Cate's Diary

Hopefully you can still hang out with the people who are real friends and would reciprocate all the care and energy you put into your friendships, and the rest of the people who were rude and closed off will fade from memory as you move on with your life. But I really agree with you and LaMa, this is just like a breakup - there may be things you learned about how you want your life to be that you can take from this and also some grieving about moving on from a social scene you really wanted to work, but that just didn't meet your needs. You have so much going for you, I am sure you will find other social things you end up loving even more!!!
 
Sorry to hear it’s upsetting Cate . Tbh it will on and off even when you hand over because you will have flash backs and also prob at times run into those women . It will however over time get a lot easier . Just look after yourselves now and try not to overthink stuff .
 
Thanks, LaMa, Marsia & Petal. I have learned a lot from this experience. I am also looking forward to new experiences. Today could be very tough. We think we are as prepared as we possibly can be to hand everything over to the vets. I hope there are no tears, but we are emotional & caring people so this won't be easy. I have decided to visit one of the women so that I don't need to see all of them tomorrow. I'm pretty shaky. Wish me luck!
 
I hope it went really well, and that the vets showed their appreciation of you and G! Goodbyes are so hard, and I hope this went better so you guys get nice closure!!! Hugs!!!
 
Thank you, Petal, Tru, Marsia & Em. I really appreciate the support that I get from my friends in the forum. Today was really tough & we shed many a tear. I got quite a few hugs, which brought be undone each time. They were the ones who understand what we have been going through. They are the ones we care about & why it has taken us so long to make this decision. We know it's the right decision for us.
I called in to see one of the women & handed over sponsorship for my day next month & got G to pick me up after 45 minutes so I wouldn't get stuck.
G's co-captain expects us to keep helping & thinks he can take up most of the slack. He is not short on ego & is a lot older than us & not physically well. I don't think he has a clue how much we do. We have to cut our ties. I'm not going back. I'll have a good talk to G tomorrow. (I just did & will edit this. He agrees. )
I'm quite exhausted after that day. I have a few courtesy calls to make tonight, including a return call to one of the bitchy women who rang me earlier. I don't care what she has to say as she's the most 2-faced one of them all. I had another call from one of the women I like who had just heard & she was lovely.
I think I'll go & waste some time on FB. I need to just chill out.
Our chooks are being re-homed today. Whenever the red hen hears us she appears at our front door & poops on it. That was never going to change. We only go through a dozen eggs a week & the feed was costing us more than that. We can easily & cheaply buy good free-range eggs.
 
Wow, some day!!! I bet you are both very glad it's over!!! Nice the vets understood and were supportive!

Sad to hear the chickens are going, but hopefully to a happy chicken lover! Nice you are getting rid of so many responsibilities and can just enjoy your retirement now. Yay!!!
 
Thank you for those lovely hugs, LaMa xoxo
I'm very glad that day is over, Marsia. The chooks are now gone. That wasn't easy! G jammed his finger fairly badly. We will have to re-learn how to breathe & relax. I have a feeling I will find that easier, but who knows? We can do this! Time to chill & enjoy life.
 
Sending love, lady. Sounds like a bit of a liminal period for you - painful, but a good time for reflections and growth too. Wishing you strength for the coming days and weeks. Time to put YOU first! xo
 
Thank you, lovely Han. It is time to enjoy our lives more & worry about things less. Big change xoxo
 
Hi Cate I’m happy your day is over now and sounds like you handled it pretty well . And the chickens are gone . Funny I asked my daughter shoukd we get some and she said no too much work and cost . Sensible eh . I just liked idea of them running about .

Please take some time now to just breathe and chill out a bit . Big change for you all this
 
Well it sounds like the worst of it is finally over so maybe now you can look to the future with hope and less stress and anxiety. I'm really proud of you for doing this! It had to be really tough! And change is so hard, but ugh ... so good for us! Sending hugs.
 
Sensible girl your daughter, Petal :)
We will take it easy from now on. No more commitments!
Thank you, Jen. Different times coming up!
:grouphug:
 
@Sunflower_ I didn't know the meaning of liminal, which surprised me as I do have a very wide vocabulary.
"The liminal space is the “crossing over” space – a space where you have left something behind, yet you are not yet fully in something else. "
How apt, Han. I am definitely in a liminal space & feeling quite excited about it.
Marsia said:
That made me laugh! Thanks!!
Click to expand...
Isn't that so apt as well? :D

Well. What sort of timing is it that I have an appointment with a psychologist tomorrow? I have made such a big change to my life & am getting ready for new things. It really does feel like I have a blank canvas. I'm also starting to get excited about our trip to Greece at the end of April.
I weighed myself again this morning as part of my new, don't be afraid, plan for 2019.
I'll make a new plan after seeing the psych tomorrow.
Things I need to do-
Find a new doctor.
See my cardio & get some guidance as to what exercise is safe for me.
Lose at least 3.5 kgs before the end of April. This is so I would feel better & not what anyone else may think about how I look.

Things I am going to start today-
Go for a walk every day.
Be off the computer by 10 am every day.
If I start to ruminate tell myself instantly to stop & quickly think of something else.
Weigh in Mon, Wed & Friday.
Edit: Log everything each day for at least a week.
Reduce my sugar intake. Over Summer we have often had ice cream with fresh berries after dinner, but I need to cut that out.
I really want to go back to doing IF but think I would be wise to wait until I see the cardio.
 
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Crossing all fingers and toes for the psychologist being very helpful for you!

The 3.5 kg sounds like a good, doable goal, especially with less sugar in your diet! If you are ever in a health food store, try monk fruit sugar if they have it - it's expensive, but is completely natural and zero calorie and doesn't have the bitter aftertaste of stevia.

Being off the computer by a certain time sounds really good - I definitely need to reign myself in more. Maybe I'll get my exercise done before going on the computer, and that will motivate me to get it out of the way fast!

Can't wait to hear how your visit with the psychologist goes!
 
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