Cate's Diary

All sounds good Cate . Maybe I'll join you on that weight loss for April . I made a new rule yesterday no more eating in the car . I often buy a packet of low fat crisps and eat driving home because I'm so hungry . A terrible habit . The computer rule is a great one
 
Maybe you could replace icecream&berries with either just berries or nicecream and berries? (Nicecream is just a frozen banana blitzed up to the consistency of soft serve icecream).
 
Marsia- I won't have much trouble reducing my sugar. Once I decide something then that is it. It sounds crazy saying I can't wait to see how my visit to the psychologist goes too, but I am looking forward to it. I had another breakthrough today. I haven't spoken to our younger son, R for a couple of weeks & he had said he was ringing this morning at 9'ish. When he hadn't rung by 10 I sent him a message. He told me that he had a bad crash on his bike last night & dislocated two toes. He hadn't planned on going to a doctor & was still going to go to work. I talked to him quite calmly but told him that if he wasn't going to worry about himself then I wasn't going to either. I see tonight that he took the day off work. Now, whether or not he went to a doctor I have no idea, but I felt quite calm about it all.
Petal- I used to eat an apple in the car. Maybe have a stash of raw almonds in the glove box. It would be nice if you could join me in trying to lose 3.5kg. I feel like I'm stuck in a bit of a warp.
LaMa-I like natural yoghurt with berries so will have that instead. I might experiment with making my own ice-cream equivalents, but I might end up eating too much if it's too nice, whereas plain yoghurt isn't so moreish.
 
Wow, you did amazing with your son! It's great you are stepping out of the way so he learns to take care of himself!!! This seems to be the theme of the week - you focusing on your life and letting everyone else take care of themselves. That's so wonderful - you are doing it!!!

I love yogurt with berries, too -thanks for introducing me to that, Cate! I am going to make some keto ice cream in the near future though because my hubby has a big sweet tooth, and I want to make him nice desserts he loves so he doesn't eat the fattening kind of sugar.
 
Hi Cate yeah will join you on that little challenge . I have failed on all the previous challenges but I'm not looking back only forward . I know my weight now so I'll weigh once a week on a Wednesday. Hope your appt goes well . Well done on not worrying or trying not to worry . It's hard . My son still of age when things go wrong he phones me first
 
Thanks, LaMa :grouphug:
You're welcome Marsia. I always try not to have fruit on an empty stomach so got used to having it either within an hour of eating my main meal or with yoghurt.
It's not really a challenge, Petal. I don't do well with challenges. Maybe I'm a bit of a contrarian :) I really just want to lose 3.5 kg before our holiday as I know I would feel a lot more comfortable.

The psych visit was pleasant & I will think more about what I want out of it. I liked her which was the main thing & feel I could talk to her about anything. The first visit is really just establishing a base. I am well on the way to healing myself. I asked for some recommendations for books & she lent me a couple, which I haven't glanced at yet. One is a workbook. I had mentioned that a friend was using a workbook & I liked the idea (thanks Petal).
I didn't shed any tears. I told her I had cried so many tears the last week already. She didn't say a lot yesterday but did recommend that I put off committing to anything new. I am in no rush to fill this void as I like having a clean slate. I'm going to dabble & experiment.
I got a lovely text from my favourite golfing woman while I was in town yesterday. She is so positive & such a lovely person. She never has a negative word to say about anyone.
I bought a travel bag for me to take to Greece. It's a pacsafe grey across body/shoulder sling bag & should be big enough but comfortable enough to hold a drink bottle, scarf & passport etc. I'll have another look at it later & make sure it will be ok as I can take it back if I change my mind.
G played golf yesterday & had a pleasant day. He told quite a few people about us leaving our local club & we both got some very supportive comments. It is feeling better all the time, but also quite weird. G wants to keep playing in the tournaments and we both have made so many friends amongst them. We'll play it by ear.
I got a call from one of the women last night (the dr's wife) who I think seemed determined to talk me into coming back. She hadn't been at golf on Wed & had only just heard. She seemed very genuinely upset & was very determined. She said lots of things but mostly that she was shattered. I felt very mixed up emotionally afterwards. I tried telling her gently that I do not always feel included. I think I got through to her that I need to take this break from the club entirely & will see how I feel about coming back just as a player sometime in the future, maybe later in the year. I think she thought she would talk me into coming back. I'm flattered that she seems to really care. She hopes that I will go out to lunch with them. I think she is the main one that the other woman would have asked for "permission"! :svengo:

G & I have a day at home today, with the exception of driving A to work this evening. Tomorrow we have the GK's for the day & are taking them out to lunch.
 
