Byebye Big Bum!

awww thanks Lys - I'm honored that you took the time to read some of my rambling old diary.

I would certainly recommend losing 50lbs to anyone - it is LIFE CHANGING and the best bit is...I'm only kind of 2/3s of the way through - so how good is the next 25lbs going to feel?!?!!

I am almost ashamed to say it...but men play a big part in my motivation - I was fed up with being invisible and so having a crush on someone really helped me get my bum out of bed and run in the mornings, or go to the gym, or not eat that extra helping...because I didn't want to feel ashamed of how I looked when I next saw them. After I started losing some weight, it just kind of gathered momentum and I could recognise the changes that were just FOR ME - feeling good, getting more confidence in myself at work, enjoying dressing up for a night out rather than feeling rubbish about it. Like this weekend for instance...I was always catching one of the sailing instructors looking at me....he knew my name but none of the others, and remembered me from last week even though he didn't teach any of our classes...he was jokey with me in a teasing kind of way and extra-complimentary...so I've come away with a smile on my face. So, maybe its shallow, but I like getting attention!!! hahahhah you got to be honest about these sort of things!

The best advice I can give, is make small changes and stick to them - don't go mad for dieting, or mad for exercise - pick a healthy balance that you can stick at for the next 6 months and slowly increase rather than skelter between massive attempts and feeling like an abject failure when you don't meet the (far too high) standards that you've set for yourself.

As for Mr X...well maybe lunch will be just that - lunch and a catch up every six month...maybe more...maybe we'll become friends and see each other more often...who knows. But what I DO know is that its not just me, there's a spark there and someone finds me attractive enough mentally and physically to go beyond a professional aquaintance. I can't really explain more, but let me just say that its quite unusal for someone in his position to meet someone in my position for lunch - we are...adverserial in our jobs! That's the boost I need to make me go "YEAH I GOT MY MOJO RATTLIN!"
 
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Ok, today's diary report!!

Food:
brekkie - plain toasted bagel - 240 cals (different brand from the WW ones last week)
low cal egg mayo sandwich for lunch - 265 cals
box of strawberries - 100 cals
3 chicken selects from McDonalds - 365 (I know I know...I was STARVING on my way home from sailing)
Roast lamb, lots of peas/carrots/brocolli, 2 small pototos and no pudding!? - 400 plus 100 plus 150 = 650 cals
1/2 glass of juice with the rest water - 50 cals
2 cups of tea - 20 cals

Total - 1690

However, I did some serious exercise today - 5 hours at least of sailing, hauling 6 boats in and out of water up the slipway, hoisting sails and rigging, capsize drill, burning energy in the cold water keeping warm in a wet suit!! God know how many calories we are talking, but we did not stop all day!! I am shattered.

Plus, I was really pleased with not having any problems fitting into a wetsuit, or a sprayjacket and actually feeling quite slim (obviously not thin, but for me...at my weight...at my size...) not lumpy or rolly fat, just a nice curvy shape. Highlight was catching mr sailing instructor looking at me (drowned rat look anyone?!) whenever he thought I wasn't looking throughout the weekend..hehehe...so I encouraged him a bit ;) Jeepers, if I'm like this at 188lbs...what on earth am I going to be like at 150lbs?!? I am far too flirty as it is!

Looking forward to getting back to some running though - probably do 5km on Tuesday and maybe Friday if I can. Its going to be a busy week though!
 
eyckmans said:
A lot of people on this site inspire me but I think that you inspire me more than anybody else :)
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:iagree:
Isn't she a breath of fresh air??

I just got back from camp with the fam....got lots of catching up to do.

Great to see you are doing well Jjjay! Keep up the fabulous job and its great reading your thread....sets the groove for the day!


(btw....I knew I wasn't going to get a chance to go to the gym for a few days so I did a 4.1 km scamper in 40 minutes on the weekend. 1/2 running, and 1/2 walking...and I didnt feel too bad after!)

