overtherainbow
New member
AJJJAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Where are yoooooou?
Hope your on the bandwagon.
Where are yoooooou?
Hope your on the bandwagon.
Byebye Big Bum Phase 2!
- Thread starter jjjay
- Start date
jjjay
New member
ASorry for the absence guys. Loads of stuff been going on - good and bad and it's taken a while to get my head round it and get sorted enough to come back and focus on this again.
Two weeks all inclusive holiday...eek. Ate too much. Didnt do enough exercise. Came back 210lbs. Now back down to 204. Back to aiming to lose 2-3lbs per week.
Foot now completely better - spent my first complete day in high heels today (train stations and all) and no pain. Going back to running 5k as often as possible from tomorrow onwards.
Managed to trace my biological father only to find he'd died 9 months ago. Gutted. Completely. Didn't turn to food as comfort (which is progression) but did lose focus on keeping on the straight and narrow. On the up side, my half sister was very pleased to find out about me and I apparently have quite a large family of uncles/aunts/cousins to get to know at some point. So as positive as it could be given the circumstances.
Just spent the day at mr z's office (2nd time this month). The first time we went for a drink after work for a couple of hours. This time we chatted after work in the office and he walked me to the station. Both times he kissed me goodbye - his move not mine. First time on the cheek, with a hug, and this time his aim was more corner of my lips...I'm still wavering between not wanting to make a fool out of myself by being too keen and at the opposite end of the scale thinking he doesn't realise I fancy him as he doesn't think of himself as that attractive.
I'm due back there for a couple of days in a hotel in a few weeks and we agreed to go out for drinks or a bite to eat if the dates work. It's nice because I specifically didn't ask him for a drink today as I didn't want it to seem like I was desperate to see him every week or two when I was there. But we managed to just slip into chatting for an hour in the office once everyone had gone home any way. I brought him a book to borrow on something we'd been talking about avidly last time and he was really pleased. So we are def going to be in regular contact I think, even after my secondment finishes.
Just need to get back to slimville!! I have 6 weeks until the big conference as well...time to achieve something if I really put my mind to it!
Can you all encourage me? And kick me up the ass when I mess about?! Just say "imagine how big mr z must think your ass is!" and I'll be shamed into sorting it out!!!
Two weeks all inclusive holiday...eek. Ate too much. Didnt do enough exercise. Came back 210lbs. Now back down to 204. Back to aiming to lose 2-3lbs per week.
Foot now completely better - spent my first complete day in high heels today (train stations and all) and no pain. Going back to running 5k as often as possible from tomorrow onwards.
Managed to trace my biological father only to find he'd died 9 months ago. Gutted. Completely. Didn't turn to food as comfort (which is progression) but did lose focus on keeping on the straight and narrow. On the up side, my half sister was very pleased to find out about me and I apparently have quite a large family of uncles/aunts/cousins to get to know at some point. So as positive as it could be given the circumstances.
Just spent the day at mr z's office (2nd time this month). The first time we went for a drink after work for a couple of hours. This time we chatted after work in the office and he walked me to the station. Both times he kissed me goodbye - his move not mine. First time on the cheek, with a hug, and this time his aim was more corner of my lips...I'm still wavering between not wanting to make a fool out of myself by being too keen and at the opposite end of the scale thinking he doesn't realise I fancy him as he doesn't think of himself as that attractive.
I'm due back there for a couple of days in a hotel in a few weeks and we agreed to go out for drinks or a bite to eat if the dates work. It's nice because I specifically didn't ask him for a drink today as I didn't want it to seem like I was desperate to see him every week or two when I was there. But we managed to just slip into chatting for an hour in the office once everyone had gone home any way. I brought him a book to borrow on something we'd been talking about avidly last time and he was really pleased. So we are def going to be in regular contact I think, even after my secondment finishes.
Just need to get back to slimville!! I have 6 weeks until the big conference as well...time to achieve something if I really put my mind to it!
