Cate's Diary

Cate sorry that was alittle badly written.. But the message was the same.. This is your diary for your thoughts.. I wrote the last one quickly so you might read before you left...

I am sorry you had to cancel market.. i know how scary it can be to do something new solo.. rather duanting...

We only live once and some of dont get as much time as others.. Have a go at golf, give it a try.. throw caution to the wind... And if they are all stuck up old prunes try something else....


Anyway i better stop procrastinating.. Have a good day cate... I hope you are okay..

Hugs Chelle
 
Thanks Chelle! I just replied to your pm. I'm fine sweetie, but I think I may have gone a little bit mad today. I've just turned into my Nana! I've been baking for hours! This is so not me! I think I might ring my Mum & tell her. It's that out of character! It feels good though. I have made custard cream biscuits(w/o the cream filling); muesli cookies and am about to make shortbread. I'm in shock!
Chelle, you are right about the golf. I'll give it a bash. You never know. I might actually make some new friends! I wish I wasn't such a procrastinator myself!
Back to the baking! Then the dishes! First I'll ring my mum! Cheers, Cate
 
Didn't ring my mum. Rang my sister instead as she really would appreciate how out of character it actually is. We discussed that our mum didn't actually give us many life skills. Anything we remember about cooking came from our Dad's mother and father who both loved cooking. My Pa was an Army cook and was very capable.
I loved my day today. I sampled of course but only had a bowl of yoghurt for lunch to try to balance it out. I had better not get too hooked on baking biscuits & slices though or will turn back into a blimp. The cooking is much more fun than the eating though. The GK's had better like them.
We had such a delicious, healthy dinner tonight. We had a very big green salad, picked fresh from our garden with a lovely home-made vinaigrette along with a savoury mince. It was like Lasagne, but without the cheese sauce or the pasta. Beautiful & few carb's. Followed by a little stewed rhubarb & yoghurt. I'm very full. My stomach has shrunk so much that it doesn't take long to fill it.
I ate this morning even though I was not in the slightest bit hungry, just to kick-start my metabolism & I have been busy all day. The last 2 days I feel I am being more energetic thank goodness although I feel over-full & a bit bloated. It's probably from our 3 course dinner last night. I was going to ask for 2 entrees instead of entree & then main but didn't want to make a fuss so didn't. Silly. Next time I'll ask for a very small main course.
I must weigh tomorrow!
I am not going to let my weight creep back up. Must be vigilant.
I'll be back in the morning as tonight's tv is pretty good. RocKwiz I just love. I'm not sure who's after but it's usually followed by a decent music show.
Exercise required tomorrow as I feel a little blimp like.
Cheers, Cate.
 
Weight up 1.5kg due to the dinner & sampling/licking spoons etc whilst baking yesterday and then only having yoghurt for lunch in a vain attempt to balance it out. It's mostly fluid as I can feel it bloating my belly.
I haven't taken anything out to eat for tonight or lunch so I had better go do that in a sec so I can have something very healthy for dinner. I do every day really but I'm thinking fish with a fresh salad. No wine tonight!
Chelle- When you mentioned your mum had a book on thinking thin that may be the Beck diet solution as I think that's part of the title. I would be interested to hear about it. I still haven't re-tried ordering it but I will today.
It's cold again here. What's happened to Summer?
I had better get a move on. I think I had better try jumping out of bed early & getting dressed before breakfast as I'm going to get caught one of these mornings still in my PJ's at OMG 10.37 again. Whoops. Better go, cheers, Cate
 
Just ordered The Beck Diet Solution on eBay, from the UK, after attacking the pantry tonight. I had such a good eating day & then whammo! My LH was only home for an hour & had to go to a meeting & I ate 5 biscuits, 4 sticks of licorice & some sultanas. I haven't opened the chocolates or they would have been in jeopardy. Hurry up book! I don't know why I did it. I'm not miserable. I do not want to get fat again. Why, oh why?
I have drunk a litre of water since. Tomorrow I will not have any sweets at all. I should have had a bowl of fruit salad & yoghurt which would have been delicious & a much better option.
Draw a line Cate, draw a line!
 
