Cate's Diary

Hi Folks, Had a nice quiet evening watching telly & got an early night. Subsequently I woke early and have been up for ages. I've been waiting for my LH to go to have my morning coffee(he's off to the doc's for a fasting blood test) & I'm hanging out for it. I'll go make it & come back I think.

Big mistake!
I got side-tracked & thought I'd have a go at putting my laundry trolley together & have totally stuffed it up & ended in tears. The simplest of things (supposedly) I have trouble putting together- I get so frustrated! Aaaarrggghhhh!!! I'll have to take it down to my nearest neighbour, along with a mattock & ask him for help!
I'll drink my coffee first I think & try not to think about it. I should never, ever attempt to fit something together again!

I think I'll go read the paper for a while & tune out. I felt a little under the weather when I woke up (probably because I went to town & got 'perfumed' everywhere) & should have known my brain wouldn't be working properly. Another lesson learned.
Bye for now, Cate
 
Big mistake no 2-
It went from bad to worse. My neighbour who is a Mr Fix-it/motor mechanic had trouble trying to get it apart & then back together, I got the nervous chatters, he snapped at me to shut up so he could f*#^ing concentrate & I ended up in tears, walking up the road. I came back & sat outside until he appeared from his shed with my trolley put back together (with new bits) & my new mattock, put together, with a screw through it. He looked at me, wondering & I said I'm sorry for talking so much but I had wished I hadn't wasted his time & I talk more when I get nervous & mumbled my thanks & drove off with tears in my eyes. He probably now thinks I'm a total raving lunatic. Lots of people don't react like I do to being yelled at or sworn at & he probably doesn't understand in the slightest. I won't be asking him anything again for a long time.

I came home, still in a state & have got myself out of it by tidying up the garage & the laundry. I went to hammer something in to tidy up & said to myself "If this goes ok, I'll keep going but if it doesn't I'm going to go sit in my chair & read a book." It went fine so I kept going & have only just stopped. I'm ok now but have such a head-ache!
Nothing else to say, except that I am sticking to my plan & have no idea what I weigh. I am also a bit constipated & remember that I was when I first started Cohen's. I'll take something tonight to fix that.

Bye, Cate
 
Today is another day.
My LH had a bad day as well so we ended up exchanging bad day stories & left it at that.
Today I feel fine. Not bursting with joy but ok. It's Tai Chi day so that's good :)

Weight- Have dropped another couple of kgs so am down 4 since last Thursday. Fluid I know, but it feels good & it makes it much easier to stick to the program. Now I need to get off the scales until next Monday when I will also measure.
It feels good to get back in touch with my body, to experience hunger & to be able to get back toward where I want to be. I'm getting there & I'm doing it.
Will head off now so am sending my love to everyone, xoxo Cate
 
Aww cate :( I wish I could give you a hug! I'm sensitive too, not sure how I would have reacted at the time but I've been spoke to like that before and it always REALLY bothers me. It's always worse when you're not feeling well too. Been there, done that. But just remember there's plenty people who appreciate you for the gem you are and love you.
 
douknowjello said:
Aww cate :( I wish I could give you a hug! I'm sensitive too, not sure how I would have reacted at the time but I've been spoke to like that before and it always REALLY bothers me. It's always worse when you're not feeling well too. Been there, done that. But just remember there's plenty people who appreciate you for the gem you are and love you.
Click to expand...
Lisa, you did just give me a hug & a big boost & also made me smile so I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you sweets :beating: xo Cate.
PS Being sensitive sucks sometimes but if having a thick skin also means being insensitive to others & not caring, then I'll just have to stay this way. Hug right back to you!
 
Yesterday-
My LH had the day off & we spent a lazy, quiet day, catching up with paperwork etc. I picked up our OGS & his best mate at 4pm & had them for the night last night. They are currently playing a game on my iPhone. It's fun actually-Froggy Jump. I'm taking them both home about 5pm.
It is pouring with rain here, but we are so fortunate, being high (310m above sea level & not close to a river.) I really feel for the people in Queensland who have lost family or friends, their homes, their incomes. It's absolutely tragic. Never a day goes by that I don't feel grateful for what I have.

Weight-
Yes, I weighed, 1/2 expecting to have gained half a kilo because no BM(cheese?), but I am still 4kg down for the week. YES! I just had a really boring tuna salad for lunch & went to put the dressing away & I accidentally used the one with oil instead of my usual Balsamic/oil-free one. Grrr. I have been so good & so careful & I just blew it. Not to worry. It's duly filed away in my pantry, buried at the back!
Telling my LH what I weigh-NOT!
I have to keep quiet about trying to get back to my original Cohen's GW as my husband is adamant that I was "scrawny" at that weight. Maybe I looked too thin until my skin caught up but I'm sure that I was not "scrawny." Why do men prefer us "shapely" (read over-weight) & we (I) much prefer being slim? I'll have to be devious, which goes against the grain with me. I am determined to reach it & then stabilise to within 3kgs(as you are meant to!) I ended up above my original GW anyway, unintentionally, as our scales were faulty & when I bought a new set I was 6kgs heavier. I was really happy with how I looked then & got over the shock easily. Since then Cohen's have changed the method of estimating GW & now include an age factor(I'm 57.5yrs old) so I was only 3kg over that. It's my aim & I'm determined to get there.