Can you all encourage me? And kick me up the ass when I mess about?! Just say "imagine how big mr z must think your ass is!" and I'll be shamed into sorting it out!!!
jjjay
New member
AIjustwannabefit - thanks for the encouragement!
Verobc - just get on the bike and do it!! I purposely load up my panniers and cycle - it must be at least an extra 14-20lbs on the back.
Noparsnips - I'm sure you are right about the scales!! Thanks to both you and Rainbow for the cheer leading! It makes such a difference to the struggle to have people ask how you are doing and cheer you on!
Sunflower. You daft crumpet queen. You and me need our heads knocking together!! How could we let it slip when we were doing so well! Right. We got to sort it out!
Verobc - just get on the bike and do it!! I purposely load up my panniers and cycle - it must be at least an extra 14-20lbs on the back.
Noparsnips - I'm sure you are right about the scales!! Thanks to both you and Rainbow for the cheer leading! It makes such a difference to the struggle to have people ask how you are doing and cheer you on!
Sunflower. You daft crumpet queen. You and me need our heads knocking together!! How could we let it slip when we were doing so well! Right. We got to sort it out!
scbibhouse
New member
AHey Jjjay, welcome back! We've missed you! You know, life has a way of coming at us at point blank range, and from the sound of it, you have been going through some really sucky stuff...as you said, you didn't eat at it, which, my friend is real progress! Good job!
To get "back on the road to slimville" start living like that fitter, slimmer person you want to be..do it now, not tomorrow! Go out for a walk now, not tomorrow! Easier said than done I know, but you will feel so in control when you do! Own up to your new weight right now, and just take it one day at a time, making good choices in both exercising and food, and you got it! Remember, it's not a race...it's a lifestyle change and it's all about keeping it off, not just a short term flash in the pan!
So, take it easy, and know we're with you!
Sarah
To get "back on the road to slimville" start living like that fitter, slimmer person you want to be..do it now, not tomorrow! Go out for a walk now, not tomorrow! Easier said than done I know, but you will feel so in control when you do! Own up to your new weight right now, and just take it one day at a time, making good choices in both exercising and food, and you got it! Remember, it's not a race...it's a lifestyle change and it's all about keeping it off, not just a short term flash in the pan!
So, take it easy, and know we're with you!
Sarah
Sunflower2
New member
Come back and post again, woman! We do indeed need our heads banging together. Not good at all! 
jjjay
New member
Thanks Sarah - you are right (but it was like 8pm at night when I wrote the post!!!). Its about every single tiny little choice - its always the mindset.
Sunflower. We have lapsed. Dramatically and terribly! It's not good enough!
Ok yesterday, despite being full of temptation, was better than it might have been.
Food:
2 pancakes for breakfast (240 calories)
soup for lunch (310 calories)
4 canapes (70 cals each? = 280 cals)
fish salad & asparagus starter (approx 200 cals?)
Roast beef, carrots and potatos (luckily this was novelle cuisine style so very small!! I'm guessing 500 cals at the most)
1 small glass of wine (80 cals) - driving so I drank fizzy water for the rest of the evening whilst everyone else got very drunk
Skipped pudding!
1 sausage in a roll (300 cals?)
Skipped the wedding cake and fairy cakes on offer!
total = 1910
1 hour at least of disco dancing!
30 mins of walking
So not bad for being at a wedding from 2 until midnight and at the mercy of whatever was on offer.
Out for a run this afternoon if the weather clears up, otherwise will jump on the exercise bike indoors.
Sunflower. We have lapsed. Dramatically and terribly! It's not good enough!
Ok yesterday, despite being full of temptation, was better than it might have been.
Food:
2 pancakes for breakfast (240 calories)
soup for lunch (310 calories)
4 canapes (70 cals each? = 280 cals)
fish salad & asparagus starter (approx 200 cals?)