Take care!
 
eyckmans said:
A lot of people on this site inspire me but I think that you inspire me more than anybody else :)
Click to expand...

AWWW you are the best Val!! I can't see what on earth I'm doing that's any different from you or anyone else but thank you for the lovely compliment!
 
I agree with Flumes, you are indeed a breath of fresh air. I enjoy reading your journal also.

That's some serious sailing you did over the weekend, hun. Way to go. You rockstar you.
 
Welcome back Flumesbo! And well done for the 4km scamper!!!! Sounds like a really good effort :D You're getting there!

I feel sick. Overate yesterday for no reason whatsoever other than other people's expectations. How stupid. My boss came over from the other side of our region to take me and my immediate boss out to lunch to celebrate my promotion. He said for me to chose any restuarant in the city...I wanted to go to Nando's or Yo Sushi - my favourites and somewhere I could get something healthy...but I could tell (and it was a lovely thought) that he was intending this as a real treat and wanted me to chose somewhere posh/special. So I booked this mediterranian restaurant and then he ordered wine (at 1pm in the afternoon!!) and a three course meal! I had calimari for starter and moroccan lamb tagine with no pudding (even though the boys tucked in) and a skinny latte for coffee course. Just had one glass of wine too - so enough to appear like I was really enjoyign the treat (which I was!)...so we got back to work at 3.30pm and I left at 5.30pm to drive to a restaurant for my mum's birthday - my parents had gone to a lot of trouble finding this place at this stately home...and were planning a big 3/4 course meal to celebrate (!!).

So met them at 6.30 and this was the stupid bit. I was full. I was so full that I could have not eaten anything at all. However what did I do? Did I order just a starter? Nope. Did they have any light salads? Nope. So I ordered lamb salad to start (ok relatively healthy), and seared tuna steak with salad for main (again healthy...) - forced as much down as I possibly could to the point of stuffing myself AND ate a handful of my daughter's chips. How STUPID. HOW EFFING STUPID. I didn't even enjoy any of it beyond the first couple of tasting mouthfuls. All the time, grinning and agreeing what a great place it was - which it was - a lovely restaurant - but boy did I feel stuffed as soon as I'd eaten it and then started to feel really sick an hour or two after I'd got home.

I then spent the whole night tossing and turning wracking with stomach pains - like trapped wind when you need to burp and can't, and indigestion and lets just say....I'll probably be running for the bathroom a bit today. I'm still not convinced that I'm not going to throw up. Sure, maybe something was up with the tuna...but its probably just me completely overeating.

NEVER EVER EVER AGAIN will I eat something just to please someone else. If I am full, then nothing else is going in there!

Just a thought for the day before I dash off to work...

Flumes said:
:iagree:
Isn't she a breath of fresh air??

I just got back from camp with the fam....got lots of catching up to do.

Great to see you are doing well Jjjay! Keep up the fabulous job and its great reading your thread....sets the groove for the day!
Click to expand...

How rubbish are we at taking compliments? This is something I got to work on! When I read this yesterday I thought Flumes was talking about Val posting something nice on my board, rather than agreeing with her and saying I'm a breath of fresh air. It wasn't until Juni posted afterwards that I finally let my brain properly read what he was saying. Thank you Flumes!! You are a sweetheart! And Juni - you are great - really supportive and give me such a boost with your posts :D The best though is VAL!! Cos everytime I feel like giving up on somethign or eating a chocolate bar, she's in the back of my head reminding me that I wouldn't be very inspiring if I did that!!

Here's my tale for today about compliments and core low self-esteem...