Re-feed-
I think that if you go back on Cohen's 100% for more than 2 weeks you have to do refeed to stabilise so I will try to figure out what to do before next Thursday.
I may have a w/e off weighing & then start again on the Monday but will do some homework in the meantime.
Felt like adding a photo to this post so here's a random one.
Tai Chi in the park (I'm in this)

Love to all, xoxo Cate
 
I don't think my husband cares what weight I am but then I haven't ever hit anything remotely close to "scrawny"... not EVER, lol. Guess we'll see when that happens :) Glad you're doin well
 
Hi Lisa, You made me laugh! I'm sure I wasn't scrawny either. I'm glad that both our husbands love us regardless but I do want to be slim. Not thin, not scrawny or skinny, just slim & healthy. I don't like skinny either. You'll get there sweets. You'll become slim. We all just need to want something enough & work away doggedly at it until we get there. Sending you a big HI from down under!! xoxo Cate.

I drove through about 12 lots of water over the road today. I have never seen anything like it before in my life. Those poor people in Queensland! What they must be going through!
Enjoying a quiet evening with my husband. I had better go back & join him watching the "idiot box."
xo Cate
 
Hi to whoever is reading my diary. I have woken up feeling good. The sun is shining, the birds are singing. Summer is back! I was going to visit my OS to do a small job, & then go shopping but I don't need to now so have decided to stay home. I love it when my day is free to do whatever I please. I'm very lucky. I'm now used to having a much smaller income.
Gardening today, I think.
I made the mistake of weighing myself, even though I felt heavier, &, sure enough I was (.5kg.) Fluid mostly, of course. I have since gone to the toilet & feel much better about that .5kg(TMI!)

I am going to do a little more homework on selling on ebay as I am determined to get rid of more clutter this year & also determined to somehow save $10,000 by next Christmas. Wish me luck!
xoxo Cate
 
I don't know what happened to me today but my mood plummeted! Was that really how I woke this morning? I have ended up feeling really down- bored, flat, tired....Weird! It's a little too hot to work outside but did some gardening. Perhaps I should try again & that may lift my mood. I will. I'll maybe be back later to report especially if my mood lifts.
Bye for now, Cate
 
I don't check in here very often but was thinking of you when I seen the flooding happening down your way, good to see it hasn't had to much of an effect on you.
 
Trusylver said:
I don't check in here very often but was thinking of you when I seen the flooding happening down your way, good to see it hasn't had to much of an effect on you.
Click to expand...
We were very lucky compared to Queensland, but the floods here have given us an idea of how bad it must be up your way. Truly awful, but also restoring faith in the strength of people who face adversity. Thanks for your visit. I don't have much to complain about & sometimes that makes you feel guilty when you get down.
 
BIG MISTAKE!
Weighing almost every day is a big, big mistake! I weighed a kilo lighter last Wednesday & have put on a kilo in the last 2 days (.5 per day.)
Now, if I hadn't known that, I would have been perfectly happy with my weight-loss for 10 days-3kgs. Because it was a great loss of 4kgs in 6 days, of course, I'm now disappointed. Oh dear. The head game is the hardest thing!!
Stay off the scales, Cate!!!!
I do have to weigh again tomorrow as that's my official weigh-in day so today I'm eating less than my cracker/fruit allowance!

Today-
I told my MIL that I would be in today & she has rung already to see what I'm doing. I told her I'd be there about 10 so had better get on the move. She is very demanding but I'm used to her. She obviously wanted me there at 9am so I told her to go for a walk & then we would drive down the street to the supermarket.
I'll do some exercise when I get home. A walk through the bush is needed to restore my mood. I am suffering from lack of exercise I feel. I was very down yesterday.
Bye for now folks, xoxo Cate
 
Hi Cate,

I weigh every day and even though I know it's a mistake, I seems compelled to do it. I think on the program we are more at the mercy of our emotions sometimes, with no food to buffer us and everything seems more intense than it should. I am starting to believe that I am just intense and eating too much has disguised many of my reactions to things. Hope today goes well for you and that the scales show your efforts tomorrow.

Eloise
 
eloisem said:
Hi Cate,

I weigh every day and even though I know it's a mistake, I seems compelled to do it. I think on the program we are more at the mercy of our emotions sometimes, with no food to buffer us and everything seems more intense than it should. I am starting to believe that I am just intense and eating too much has disguised many of my reactions to things. Hope today goes well for you and that the scales show your efforts tomorrow.

Eloise
Click to expand...
Eloise, How right you are!! We now have to face our demons, without that buffer zone. Smart cookie! xoxo Cate.
 
