Anke Says: Just Do It!

Anke I am so proud of you, you are awesome!!! I was beyond proud when I ran my poopy little 5 k and to be honest I do not think I will be able to run much more in the future either. You are so so great for managing this!

How is the belly dancing going? My friend who is coming to visit me this weekend is a belly dance teacher, she is SO good. I actually have a hoodie that says "in case of doubt... SHIMMY!" she gave to me!
I was looking at courses today to dance when I am back in Europe, I think I want to do street or hiphop and contemporary ballet (which is my forte anyhow), that would give me 2 days a week of technique and elongation with lovely dance and two days a week of power and energy dance, what do you think? Do you dance anything else from belly dance?

Have a wonderful weekend, Camy

P.s. yes in England you say fags for cigarettes... that is where I got it from!
 
Awww, I feel all warm and fuzzy guys! Thanks for the encouraging comments!

I ran the race on Saturday!!! 3hours 26mins.... aaaaaaarrrgh!!!

Time went by faster than I thought it would, but from 17-25km it was a mind struggle not to walk for long stretches at a time. I tried picking a spot ahead in the road to start running again, then decide how far to the next spot and just keep my eyes fixated on it and my legs moving until I could walk again for a bit, hehe. The final km, I decided, MUST BE RUN (or slow-jogged in my state by then!) And run it I did! I almost burst into tears for want of stopping when I was on the sports field and halfway around it, finish line in view!!! I let out a few yelps but made across the line. WOW!!!!

I felt super awesome for the rest of the day... and yesterday... and, umm, today too :)

THIS MORNING I DECIDED THAT I WILL NOT NUMB OUT AND STUPIDIFY MY MIND (at least not before work/exercise) USING WEED ANYMORE. I WANT TO BE PRESENT. MY NEW JOB HAS SUDDENLY OPENED HUGE OPPORTUNITIES UP, BUT I WILL NEED TO LEARN, AND WORK HARD TO MAKE IT. I WANT TO BE ABLE TO USE ALL OF MY INTELLIGENCE AND ENERGY DURING WORK, AND I CAN'T BE ZONED OUT OR STONED FOR THAT.

THE END. :sifone:
 
:hurray::hurray::hurray:Congrats!!! amazing.. your race you just completed and the ones you have left to complete.. I am amazed.. It's true when they say if you think you can you will.. Your proving it.. Wow 2 miles seems like the never ending story to me and you did 12 miles right.. good for you girly.. keep it up!!! You are doing amazing.. I'm so so happy for you.:). I would be so happy if I were you.. I haven't read your whole diary but from what little I read, I can tell your an amazing person who has accomplished milestones already... :iagree::seeya::sifone:
 
Awwww, thanks Yvette! I really appreciate all the support I get on this forum... otherwise I wouldn't still be on here almost a year (May 21st!) from when I first signed up!

I DO feel happy.

Today I am locked in a battle (of my own making). The past 6 months I quit smoking, then started having 1-10 per week again over the last 3 months. Lately I have been terrible with just giving in to cigarette craving (not physical, but mental ones... linger a lot longer, believe me!

So there's only one guy in our office who smokes, and when I started working here a month ago I was having 1-2 cigarettes 3 or 4 days a week. Then I actually went and bought myself 2 boxes (of 10) cigarettes in the last 2 weeks. They're all smoked up, and I remembered why I don't want to smoke... but I still know the feeling it gives me and I WANT IT!

Sigh. I did not smoke yesterday, even though at one stage I ALMOST went outside to bum a smoke off my co-worker. I did end up smoking some green only after all my work and exercise in the evening... but not as much as usual. So today I want to continue my HEALTHY LUNGS STREAK. Firstly, I did not smoke "the stuff" this morning. And secondly, I will grit my teeth, get hyped up on green tea and KEEP REPEATING "I love my self, and that is why I do not want to burn and damage my lungs with smoke.

I'm going to try something sort of new... going for breathing breaks as opposed to smoke breaks. We have a little balcony where I can watch trees and plants, and I'm going to do some deep breathing while out there... I may even take a nice cup of tea with me and do some of the less obvious standing stretches that my chiropractor taught me to keep my back good :)

:hurray: FINALLY, A REAL ALTERNATIVE TO SMOKING... BREATHING EXERCISES!!!! GOOGLE HERE I COME!!! :waving:
 
hey, this is the first time i've read your diary - amazing!!!

well done on the 25km, i just can't imagine having the focus to run for that long! i'm working towards a 5km at the end of june and already i can see that the mind can be the biggest obstacle. how long have u been running for?

persevere with giving up the smoke, it'll make such a difference in your life!
 
Persevering persevering persevering.

Just got call from my mom. She has a mental illness (or an array of them) that renders her quite "not well" evry now and then. Think OD's, cutting.

Anyway, called my dad and let him take over, thank God.

