Even the most spectacular blaze is ignited by a single spark...

Hang in there, Rosie! :)


Tough times are always to be expected in life, but you have good friends and support to always fall back on here whenever you need! :)


Take care and you know you can always relieve a bit of stress by smacking me around in Hero Academy! hehe =]
 
AHeya sexy girl :)

Sorry to hear things are stressy right now :( but dont feel you need to delete your posts, even if you are complaining, ranting, upset etc. I have told you before THIS IS YOUR DIARY!!! YOU WRITE WHATEVER YOU NEED TO!!! If you don't want us to know, then that's fine but if you are deleting because you don't wanna bitch and complain then how are we supose to help if we don't know???

:cuss: look i have shouted at you......In a 'love you my sweet, sweet caring friend' kinda way.

Anyway, sending you lots of love and great big squishy hugs and sloppy kisses :grouphug:
 
AAwwwww thanks, you guys are so awesome!! :grouphug: And Kate, I know :( I could totally hear you in my head when I decided not post! Hehe :) but I would just sit there and write all about work stuff, and then I think that was enough to get it out of my system, and then I would read it and think that I didn't like it and I didn't want to post it. And now that I've gotten it all out of my system, I can just give a short retelling, instead of the pages I had! So this week was one of the hardest ever because I have a new assignment at a group home for girls and I have a few students I am suppose to work with who fit the usual bill, jail time, drug use... but the newest one is there because she has been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder - which after researching, is a really terrible mix of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. She's 15 and has been to the hospital 8 times in the last few years for suicide attempts, she also does math at a second grade level. So since the first day I met with her, I have literally been waking up in the middle of the night stressing over how I am going to help this girl, I'm a teacher not a psychiatrist and I've never been in a situation like this before, oh yeah, doesn't help that she is so strung out in anti-psychotics that she can barely hold a thought. I have her again tomorrow so we'll see how it goes, I hate to say it, but it's pretty much trial and error at this point.

On to other things!! I did well this weekend, wellll until tonight when I had a drink which probably put me over calories a little, but it was only one, and it was strong and I'm still feeling it right now, so forgive me if this post is crazy at all ;) oh and not to promote unhealthy habits, but um Captain Morgan and Sprite is a reaaaaally good drink, tastes like cream soda :D ok, anyway, time to talk about my milestone moment today. This is huge for me. Today, I fit into my dress from senior prom!!!! Ahhhhh!!! That thing has not fit in 9 years ( cries thinking about how prom was NINE years ago). Senior prom was definitely the smallest I have ever been, and I didn't stay that size very long because I didn't get there in a healthy way :p The dress has hung in my closet this whole time, everytime I would lose a little weight, I would go try it on, but it would never zip... until today!!! I'm hoping to take a picture, but 1. It's still jut a tiny bit tight and 2. well, it's a strapless dress and I was hanging out at a small B cup when I wore it but I'm a DD now so uhhh it's not exactly fitting like it used to! Haha, in fact its a little profain :p buuut, if I can get all that under control, then I will have to post a picture! And maybe I'll have to dig up the old prom one too so I can compare!

Ok that's all for now, but I needed to make sure I posted today!! Hope everyone has an awesome week!!
 
haha, congratulations on getting into your old prom dress! That's brilliant, and the feeling is always amazing! You never did show off your friggin' cashmere sweater either! Pff! But, yeah, either way, MASSIVE GRATS!

As to the girl, hun, you can only do what you can. None of us are superhuman even if others like to think we are, and honestly, you're probably doing more for this girl than anyone has attempted so far. It'll be okay, and if nothing else, at least you will hopefully become someone who she can trust. You'll do good for her, I just know it. Hang in there, and just go with the flow instead of overanalysing.. as you said, that's what the shrinks are meant to do, not the teachers!


Muchos :grouphug:
 
YAY!! So proud of you and also great job on keeping in range with your calories in the face of a trying week. I know I always struggle with that. I'm hoping to try on my prom dress from senior year, but am an little afraid... :( I'll have to give it a whirl here soon. I think that was 3 years ago...? lol


Keep up the good work! :)
 
Hi Rosie :)


In my opinion, a degree doesn't make a person more or less qualified to help another. Personality plays such a huge role.


