Cate's Diary

[I shopped & shopped & shopped....
I eventually bought my husband's present- & a pair of thongs (foot variety.) Now that would be a present (the other variety)Or maybe a mankini. EEEWWWWW. Bad visual. Sorry about that.
 
Hello Cate

Glad to see you've got DH party sorted out. It sounds like you will all enjoy yourselfs.

Anyway I probably won't be coming in here as much this weekend....but please know that I am thinking of you and everyone here.

Take care - Sam:)
 
Hi L-Jay, Sam & anyone else reading my diary-
The thongs were for me L-Jay & were definitely for my feet (Lane Beechley ones)but the mankini image is such a funny one. I love it. Te he. Much as I love him I can't imagine him in a mankini & don't want to think about it. LOL!
Sam I hope you survive the next week relatively unscathed. Have fun both of you. Cheers Cate
Yesterday-
I walked for an hour in the morning & did some clothes shopping, ordered the cake etc. I bought a top that really suited me but agonised over it when I got home & decided to take it back after the week-end. It is so far out of my comfort zone & way too dressy. I wouldn't go anywhere that I could wear it. I felt much happier when I decided to take it back.
I also did 20 mins on the exercise bike & 2 sets of weight=280 reps all up.
Today-
We are going to a farewell party that a friend is giving for himself as he has been diagnosed with pancreatic Cancer & only has about 3 months to live. It will be strange but I love his attitude.
I'm in a bit of a hurry today so will head. I had a bit of a panic yesterday about the 60th & got into a bit of a fog but exercised my way out of it thank goodness.
Bye for now, Cate.
 
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You reminded me of when my aunty was well into Weight Watchers and got so passionate about it and her body she went out and bought some thongs (the g-string kind). She is 60 and I was so very chuffed that firstly; she told me! And secondly, that she felt so sexy in her new bod that she wanted to dress up (or dress down) a little! Thin feels so good eh!

What a great birthday present! Olive trees are such a beautiful green. Oh, and you are in Tassie, which means no water restrictions right? Stephanie Alexander has a lovely way of preparing the olives. My tree just dropped her olives to the ground and birds because I couldn't bring myself to do all that soaking and rinsing with no way of using the water again afterwards.

Your consistency with your exercise is very admirable. I cannot wait to start my exercise regime, you are motivating me!

Enjoy your week-end Cate!
 
Hi Shine & thank you. Your post was very sweet.
We are on tank water where we live & use it sparingly but have never looked like running out. I love the shape of olive trees & we both love olives. My husband loved them. He will love the rest of his present too I think. I am enjoying the week-end. It has been very unusual so far. Cheers, Cate.
Our day-
The farewell held by our friend for himself was huge. I think about 300 people attended & it was fantastic. It was, of course, very emotional but ended up being so much more so when they got married. It was so incredibly moving. There were very few dry eyes I can tell you! He got special dispensation to marry straight away & not wait the mandatory time.
It was a very special day.

I feel very drained I must admit. We caught up with many people that we had not seen for many years. I got lots of compliments & some were lovely. Some didn't recognise me. It was a strange mixed day. How wonderful to throw a huge party & marry the woman you love before you die.

I'll come back here tomorrow. Bye for now, Cate
 
My day-
I spent about 4-5 hours doing a big white board with photos & a Happy 60th banner across the top. I have photos of my LH as a baby & tried to have a photo of most of the milestones- our wedding, the birth of our sons, sports teams that he has been in, our restaurant in Melbourne, Hotel photos, our OS's wedding, ones with his siblings & his deceased father, our grand-kids & many of the different looks that he has had including funny ones from the 80's. It looks fantastic. When he got home from golf he was thrilled with it. I copied all the photos & blue-tacked them to the board. My back was aching by the time I finished!
Exercise-
I finished the board & then hopped on my bike & did 5.2 kms & then 2 sets of 14 weights exercises, 10 each =280 reps.
My maintenance food journal-
I might start doing this so you can see what I eat just for interest.
Breakfast- 2 eggs, 1 small Roma tomato, 2 mushrooms, 2 CB
Lunch- Crackers with mozzarella cheese, salami & pickled zucchini, followed by yoghurt & mango
Dinner- Chicken stir-fry on 2 tablespoons rice.
No snacks at all between meals- not even an apple today. That's unusual!
Sunday night is chocolate night-
6 squares of dark chocolate(mixed) 1/2 stick of Molasses licorice, 1/2 a gluten-free lemon wafer, 1/2 an apple & 1/2 a kiwi fruit.
1/2 a pot of herbal tea(Peppermint, Chamomile & Jasmine mix)
Only 2 water bottles today. I was so busy with the photos that I forgot to drink more.
Mood-
Feeling very good. Trying hard to get organised & not worry about the party.
LH 60 tomorrow!
Hey- I'm going to be married to an old man tomorrow! Just kidding!
We have decided that instead of staying home & doing housework we're off to Launceston for lunch & shopping. Our friends are our friends because they like us & it does not depend on how schmicko our house is. I'll work on the house during the week. It's a fairly lovely house anyway. They haven't seen it finished so will be pleasantly surprised I'm sure.
Cheers for now folks. I may not be in tomorrow. It's not every day that your lovely husband has such a milestone birthday!
xo Cate
 
