Cate's Diary

Thank you very much Misty. You're a real sweetie. It's lovely having you back(even though you may think it's for the wrong reason). I'm off to the market this morning & will pop back later. Love to all, xo Cate
 
Yesterday-
I went to the market fairly early & it was a very sociable visit. I bought beautifully fresh & inexpensive fruit & vegetables from the growers & had a lovely wander around.
Then I went to the supermarket & bought the things that I couldn't at the market.
Then I visited my MIL. I decided to have a quick bite at her place & then take her for a walk. I drove down to the park by the river & we had a lovely slow walk along the path by the river. I then took her home & came back home.
I had housework to do so did it but was absolutely exhausted for some reason. I wasn't aware of any reactions to perfumes but I was aching all over & well & truly stuffed.
At 4.30 I collapsed in my chair & read for a couple of hours. I went to bed at 10.30 & slept until 7am.
No idea what all that was about but I felt strange yesterday. So tired that I couldn't work out why. Still can't.

Today-
I feel ok but not full of energy by any means.

Apparently some time in the last 8 months I have fought Glandular Fever (showed up on a blood test). Possibly it is my body trying to fight a bug. Hopefully it wins the fight. My LH is home today & we aren't going anywhere. We might go get some wood. I would like to do some more planting out as I bought some more little plants yesterday but it can wait until tomorrow when he's back at work. Sometimes I have to move things he's planted & I like to step back & look hard before working out where to put things. It's more my hobby than his & he doesn't mind. I will keep an eye out for some more rocks to finish off another section while we're out wood gathering.

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY to all that are mothers & to all that aren't happy mothers day to your mothers.
Sending you all lots of love, xoxo Cate.
 
We did a couple of hours wood cutting, gathering & tidying up & stopped for lunch. We had a lovely salad with fish for lunch & then my LH decided it wouldn't hurt us both to have a lazy afternoon. Not a bad idea really. I probably have been over-doing it a little. It has been quite chilly today & I'm aching a bit.
Gardening- I will do tomorrow. I need some new riggers gloves as I've worn out another pair. I also need some gardening stakes & that tough trolley. You never know I might get one for my birthday. Ha ha.
Ad blocker-
At last I have managed to stop that pesky ad coming up at the bottom of the screen by downloading Adblock Plus as an add-on to Mozilla Firefox. I don't usually mind ads as they are necessary to help pay for costs but that particular one was in such a pesky place. Hooray!

I feel like a glass of wine but am trying to wait until it's "wine o'clock' (about 5'ish). I never drink much these days & won't ever again but I do enjoy a glass of red wine at the end of the day. It's funny but I had no trouble at all not drinking wine on Cohen's. 28 weeks without even a sip of wine was not a problem. I would prefer to give up bread forever, rather than my glass of red wine.
On Cohen's I often would have a diet sprite in a wine glass & pour my LH a wine. It was never tempting but I must admit I preferred it when he said it was only ordinary.
Had a good day today :D
Love to all, xo Cate
 
We watched Lady Gaga's show at Madison Square Garden last night on tv because there was hardly anything worth watching on. I'm glad because she was fantastic! What energy, what a voice! What a show!
 
Thanks Misty. I forgot to come back & post in here.
I'm off to Victoria tomorrow to go see my mum. My sister is meeting me at the airport & we are travelling up in her car & staying 3 nights. My sister isn't feeling too good but I can help with the driving. Unfortunately I have woken up today not feeling so good either. Hopefully tomorrow I will feel better. We had our GS stay the night last night & took him to Taekwondo, as we do each Thurs. His sister has been vomiting for a couple of days but is on the mend & last night his little brother & dad were sick. We said we'd get him off the bus tonight & have him him for another night so he would hopefully not catch the bug also but it may be too late. He hasn't thrown up but couldn't eat any breakfast, which is very unusual & said he had woken up feeling nauseous so I have kept him home from school. He is on my recliner with a rug over him, drifting back to sleep atm.
I had a flu injection & a pneumonia injection(1 in each arm) on Wed am & am sniffly & feeling a little under the weather. I, too, could easily go straight back to sleep. I had better go get my things together for the trip though. Nap later.
I have to get up early tomorrow & be left here by 8am to catch my flight. I'm going to leave my car at the airport for the 3 days.
I only take carry on baggage so have to really limit it so must plan carefully. Most of us only wear the same things over & over anyway.
I bought a pure wool hot pink cardigan this week (made in Tasmania by Casaveen-very expensive) for only $10, a black jacket & a really nice & warm grey cord shirt. All for $20. Black, grey & deep red I think will be my "colours" this winter with the odd pink/black; purple/black(Tai Chi). I'm gradually building up my wardrobe from the op shop and have choices these days.
It's time I went & sorted out some stuff.
Bye for now, xoxo Cate
 
