Adarkestfairys weight loss journal

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Adarkestfairy

New member
1. What is your current height and weight?
I am 5 feet tall. As of this morning my weight was 210
2. If you were at an ideal weight now, what would that weight be?
160 would make me happy
3. At what weight would you like to be at four months from now?
hmm... 4 months from now.... I would love to be at my goal weight but don't think that is very resonable. I'll toss out 175
4. Why do you want to lose weight?
I'm tired of being the fat girl. I want to be healthy. I don't want to feel embarrassed by my looks. I want to buy clothes that look nice. And a few things I'd love to try with my husband :reddevil:
5. Do you want to lose weight for a specific life event such as wedding or reunion? If so, when is that event?
I would like to lose another ten pounds by May 6th when my husband graduates from basic training for the army. I would like to loose another 20 pounds for when he graduates from advanced training 16 weeks after that.
6. What obstacles could get between you and your weight loss goals?
the fact that I like to eat junk
7. Why do you think that you now have a weight problem?
umm... I am 5 foot tall and weigh 210 pounds, that is unhealthy
8. What lifestyle changes do you think would help you lose weight?
I've started exercising. I have cut out regular soda. Cut out fast food. Eating much healthier food then I did in the past.
9. Have you lost weight in the past? If so, what has worked in the past to help you lose weight?
The last time I lost weight I did it in a very unhealthy way. I lost 60 pounds in under 2 months by literally not eating and using speed. This time I will do it the right way.
10. Why do you believe that you did not lose weight or you gained the weight back?
since I loss in an unhealthy way, I gained it back quickly when I realized what I was doing to myself. I ate junk food nonstop.
11. What, if anything, has not worked for you in the past in helping you to lose weight? Why do you think it did not work?
havent actually tried to lose weight for many many years. I was always content being fat
12. Would you try writing down all food and drink consumed for a given period of time?
I am planning on it
13. Do you cook at home often? If so, what do you cook?
I work evenings, but on nights I am home I cook. I cook what my kids will eat, a lot of baked chicken and beef dishes. Since some of what I cook isn't always the healthiest I simply eat much smaller portions
14. How often do you go out to eat? Where do you go?
probably once every two weeks. my kids usually pick where we go, but usually places like applebees
15. What are your three favorite foods?
pizza, taco's and kiwi fruit. notice only one is healthy lol
16. What are your three favorite restaurants?
Applebees, Red Lobster and Buca's
17. What are three things you can do differently when it comes to food?
avoid the chocolate, chips, and bread
18. If you woke up tomorrow and your body was exactly the way you want it, what would be different?
I would feel better about myself
19. Do you eat when you are not hungry?
yes- trying not to do that
20. Do you binge eat (large amounts at a time)?
yeppers- there is a reason I weight this much
21. Do you hide your food or eat in secret?
no
22. Do you eat when you are sad, nervous, or depressed?
yes, yes and yes
23. Do you eat as a reward?
not really
24. Do you eat while watching TV or using the computer?
yes
25. What do you normally eat for a meal?
since I started dieting, baked chicken or a salad
26. What type of snacks do you eat?
fruit, rice cakes, 100 calorie snack packs
27. In terms of exercise, what, if anything, are you currently doing?
Right now I do one hour on the tredmill. I generally keep the speed at a 3 and increase and decrease the incline between 2-5. I usually follow up with 10-15 minutes of strength training
28. Where do you go for exercise? A local public gym? School/work gym? Home?
Gym
29. What, if anything, are your three favorite types of exercise?
I enjoy walking. I don't mind treadmills. I don't mind running if it's playing with my kids
30. What is your daily/weekly/monthly/yearly motivation to move towards your goals?
My husband
31. Do you have rewards for certain goals?
yes. at 200 pounds I am going to buy a shirt that I would have never wore before or paid as much for. I am also thinking one tattoo per 20 pounds.... which means I am already due for one :D


Guess that is it for now. I started this journey on February 27th. I started at 236 pounds.
 
