and when I wake up in the night I feel wide awake and can't sleep again. There is no way I am going to take these pills for the full 12 week course. I shall wait till I've stopped smoking for two weeks, then stop them. If they work, then its worth it.

I am going to buy some healthy food tomorrow anyway.

Food
jam sandwich
cereal bar
1/2 duck wrap, about 8 forkfuls rice, pack of yoghurt coated cranberries, half a shortbread caramel thingy.
Big bag of toffee popcorn.
4 slices of pizza and some garlic bread
kit kat chunky peanut
4 coffees
bottle of smoothie.
 
ASorry those pills suck! I couldn't even imagine!! My number one line to our boys is "if you never start smoking you never have to stop"....we see my mom struggle with it every day....she has bad veins and arteries (PAD is what its called) and even almost lost a leg due to her 60 year addiction...I want nothing more than for you my dear forum friend to kick this habit!! I know its to late for my mom...but you are so young...I am sending all the best for you!!

Hope you enjoy shopping for all your healthy yummies :)
 
Oh dear, darling thing. Not good food choices. LUCKILY, all is not lost! Get your ass into gear lady because today is a newwwwww day! :willy_nilly:


Get some fire back in you, woman. You are better than the depression and shitty food that makes you feel shittier!


Lots of hugs and hope you feel better soon, peach. :grouphug:
 
AThings have gone so bad. Today has been awful not only diet-wise, but also life wise. Found out that Nick had been secretly seeing a mm from charlies nursery behind my back. They are riging each other and arranging to meet up. Knew he's seen her at the park but didn't know it was arranged. I have let myself love him, so I was realy upset when he didn't even apologise, he came back being nasty to me. I tapped him on the nose lightly, not even hard enough to kill a fly as he leant back, and he punched me in the face hard. It really hurts. I went in te computer room and smashed his computer and telly on the floor. He threw me across the room really hard and I slammed into the wall and it hurt. So I went in the front room and smashed his new 3d telly (the only thing that is actually propery broken). I can't beleive that I love him and he doesn't love me. I know I shouldn't love him. Every rational bone in my body is declaring my hate for him because of all the shit he has put me through. But I feel heartbroken.

The food today has been bad, but I am not going to do what I did last time we broke up and eat constant shit. I aam going to make it my priority to get fit and show him what he is missing.
 
Sweetpea..I'm so sorry. A man who hits women is not a real man. You need to get away from him. You want a guy that hits women around your children? Of course you don't! What a dickhead. It's horrible to love someone when they are so cruel to you but you could do so much better. Hitting you is disgusting. My ex used to smack me about when he'd had a few drinks--it's not acceptable. It's damaging to both your body and your mind. You can do better, Ruth. Kick his ass out. Let yourself be heartbroken but don't let him back into your life.


"I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it -- I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know -- but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me. However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay."



I'm always around if you need to talk peach. I'm on facebook (Hana Perry) and always around for a phone chat if you need any support my lovely. I hate you being so upset :( Wish I could punch him in his stupid face.
 
AThanks for that hunni xxxxx

I am a mess. Keep bursting into tears. Last time we were apart it made me stronger and better, but this time i am just crumbling. I don't get it. My back and ribs and arm arre killing me where he three me against the wall. I cant walk straight or fast. He didn't even apologise at first. I shouldn't want him. But I do. I want to be a family together. Won't let him know that tho.

I am going to go away for a few days next week. I need something to look forwards too. Its no point sitting about the house waiting to be happier. Since last night all I have had to eat is two slices of toast with honey. And I was awake all night. Maybe I will feel better once I have had some sleep.
 
Try and get some rest poppet--I'd recommend pressing charges but I know how hard that is to bring yourself to do. You should be with someone who boosts your confidence and treats you well, not someone who drags you down and hurts you. Makes me so sad. You'll be okay, honey. I promise. It just takes time. Please try and leave him though--There are so many lovely men out there waiting to take you out and treat you well!!
 
A^^^^^ Just read that back, and I am aware of how pathetic it sounds. Even if it is the truth. My life is on the up. I have made great new friends, my life is heading in the direction I want it too, with my dream job in sight. My fabulous house is only a month away from (finally!) being completed. I have beautiful crazy little kiddies. And now I finally have the chance of finding a guy with a respectable job, who doesn't mind being silly and mucking about, who watches films with me and snuggles in bed with me. I had no chance over of living that with Nick. I expect to be heartbroken for a while though really, but its heartbreak with hope at the end.

I booked a few days away in margate (ramsgate) a week from now. It has cheered me up. Its like a raspberry swirl of happiness in my ice cream tub of sadness. Hopefully soon it will all melt together, and turn pink, which is the best part ever :) Maybe I shouldn't do ice-cream analogies on a diet website. Nonononono. Lettuce leaf ones would be far more suited. How is a lettuce leaf like a relationship? Hmmmmmm. I'll leaf that thought with you.

About to eat some soup. I want to be supermodel skinny. Soon.
 
AOmg. Im so not liking what he did to you hun! :mad: What an idiot, treating woman like that! I have hit men, but Ive never got a punch back luckily...
And yet what, he was seeing some other woman? Did I understand right? Oh my...

Sunflower is right. You should get rid of that kind of man. There IS plenty of good men wanting to show their loooooove to gorgeous woman like you! ( Ive seen the lovely pictures of you on FB, and you're smokin' hot babe!)

Lots of hugs !!
 
AI doubt there was anything going on between them... I would fall off my chair in disbelief actually if I found out there was. He led me to believe he was bumping into her and her boyfriend in the park, when he arranged to meet her on her own, a bus ride away. What would be next, taking the kids out to the zoo together? Swimming? All in secret? And he came back here being completely nasty to me.