When we were in the classroom after sailing on Sunday and the instructor was talkign about the capsizing drills we'd been doing (our female instructor), the other instructor - the guy who'd been eyeing me up - came into our class and sat in the seat next to me to join in. Which made me a bit nervous from the off! One of the other male students said "well when the first group capsized, Jay swam round the back with no problems, reached up to the centreboard above her head, pulled herself up until she was actually onto of the centreboard and then the boat righted itself - she made it look so bloody easy that it tricked the rest of us! When I tried it, I just couldn't pull myself up beyond getting my head up to the height of the board. But Jay was saying she does a lot of climbing and that's why she can do that so easily" and then the guy instructer chipped in "what, Jay the cross-channel swimmer!! yeah, she mantleshelved it" and then the others all joined in saying that it was really impressive and I was like all "awwwwwww" what do I say?!?

I was like thinking - they are being really complimentary but everyone is looking at me, and what if they are wondering how come I do a lot of climbing but am still like 190lbs or really fat (which I know I'm not any more...but I'm not slim)...and I know it was stupid because I had shown that I had this upper body strength to do something like that which none of the others could do - they were commenting on me doing like an uber-cool climbing move from the water onto a capized boat reather than me CLAIMING that I could do something instead...but I still felt like a bit of a fat fraud!

And that's come from being the person who "used to do a lot of climbing" or "used to do a lot of kayaking" or "used to do 2 hours of cycling a day to commute" for the LAST SIX YEARS and every time I said it I'd cringe becuase I'd think that the other person would be looking at my fat ass and thinking "yeah...you used to but you obviously don't now!". Well...that's what this 50lbs means to me...I'm not a USED-TO person anymore.

So how do we take compliments? I guess I should have turned around and said "thanks guys that's nice of you to say. I'm sure you'll all get the hang of it with a bit of practise"...so my aim for this week is whenever someone compliments me, to just say "thank you!" rather than put myself down!
 
Isn't it amazing that people we don't even know in person can influence us in making good choices. I sort of feel accountable to everybody that writes in my diary and don't want to let them down so make better choices over eating and exercising. The support here is wonderful.
I'm the same as you and really need to work on the receiving compliments thing. My neighbour told me that I look 10 years younger now. My first thought was horror that she thought that I looked 63 before instead of 53 but maybe she thinks that I now look young for my age. Even as I'm writing the last bit of the sentence I still dont believe it. I always used to look young for my age, when I was 25 I looked 15 and I found it very hard when people stopped being amazed when I told them my age which basically was when I started putting on weight.
 
heh it can be really difficult to recognise a compliment sometimes!! When this guy pipped up in the sailing class, I immediately thought that everyone would think that I was showing off....how can I be showing off cos someone else is saying something nice about me?!>?! LOL. Just like you and the neighbour - you turn it into a negative and assume she thought you looked 10 years older before!

ok...today...

Food:
No breakfast as I just felt sick from last night
chocolate bar - 232 cals
cup of tea - 10 cals
subway club wrap - 430 cals (no sauce nothing else but salad and meat)
skinny latte - 135
potato snacks - 97
3 fish fingers - 180
cup of tea - 10 cals

Total - 1094

I just not really that hungry. I only ate the fish fingers because they were left over from cooking my daughter's dinner and I figured that I had to eat something tonight.

Busy today but managed to walk 5000 steps at lunchtime into town and back. I wanted to go for a run tonight but I got to pack my stuff to catch a train nearly the whole length of the country tomorrow evening for a day sailing HUGE racing yachts on the sea. How exciting!! Having my hair coloured and cut as well tomorrow lunchtime which should look really great...I have a black tie function on Saturday night and then lunch with Mr X on monday so feeling great...looking great!!

Especially as I stopped off at the outdoor sports shop to try on some sale items and fitted into all of the UK size 16 without a problem (outdoor stuff tends to be pretty close fitting sizes as their target customers are leaner and toned!!! hahah no baggy designs there!). I now have 3 pairs of work trousers that don't look RIDICULOUS...all the others are going to have to go as I can't physically get away with wearing them any more. I'm not sure I can wait another two weeks until the next sale...its getting embarissing having to hoik up my trousers all the time and I'm running out of safety pins to hide the baggy waist!!
 