Well I am not sure about the book, I will try and dig my copy up, if all else fails will ask my mother…
The Christmas cakes smell so bloody delicious… Christmas will be a challenge.. But I shall just keep reminding myself it is one day, one day.. Christmas is just one bad habit I have to kick… Besides I cant afford a deviation my bloods are the week after… Hubby shall be at work so that makes it a tad easier… Hot chips, chocolate and wine are my pantry monsters I think.. But I think its more of a pick a day thing… Gee I can’t see why I have a problem can you? HA HA HA.. Hope the day has been good for you..

Hugs
Chelle
 
Christmas-Christmas is such a challenge for everyone I think, in more ways than one. It seems to equal stress to me and I'm not sure why. I don't spend lots of money as I don't have it. That could be why I guess but I'm not so sure. If I had loads of money I would still feel the same. I think there are too many pressures on people at Christmas-time. Too many expectations.
Weight- My baking day, nibbling etc and subsequent sugar cravings has resulted in me weighing GW+ 7.5kg! OMG!! I actually have hardly eaten any of the biscuits but what I have eaten has obviously converted to kgs on my body, whether fluid or fat. Probably fluid as I feel bloated & horrible.
Blood- Gave plasma yesterday again as it is more useful because of my blood type. I'm AB+. My blood can only be given to other AB+'s so my plasma is more useful. I don't have any side effects from giving it and it doesn't take too much longer. My LH is O- so his blood type is universal & therefore more useful so he gives blood usually.
Younger son- Our YS rang & we had a good talk about his trip, his house etc. I am looking forward to him coming home for Christmas, even though he'll be here at the same time as my mum. I won't enjoy that combination. I still haven't told him that she'll be here. I nearly did yesterday.
Older son- We were going to pay for a 5 night holiday in a friend's caravan for them, as a Christmas present, which would only have cost $150, but it has ended up being 8 nights somewhere else & I think, guessing, it will cost about $400 or more, even at "mates rates". Friends of ours own the house that they will be staying in. I think by typing this I am realising that money, or lack of it, is why I am feeling stressed about Christmas. I wish I knew exactly how much it is going to cost but I find talking about money with good friends really embarassing. I will then feel I will have to spend equal amounts on our YS & we don't have it. We are also not likely to have it before he goes away O/S. My mum says she will put some money towards their holiday but then she probably won't give our YS any! It's obvious they don't particularly like one another unfortunately. He tries a little, she even less, but they don't have many common interests. My MIL is the same but she prefers our YS to our OS. Mothers!
I'm worrying lots lately. I can't seem to help it! Maybe going back on Cohen's 100% in the NY will let those feel-good hormones kick back in. I need to do something really positive to get myself back to being the happy, positive Cate I used to be. Meditation, Pilates, yoga, Tai Chi, running.....I need to do one of these things or a combination. It will have to be cheap!
I must do the street stall on Saturday week. That would be a positive thing. My LH has promised me he will not play golf that day & will help me. I only need to do it once & then I should be right.
I'm making myself more miserable by typing so will go. That's why I didn't yesterday.
Bye for now, Cate
 
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Just rang my sister to ask her something & burst into tears. She has Multiple chemical sensitivities and gets a disablity support pension. We always discuss allergies with one another as no-one seems to understand or even try to understand how much it affects our lives. I have been getting rapidly worse and am having lots of trouble going out in public. I don't talk about it in here as it's a weigh-loss site not an allergy site. Yesterday I had to quickly get out of a shop and was dizzy and had a blood shot eye after reacting to perfumes. I think there was about 10-15 women in a store and afterwards I bumped into someone I knew & had to admit I couldn't even concentrate enough to have a coherent conversation. It was embarassing. Now I know what my sister goes through.
After the dinner we went to the other night I couldn't go anywhere over the week-end and I didn't even feel up to driving. There were so many de-odorants & perfumes. It was horrible.I feel the same today & my bloodshot eye looks terrible & I have asthma.
I have just been looking at the Centrelink website to see if I can claim any sort of benefit and the only one I can see is the DSP . I don't know if I feel up to going through all the hassles of seeing Centrelink but I think I have to find some way of getting some income. I'll talk to my doctor on Thursday anyway & see if she can refer me to an allergy specialist (if it's free) or if she has any suggestions. I hope I don't cry. I don't want anti-depressants. My sister says she has been going through all of this stuff for about 10 years. No wonder she gets depressed about it! My allergies are rapidly getting worse. I don't want to have to stay at home or wear a mask in public!
Just thought I would say I have made an doc's appointment. That feels like a positive step. Cate.
 