I acted disgustingly tho. I should not have smashed anything. Just because he did something disgusting, shouldn't have meant that I stooped to his level. I was just furious. I've been over emotional for the past week crying at night in the mornings because of these stop smoking pills. I am sure they have something to do with it, but at the same time I need to take responsibility for my actions. If I had handled it in a calmer way then perhaps the kids wouldn't have spent the last three days completely and utterly crazed.

No tears today. Plenty of sadness though. I don't want to bring the kids up on my own.

I will comment on everyone's diary's tomorrow, sorry, I just haven''t felt very up to it.

Food
2 slices granary bread and honey
3 milky way bits.
Ham sandwich
butternut squash salad
mr. tom bar
Smirnoff ice

I'm going to aim to get to the point where I am only doing positive things for my mind, body and soul.

Mind... Never mind.
Body...Only one coffee and 10 fags (usually at least 20), 1 hour walking, 3 hours cleaning.
Soul... Didn't talk to nick, took lily to park and did art with her.
 
ASoooo... Today I am finaly at my WITS END with my Charlie-boyo. He is hitting and smacking a attacking Lily, and saying want daddy, want daddy constantly. There is no way, that in the space of a sentence or two I can convey the sheer stress of having it constantly. I just thank ye gods he is going to summer school so I only have 5 hours of it each day. It is driving Lily round the bend too. I am going to have to get him put on a medication called clondestine or something, which is supposed to calm down autistic kiddies. And maybe get a babysitter (Like Sunflower :) ) once a week. I don't think there is any shame in needing extra help when you are a single mummy. He was addicted to his xbox, and I have decided to stop him playing it any more... Only at his Dads house, but not here. So that's probably not helping matters as his favourite hobby has been taken away. But the shame of him playing shooting games is no longer joint, its down to just me. I am limiting the kids and myself to two hours screen time as well. At least the tv is educational.

Last time we broke up, Nicholas had been errant for a long time, and wasn't giving the kiddies much attention as he was on drugs. This time he has given them more attention than usual as its the summer holidays, there has been no gradual withdrawal, just one strong big sudden drop to nothing. He has been a lot better in the past three weeks, his best ever actally.. Probably because he knew he was about to go, and he wanted the kids to miss him this time.... Anyway, whatever the reasons, its really hard on the poor little buggers. I have loads of fun stuff planned though :) I have given myself until the end of this week to both grieve and organise and clean every molecule of this house, and just focus on getting the kids into a good routine so they know what to expect, Charlie will be going to his adventure playground. I think its extra important to have routine when everything else is going down the drain. Saturday 25th we are going to the cinema then swimming, Sunday we are going away to the beach for three days till the evening of Tuesday the 28th. The next day Nick is seeing the kids, and I am going to go to a gallery with my friend Charlotte, then my book club. Then Charlie can go to his adventure playground two days running and I'll chill with Lily, then cinema and swimming the next day, then my besties bubbas first birthday party on the 2nd. Then on the 4th I am going to Chessington world of adventures with my friend Adisa from uni and shall be meeting each others kiddies for the first time :D Then the kids will be back at school and nursery the following week, and I can finally go to the gym again and decorate the house!!!!

I think I may have spoken too soon about Nick definitely not cheating.... I walked a different way than normal today, don't know why, but maybe it was fate. Lily said to me... "Lucas lives that way" (Lucas is Michelles (the woman nick was meeting with) son. I asked her if she has been to Lucas house, and she said no. She said "Its only a little bit up that way, not too far, Daddy showed it to me" This road is not on the way to anywhere, and bus shop, route or shop that Nick would need to go too. He must have been there once on his own to know what house it was (and he wouldn't ave walked there by chance walking home with her as its out the way), and then gone out the way to walk past with Lily another time, without going in. Why would he walk out the way to see her if he didn't fancy her?

Part of me feels like asking Nick for her number, arranging to meet up for the kids, and seeing how she acts. The other half thinks, for gods sake woman, just leave it. Its not like she would tell me anything anyway, she has a boyfriend/husband. I haven't even mentioned it to nick, as tbh, I just cannot be bothered with denials and stress, when we are no longer together. I just keep on picturing his screwed up angry face in mine. He was desperate for me to hit him so he could he me back, and he was doing everything to provoke me. Keep on seeing that face and hearing that voice, and the more I think about it, the less loving feelings I am having towards him. I have been thinking about the state of our relationship as well. Everything he said to me, he said in a whiney, stressy, arsey, irritated voice. He talked to the kids like that too. I couldn't stand it, I couldn't stand him being in the same room as me. I even had to shut the door between us to feel completely at ease. Then a friend would ring him up and he would be instantly lively, nice, and un-sneery. It was an attitude he could turn on and off. So why wouldn't he turn it off for us? I WILL NOT IDEALISE OUR RELATIONSHIP ANY MORE!!!! Universe, I have one wish, other than winning the lottery jackpot, and health and happiness, and that is to make me se our relationship AS IT TRULY WAS!!!!!!

I have decided to only take my stop smoking pills in the morning. I have been using a nicorette inhalor. The side effects are just too bad, and I slept so much better last night. Planning on being given up by the time I go away, 6 days arrrgggghhhh. I can't drag the kids out of the hotel every time I need a fag. So thats it, final, giving up for then!!!!

This has ended up so long, phew. My clicky typing fingers just won't stop.

Food
Porridge with sweetener and honey
nutri-grain, and slice of toast
prawn stir fry with only a tiny amount of noodles
Small apple and large banana
Oooonly 3 coffeeeeees :D

Body Epiltated my legs, ate good, only ten fags.
Mind I will play a game of scrabble online now :)
Soul Managed not to take the easy option and give Charlie the x-box, had fun in the garden with water with Lily. Arranged life things. Spent hours cleaning and organising.
 
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