I thought I had posted more yesterday. I either forgot to submit or posted elsewhere accidentally. My intake for the day would have been a little over 700 calories. Which was low, but felt great and was not hungry.
Of course I screwed that up. I am not going to be hard on myself. I haven't gone out with friends since my husband left for basic training, which was 8 weeks ago. So I can add at least another 800 calories or more to that total. I also didn't go to the gym. But.... I took my two nephews and one niece with to the park. So with my kids, I was chasing after children the ages of 10,9,6,4,3,2. I will count that as a work out. I should mention that the extra three I had were hellions. That and two hours of power cleaning, so at least I was somewhat active. I was going to be hard on myself, but my weigh in this morning actually brought a smile to my face.
I will log what I eat later. For now a reminder of why doing this is making me feel better. When I look down I see my boobs! Ha ha, they were always there. I mean it's all I see. For once I don't have a gut sticking out past them! I may have not lost much weight yet, and the changes may not be drastic, but they are there. I CAN DO THIS. If I feel so good about just that change, just think how I'll feel when that gut is gone!

I tried to update my ticker, but it hasn't worked.Think it's just too early for me.

Todays weight: 208.8
 
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Weight 208.8

Didn't do too hot today. Proud that I was able to resist the temptation of the Glazer donuts I bought my kids this morning. I started to think to myself "one bite" then realized that would end in "just one donut". So I am proud that I resisted that. My eating was horrible today. I know I didn't eat enough. Not sure why, but just not hungry. Even grilled out which usually is a huge weakness, I took a few small bites and that was it.

So what I ate today:
Breakfast: 1 bottle of of Cherry Coke Zero (0 calories)
1/2 small navel orange (45 calories)
Snack: 1 can diet mnt dew (0 calories)
Special K crackers (100 calories)
Lunch: red apple (90 calories)
diet mnt dew (0 calories)
Snack: sugar free jello (10 calories)
1/4 serving animal crackers (35 calories)
Dinner: diet mnt dew (0 calories)
2 bites of bbq chicken (50 calories?... okay way too high, only really tooks a couple nibbles)

will try to eat something later. so far my daily intake is... 330 ish. Could either be stress or the new diet supplement I started taking that is killing my appetite right now. Will be able to go to the gym later so will try to write anymore foods and my workout when I get home.
 
ate another 150 calories. Ate a few bites of grilled potato and then had one of those 100 calorie snack packs. I really want to go to the gym, but afraid it isn't going to happen. My 2 year old daughter was crabby all day. She had a lot of loose stools as well. So now she has a bit of a temp and not sleeping very deeply. I don't want to go to the gym to have to turn around right away. Upset but it's a good reason not to go. Depending on how she sleeps, I might try to go for a jog in the morning. I hate running. I could spend hours on the treadmill speed walking, but get me outside running....... blah. Maybe if I was thinner I wouldn't worry about it so much. Will sleep in my sauna suit, know it won't burn many calories but it's better then nothing. Just have to work out at home and get a sweat going. Guess to summarize today.... ate very poorly and was not active enough. Setting a goal for tomorrow.........exercise at home for a half hour.

I can do this!
 