Did not follow my first impulse to light up a cigarette in the face of trauma/distress/worry. Also did not follow the second impulse. Now the third nearly got me but that's when I decided to come write about it on here. I am almost in tears, but I need to be strong even when things are shit... especially when things are shit!

My previous attempts at quitting smoking have mostly been screwed over by one of my mom's "episodes" or the death of a loved one. I can't let it happen again, I never want a sore throat and gross tasting mouth again!!!

I am breathing and staying calm now. Tonight will be my first adventure with Okra... have a nice recipe to try out. Straight after work now I'm going to fetch my equipment (scale) and then off to go weigh in my ladies at "the fancy estate" in the neighbourhood... love going there... run there sometimes after the Weigh-Less group :)

Then it's home to start cooking while doing some strength moves in front of the tv. I feel empty.
 
Still no cigarettes! DAY 3 already. Still no smoking the green in the morning... also Day 3, woooo!!!!

Meant to get up EEEEEAAAAAARRRRLY this morning for my tempo run today... ended up cuddling up to my man and spending another 2 hours in bed!

Therefore, I would like to do my run this afternoon. I have set myself the goal of 3 runs per week, no matter what. So that is what will be done :)

I've been pretty good with my eating the past week or so... want to work on getting more vegetables in though. I haven't been craving food to numb out emotions... GOOD THING!!! Maybe it's because I'm just really happy with where I'm at right now. My new job is scary, but exciting. Everyone has resigned and I'm taking over the reigns pretty much. HUUUUUGE opportunity for me to go into sales management :)

On a sad note, our dishwasher broke down the other night. Since it's fateful demise, the tension in the air between me and my boyfriend can be cut with a knife. I was doing ALL the dishes that didn't go in the dishwasher. Now I'm doing ALL the dishes ???? We are considering hiring domestic help one day a week. I know it's pretty uncommon in most first world countries now, but we still have "maids" here in SA, and most of us middle class white folk grew up with a fulltime live-in maid. Hence my feelings about washing dishes!

Wow, I've had a lot of on-the-job training today. I REALLY WANT TO MAKE THIS JOB WORK!!!

Ok, laters!
 
first wanted to say congrats on doing the race so well!

and also wanted to say i really felt bad when i read the post about your mum. i tell you i think for all of us there's a reason as to why we do what we do. my dad has been an alcoholic my entire life, and just this past month he has now been 1yr sober...but i haven't been home in over two years so the memories i have of my dad are still those of his drunken days. he was never abusive or violent with anyone or anything like that, however growing up i remember him being this strong protector and over the years as i grew up so him crumble from a strong man to almost nothing because of alcohol. i think for me the last 10yrs or so of my eating has definitely stemmed from my dad's drinking...i was so involved in it all wondering why would my dad do that to himself everyday....all the while comfort eating. next thing i knew i was 350pounds and he had become sober...then i was like what next? if he's sober then clearly i must be the one with the problem since i'm 350 freakin pounds! so it took a while but early this year is when i managed to turn my life around. i still have such a long way to go but everyday i feel a little like i'm getting my life back you know? one thing i know lots of people say this but for me food is my drug, it numbs my pain and dulls my senses so that i don't feel emotions like sadness etc. so for me everday since i started my lifestyle change has been a struggle to not go back to food (garbage food that is). if you've ever noticed i've never criticized you or anything for smoking because i believe when the time is ready for you you'll quit, all my life people tried to tell me to loose weight but i didn't want to hear it but early this year something clicked and i was ready and i knew the time was here for me to start my change. so untill i get to my goal weight i'll never be able to say i've quit food but i think so far i'm definitely winning this battle and hope i can win the war too! wishing all the best for you too ankebuzz.

i really have no idea why life has to be so hard! when i was a kid growing up i was just happy and carefree, being an adult is hard work!

PS: i just remembered the previous shared house i was living in where dishes would pile up in mountains but no one would talk about it. some of us would do ours but others wouldn't give a sh*t which i think was really unfair. the maid thing sounds quite good though, it'll help solve the problem till you get the dishwasher fixed, and help avoid any tensions between you and your bf.
 
Hey there, thanks for the support, Cherry!

I ran when I got home yesterday, my fastest 5km ever (36mins, was 40 before) - I know that's still slow, but I'm getting faster! Plus day 3 no cigarettes and no AM greens DONE! :hurray:

I'm really getting worried bout the situation here at work. Everyone's resigning (jumping ship!) and I've just been hired! Now big orders are being cancelled and money is tight in the company, don't know how this will affect me, but I'm sure it will at least a little.

I'm going to start putting my feelers out again... maybe do that Microsoft CRM course part time while I work, so at least if I'm fired I have something solid to get a job with (right now I only have experience).

Anyway, going to have to wait and see how it pans out.

I tried Okra last night and almost thought I was going to get a splinter in my mouth when I ate it! There were hard, fibrous stem things all up in there, wtf? Didn't I cook them long enough? Anyway, not sure I'll try that again soon! :puke:
 
Okra tastes like crap methinks!