Happy Birthday Cate to your DH for tomorrow and enjoy your day out together.

And by the way thanks for posting your maitenance menu:).

Keep well now - Sam:)
 
Hello Niyah, my friend. Thank you. I passed your Happy Birthday message on to my lovely husband. You are very thoughtful & I appreciate it very much. Hope you are starting to feel better & that you find your inner joy soon. That is one of the legacies of our friendship that you have passed on to me. Nothing will take away our inner Joy Niyah. It is always there but sometimes it gets hidden.
Sending you much love, xo Cate
Hi Sam, and thank you too, sweets for your birthday wishes. My husband is so used to me passing on special things. He gets everyone mixed up but that's ok. He does not mind me spending time in here as he knows that it helps me maintain my weight & knows that I enjoy it. I will try to remember to post my food diary. xo Cate
LH's birthday-
He loved his present from me. Most of you will think it's weird but I knew that he would love it. 2 olive trees (reasonably advanced) & 2 beautiful birdbaths(1 is quite Zen & the other a Mediterranean blue.) It took me about 1/2 an hour to choose which 2 & that was in about the 4th place I looked.
He said he can't wait to get home this afternoon & decide where to put them. We both love watching all of the birds bathing in the only one that we had which is just outside one of our living-room windows. We have parrots, pardelotes, wrens, honey-eaters......even the occasional huge Currawongs! Now they won't have to line up!
My LH has had a call from his 2 sisters, his mother, my mother, our 3 grandkids(the baby laughed!) older son & DIL. My mother enclosed a cheque for $1,000 with his card. Can you believe that? It pays for all of the food for his party! She is very generous with her money & I know she does not have a lot. She is not poor but is far from wealthy.
Today-
Time to get on the move. Our OS is going to drop up when he picks our YGS up off the bus so we will try to be home by then.
Have a lovely day everyone. Cheers, Cate
 
Yesterday-
Was so full on I was left feeling really exhausted & stressed. I'm starting to freak out about nothing much in particular. My brain says that our friends don't care how tidy our house is. My brain says I'm ready for this party & am prepared. Then I can't sleep for panicking. The silly expression "Go figure" applies here. My SIL wanted us to meet up with her in Launceston & go to lunch with her but I told her that we had already said no to her mother & sister so, of course, could not say yes to her. She insisted that we called in at her work-place to pick something up. I couldn't believe what it was. A bloody chocolate cake!
Now.....she knows how we eat & she knew I didn't want a cake at our home as I had already told her that I asked my MIL not to make one for my LH or at least if she did that we would leave it at her house & just have a piece each. So what did she do? Made him a chocolate cake. He very rarely eats any sweets as he doesn't like them much. She is really big- as big as I was. She has all of my big clothes, including 2 silk suits from Vietnam, a cashmere coat etc. I gave her all of my good clothes about 6 months ago. I had been very tactful asking her & she had brought it up & I know she wasn't offended. She was thrilled at the time.
After dinner last night we each had a slice of the cake & it was bloody horrible. Seriously. It was dry & tasteless. I dreamed during the night, when I had stomach pains, of frisbeeing it out into the bush for the birds. We both felt quite ill. My LH asked me this morning what on earth we will say if she asks what it was like & I said "It was very thoughtful of you to make it" because I sure as hell am not saying it was nice. It was thoughtful but you have to wonder what the thought was. Perhaps she thinks I'm depriving him or something.