Roast beef, carrots and potatos (luckily this was novelle cuisine style so very small!! I'm guessing 500 cals at the most)
1 small glass of wine (80 cals) - driving so I drank fizzy water for the rest of the evening whilst everyone else got very drunk
Skipped pudding!
1 sausage in a roll (300 cals?)
Skipped the wedding cake and fairy cakes on offer!
total = 1910
1 hour at least of disco dancing!
30 mins of walking
So not bad for being at a wedding from 2 until midnight and at the mercy of whatever was on offer.
Out for a run this afternoon if the weather clears up, otherwise will jump on the exercise bike indoors.
Sunflower2
New member
Ooooo a wedding! Bet it was lovely 
Well done for resisting the cake. Must be very hard to do that at a "do" like that! Keep it up, lady!
Well done for resisting the cake. Must be very hard to do that at a "do" like that! Keep it up, lady!
jjjay
New member
AHey guys.
An ok last couple of days. No chocolate or bad stuff and am getting back into the swing of making the right choices! The only blip was a couple of glasses of wine last night but we went to a Mexican restaurant and I only managed to eat half of my order (picked something without cream or cheese and left most of the tortilla as I only fancied the meat).
Anyhow, what I wanted to tell you about was a really weird conversation with a work colleague that has got me thinking about things in a slightly different way. I want to lose weight - I recognise it's healthier and feels better physically, but to be honest, the primary reason is to stop feeling crap about myself. When I get dressed or go out or go shopping for clothes etc... Maybe primary is the wrong word, more...the immediate reason...the thing that has the every day impact.
Anyway, back to the point. I happened upon a couple of work colleagues outside the pub on the way to the station and stopped for a drink with then. One of the guys was talking about a couple of girls he was flirting with on an Internet dating site. Now, he's nice looking, earns very good money, lovely teeth/smile, charming, good laugh, slim/nice build, confident and a nice guy. Not my type but a 'good catch' but all the girls he was messaging were heavier and pretty busty. He explained that he didn't like skinny women and preferred a more curvaceous look with big breasts. These women were prob size 16-18 or more. If I was asked to pick out girls from a lineup of what he would go go for, it would have been the skinny ones I'd have guessed.
I'm not sure why this shocked me. And I think it's more to do with how bad I feel about being larger. Logically I KNOW there are men out there who like all shapes and sizes. But I think my automatic assumption is that men look at a size 8 or 10 or 12 and think 'that's stunning'...I guess last night just made me rethink that automatic assumption.
And strangely, I am in a tight pair of trousers and tight top today that has made me feel good, shows off curves and accentuates my waist (even if I am a bit bulgy) rather than wearing something baggy.
Yes I'll lose weight over time but f*ck it if I'm going to feel crap about myself whilst I'm going through the process (excuse the language but I feel justified in terms of how strongly I'm feeling about this).
An ok last couple of days. No chocolate or bad stuff and am getting back into the swing of making the right choices! The only blip was a couple of glasses of wine last night but we went to a Mexican restaurant and I only managed to eat half of my order (picked something without cream or cheese and left most of the tortilla as I only fancied the meat).
Anyhow, what I wanted to tell you about was a really weird conversation with a work colleague that has got me thinking about things in a slightly different way. I want to lose weight - I recognise it's healthier and feels better physically, but to be honest, the primary reason is to stop feeling crap about myself. When I get dressed or go out or go shopping for clothes etc... Maybe primary is the wrong word, more...the immediate reason...the thing that has the every day impact.
Anyway, back to the point. I happened upon a couple of work colleagues outside the pub on the way to the station and stopped for a drink with then. One of the guys was talking about a couple of girls he was flirting with on an Internet dating site. Now, he's nice looking, earns very good money, lovely teeth/smile, charming, good laugh, slim/nice build, confident and a nice guy. Not my type but a 'good catch' but all the girls he was messaging were heavier and pretty busty. He explained that he didn't like skinny women and preferred a more curvaceous look with big breasts. These women were prob size 16-18 or more. If I was asked to pick out girls from a lineup of what he would go go for, it would have been the skinny ones I'd have guessed.
