Even the most spectacular blaze is ignited by a single spark...

You look freaking GORGEOUS in your avatar picture as well, you little spitfire. I LOVE your hair - you should try your hand at modelling!
 
Congratulations Rosie you are a size 11/12, a 31 inch waist, a good size. How much are you weighing now? Nice pics, you are gorgeous, I feel like cursing you out...it's the hater in me, lol jk..kind of. I hope your results are just stress symptoms and nothing serious, I will add you to my late night prayers.


ttys
 
Week is finally over, and I'm pretty exhausted! Haven't had any time to post, I've been totally wracked with school and work and everything else! ahhh!!! Usually I'm begging for more hours at work, but right now, when I don't have time for them, they are just getting piled on! I'm up to 35 hours a week right now, plus class, plus studying equals 12, 13, 14 hour days, and with midterms starting next week and an insane project due - things are just nuts. On top of that, my boyfriend has all his exams and presentations to get his master's next week - so this house is just a tornado of stress! (and clothes, and dishes, and clutter :p) We are working very hard though to not take our stress out on each other and I think we're doing a really good job :) Although it's really some kind of evil joke that his presentation and my midterms all fell into the exact same week!! AH insanity!! I had a really good week foodwise, absolutely ZERO exercise though! However, everything kind of fell apart yesterday for two reasons, the first being that it was my boyfriend's birthday, I had to work so I woke up at 4:30 :)ack2: I am not a morning person!) and went and got stuff to make him breakfast which I inevitably snacked on the whole time, then I brought it to him in bed and basically only had time to say happy birthday, made you breakfast, gotta go! Then the chaos started really started. I live in a pretty big city I guess, well it is the capital of California, so yeah it's not New York or anything, but lots of people here. So, yesterday, there was some guy that went crazy and started shooting at random people outside of a business (no one was actually shot), then he hijacked a car, ran from the cops, ended up getting out of the car and running under the causeway. The causeway is the busiest freeway we have, it runs across a massive floodplain and it is pretty much the only path to get between my city and San Francisco, which tons of people commute between.... so when crazy dude decides to run out into the floodplain, they had to shut down the ENTIRE causeway - this is an unbelievably massive deal and it forced the entire city to look like that ginormous traffic traffic jam that they had in China all day! So, everywhere you went you were barely moving and it took forever to get anywhere, which really sucked for me because I had 5 different places I had to be that day! Plus, here's the really fun part, it was well over 90 degrees and in the middle of the morning my AC went out in my car :p Sooo there I am, baking, and not moving ALL DAY LONG. I really felt like I was gonna lose it by the time I was off work and making my way home! So after I got back towards home, I went to pick up some take out from this amazing Thai place for Ryan's birthday dinner as well as a couple of pints (yes more than one!) of ice cream - one of which maay have been Ben and Jerry's - and then brought it home and tore into all with my bf - no shame in my game!!!! Ugh, oh well, one day! Sorry for the rant, feeling a little stressy as of late! :p

I really gotta go study for my midterms, so sorry I haven't had time to comment on diaries :(


Little John: Haha, I had never heard of a Sky Bar before, so I had to google it! Guess everything pales in comparison to such a hard to find holy grail of candy! For a long time I would always ask myself if something I was about to splurge on was something I could easily have some other time, it wasn't worth it if it wasn't like a one time thing - so you've reminded me of that, thank you!! :) and haha thank you! I've seen that commercial - see, who says we don't have education television any more?? ;)


Sarah and Irish: Awwwwwwwwwwww thanks guys!! I love you! I think you're completely and utterly certifiable, but still, I love you!! ;)


Bounce: Hey girl! Always such a nice surprise to hear from you! Well an 11/12 in fancy no-stretch jeans, I guess I'm pretty pleased with that! :) I'm still sticking around 218, can't seem to beat it, I go up, I come down, I go up, I come down, over and over! hehe thank you!! lol aww the hater comes out in me all the time - I curse people out on here constantly! ... ahem, in my head of course ;) Thanks so much for your prayers :) Hope to get an update from you soon, ever think about blowing the dust off that old diary of yours? ;) Hope all is well, take care!
 