Mood-
Is crap today. Anxiety, panic, cranky. It can't just be the lack of exercise yesterday & the piece of cake surely! My MIL annoyed the hell out of both of us too yesterday.
I wasn't going to come in here today as I'm spending too much time in here when I should be cleaning. It is also hard sometimes to find something tactful to say when you feel like banging your head against a wall. If I continue to say the same thing over & over (don't deviate) I obviously can come over as a sanctimonious prig who thinks she is perfect ( I sure as hell don't) so I'll try to just shut up & let people do whatever they want to do. Basically what it all comes down to is which you want the most. Do you want to eat whatever you want when you want or do you want to actually change. Everyone is responsible for what they do.

I'm not going to keep repeating the same thing over & over ad infinitum. (or ad nauseous) I find it very frustrating. Planned cheats are quite different to accidental cheats. You are only cheating yourself. Doing Cohen's is a 100% thing. Doing modified Cohen's for the 2nd or 3rd time is something else again. The "newbies" who are just starting out & have paid good money for the program would do best not to deliberately sabotage their chances of success. Accidents happen & no-one is perfect. If an accidental deviation happens for whatever reason the best thing is to go straight back to plan & don't throw in the towel. If you still happen to lose some that week just imagine how much more it might have been & get the idea of planning future deviations right out of your head unless you want to set yourself up for failure yet again. Most of us have tried to diet for years but has anyone succeeded in keeping it off? I don't think so. That's why we're here. Why not really try to give it your best this time?
I have been thinking of leaving the forum as I have been getting really frustrated lately I wonder if people really want to hear my opinions anyway. I told my sister that when I get to 100,000 views I would stop. Sometimes you really wonder if you annoy more people than you help. I don't try to sound like a know-it-all as I'm not. I also try hard not to show my annoyance. If something really bugs me I always go away & think about what I want to say before commenting. Usually I don't say anything at all rather than criticise.

Cohen's-
Cohen's works but you must work it. Nothing is a miracle that happens all by itself. The mind-set must be changed to make it work properly. Self-sabotage should be recognised for what it is & faced up to. We are responsible for what we do. No-one else is. Why quibble over small things? Who cares what Dr Cohen calls fruit that is introduced in re-feed? It is explained that
Quote-
"The terms 'Good' and 'Bad' regarding fruits relates to their effect on your body." In the maintenance Guidelines it is explained why fruit should be restricted in particular if we were a "severely obese person before the program. " The "bad" fruits have a higher sugar content.
Since completing Cohen's I have experimented constantly with eating "bad' fruits & "Carbs" such as bread & I almost instantly whack on weight rapidly. So the most delicious looking cherries or bananas are "Bad" for me because I don't want to end up a size 22-24 again. No-one is saying that these fruits are bad for everyone. What else do you call them? It's only a word.
I don't have any trouble with eating the original fruit. In fact I have 3-4 serves every day, without adding any weight.
Maybe I had blind faith when I did Cohen's. Whatever it was I'm so glad that I did. I don't think that I would be where I am now if I had doubted the program & fought against it most of the way.
Rant over, not to be repeated again!
It doesn't happen often but I have felt really annoyed lately & needed to let it out.

Exercise yesterday-Zilch! I'm going to have to clean vigorously & try to get my heart cranking I think & try hard to start feeling good again. I've lost some of my mojo!

Today-
I will start washing windows first I think as that's quite physical & that may make me feel better.
No time like the present. Bye, Cate.
 
Apology-
I'm sorry folks but I was choosing to be crabby & stressed.
I now choose to be positive & cheerful!!
I just had to snap out of it.
xo Cate.
PS My living room has already been transformed. Windows next. Then car!
PPS or maybe bike & weights & an hour off cleaning!
Food today so far-
Mango & yoghurt for breakfast
Cheese, salami, pickled zucchini on crackers & an orange for lunch.
 
Thank you Cate for your very honest post once again. :iagree:You are right about everything and proof because you are where you are. You are a success story.
Your honesty is very inspiring and you are correct with your assessment. Cohens works for a reason and if you aren't going to do it right, then don't bother and this is the lesson that I am learning! The self sabotage is very easy and the path that I followed in the past. I have to learn to get past it, explore the reasons for it and deal with it. I don't want to go back to size 22, 24, 28 either. I am responsible for myself and as the awful expression goes I have to "either s**t or get off the pot". (Although with Cohen constipation sometimes it doesn't happen:smilielol5:)

But read my latest post I have an attitude adjustment and I am determined.

Thanks for being you.
 