I've met several counselors over my life and, even though some had better education (aka more expensive), I found the ones that had the more outgoing personalities helped me to open up more, regardless of their certifications. I know you're not a therapist, but I think if you just show genuine regard and care for someone, they'll respond in very positive ways. You have that in you and just being around her probably helps her in ways you may not realize at first :) Don't stress over it. In the end, you can only do so much - and you'll do fine! :)


Congrats on fitting into that dress again, too! Big internet high-five! :D


I hope you can get everything 'under control' so we can see a picture ;) I'm sure you have a previous pic from when you originally wore it to prom. It would be cool to see it side-by-side with a current shot! :p


Woohoo! So proud of ya, Rosie!! :hurray:
 
I'm going to have to agree with Frogged, a before and after shot would be awesome to see!!! Jaw dropping I'd say! :)
 
Ahhhh guys, I'm doing so terribly!!! :ack2: I haven't been posting because I've been bad, soo bad! My stress has definitely gotten the best of me lately and I feel like I am always eating to keep me from thinking! I'm supposed to go to back to school at the end of the month to take my very last class so I can freakin graduate already, and there's a ton of paperwork, of course, but I'm used to that, and deadlines, but I also found out that since I took the Winter quarter off, I'm now disqualified from receiving the funds I was granted at the beginning of the year for financial aid (even though I asked my adviser if there would be an issue with this and she said no.) Which is soooo stupid because I only took the quarter off because I didn't need any classes in the Winter quarter and I wanted to use LESS aid! So now, I'm getting everything together, but honestly it kind of seems pointless because I just don't have the $8,000 tuition. I am so frustrated because I have been trying to put myself through school for so long, and it has been so hard and I've had to take multiple breaks for financial reasons, and if I don't get in this quarter, I'm going to have to wait an entire year until the class is offered again..... and I just can't handle that. My self esteem and my relationship with parents is really going to suffer if I hit my 27th birthday without my degree. They have heard me say I'm going to be graduating at X date for years now, only to have it keep being pushed out by some unexpected thing that comes up, and I feel like they're really disappointed in me and I just don't want to have to go to them and say "no, sorry, it's not gonna happen" again. And I don't want to tell them it's about money because I know that they don't have it and my mom always says she feels like she "failed as a parent" because she hasn't been able to pay my tuition, and I don't want her to feel that way. So I feel like things are really out of my control and it's got me a little depressed and both of those things lead to really, really bad eating. Like, "hey, let's order ridiculous amounts of Chinese food!" or, "I bet I could that entire pack of cookie dough!" bad eating.


I really want tomorrow to be a better day, I am probably not going to come up with the money for school and going to have to suffer the really terrible consequences, but I don't want to totally sabotage the hard work I've put in recently because then I'll just feel worse about all of this in the end. The funny thing is that the food has not even been making me feel better this time, usually I'll get a craving for something and then cave in and it's amazing, but now it just seems that the food doesn't quite taste as good any more, and it never does kill the craving. So, yeah, basically there is no point and I've gotta stop this. And I need to post so I stay accountable. So matter what, I'm gonna get on and tell everyone how I do tomorrow. Just wish me luck. because I'm really feeling like I need it :p


Love to you all and thanks for your great support :)
 
Heya Rosie :)


Ugh, I'm really feeling you on the financial strains :( Having little-to-no money sucks! I'm still doing my best to get my little money tree in the backyard to start sprouting, but so far, it's still just a twig :\ I know we promised a friendly exchange for some of your Fountain of Youth, but we may have to post-pone that for a bit :)


I wish you luck with all the money issues. I really do. I know it'll all work out in the end though. Just, please, maintain your positive outlook. I know how absurdly difficult that can be some days, but it does help! Maybe have a little alcohol to help it along some nights ;)


Also, I think one of the reasons eating this junk food hasn't made you feel better is because you've been doing just so amazingly with leading a healthier lifestyle. In the back of your mind, you don't want to jeopardize that too much. I'm the same way. Even though school is definitely important, your health should always be your number one priority. I know you don't want to disappoint your family in the slightest, but I also know they'd rather see you happy and healthy over falling back into unhealthy habits due to stress.


You will finish and get your degree! That's a given. You're brilliant and determined, so try not to worry too much about the time frame if you can :) It is what it is and you can only do so much! Although I sometimes want to call you 'Super Rosie' with the way you pummel me in games of Scramble, hehe ;D We'll always be here to cheer you on now, a year from now, or even 10 years from now! :)


Bottom line, your healthy lifestyle is a real positive in your life and it'll be something you can always fall back on and be proud of. These moments of absurd stress are just many of the tests you'll encounter that will test your resolve to remain committed.


In the end, they only serve to make us stronger :)


Hang Tough, Rosie!
 
Hey Sparked, I know your going through a tough time right now, but you're going to get through it. Is there anyway you could take the class at another school such as a community college? They're usually a little less expensive. I know you'll do all you can to try to make it happen.


If it doesn't, then try to look at it that you weren't meant to graduate this year. I know it may be hard, but everything happens for a reason, it truly does. Getting a degree is hard stuff and many of us have to take breaks. Sure, it might be a "4 year" degree, but for some of us it takes a little longer. I honestly don't think your parents will be disapointed in you if you tell them you won't be grauating this year. You needed a break and your were given false information. It's not like you chose to take time off and new you wouln't be able to use your financial aid. (Which by the way I think is completely ridiculous!) Your parents love you and I know they will support you no matter what your decision is.