Ready to go & ready for bed. Catch up with you all when I get home on Tuesday. Much love xoxo Cate
 
Hi Cate :) Just thought I'd drop you a line and let you know I'm back here... again! Not on Cohen's, but on just the exercise / healthy eating plan. :)
x x x Hope you've had a great day, m'dear!
 
Misty-
Thank you sweets. They are all well again but it took a while to shake off properly. They do seem to get sick a lot. My visit to Mum, with my sister, went well. She is much better in her own environment but it will not be long before she decides to move into a home & I now have the paperwork in place. I'm so happy to be back home again though! xo Cate

decisionmaker-
Hey! I'm glad you are going to pop back in here again. I'm doing the same- exercise, healthy eating, everything in moderation. It's feels great to be on an even keel.
Thanks for your visit xoxo Cate

Today-
Is my 58th birthday & I must admit to feeling a little sorry for myself until an hour ago, when ,my phone started ringing hot.
My LH was heading off to work & had forgotten to wish me Happy Birthday. I said to him-"You'll remember in a couple of hours at work & be mad at yourself" & he looked horrified, wished me "Happy Birthday", gave me a hug & big kiss & raced off to work as he was running a bit late.

I was typing in FB, feeling a little teary, when our OS rang to wish me HB & I spoke to the 2 younger GK's & my DIL. They were going to surprise me tonight with a birthday dinner but have to now go to an interview with the Principal at our OGS's next year's High School. It was meant to be Mon night but the notice didn't arrive until Tuesday. I wondered why my LH had his heart set on cooking a Salmon lasagne for dinner tonight. Our DIL was going to bring food as well. I told them not to worry & that we'd have a birthday dinner another night.
It's Tai Chi day & I have booked a table for 6 at our local deli/cafe for lunch. They have lovely food & the owners are friends. They both worked for us for 12 years cooking in our hotel.
I had better scoot. I have a few dull things to do in town & would prefer to get them done before TC.
It is the most miserable looking day- cold & very overcast.
I'll tell you about my trip home sometime. It was freezing! (-2oC every night & I ended up sleeping out on a verandah. So, so cold! It felt like camping!)
Love to all, xoxo Cate
 
Happy Birthday, Cate! I'm sorry you had some teary moments, but it sounds like it all turned out okay. (Your poor husband-- and poor you!) And how sweet of your family to plan that dinner. I'm sure it will be lovely when you get to have it. I've never had salmon lasagne. I'll have to look into that after I'm finished with refeed.

So glad you're feeling better and that your visit went well.

Hope your lunch and Tai Chi were great!
 
I haven't been able to talk about my birthday. It wasn't good. I felt really down. Our YS didn't remember (yet again), out Tai Chi class was really small & only 4 went to lunch. The girl who I booked our table with must not have mentioned to the owners that it was my birthday as they didn't say anything(& neither did I).
I just really had a " just another day" birthday & I'm not normally like that. It sucked.
I would normally not leave a post as miserable as this. I would normally delete it & come back another time when I felt more positive. It was just one thing after another yesterday.

Today-
Our YS rang to ask about us talking to his grandmother about borrowing money to go into a business. He did not remember my birthday & when I told him that he had missed it again he made all sorts of excuses why he doesn't remember & instead of letting him off lightly as I always do I said that it just wasn't a priority for him. He raved on for ages about going into this business (without any money really) and I was left feeling so depressed after the call. He is exhausting.....absolutely exhausting, frustrating...& I love him heaps. I have felt so much like bawling my eyes out all afternoon. We have our GS for the night. My LH has suggested us going out for dinner over the week-end. he knows how disappointing my birthday was I'm sure. It is nothing to do with how old I am. It is much more to do with feeling un-loved. Sad I know.

Sorry folks. Life is not all rosey. I'm usually fairly cheerful & positive. I'll get back there, hopefully.
Our son has his heart set on this type of business. We brought him up in that environment. I suppose it's almost inevitable.
Oh god, I am driving myself nuts even typing all this.
People who don't have kids probably don't have such anguish. You love them so much & it can be hell.