I know how hard it can be to say something to someone who has the miseries so I don't blame anyone for not saying anything to me yesterday. When I'm like this I don't want to know myself either!
Rang the Asthma Foundation this morning after seeing their phone number on a power bill. I spoke to someone very helpful & he has given me some good advice to take with me to my doctor's appointment. I should be having a lung-function test at least once every 2 years and should have been given an action plan. I haven't had any sort of allergy test or lung-function test for over 10 years! He has also recommended changing one of my medications to an autohaler to ensure I get a more accurate dose. He has also recommended I have a special lung-function test calles a spirometre test(??). I should also try to be checked for Emphysema after being amongst cigarette smoke for so long in the Hotel( about 17 of our 18 years). Hopefully this will rule it out. He also suggested persevering with the nasal spray and said it can take a couple of weeks for the effects to be noticed. I do feel it is helping with my reaction to pollens.
I feel mentally better this morning as at least I feel I am taking a course of action. Also I'm not at home alone again. I had the week-end to myself, without any company at all & did not go anywhere. That dosn't help.
We went out to the golf course & took all their re-cycling to the tip(in my LH's car). We don't have a ute. One other person does this job and he does heaps for the club too. We have just got home, had a delicious tuna salad, followed by fruit salad & yoghurt & are having a pot of herbal tea. Then we are going outside to slash thistles. I'll pull them out with riggers gloves on, he'll slash by hand with an old-fashioned slasher.
I just got a Christmas card from the lovely Kannadew. How sweet. The forum is responsible for that delightful friendship. I'll send a letter this week. I miss her!
Weight- down .5kg this morning, but still LW+7kg. I will try to drop a couple of kilos before Christmas & then get stuck into it in January. I just have to do it!
The Beck Diet Solution has been shipped from the UK. I bought it on eBay for about $32Aus incl postage which was ok I thought. I'm really looking forward to getting it.
Won't be back until tomorrow afternoon so "talk" then, cheers, Cate.
P.S. I'm actually feeling much better. Typing cheers I really meant it! The head isn't so fuzzy & I can smell & taste things today. (Not good at the tip!)
 
Sorry Cate,

I didnt avoid posting on your thread.. i just couldn't... I saw post just before i left home.. I am trying to keep a closer tab on my time and usage....Any way it really made me think.. You see, i am always scared of being that fat lady with the bad smell.I have known a few of these.. So as a result of this I am not scared of applying perfume and deodarant, liberally... iam a chronic re-applier... Any such word?.. Ha ha.. so your post gave me much to think about...

I am happy to see that you are feeling a little brighter today.. My heart truley goes out to both you and your sister.. I will keep my fingers crossed that any testing you do results in help or a solution.. I think you are dealing and communicating well.. Chin up and try and hold onto that lovely sunny disposition..

Well i cant think about these posts for to long... short and sweet... i hope you have an even better day tomorrow..
Hugs
TTFN
Chelle
 
Hi Chelle, No need to apologise but thank you anyway. I've just been so cranky. It really isn't me. I'm starting to understand more what my YS goes through. I have to try to find some solution to my chemical sensitivities as I don't want to have to stay at home all the time. I'd go crazy (crazier?). OK- crazy rather than just a tad eccentric!
I do feel a lot like the usual me today. I am not looking forward to the visit to my doc as I do not want to end up in tears. I actually want an action plan. A "positive, in control, doing something about this, other than just medication" plan. I want a referral to a specialist and hopefully a referral for some tests and/or a chest x-ray. I want to be able to feel a little reassured.
Our OS called in this morning & repaid some money so we are "cashed up" for our day in Melb. I won't be spending much as I would like to leave something for a "rainy day" so I don't feel broke but I will buy us each something for Christmas at Vic market.
I had better get a wiggle on as my doctor's appointment is at at 11. Be back this afternoon, after a big walk!
Cheers, Cate.
 