Keep your head up girl. Keep up with your exercise, I've seen how happy and excited you are when you stay active. As for the binging, don't let yourself forget that you're going to feel the same way regardless of whether you eat the gobbs of chinese food. Actually, no, you're just going to make yourself feel worse. So instead, do some exercise! Working out, even when I'm unhappy, always makes me feel better, stronger.


I've never faced financial trouble regarding my schooling, but I have definitely experienced getting worn out. My freshman year was terrible. I broke down after one semester. I didn't have any friends, hated my classes, hated being at school, and missed my family. I wasn't even very far away from them, maybe 45 minutes. I wasn't cut out for University. I gave up my second semester after I'd decided to transfer to community college. I think I failed 3 out of 4 classes that semester. I'm not proud of it, but I just couldn't go anymore.


That summer I met my fiance and things turned around. I started community college in the fall and loved it. Smaller classes and a major that I would actually use. I'll graduate in May, fingers cross I pass everything.


I just wanted you to know that a lot of students have gone through really tough times with school and your not alone. I know mine probably doesn't seem as bad, but I know you can get through it. You can do anything you put your mind to, you've lost 71 lbs!!! C'mon girl!


Like frogged said, we'll be here a year from now and ten years from now! :)
 
Oh Rosie:(


I can't imagine what you are feeling like at the moment. That sounds horrible. You poor thing xxxxxxxxxxx



Hopefully the money will come up somewhere. Is there anyone you can ask a loan from bar your parents? You totally deserve your degree.



Bets of luck darling im thinking of you:(:(



xxxxxxxxxxxx
 
Hey Sparked - sorry you're having such a tough time. The best thing you can do is stay positive. I know its not easy but thinking positive brings positive things.

It's great that you realize food isn't a crutch. You're better off working out your frustrations through physical activity or meditation. Stay strong

and good things will find you.
 
AHey there sweetie :)

Aww sweetie, i'm so so sorry you are having such a hard time at the moment. I'm having different issues but i totally get how it can fry your brain and thinking 'yep, food will fix this or make it go away' is what my head keeps telling me to do as well.
I dont wanna sit here and spout 'be strong, it will be ok' because that won't stop the emotional rollercoaster you are on but please know that I, and everyone else is totally here for you. :grouphug: :grouphug:
I totally understand the financial issues. I am the main wage earner and am soon to be unemployed and all i can think is 'how will i pay the morgage?' But like everyone is telling me 'it will work out and you will get thru this' More hugs :grouphug: :grouphug:

I just have to put a :iagree: :iagree: with Greg here. He said it all perfectly about your degree, family, everything.....I have nothing to add there :)

Oooh, Ooooh, i just had a thought........My friend Rob who has just started uni this year is 36! Age is not an issue sweetie :)

I'm gonna put another :iagree: :iagree: with Munch too.

Sending you lots and lots of great big squishy hugs and a sloppy wet kiss on the cheek too, hang in there my lovely :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:
 
AIf this post makes it in the forum it will be a miracle! I have had such difficulty posting that I'm starting to think that cosmic forces are working against it! First of all, crazy nuts insanely busy doesn't even begin to describe my current schedule! Work has really piled on and every spare moment I have had has been dedicated to finding a way to get back into school - which starts next week - but I haven't given up hope yet! The time I have had to post, I've had to do it on my phone (ugh) and I've lost count of how many times I have lost a half written post because the page randomly reloaded - already happened once during this post! ( on that note: *select all, copy*)

Thank you all so much for your wonderful posts, I hate that I haven't been able to post sooner :( What you guys said really helped me gain some perspective when it comes to my eating - the school thing sucks, but no need to throw the baby out with the bath water - that will only make it worse! There have been a few times now that I will get so frustrated after talking to my school and so I will just go out and run to get it all out instead of turning to food - I don't know how long it would have taken me to get my butt in gear on my own, so thanks so much everyone for your insight :)

Well, the good news is, with your help, I was able to leave behind my little bingefest and turn it around, bad news is it didn't happen until I had gained 9 lbs :( But I have lost half of that now, so as annoying as backtracking is, it is coming off!!

I would like to reply to everyone, but I just want to keep this post short so I can actually submit it! I am so grateful for your comments, and I know that there really is no limit to when you can finish your degree, but it's just I've been working on it so long and doing nothing else, so it has been my main goal for years now, and just keeps feeling like it's slipping away, and that's hard for me. And many people finish later, but they have children or they build careers or they go backpacking through Europe, and I have done none of that, so not finishing this degree makes me feel like I have been wasting time. But, it is what it is, that whole timeline I set out was scrapped years ago and now I am just flying by the seat of my pants and will take it as it comes! But, I've still got hope that things will turn out and this will all be behind me soon! Even if it doesn't, I know that in 10 years I won't even remember the few extra quarters I had to wait - just seems like such a massive deal right now.

Thanks again for your replies, I'm trying so hard to post, don't give up on me! :)
 
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