Very exciting few days for ahead of you, jjjay. Wanna know all about the sailing trip and your meeting with Mr X. :) You are back on track with food. All the travelling and sailing and you'll be burning those cals in no time.
 
QUOTE]its getting embarissing having to hoik up my trousers all the time and I'm running out of safety pins to hide the baggy waist!![/QUOTE]

LOL - I know the feeling! I know I used to own some very nice belts, but now that I need them, do you think I can find them anywhere? I'm thinking the kids must have used them to tie up the dogs or something somewhere along the way...

Can wait to hear how the next week goes for you!

Great job girl!
 
Greatest feeling in the world when your clothes start falling off you :) The sales start here today. My daughter and me usually go when they have been on a couple of weeks and are virtually giving the clothes away. I'm so looking forward to it this year as usually we just buy stuff for my daughter.
 
Yeah I'm really looking forward to the sales as it's so nice to actually enjoy trying on clothes and chose which ones to buy as opposed to stressing out over nothing looking good or fitting. I bought a north face fleece jumper yesterday and it was a ladies fit so went in really nicely at the waist - I was really suprised at how much more feminine it made me look rather than the big male ones I've been wearing before.

I'm currently at the hairdressers having highlights and cut before the ball at the weekend and lunch with mr x. Very cool to sit here on new
Iphone hehehe and read the forum whilst I wait! Gonna have my eyebrows and nails done too I think...might as well make an effort!

Food so far today:

Egg sarnie -303 cals
Potato snacks -97 cals
Small cake thing at work -200 cals?!

Total so far -600

Not going to have a good dinner tonight as I'll be on the move travelling. Oh well! Should still end up under 1500 cals. I was 187 on the scales this morning then it went back up to 188 pah!! Must be a sign I'm getting ready to whoosh!!

Waiting to hear from mr x re what time we'd meeting on mon. I'm getting excited now! Hehe. And feeling good!
 
heyho folks!!!!

I'm back from teh sea voyage m'hearties!!

So good and bad to report....

Firstly, Weds...was okish...600 cals during the day then grabbed a KFC to eat on the train as I was rushed to get it in time and it was a 4 hour journey. However, I had a chicken twister with no sauce...and although I ordered fries with a side of coleslaw...I didn't even eat 1/3 of them...I just looked at em and thought...so this is what I've been craving?!?! I can take it or leave it. Plus, when I arrived at my hotel at 11pm, I didn't order anything on room service - just had a 100 calories pack of biscuits to dunk in my tea and went to bed. All in all, probably around 1500 cals for the day (and that's being generous on the KFC)

Thursday - WOW WOW WOW what a day!!! Jeepers, crewing on a 60ft racing yacht is DARN hard work!! I was "in the pit" - so winding winches whenever we hoisted or dropped a sail (and we did this a lot!), coiling ropes and packing sails away. It was serious labour...and when there was any of that to do, you end up climbing up the deck of the yacht as fast as you can as it tips to a 45 degree angle in order to "hike" or rather, sit out over the side and get your weight to counter balance the sails as much as possible....then when it turns the other way, everyone runs down the deck and up the other side to do the same! Such fun. :D Aching ALL over though!

So, the other side of all of this energy is the eating unforunately....

Breakfast - 1 sausage, 2 mushrooms, bread roll, scrambled egg - 470 cals
Snack on board - twix bar and a jam doughnut - 600 cals
Lunch (posh 3 course at the yacht club...set menu) - mushroom tartlet with salad for starter, roasted chicken and vegetables, lemon tart - probably I dunno, 400+500+400 cals? 1300 all in all at a guess?
Cheese and salad sandwich on the train home - 350 cals

Total - 2720...YIKES...

Well, I'll have to keep things in check for the next few days to get back on course I think.