No big walk but did have a big day.
My doc is organising some tests & I have an appointment next week to see her for them. We had a long talk. No mention of food I just realised! I have a new puffer. She seems to think I'm lacking direction & when this happens I go up & down. She listened & passed the tissues(!) & asked me gently if I feel I am depressed. I said "probably, but I don't want medication". Once again we talked about what I might do and she made some really good suggestions, one of which is to do some volunteer work & suggested driving the local community car. Also she told me that the elderly lady I used to take to the doctor is in hospital at the moment. I left her feeling a little better and went down the street.
I did some op-shop shopping and spotted a notice in the window asking for volunteers on Mon & Tues and spoke to one of the women. She said they are really in need of someone else to work on Mondays as one woman does it on her own. I chatted to her for a while & she gave me the phone number of the woman to ring.
I did some food shopping and then was about to head home. By now it was 2.30 & I hadn't had any lunch. I had a big drink of water & then went to the hospital. It was lovely seeing E and I got to tell her why I had left the job. I have given her my number & have told her I am available to help her (for free of course) any time and that I will visit her at home when she's out of hospital & take her some reading material. I'll get into the habit of calling her regularly. I really like her.
So not a lot has changed but I have done a couple of positive things & feel better for it.
Feeling fairly tired out though , due to off-loading & the tears. Cheers for now, Cate.
 
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It does sound like you've had a big day.

The best thing for depression, is journaling and talking to others about your issues. I know we have a lot of free hotlines here in the states and that helps a lot of people.

You can also volunteer at places like that and its very rewarding.

The biggest thing is to just be honest with yourself and really look at what is bothering you and finding a way to release the tension, vent or fix the issue at hand.

Stress and depression has such a huge impact physically and can cause weight gain, so its best to deal with it, even if it's painful sometimes.

It sounds like you ended on a better note and good days are ahead.
 
Thanks CohenInAz, I know that journalling is very therapeutic. That's why I off-load to you poor things all the time. I share the lot- good & bad! Talking to my doctor is really good as she has got to know me fairly well. She doesn't make me feel crazy, in fact she reassures me. I think she's right saying that I seem to fall apart a bit when I lack direction. I have never had so much time on my hands. Also I do throw myself into things full on & then have to get myself out of them when they don't work. Now I've become so cautious about doing so again that I'm doing nothing.
What I have to do now is work out what I really want to do with my life & plan how I'm going to do it and then do it!
That's my self-pep talk for today.
What I would like to do-
I do want to earn a little money that I can feel is my own. Not much, just a little.
I would like to go to an exercise class.
I would like to be in a work-place where I can feel a part of it.
I would like to make some new friends & actually let them get to know me.
Feel like I'm participating in life, rather than watching from afar.
Not be so scared of doing new things.
Increase my self-esteem. I mean really learn to love myself and feel I'm worth knowing.
That will do for now.
I don't feel too down today. I'll go ring the woman now about helping out in the op shop. I think it would actually be fun as well as a good thing to do.
We're off to Melbourne tomorrow with our OGS. It will be exhausting but fun & I am so looking forward to seeing A on an airbus and seeing Victoria market for the first time. It's wonderful being given the opportunity to imagine life through the eyes of a child. He's such a lovely kid! We are both going to pick him up late this afternoon so my LH can get to see all the GK's after his day at work.
Whenever I get a little down I only have to think of our grandkids and how much we love them & how lucky I am to have such a lovely husband (& sons!) & I'm smiling again. Cheers, Cate.
Now go make that call!!
 
how exciting

I hope you are able to enjoy yourself cate... I think id be wetting myself with excitement if it was me... I have never flown... sad sad sad .... So i shall be thinking of you and hoping and praying that you are having a good time and feeling great....

Good doctors are like friends hard to find but well worth the wait...

Take care be good and enjoy

Hugs and Cheers

Chelle
 
Hi Chelle, As fast as I can get down I can jump straight back up again. My doc actually mentioned that. She does not think I am bi-polar. I go up and down every day sometimes, rather than up for a month down for a month. I'm like a human sponge reacting to everyone and everything around me.
I have rung St Vinnies and someone is meant to ring me back this afternoon. I have been for a good walk & I have vacuumed for about 1.5 hours so had some exercise today. Had a big tuna salad for lunch with fresh mixed lettuce leaves from our garden. One punnet of mixed salad seedlings has produced about the equivalent of at least 10 lettuces so far this season & there's at least the same to come.
I'm printing off boarding passes etc, checking out how best to get to the market so had better go, cheers, Cate
 