Hopefully when I wake up tomorrow I will feel more on top of this.
I'll go look up this business & see what I can find out.
'night, Cate
 
Ah, Cate, it is strange for me to hear you down. Like you said, you usually write very inspirational posts. But I think it's really good for you to sometimes share the down sides as well. You aren't a machine, we all know it :)

I'm sorry you had such a downer of a birthday. What a bugger of a time to feel unloved... it's so nice that your LH is aware of this though, and wants to take you out to dinner.

GRRR about your YS!!!! GRRR! Well, I don't have kids, so I don't understand that side of it, but my relationship with my dad is a bit like this too I think. YES I love him SO MUCH but, BOY does he drive me nuts. You must be a great mum though... particularly because even when you feel like this, you still plan to go and do some research on his business!

You know how much the people out here in cyber land love you. Me included. Don't forget it. xxx
 
I'm so sorry you felt unloved on your birthday of all days. As moms, we get so few days that are all about us, where we can focus on ourselves and not feel one bit guilty about it. It really stinks when we're deprived of that. Last year, my husband was out of the country on Mother's Day and my birthday, and no one reminded my kids to make the days special. I cried and cried. Honestly, I acted like a total fool. But we're entitled sometimes, right?

Your son is older than my kids, though, so I would imagine that it's even more painful when you feel like you're not a priority. It sounds like he's so excited about this new business venture that he overlooked it. And he's probably so sure of your love and support that he takes it for granted and forgets that it's a two-way street. Hopefully he'll settle down and grow out of it.

Don't feel like you have to put on a happy face all the time. Yes, people love your positive attitude and your inspirational posts, but you need support too and it's okay to show it.
 
Joh-You are very sweet & thoughtful. I'm feeling a little bit more positive now but woke up thinking of our YS & with a very upset stomach. The bar he is interested in buying into (in partnership-scary) actually looks like it would be lots of fun as well as lots of hard work. It has cabaret acts/burlesque etc - lots of live shows. It certainly is not one of your TAB/Keno/boring, old-style pubs. He isn't a child any more & does have to make his own choices/mistakes I know.
Forgetting my birthday yet again was the most upsetting thing. I don't think that you can understand how parents feel about their offspring until you become one himself. You can try to imagine the love but it doesn't come even close to the intensity. Thanks for your lovely message. It is really nice to know that people do care. We all have moments of doubt. I love that you are so happy these days! xoxo Cate

Misty- Thanks for making me feel so much better. We mothers feel guilty for feeling so bad about wanting some attention & that's crazy. "But we're entitled sometimes, right?" Right. It isn't wrong that we think that one day a year should feel like our special day. Next year I will make sure that my birthday is special. My LH will have the day off for a start & I will ask both our sons to come for a meal with us, preferably out somewhere nice. We have to make sure our day is special.
You're right about our son being sure of our love & support but I still look forward to the day when he takes the time & effort to return it. It isn't that he is so self-centred that he doesn't think of others because he commits to lots of fund-raising efforts, supports charities (currently living on $2 a day for 5 days to raise money & awareness of those that live below the poverty line) & has his heart in the right place.
It feels selfish wanting his attention too but it's true. It hurts to be forgotten by someone you love so much. I'll get over it. It's over now & I won't have a birthday like that again. Thank you my friend for your support, xoxo Cate

Today-
Would you believe we are going to a funeral again? It's not exactly the best way to cheer yourself up, but then friends don't die at a convenient time for you do they? This man wasn't a close friend of ours but we really liked him. He was a funny, cheerful, very likeable character. He was riddled with Cancer. I don't think he ever really looked after himself. He drank & smoked way too much. It would not feel right if we didn't go. He was the sort of person who made you smile just seeing him.