I'm not sure why this shocked me. And I think it's more to do with how bad I feel about being larger. Logically I KNOW there are men out there who like all shapes and sizes. But I think my automatic assumption is that men look at a size 8 or 10 or 12 and think 'that's stunning'...I guess last night just made me rethink that automatic assumption.
And strangely, I am in a tight pair of trousers and tight top today that has made me feel good, shows off curves and accentuates my waist (even if I am a bit bulgy) rather than wearing something baggy.
Yes I'll lose weight over time but f*ck it if I'm going to feel crap about myself whilst I'm going through the process (excuse the language but I feel justified in terms of how strongly I'm feeling about this).
Flumes
New member
Hey JJJay,
I dont think weight has much weight on attractiveness (pardon the pun).
If a woman is comfortable with her weight, that in itself makes her attractive. As for mens tastes...I think some men like the small delicate portions one might find in a french restaurant while some men would prefer the family style meal. I would think more so the latter...since french restaurants are far too expensive! lol!!
In my opinion, commercials and advertisements should use more happy curvy women than skinny (fake) women. Thats where the problem started.
Just remember...
You are only as good as you feel....(somebody famous said that....I cant remember who).
Take care
I dont think weight has much weight on attractiveness (pardon the pun).
If a woman is comfortable with her weight, that in itself makes her attractive. As for mens tastes...I think some men like the small delicate portions one might find in a french restaurant while some men would prefer the family style meal. I would think more so the latter...since french restaurants are far too expensive! lol!!
In my opinion, commercials and advertisements should use more happy curvy women than skinny (fake) women. Thats where the problem started.
Just remember...
You are only as good as you feel....(somebody famous said that....I cant remember who).
Take care
scbibhouse
New member
AHey jjjay,
Losing the weight is all about you and your health...someone one said :"how you feel about me is none of my business; how I feel about me is my business". That about sums up my feelings on the subject!
Sarah
Losing the weight is all about you and your health...someone one said :"how you feel about me is none of my business; how I feel about me is my business". That about sums up my feelings on the subject!
Sarah
jjjay
New member
Hey FLUMES!!! BIG HUGS! So nice to see you buddy!
You are right of course - but what I know in my head is different from how I feel walking into a nightclub...or a bar...or a work seminar. Lets face it, if everyone only found one kind of physique attractive, everyone that didn't conform would have been genetically bred out of the program because they'd never have attracted a mate!!! So this obsession with size 0 is fleeting (and in fact evolutionarily counter productive because everyone knows you have to have pretty good hips to pop out children!).
Sarah - you have such strength of character! I'm going to try and think more like that. Unfortunately I switch between thinking "its all about me and if I feel good, I look good" and then swing to a feelign of real shame of "he can't possibly be flirting with me or find me attractive, given how fat I look and there's 4 other women in this room that are slimmer and look great in their lovely little clothes".
Anyhow, 204lbs this morning. Work is hectic and lots of travelling so not had a chance to do much exercise which is really annoying me. MUST FIND TIME. Eating hasn't been too bad - probably around 1600 cals a day, so a few tweaks here and there and I'll be down low again. With all the events of the last few weeks, I've not had the mental energy to focus on weight loss but I'm feeling in better mental shape every day so will be thinking more about it and posting regularly on here again.
Thanks for the comments guys - much appreciated.
You are right of course - but what I know in my head is different from how I feel walking into a nightclub...or a bar...or a work seminar. Lets face it, if everyone only found one kind of physique attractive, everyone that didn't conform would have been genetically bred out of the program because they'd never have attracted a mate!!! So this obsession with size 0 is fleeting (and in fact evolutionarily counter productive because everyone knows you have to have pretty good hips to pop out children!).