The disappointing news is that Mr X has had to cancel our lunch next week as he has a meeting that is going to go on all day - he did sound very apologetic and asked to reshedule (as opposed to just saying we'll do it another time...and leaving it loose). Shame but understandable circumstances and lately we've been exchanging emails on a less work basis so things are cool. I can't help thinkign "oh well if we can't do it for another few weeks, I get a chance to lose some more weight" as I've not really gone anywhere in the last couple of weeks weight-wise.

Time to get back into the swing of running I think....that seems to be the thing that makes the real difference. Anyhows, off to work now. See you all later!

HAPPY FRIDAY!
 
I think that with all the hard work on the yacht it probaly cancelled out the bad eating. You won't have lost weight that day but I doubt that you would have put any on either.
Shame about your dinner date but as you say you now have more time to be even hotter and time to find something incredible to wear in the sales :)
 
One day of not-so-healthy food is not that bad. Also you were really active on that day, so it will cancel out. Too bad re: Mr X, building up anticipation is also a good thing. You will look hotter when you do go out. Gosh, this is so exciting. :)

Hope you have a wonderful weekend.
 
Ahoy me lil sea-lass!

Your sailing experience on the big yacht sounds exciting. Almost scary (shiver me timbers)....specially the 45 degree angle part with your ass hangin over the side to keep the boat from listing too much.
If you accidentally have a pic to post of it, would love to see it! Very cool!

And so you had a bad day....whoop-dee-doo. It was a great day....and you treated yourself....besides...I'm sure you burnt alot of them cals hoisting sails and such.

As for the 'X' Files....can't wait for the next chapter. Always a pleasure hearing how your dream is progressing.

So have a great weekend me hearty and shake y'er booty!

Take care!
 
Hey guys :D
Thanks for the posts.
Well I am exhausted today!! and couldn't concentrate all day at work...keep dreaming of waves and flapping sails!

Flumeskipper, your wish is my command! I have attached some library pics of the yacht we were on! Don't be fooled by the size - it wasn't any luxury cruise, we were crewing all day long...and HARD!

Food today has been good:
WW bacon sandwich for breakkie - 238 cals
box of strawberries - 100 cals
2 cups of tea - 20 cals
Boiled egg and salad for lunch - 120 cals
5 pieces of red liquorice - 100 cals
1 cupcake at school fair - 150 cals
Low fat/low cal singapore noodles meal - 317 cals

Total - 1045

So, the good news is that I went in shopping and every pair of size 16 (UK) trousers that I tried fitted plus I bought a new top and it was (GASP) a size 14....ok, so I cant' imagine me fitting into many other size 14s but hey, I was SO chuffed. On the other side of things, looking at the two photos that people took (with my camera) of me sailign, i look at it and think oh my god I look so fat. But I got to just step back and think slowly slowly as a few months ago I would have looked so much worse.

So Mr X and I have been emailing back and forth :D Then I called him today and we found another day next week that we can both do but he will only have time for a coffee and a chat - it was either then or early September before both our diaries clicked together. I don;t know if its because he's got cold feet about meeting for lunch - maybe feels its inappropriate or something - he told me why he has to leave early on that day and its a real reason but I personally think we would have time for lunch as there's like 2 hours. But hey nevermind, there will either be another time to do it in the future, or it will all be awkward and there won't!

However, this was all over the phone so we had a really nice long chat - about nothing work related at all - I was sitting there hoping that he wasn't thinking "why do we need to meet up if we can just talk over the phone!". So back on again for next week.
 
I think that we are too critical of ourselves in photos. I didn't want to post my photos as I still to my mind look huge but when my daughter made me really compare the before and now I thought that she is probably right in that I look much better than before.
I hope things go well for you with Mr X but if they don't then don't worry about it. It just means that he isn't the ONE. There's plenty more out there and with your new looks and confidence you are sure to find him. On the other hand Mr X just might be the perfect man for you D)
 
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