Hi Cate

Firstly Happy (belated) Bithday to your DH!!!! You haven't had the party yet though, have you? Hope that goes sensationally well - I'm sure you'll have an absolute ball. Whiteboard is such a graet idea - we did that for dad, then mum's 60ths. Great to have a visual timeline.

Next, I have to say you are quite an amazing lady - your mental strength is incredible -and a real inspiration, and, hey, we're all allowed to feel 'crabby' every so often!!!;)

I'm only a week in to Cohen's but having done a similar thing in SureSlim, and I totally agree with everything you said. I don't know what will happen with my maintenace, but if I eat a bag of cherries, or a slice of bread, I can tell you now, I ain't gonna feel guilty about that - not coming from eating 3-4 Family blocks of chocolate a week!!!!!!!:rotflmao:

Like I said, you're a true source of inspiration and help - keep up the great work! :hurray:
 
Cate, I think everyone who visits you knows you are going to say exactly what you think. And since you are a living success story, why shouldn't you?

Inner joy - worth savouring and working on! External pressures and day to day problems never take away the fundamentals which we've built our lives around.
 
Hi Sue & thank you very much for your post. It reassured me that I am not banging my head against a wall for nothing. I don't see the point in not being honest but I also don't want to be seen as preaching. I am also far from perfect. I have made so many mistakes in the past that I would love others to learn earlier & not make as many. I hope I can make a little difference. I really appreciate what you said. Sending you a big hug, Cate.
Hi choclover-
My LH says thank you for his birthday wish & I say thank you for being so sweet. You really made me laugh re not feeling guilty about eating a bag of cherries or a slice of bread on maintenance! Of course you shouldn't either! I don't feel guilty at all I just whack on weight. It's not scary any more though. I'm still smiling! :)!
My day-
We have been blitzing our house & it is looking really good. I feel so much better about the party & having friends stay now that I know it looks pretty schmicko!
Yesterday I de-cobwebbed & dusted, washed windows & stripped beds etc.
Today vacuuming, scrubbing toilets, shower recess, basins etc.
Looking good!

Exercise-
Only house-cleaning but it has been fairly physical. I did bike & weights yesterday & will again tomorrow. Perhaps I will also go for a big walk tomorrow as I'm fairly organised. It has taken a lot of pressure off.
Cheers for now, Cate.
 
Hi Niyah-I missed your post yesterday as we posted at exactly the same time. That "Inner Joy" you reminded me of quite some time ago will always be there. It's something to hold onto dearly & cherish,
:beating: Cate.

Slow learner!
Where do I start?
I think whenever I eat something that I truly regret having eaten I wonder what demon in me made me even contemplate it! Firstly I'll own up to the what. Don't forget though that I am not on the program any more. It doesn't make it ok though for me. I am accountable to myself & responsible as we all are & I have let myself down.
The what-I think (only think as I was not mindfully eating) that I ate about 6-7 mini Spring rolls & 3-4 small meat ball thingies. They were deep-fried, over-cooked & almost totally tasteless. Utter crap.
The why? We had eaten a small meal but including rice(triggers hunger in me) very early(5pm) because we had to do some shopping for the week-end (in a rush); dropped off stuff at the MIL's (stressful- absolutelymy fault as I had let her know the other day that my mother gave my LH $1000 towards his party & now she feels obliged/guilty. It was really mean of me to tell her & now I feel really bad about it. Sometimes she brings out the worst in me but that is no excuse.) Then we went to a friend/LH's work mate's house where he got his hair cut. She was really stressed about work as usual & gave us the details (we both thought that it was over nothing much). Then we went off to an 8-ball comp that my husband organises & I went for a long walk.
I got back & he had it all organised & then someone turned up late & he had to re-do the draw. This was a person who gave us a lot of grief when we were running the hotel. For years I felt ill & shaky whenever I saw him & I was frightened that he would physically hurt me. It's a long story but in the end he realised that he had been blaming me for something that I did not say. He eventually apologised, under sufferance, because he wanted to drink at our pub as it was close to his home. I had felt like I was having a breakdown because of him though so I guess I will always feel stressed when I see him. I hope not.
When he had gone after being beaten in the comp I relaxed a little.
Then supper came out!
The choices were-
lots of sandwiches, party pies, cocktail frankfurts, mini spring rolls, chicken nuggets, mini beef meatballs & sweet chilli sauce. The plate of spring rolls & meatballs was sat in front of me.
Normally-
If that happens I get up & move or I move the plate somewhere else but last night I started with one spring roll & continued. NB that I made sure my LH didn't see me eating any of it. Why? Because I was ashamed of myself. It is absolute crap food & I was shovelling into my mouth like I had no self-respect at all.
Lesson learned-
That stress will still trigger self-sabotage. It almost hurts to type that but it's best I face up to it. I thought I was stronger.
After-effects-
I'm feeling really uncomfortable today & clogged up but last night I felt quite ill. My mouth was greasy: I felt greasy all over, I had indigestion, gallstone pain & I really felt disgusted with myself. I had an apple in the car & ate that on the way home. I drank lots of water & had to get up 3 times during the night. I'm still really uncomfortable & thirsty. It was all deep-fried in fat.
YUK!!!!!
Today-
I am going to drink so much water today so that I can hopefully flush my system out. I am also going to take steps (literally) & concentrate on exercise, including some Tai Chi, rather than trying to get my home looking perfect. I am going to concentrate on relaxing so that I can enjoy my husband's party & not be a nervous wreck.
I am going to only eat healthily from now on. I forgot my coping mechanisms last night. I usually have some crackers in my bag that I munch on when supper comes out. Last night I didn't. I also often have a small zip-lock bag of almonds. Nope. Not last night!
So I am going to rectify that right now & put some in my bag.
Always learning, always will be.
Our bodies deserve to be nurtured, not trashed!
I will forgive myself & I will not let this derail me. I did not show my body the respect that it deserves and that is wrong.
Today I work on my support strategies & reinforce them.
Cheers, Cate
 