Hi Cate I don't do well on challenges either hence I never got on well with them so it's just our goal .
Will be interested to hear about your workbook Cate . My book really has me thinking about how I react to things and deal with things. Glad your favourite golf lady reached out. And the Drs wife. I find people act differently when on a one to one than when in a group in how they deal with you .
Good G golfed yesterday and it's great you have lots of support.
Oh enjoy the day with the GKs
 
Hi, Petal. I haven't looked at either book yet, but will soon. Monday maybe. We're taking the kids out to lunch again at the same lovely place we went to last time with them & D, their Dad is meeting us there for brunch. It's near his work.
Hi, LaMa. I'm not worried about them missing me. It would have been nicer to have known beforehand. It took me so long to feel that I was accepted & then it never felt that I was wholly accepted, so I don't feel bad about leaving.

I felt a lot of anxiety again last night, but that was on account of buying yet another bag that is not suitable. I was told I could bring it back & I will, but that is hard without telling G about it. It's a 120km return trip to do so. *sigh* We have had this conversation before & I had told him that I never want to make a purchase without talking to him first. I really do feel sick about this. It's not about the money. It's about spur-of-the-moment spending, without giving things enough thought. I have to stop. This will be yet another lesson learnt. I'll tell him about it on Monday I think & may make a trip in on Tuesday & get it over & done with.
 
Glad you liked your therapist, and I liked what she said about not committing to anything new. I have been feeling that way - I want to have loose intentions for things that generally make me healthier and happier, but I want to go with the flow more and see where things take me, not schedule in things just to have concrete goals because I feel I ought to. I want to invite new things into my life that maybe I haven't even considered yet!
 
I will go in either Monday or Tuesday. The "cotton" dressing-gown I bought has started to fall apart after being washed once. I really couldn't believe it. I have another one the same brand that I have had for about 6 years, which is still in good nick but is synthetic, so quite hot. The saleswoman said "all of these are cotton" & I took her at her word. I told G about it tonight & said I would go in my own on Monday probably & that he doesn't need to go. I think we are going to need to make our own space & do some things separately anyway. I decided not to tell him about the bag. There is no need. I have learned a valuable lesson.
I got another call from one of the golfing women tonight to tell me how the women all seemed upset that I was no longer playing. I did say that I was surprised by that. She is the one who said she would have to ask "permission" for me to go to lunch with them. I really do like this woman & I think that is why I felt so hurt. She said again how much she will miss me & really hopes I will come back. I have let her know that I need a break & I'll reconsider in a couple of months. I must admit that the depth of feeling has surprised me. I told her I am just not the sort of person to just go out there & not let things get to me.
We had another nice day with the younger GK's & had lunch with them & our son.
Tomorrow we are playing golf with our social group. We are playing with 2 lovely guys.
 
Cate I don’t see the need to tell G about the bag. You are right you do need to do things independently but you are great you do lots of things together. We definitely need to start to do more together but I think we are doing well on that recently . Regarding shopping though My husband is used to me getting packages he doesn’t even ask what’s in them .

Do you play the social golf in a different club ?

I wonder regarding the women the fact you have taken a stand as shown them perhaps that they need to change . Anyway take your time and maybe you could meet them the ones you do like on a one to one basis for a cup of coffee etc.
 
Petal- I don't think I need to tell him either. I have had enough of making wrong purchases though & want to learn to stop. G is happy to be the "pack horse" as he calls it & carry a bag that has our drinks & jackets etc whenever we travel, but I always think I should carry my own. I have such a tiny handbag.
The social group play at a different club each month & usually play where members come from. The local game is not until August so we will probably feel fine to play there then.
I am wondering the same about the women. I do want to stay in touch with a few of them.
 
Well Cate we women makes lots of wrong purchases but at least you can return it . If I had all he money saved I wasted on wrong stuff I would be rich haha . I always like a little crossover bag or small rucksack when I travel but I do prefer one I can cross cross across my body . There are some great ones.

Yes I think one on ones the way to go but I wouldn ‘ t discuss any Mutual friends when you do . Focus on that friend ans get life family etc and vice Versa . I find that works really well for me and is so enjoyable .
 
Marsia- That's is how I feel too. I'm in no hurry to commit to anything new. Going with the flow sounds wonderful.
Petal- I know. I have wasted way too much money in my life, but I should have learned not to by now!
My handbag is actually a small Hedgren travel bag that I wear crossed over my body. The one I bought that I am going to return is to be worn across your body & is cloth but is too big &designed to hold a laptop & has all these features that I don't need. I think I wanted it to be right as I liked the look of it. I'll have a look in an ordinary bag shop, rather than a travel wear shop.
 
I have several small shoulder bags - or medium size, really, as I never take a bag that can´t hold a half a liter water bottle, wallet, phone, and tissues but these days I nearly always use the same little backpack. Doesn´t look fancy but it looks smaller than it is and can take 3 water bottles, lunch, and my sweater or coat when it´s warmer than I expect.
 
I have just never used a backpack. I have tried. Wearing a bigger bag crossed over my body with much weight in it isn't good for my shoulders & back, but I like to have things easily accessible at the front. I'll have another look. I think I want a new bag to be a "normal" bag, not an obviously travel one. It does have to be lightweight though & not hot against my body. I'll keep looking.
 
You will find something Cate. I’m trying to think of a brand I like that have lovely lightweight bags . If I think of it I’ll let you know
 
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