We should all be grateful for our lives & make the most of them. I must endeavour to snap out of my mood & look on the bright side. I am lucky to be so loved & to be so healthy. I will never starve, I live in a lovely home in a beautiful place. I want for little. Birthday Shmirthday!
Lots of love to you all, xoxo Cate

 
Today-& as far as funerals go, it was a good one. It was sad & funny. It makes you realise that life is for really living. Almost everyone you know leaves a legacy. His was live, love & laugh. Life is too short to take it too seriously.
I'm feeling a lot better- a lot more balanced, less negative.....
xo Cate
 
& have woken up feeling more positive. It's time to get outside & do something physical. I have hardly had any exercise the past week & that is not good for my mood. I will message our YS today & let him know that I think the pub he is looking into going into looks like a fun place. It is a matter of how a partnership would work & how the figures stack up. I think it is inevitable that he will go into business in a bar eventually & this one may be it. It would be best if it was with someone who could work as hard as him, rather than someone who will put money in & not work in it at all. I'll talk to him again in the next few days. I always need to have time to get used to an idea before I'm bombarded with too much information. His enthusiasm was very high & this time, I did not deflate it, even though I was upset that he hadn't rung me for my birthday I was careful not to sound too scared or negative about it. Phew!

OK- it's "Rock o'clock"! I'm going to plant out some plants. I'm in my favourite working gear-
Blue/grey striped, zip-necked thermal top, blue polar-fleece vest, bush-walking pants & steel-capped boots & Explorer socks! A picture of sartorial splendour-NOT! Look out garden!
Bye for now, Cate
 
I spent about 4 hours today planting out plants & carting rocks, putting them around the plants, carting mulch, wood-chip etc. I moved all my gardening stuff up to the shed out of my garage as I've been carting dirt into it.
Boy, have I had a very physical day.
Guess what? I feel GREAT!
I have had a very good Cohen's day today too. I haven't weighed myself for a couple of weeks & will on Monday I think.
Feeling good, xo Cate
 
Woke up not aching which is a bonus as I hadn't had much exercise the last week & made up for it yesterday. The section that I did looks great! With rock work you can work & work & others would hardly know the difference but this is good. I have about an hours work to finish it off & then I'll take a photo & put it up.
I need to give my arms a rest so will try to leave it until tomorrow to finish. I will because I washed my hair this morning. I may go for a walk or I may be lazy & read a library book. I read "Water For Elephants" this week & really enjoyed it. I bought it at Melbourne Airport & got engrossed in it & just made the departure gate with 5 mins. to spare!
Nothing much to say today but feeling good. Love to all, xo Cate
 
Yesterday-
Was such a strange mixed up day. I went through every mood imaginable. I'm going to start meditating myself as it would be great to just chill out for at least 15 minutes of every day without thinking of anything at all. Doing my rock-work does that for me but I got a leech on me yesterday(did 1.5hrs worth & finished that section) & that has put me off fossicking around wet rock heaps for a while. *shudder* They are disgusting creatures. I haven't had a leech on me for years! UGH! Luckily it wasn't a tiger leech or I would be itching for about 6 weeks.

I feel much more on an even keel again today. I told my sister exactly how I felt about my birthday. I also told her I'm over it now, which is not strictly true. I'm trying.
I still have our YS wanting to buy into a bar in the back of my mind but I am also trying not to stress over it. I looked it up online & found a MySpace page & I actually like the look of it. We don't have the money to lend him & he needs to talk to his dad if he wants him to ask his grand-mother. He hasn't done that yet. He's very keen. I told him that I don't feel negative toward the idea as I know it's only a matter of time before he becomes self-employed. He gets really excited about things & he has to try to be practical & sensible & logical about it all which will be hard. If he does it & loses it all it is only money & he is very young still. Our view is coloured by the fact that we did this & had to start all over with 2 small children. We lost our house as well. It's not something that you will ever forget.
I'm not worrying myself sick any more about it. He has to make his own way. I would prefer that he could borrow the money from a bank, rather than his grand-mother though.
I think I was more upset that he forgot my birthday again.
I am getting better at coping than I used to be. I am learning to deal with problems more, rather than just shutting them away. I also don't usually tell someone when they upset me but now I do. Ignoring your feelings can be easier at the time but you pay for it in the long run.

Today-
Taking my MIL to another doctor's appointment. She annoyed the living daylights out of me yesterday when I accidentally bumped into her whilst shopping. I let her bully me along for a while but resisted eventually, but not without feeling a little guilt. She just assumes that I would be happy to spend all of my time with her. Her ego knows no bounds. Sounds mean but it's true.

I got home & rang my mother & my sister. Mum is now getting Meals on Wheels which is great. I thought she was going to resist the idea or that she agreed to it, without really meaning to do it. :D
I had better get moving. I went a bit crazy last night & prepped up lots of veggies & did my washing & ironing so I don't have much to do really but am not showered & dressed yet.
Bye for now xo Cate
 
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