Apologisied-
Just rang my MIL & apologised, cleared the air & had a good talk. When she tried to say that it wasn't a problem I let her know that it was for me & she knows that I really mean it & sincerely feel bad. I feel much better now thank goodness. It was mean-spirited of me & I don't think I am that person. Starting to feel better physically now as well. Still doing housework though & still haven't been off for that walk yet! Bye, Cate.
 
90 minute walk in hot midday sun(with sunscreen, but phew!)- check!
2.5 litres water drunk- check!
Yoghurt & fruit only today so far(breakfast & lunch)- check!
No more pain(physical) from eating crap last night- check!
Lesson learned- check!
xo Cate
PS Feeling slightly loopy- could be walking in hot sun. Maybe. Only kidding!
 
Hi Cate,

I have to take a lesson from you in your apology. You were fast to it, took the time and did it well. Unfortunately my mother can bring out the worst in me too, and I am so emotionally charged I say things that are really nasty...but also have a hard time apologising afterward. So, good for you, and thanks so much for sharing that, I need to take a leaf from your book I think.

Do you mind me asking, which hotel in Melbourne? I am excited to think I may have been there, and just curious actually, as I have been a bar tender many times over in my life before motherhood!

What an interesting experience with the food. The fact that you had such a strong physical reaction afterward, I like the way you dealt with that... flushing yourself out with water. Glad you are feeling better. Check the link in my diary for something that might work for you too, I am getting through the handbook and keen to resolve some of my snacking urges quick smart!
 
Washed the car-check!
Shine-We were in a country hotel in Tasmania for 18 years. Bar work can be fun but it also can be many other things. So many men, in particular, used to think that they could take out their frustrations or anger on you & that you were meant to stand there & cop it. So many women on the other hand, thought they were above you. Mostly we enjoyed it & didn't have a hard time.
Re: the apology. I am much better at dealing with things these days. They must be confronted & dealt with or you stew & make them much worse.
Re: the link. Thanks sweets but it's not for me. I have read many books & looked at many sites & I take something from all of them. The main thing with me is that food is just that- Food.It is not a replacement for anything else. It doesn't take away problems, it doesn't make you feel better etc. It is nourishment for your body.
I made some changes today & implemented some strategies that help me. Ringing my MIL & apologising was one thing. Going for a big walk was another. Reading some of the motivational quotes that I have posted was another. It's the sum of all the parts for me. No one thing in particular is a magic bullet.
Thanks for your visit to my diary & thank you for helping me get through my day. Without support nowhere near as much is achievable for any of us but especially I know that it is so for me.
It is in all of us to be strong, just as it is to be weak. Making sure we constantly learn & want to improve is part of the battle. I know that I do not want to be fat again. I choose to be healthy as my future. I love life too much to choose to eat rubbish & to make such bad choices. Thank goodness that was an exception, rather than a rule. I'm outside & can't see my cursor to post. LOL! I might just have to go back in briefly, xo C
Cheers for now, happy & relaxed, Cate.
 
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