I've turned my mood around with a 1 &3/4 hr walk through the bush! Phew!! I have eaten yoghurt with cinnamon & sweetener only for breakfast, fish/asparagus/celery/garlic/Asian herb soup for lunch with 2 crackers. I took an apple with me & have eaten that on the walk. I still have 2 lots of crackers & 2 fruit left, plus dinner of course. I feel much better & am not faintly hungry.
I love the sunshine!
One of the reasons I have been down is that my LH does not have a day at home until next Sunday so I am spending lots of time on my own.
My MIL wanted to shout me out to lunch today & I had to say "No thanks" & tell her why. She was disappointed I know but understood when I told her why. She hates to put on weight & we are about the same dress size.
OK- Just thought I would report that I feel back to 'normal.'
Hope the scales are kind to me tomorrow!
Bye, xoxo Cate
 
Yes, the scales were kind to me & I have now 'officially' dropped 4kgs in 11 days. I am weighing again on Thursday as it will be 2 weeks on Cohen's 100%. If I continue 100% then I will have to do re-feed. It's a bit tricky with my LH so I have told him that I will have a few days off & then go back onto 100% until I just get under a certain weight(still 2kgs over my upper Cohen's GW limit.) We are only talking about a few kilos I know but it's not worth upsetting him as he's a gem. He thinks that 3kg is the difference between me being slim & being "scrawny." I'll just have to be more devious after that to get to my lower GW & then have that 3kg leeway.
Next Monday I am going back on Cohen's & hopefully will not have put anything on in the 3 days. Fingers crossed. I am not going to eat anything that is not on my plan but I will have a glass of wine at the end of the day with my LH. I also won't weigh my food, but will otherwise stick to the basics. Perhaps it will confuse my fat! Te he.
My fat is on my thighs & legs. I still don't show my legs- not even at home. I really do not like my legs. I know, I know- they're useful things & do a good job, but I would love to have nice legs. They're like Oak trees! They're better than they used to be since I had my varicose veins treated but ugh.

Exercise-
Is the difference between me getting down & being positive, along with eating healthily. It changes how I feel about almost everything. When I'm walking I don't worry about anything. It's my way of being in the moment & is almost a walking meditation for me.
After yesterday's effort I realise that I can exercise & not suffer hunger as my body is so used to it. :D I would never have risked it before when I had 36kg to lose on Cohen's. It's so good to be over 30kg less than I was back then.
Anyone can do it!
 
Another day completed 100%. Yoghurt/cinnamon only for breakfast; Fish soup for lunch with 2 crackers, 1 peach mid afternoon; chicken with salad for dinner, with 2 crackers & 1.5 fruit. Still have 2 crackers & .5 fruit to eat if I wish :) I feel much lighter & my silk dressing gown goes around me more. It feels good. I like having a waist!! :D
I gardened this afternoon & kept active, without over-doing it. I enjoyed potting up herbs. I found about 15 Sage plants coming up in my garden so potted them up, 2 Lemon Balms & another Vietnamese mint. I have lots of herbs in pots now & am contemplating having a market stall, if I can get the courage.
Tomorrow-
There is a Heart Foundation walking group in my local town & I am thinking of going along. Actually typing that made me decide to go. It should be fun to walk with company. I will also buy some more vegetable seedlings- perhaps lettuce as vegies are going to be both scarce & expensive. I love our vegie garden.

Love to you all, xoxo Cate
 
Last edited:
The walking group re-starts on 1st Feb so I'll just go for a walk around the river, if the track isn't still flooded. I have another Donna Leon book at the library and a little bit of shopping to get. Mmm peaches. I finished up my day still with 1/2 a fruit & 1 cracker left. I ate 1 at about 9.30.
This morning I feel excellent! :D
I can't believe how 4kgs can make such a difference. I guess to slim people 4kgs is a huge amount, but I must still think as a fat person. I think I do. I'm looking forward to the day when the fat me is a distant memory. I wonder if it will happen.
I feel so much slimmer. All my clothes fit loosely again. :D

I'm getting my calendar ready for the year, with school dates, birthdays etc. I have a diary & have things in my phone, but I glance at the calendar all the time. I have decided to colour-code it with asterisks so I can glance at it & see a red asterisk & know it's someone's birthday or a green asterisk is something else. My LH's work shifts are either 7.30-3.30(D), 8-4(A) or 9-5(P) so just have the letter on the day. It should work well :)
All's good here. Hope everyone is happy & working toward their goals, whatever they may be. Don't forget to be happy! Mwah! xo Cate.
 
Hi Cate, I've just read through the last week or so of your diary. I agree that exercise really lifts your spirits. If I have a lazy few days I start to feel really down and sorry for myself and I think that I probably feel at my absolute best after a run.
I'm exactly like you when somebody shouts at me as I also cry. I can't even argue with people as I well up straight away and it really frustrates me as it makes me look so weak and I can never get my point over.
I'm glad that you have been safe from the floods. What a terrible time many people are having.
Off to catch up on a few more diaries and write in my own xx
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top