Sarah - you have such strength of character! I'm going to try and think more like that. Unfortunately I switch between thinking "its all about me and if I feel good, I look good" and then swing to a feelign of real shame of "he can't possibly be flirting with me or find me attractive, given how fat I look and there's 4 other women in this room that are slimmer and look great in their lovely little clothes".
Anyhow, 204lbs this morning. Work is hectic and lots of travelling so not had a chance to do much exercise which is really annoying me. MUST FIND TIME. Eating hasn't been too bad - probably around 1600 cals a day, so a few tweaks here and there and I'll be down low again. With all the events of the last few weeks, I've not had the mental energy to focus on weight loss but I'm feeling in better mental shape every day so will be thinking more about it and posting regularly on here again.
Thanks for the comments guys - much appreciated.
Sunflower2
New member
Hey love, how are you getting on?
jjjay
New member
A bit crap to be honest. Just come back from camping with friends and one of them is a bit mad on photography. Anyhow, she's posted a load of photos up on fb and the ones of me are horrific. I look huge again. It's been a real shocker and I'm now feeling awful about things. On one hand, maybe its just what I need to wake up and get serious about losing weight again, on the other hand, I really hate feeling so ashamed of how I look. She didn't mean anything by it - probably didn't enter her mind that I'd feel this way about them (and she posted 120 or so pics of the trip...)
Terrible timing as I'm off to see Mr Z over the next few days and I cannot for the life of me at this moment think that he would find me attractive at all.
Terrible timing as I'm off to see Mr Z over the next few days and I cannot for the life of me at this moment think that he would find me attractive at all.
Flumes
New member
Give your head a shake woman! Mr. Z will find you attractive weather you are 10 pounds up or 10 lbs down! In fact I bet he doesn't even notice a difference! What he will notice is your smile and how good it makes him feel!
Trust me on this one....
Im not photogenic...I hate my picture being taken. I always look 'terrible'....
But gosh darn, ain't it grand when that one picture does turn out!!!
I'm sure you look great bud... Your just looking at yourself with foggy glasses.
Now get back to feeling good about yourself and work on that smile!!!!
Trust me on this one....
Im not photogenic...I hate my picture being taken. I always look 'terrible'....
But gosh darn, ain't it grand when that one picture does turn out!!!
I'm sure you look great bud... Your just looking at yourself with foggy glasses.
Now get back to feeling good about yourself and work on that smile!!!!
jjjay
New member
AThanks for the cheer up Flumes! I do occasionally look good in a photo but these were...let's say, a real eye opener about how much weight I've put on again. I thought I kind of still looked passable but in these photos I look huge again.
However it's the reality check I needed and today I kept to 1400 good healthy calories and went for a 7km walk around the city as well. Today is the first day of many!
Still feeling rubbish today I'm afraid (I'll get over it in a day or two). Mostly because Z said he'd let me know if he could meet up with me whilst I'm here and hasn't got in touch. Which in my book translates as not that interested.
So If he doesn't bother I'm going to lose 30lbs and knock his socks off next time we meet in court and show him what he missed out on! Turn the negative into motivation and all that!
However it's the reality check I needed and today I kept to 1400 good healthy calories and went for a 7km walk around the city as well. Today is the first day of many!
Still feeling rubbish today I'm afraid (I'll get over it in a day or two). Mostly because Z said he'd let me know if he could meet up with me whilst I'm here and hasn't got in touch. Which in my book translates as not that interested.
So If he doesn't bother I'm going to lose 30lbs and knock his socks off next time we meet in court and show him what he missed out on! Turn the negative into motivation and all that!
jjjay
New member
AI'm thinking that calculating calorie deficits daily will help me keep motivated.