AOMG....the mom in me is cringing inside!! that day sounds super scary to me!! You deserve some Ben and Jerry...or Jack and Captain after that day..I know we aren't suppose to self medicate with food and booze....but sometimes you have to say screw it!!

You and poor Irishprincess with school...I don't miss those days....I hope you can slow down and breath soon with the summer coming. So rant away and blow off as much steam as you can....you deserve it! :gnorsi:
 
I know exactly the stress your going through right now Sparked! I've had one final already, one I need to do by Sunday, and then two next week. I feel like I'm going insane! One top of it, our wedding is in a little more than a month, so you can imagine the stress. I can't wait till I finish my last final next week and then graduation will be that Sunday.


Keep it up girl. A bad day here and there won't hurt you as long as you put it behind you and move on! Sorry I can't write more, but I want to make a post on my thread so everyone knows I'm still living! haha! :)
 
Ugh terrible, terrible week. I wasn't feeling that guilty about it until I sat down to write this and now I feel like crying. Ok, that lasted long, scratch the feel like part. This week was pure, nonstop stress mode. Every single minute I had something scheduled that I needed to be doing and I was lucky if I got more than a few hours of sleep each night. Meanwhile, as I was keeping all that under control I was NOT keeping my food under control, really the absolute opposite, completely out of control! Every night my boyfriend and I were pulling all-nighters, all the while devouring pizzas, and fast food, and ice cream by the carton. Why can't I handle my stress in a healthy way? I feel pretty pathetic right now and kinda doomed. I have been within the same damn 10lb range since November, that's just... I don't even know, such time wasted. It's such a block, always, this weight, I don't get it, I never get past it, for years now. Get there, start eating everything sight. Totally just feel like this ravenous, fat girl godzilla monster just devouring everything in sight.. it's pretty gross. I can't even get myself up on that scale right now because I'm pretty sure that it's gonna be back in the 230 and I don't want to see it. I need to find a way to cut back my hours at work, 35 hours plus school is just too much for me. I'm sacrificing too much. Ha, could I have written a more depressing post? I'm sorry, it's just I gotta get it all out or I'm not moving on from this. And I had to come confess too! I wish I had more time to write on this, but I literally just don't. I've been working until I pretty much pass out lately. I had this little fantasy that I was going to achieve everything this summer, that I was going to be walking around with my degree and a body I was comfortable with and I'm not getting there at all. Ugh, I'm stopping this now, I'm even depressing myself.
 
Hey Rosie, i completely feel for you at the moment, i know whats it like to be down in the dumps. Im kinda fooked for my tests next week but im just going to keep thinking positive. I think you should change your mindset to positive too.( i know easier said than done right??) BUT YOU HAVE TO- THERE IS NO SHOULDA WOULDA COULDA in life. Okay this summer things that you might have thought you would have accomplished might not happen this year, but thats okay. Theres always next year!:) And you are such a lovely intelligent BEAUTIFUL person( inside and out), with gorgeous hair!! please don't be thinking negative things about yourself.... i bet this came from comparing yourself to other people? thats always a no no!! You prob have friends that have their degree now and some that havent but at the end of the day we all go down a different path, sometimes it takes others longer to get there, but it doesnt make you a worse person for it. WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT:):)




Also your post was not depressing, i hope you have cheered up. You sound like you are doing so much work at the mo( study and actual work) i agree, a 35 hour working week is faaaaaaaaar too much. I dont even know how you were surriving that all along.




Anyway i hope you cheer up soon lovely, im not the happiest person at the moment either but again remember things will all work out in the end!! Keep telling yourself that everyday!!



Sorry for my rambling on!! 3 cans of Monster energy drinks will drive anyone craaaaaaaazy.



Hope tomorrow is better for you, and dont mind about not eating the right food at the moment, that will come in time, just make school your main priority at the moment!!