Friday- Couldn't connect as no Wireless Networks within range(?)
Saturday- Huge day in Melbourne with our grandson. It rained all day. He absolutely loved the Airbus and is now hooked on flying! We didn't buy anything for ourselves but bought a couple of little "non Christmas" presents, one for my DIL & one for our GD that we gave them this morning.
Lost wallet- About to hop on the Skybus to take us back out to the airport & A realised he didn't have his wallet. This upset the 2 of us more than him & put a bit of a dampener on the day(no pun intended). We had tried talking him into keeping his wallet in my handbag, which I wear across my body when shopping, but he had insisted on having it in his pocket.
We were not sure what to do about it & discussed quietly whether we would replace his missing money or whether we should let it be a harsh lesson(about $28 was in it). We decided to think about it for the moment. He said it was his own fault & didn't seem upset.
On the bus I checked my phone & there was a missed call that I didn't recognise.
I realised after about 5 minutes that it may just be about the wallet as I had put my mobile # in it in case he got lost at the market. I rang the number & had trouble hearing the man who answered & it seemed like I was being put onto a recording as all I could hear was Cricket, then a hello & then the cricket again. I hung up quickly thinking it was one of those overseas scams that cost you a fortune. 5 minutes later my phone rang & it was a man telling me that he had the wallet.
To cut a long story short(ish) it was a man in the cafe where we had a coffee after shopping & he asked for my address & said he would post it to us. I said to take the money out for postage but he said he owned the shop & he would send it for nothing. I told him he was a sweetheart & that it was very much appreciated.
We then had a discussion on the bus with the other travellers & we agreed it restores your faith in mankind. Our GS looked much relieved, even though he hadn't seemed upset. I think he had been trying not to show it, especially after insisting that he wouldn't lose the wallet.
Later as we were driving home from the airport, back in Tassie, my phone rang again, this time another unknown number. This time it was from a man who had come into the cafe and the waitress had picked the wallet up & gave it to them, thinking it was his apparently. He must have opened it, copied my phone number & then handed it in at the counter. He was ringing to see if the owner had contacted me as he wasn't very confident that he would.
Now, one of the funniest things about this is that he actually lives in Tassie & didn't know that we did also as A did not have his address in it. What a funny coincidence. If he had known that he could have brought it back to Tassie when he came home. He said to ring him if all the money is not still in it as he saw that it was in there. I doubt if the cafe owner would bother contacting us if he was going to pocket the notes but he had said to me that it had coins in it which was strange. He was quite hard to understand though.
What a funny world! It was a really enjoyable, interesting day.
A's shopping- He bought a replica pirate ship, a gun(boys!), a model Airbus on a stand, a sticky frog thingy. I bought him some sunnies & some for his sister. I also bought one of those magic pen sets that do just about everything. A friend of mine had bought a set when I went there with her last year & she says they are excellent. I'm putting them away for now & will bring them out later, bit by bit. They are non-toxic so safe for the littlies too. I also bought a mood ring for me & one for my DIL.
Today- We took A home this morning to catch his dad before he went to work. He loves the pirate ship. We stayed for a while & fussed over the other 2 kids, gave E her sunnies which she wouldn't let go of & my DIL her ring which she liked. We came home & are having a totally lazy day.
Internet-
After trying everything in the book I rang the call centre & eventually spoke to someone. After trying something else it was established that maybe my router has been zapped ina storm. I have the cord connected tomy laptop in the meantime & will wait until tomorrow to ring Linksys as Sunday's are usually so under-staffed in call centres. Hopefully it will be easily rectified. In the meantime I'm sitting over in thy corner at a very uncomfortable table so had better scoot before my back complains too much.
Walking around Melbourne- Wore my Nike runners yesterday, even though I feel like a dag in them & walked & walked & walked without any trouble at all & zilch after-effects. My shoes were obviously the most comfortable. My LH's shoes were slippery & our GS's sneakers & feet got drenched.
I'm not at all stiff today either, just tired. I'm not at all miserable either & enjoyed our day. I didn't even get down when I still couldn't connect to the internet. Phew!
My glass is half full again.
My back is saying go so I will, cheers, Cate
 
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It wasn't that it was much money for anyone else, just that to this 9yr old it was(is). He is such a sweet kid. I know I say that all the time but he's special.
What a lazy day we have had.
We are about to go for a short walk though.
Cheers, Cate
 
Thank goodness the forum has been fixed. What a lazy, lazy day. I feel like a sloth! I must be very active tomorrow. No-one's about so I'll head back to the tv. It's hardly watchable at this time of year though. Looks like an early night, 'Night, Cate
 
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