So yesterday (maintenance should be around 2500 cals)
1400 cals eaten
(300) cals from 1.5 hour walk
So 1100 cals which means deficit of 1400 cals
Plus had a very nice email from Z today saying he's very sorry but can't meet tonight...and asking if I am still around tomorrow. I feel much less forgotten now
So yesterday (maintenance should be around 2500 cals)
1400 cals eaten
(300) cals from 1.5 hour walk
So 1100 cals which means deficit of 1400 cals
Plus had a very nice email from Z today saying he's very sorry but can't meet tonight...and asking if I am still around tomorrow. I feel much less forgotten now
jjjay
New member
AOk, cals today: 1170 cals
Exercise - 1.2 hours of walking (200) cals
So a deficit of 1530
Added to yesterday's deficit of 1400 equals a total of 2930 for the week do far... That's nearly a lb!
Food was grilled tomatoes on toast with a small side of scrambled egg, a salad for lunch with no dressing and a nandos grilled chicken in a pitta for dinner with no mayo. Not really any snacks apart from an apple and a 60 cal meringue bar.
Another hour plus walking around the city. Spoke to Z and we're meeting up tomorrow after work. Getting back to my normal positive self!!
Exercise - 1.2 hours of walking (200) cals
So a deficit of 1530
Added to yesterday's deficit of 1400 equals a total of 2930 for the week do far... That's nearly a lb!
Food was grilled tomatoes on toast with a small side of scrambled egg, a salad for lunch with no dressing and a nandos grilled chicken in a pitta for dinner with no mayo. Not really any snacks apart from an apple and a 60 cal meringue bar.
Another hour plus walking around the city. Spoke to Z and we're meeting up tomorrow after work. Getting back to my normal positive self!!
jjjay
New member
AGood and bad day today. Food was fine up to the afternoon when Z called and with massive apologies said he was going to have to cancel due to being swamped with work. Disappointed but I have been in that situation a fair few times of having too much work before going on holiday. He did want to know when I was next in town so we could meet up so I don't think it was an excuse because he didn't want to see me, more that he was taking it for granted that he would see me again soon. He was stressed when I spoke to him yesterday and I did say if he was busy we could leave it...but I didn't mean it!!! 3 days in the same city and we didn't manage to meet up.
So had done really well on cals all day until the long train journey home when I started off with a snack bag of pretzels (113 cals) then a light meringue bar (60 cals)...ok not too bad... Then the tea lady came round and in a fit of 'well if I'm not having the beers I would have had with Z then I might as well eat the calories instead', I ordered a cup of tea, cheese sandwich and caramel waffles for dinner. Ate half the cheese sandwich (at 220 cals) and one of the two waffles (at 177 cals) before stopping and thinking...do I really want to do this?
I am now at 1300 cals for the day, it's 6pm and I have a 2 hour journey staring at the food...determined not to eat it! If I go for a run or bike ride when I get home, I might 'earn' a 200 cal soup for proper dinner before I go to bed. Sigh complete emotional eating!! At least I stopped though rather than carry on.
Determined to stick with it and start loosing weight again.
So had done really well on cals all day until the long train journey home when I started off with a snack bag of pretzels (113 cals) then a light meringue bar (60 cals)...ok not too bad... Then the tea lady came round and in a fit of 'well if I'm not having the beers I would have had with Z then I might as well eat the calories instead', I ordered a cup of tea, cheese sandwich and caramel waffles for dinner. Ate half the cheese sandwich (at 220 cals) and one of the two waffles (at 177 cals) before stopping and thinking...do I really want to do this?
I am now at 1300 cals for the day, it's 6pm and I have a 2 hour journey staring at the food...determined not to eat it! If I go for a run or bike ride when I get home, I might 'earn' a 200 cal soup for proper dinner before I go to bed. Sigh complete emotional eating!! At least I stopped though rather than carry on.
Determined to stick with it and start loosing weight again.
Sunflower2
New member
It's so hard, isn't it. Life just feels a lot easier if you can just eat what you want. Having one of those days today as well, honey. Hope you resist the noms!