Anyhow we have a girl who comes to clean twice a week, who is a genius. I mean honestly she is like the most marvellous person ever and since I am such a disaster in all things housework. I refused to have one (I mean I worked as house staff until september), but she is so cheap and the house was so dirty that it is totally worth it. So I think, DO IT!

Have a great day! Camy
 
So them dishes are piling up and piling up, and I am definitely getting a domestic worker next week :)

But this afternoon, I will be cleaning the place myself from top to bottom. I will declare it a full body workout, and take rest breaks and stretch afterwards and everything :) Actually looking forward to it when I see it this way. So that means dusting the whole house, wiping down all surfaces and appliances, wiping down cupboards and bathroom walls. Then sweeping and mopping 2 bedrooms, a bathroom and a living room/kitchen area. Then cleaning the mirrors and the windows. And finally, any detail cleaning that is necessary. Phew!

Tomorrow I plan on going for a 13km long run. I am actually looking forward to it (or how I will feel after it!)

Ok, off to face the fires here at work... will be putting out my CV again soon, and looking into studyin as I'm afraid of my job security all of a sudden :(
 
Hello Anke, Sorry I haven't been on here lately...:( I do care about you.

I am sorry to hear about your mother not being well right now. Good for you for working through those urges, wow even through the third. Do you find they get easier or harder to resist? It usually depends on how bad I can handle not having it, or thinking about the consequences, and about not caring or whatever.

You have a few piercing's don't you? How did you get into modelling? Those photo's looked like fun!

Great work on the run! I just went a lil further this morning I wanted to see what was around the bend. ;) Now I turn at the big tree. :)

I was actually thinking of hiring someone in my building just to help me out with cleaning right now. Someone who won't be horrified with my mess/dirt. Cuz I'm kinda like a lil :piggy: living in it's pen. I was actually thinking of asking the girl next to me, she has OCD, and says she's a clean freak....is that cruel of me to say so? I mean she might feel the urge to clean it right? I would pay her.LOL wow sometimes I am crude. Socially Awkward ...me thinks. haha

What're you doing for your b-day? Plans?

I hope you are well, Thank You for the support, helps me out a bundle.

TTYL

P.S.
I hope my stuff isn't too upsetting, I know it's really negative most of the time, I am just having a hard time, I guess. The progress is real slow, but worth it. I am doing much better.
 
I know how hard it is to work through stressful situations and not go to your comfort. *cigarettes are a tough one* You are doing great. I said to dan that we need to get someone to clean our place maybe 2 times a month. I have not time to do really detailed cleans. If my environment feels organized and healthy then i seem to be more inspired to cook and and be healthy.
I know you can keep working through the stress of having an unwell mom... take care
Michelle
 
Sorry to hear about all the stress, really does make sticking to a healthy routine all the more difficult. Just keep the head down and stick with it. Maybe you can use your dedication to running/fitness as the shining beacon through the tough times, your "thing/escape/whatevername". Something you know you have total control over and own while other things seem like they're going crazy.
 
Hey Anke,

I'm sorry to hear that you're having a rough time right now. I always revert to bad habits, too, in a misguided attempt to feel better IMMEDIATELY. Cheers to you, though, for finding solutions to ease your stress. And to make you not hate your man and kick him while he's sleeping :). Doing massive spring cleaning cheers me up, too. I always pull out my old CDs from like ten years ago and have a dance party. I seriously suggest it :). Have a good day!
 
I'm 21, whoop!

Work is really getting out of control... I am thinking of applying for a position to work as an area manager for the weight-loss company i work for... i currently only do 3 small groups a week, and this would be a fulltime work from home position... will be chatting to the man and seeing what he thinks!

Sorry I haven't been around much, but eh, the work!!!

Still running, though not sticking too rigidly to my trainingplan (did 5km yesterday instead of 15, you know, small changes :p )
 
At least you're still going at it! :)
I'm excited for you about that whole work thing! Way to go!!
<3
 
heya, happy belated birthday wishes! hope you had a blast celebrating? wow, your only 21! if only i could be so young again, i have to say you definitely sound wise beyond your years!

i hope something works out in terms of work...a fulltime work from home position sounds really great. will check in on you soon, all the best xoxo
Ankebuzz said:
I'm 21, whoop!

Work is really getting out of control... I am thinking of applying for a position to work as an area manager for the weight-loss company i work for... i currently only do 3 small groups a week, and this would be a fulltime work from home position... will be chatting to the man and seeing what he thinks!

Sorry I haven't been around much, but eh, the work!!!

Still running, though not sticking too rigidly to my trainingplan (did 5km yesterday instead of 15, you know, small changes :p )
Click to expand...
 
Happy birthday! 21 is an important one!! I am glad you are not online because you have too much to do not because we are starting to bore you.
Have a wonderful week, Camy
 
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