Loads of hugs, you'll be just fine:):)


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 
Hey Rosie... I'd say the lack of sleep is probably damaging you as much as the stress is. I have been so frustrated trying to figure out where I started to go so wrong after doing so well for such a long period of time- it's because I suddenly had to start getting up at 4am every day, and my body just doesn't really adjust because there is no way I'm going to bed at 7pm on my days off like I do during the week. I was at my lowest weight in December- which is when I started working in the department I'm in- and since then it's been creeping up and I just don't have the focus or willpower that I did because I'm so tired all the time. It makes the sugar cravings and everything else amplified about a million times!!!! I read somewhere lack of sleep slows down body functions like your liver and digestion... so body fat isn't as effectively burnt off. Also cortisol causes you to put weight ON if you're under a lot of stress. Not just mental stress, physical stress too.


I hope when this is all over you feel better, and you can brush it off and start functioning like a normal person again!! Even if you just make maintaining a goal for now.
 
AAwee you poor thing...I feel so bad...I agree..if nothing else maintenance mode is a good idea...its a lesson we all have to learn any way...so why not have a mini session until your life calms down...if you can't deal with the scale...how are your clothes fitting..it really might not be as bad as you think.

I personally didn't get on a scale for almost a year...just because I didn't want to know how bad it really was....so I understand...I also remember bawling my eyes out because when I finally found the nerve to do it....I was twenty pounds heavier than I thought.....so it might be better just to face the scale now.

Hang in there Hun....summer is almost here!! Big hugs to you!! xoxo
 
Oy, that sucks, Sparked. Keep your chin up, though, it's understandable that you're stressing out.


Fun fact: there is another way you & your BF can relieve stress, and it burns calories while making you feel better about yourself. I'll let you use your imagination!
 
Ah Sparked.. with all the stress you're under, it's hardly surprising you're not eating right. It's completely natural and you really shouldn't beat yourself up too much for it. Remind yourself how far you've come from the start!


You've made a lot of progress in life in the last few months and made some huge decisions.. and as Luz said, stress can actually make your body hang on to water weight and so forth. It's one of the top reasons for it, in fact, so maybe it's not as bad as you think the scales might report! Once things settle down again, you can concentrate more on losing - but as suggested above, maybe maintenance is a better option at this point - just until you feel back in control. I really feel for you.


/big hug.
 
Hey Sparked, I'm sorry your having a difficult time. I can only imagine. I thought I had a bad week, but it was mild in comparision to yours. I think cutting your hours is definitely a good idea. You will work for the rest of your life, now is the time to focus on your classes and yourself. I do the same thing when I'm stressed, I eat. It's been a challenge leading up to the wedding and is probably going to get a lot worse. Everyone has been telling me, "Oh, you're going to lose a lot of weight in the weeks leading up to the wedding." I'm going to have to be very diligent to make sure I don't gain weight. So I've been in your boat and it isn't fun. Just try to make as much time for yourself as you can. This is your last semester right? I know you can get through this and you'll be walking across that stage and getting your diploma in no time! :)
 
AHello my lovely :)

I'm so sorry i have been such a crap friend :( i've neglected everyone for a few weeks now.

Aww sweetie i'm so sorry you are having such a stressful time of it :( I totally get where you are coming from, life for me has been crazy (nowhere near as crazy as yours) and i kinda feel like i wanna go and hide somewhere so it will all go away. I too have been eating badly and have stuck around the same weight since december, actually i am up from then. We will be fine, things will settle down and we can push on thru this shitty time.

I think it's a good idea to cut your hours down hun, you dont wanna burn out.

Sending you lots of great big squishy hugs :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:
 
SPARKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please come back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Hope everything is ok, we miss you!
 
Agh!


I hate, hate, HATE stress!


I'm even stressing about my hate for stress! Doh! :p


Sure hope everything is starting to calm down to a degree, Rosie :( Please update us sometime soon, when you can :)
 
Hey Sparked, hope you're doing OK out there. I think it's finals time right now (right?), so hoping you can come back soon!
 
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