wt 207.4

I do not like weighing myself daily. I sometimes think that it would be better to wait one week. I keep saying to myself that I will do that, yet I step on the scale same time every morning. I worked out at home a tiny bit before I went to bed. I managed to do 30 sit ups. Girl style ones, but still better then when I started this. I managed to do 10 at a time with a short rest in between.
Think a lot of it has to do with stress right now. My husband joined the army so our lives could be better. These past few years have been a struggle financially. With how crappy the job market is around here, he finally decided to do what he wanted to do 12 years ago. It did look like it was going to be much better. Obviously, not rich, but finally looked as though we'd be able to pay all our bills and even had a budget that included clothes and entertainment for once. I know that probably sounds pathetic, but to me it was amazing. He was paid last month. Other then tax time, I had never paid out so many bills at once. Was even able to buy all of our 4 children their first pair of new name brand shoes. Then he went a month without pay. Since It's not as simple as just calling him up, it's been a struggle to communicate his pay issues to him. After his last payday came and went, I finally overnighted a frantic letter telling him what was going on. By that time, I had an eviction threat and shut off notices galore. Luckily, he called the day he received the letter. Which on a side not, after having only talked to him once in 7 weeks, it was worth being broke to hear his voice. So today some gift cards should arrive that will at least help me get groceries. Also today they will be looking at all the bills I faxed down and be giving him a loan to cover them all. He is suppose to have that money by the end of the day, and will overnight it. His back pay should be in the bank no later then Friday, and back on the normal military pay schedule of the 1st and 15th. So hopefully I'll feel better once this is all taken care of.
On a side note.... 17 days until I get to see him for the first time since Feb 23rd. I can't wait. I'm actually nervous to see him. We have been together for 16 years (married for 5 of those). The longest we had been apart before was one time for 3 days, so this has been a huge adjustment. I only get to see him for 8 hours, then he is gone for another 16 weeks. But those 8 hours will be pure heaven.

Goals for today:
-1/2 hr workout at home
- EAT - healthy of course but better then yesterday
- stay active at work ( I worked with the elderly who have dementia, so not hard to do)
- two nights with no gym, need to go today. Remember, my father in law will watch them for me if my youngest is still ill. NO EXCUSES today!
- focus more on strength training today then the treadmill- my arms are looking horrible. must not be doing enough in my current routine so time to try to switch it up.
- be happy with whatever number is on the scale tomorrow

will put my food log in late tonight after work
 
Husband just called. Money is in the mail. It isn't quite enough to pay all bills, but the important ones. Considering he should get a months back pay on Friday, things should be good for awhile.
Huge stress relieved. Still not hungry. Ate two segments of an orange. Forced that down. I really am just not hungry. Maybe I'm getting what ever my daughter has. Maybe not.
More then likely it's not. I have to at least try to be honest with myself. When I actually dedicate myself to something, it's all or nothing. I tend to over do things. I swore in the beginning of this that I would do this the healthy way. I think I replaced old bad habits with new ones. The first two weeks of my diet I found myself doing some pretty stupid things. I recognized this and stopped. That resulted in gaining five pounds, but have lost that since then. So here I am, realizing I am again being dumb. So why am I not stopping?
I did get my workout done at home. Now to work on my other goals for today.
 
Being in the military can definitely have it's ups and downs. Just hang in there. You are doing fine.

If you not already then consider using one of the web sites to log your food and activities. It can really help to keep you on track especially in the early days.
 
So.... what I ate today

Breakfast: 2 orange segments (20 calories)
diet mnt dew (0 cal.)
Snack: Special K crackers 1/2 serving (45 calories)
Lunch: very small cinnamon raisen bagel (130 cal.)
Dinner: small fruit cup (100 cal)
small bisuit, tiny amount of butter and honey (120 cal)
2 liters of water throughout day (0 cal)

so todays intake: 415

So it's low. I was busy most of the day. I did resist major temptation at work though. There was a cake that looked so good, and right next to that chocolate chip cookies. My co-worker sat and munched on them in front of me all night. I kept thinking about having some... but managed to nibble on my fruit instead! I could not resist the biscuit we made with dinner though. Luckily they were small. Put a tiny amount of butter and honey on it... I was so good! Having a Diet Mnt Dew as I write this, but that won't add to the calorie intake. Just relaxing a bit then it's time to hit the gym.
 
Didn't get quite the workout I was hoping for. Only did 50 minutes on the treadmill. The blister on my foot that popped the other day, was hurting too much. Glad that I made it to 50 minutes though, I wanted to give up after 20 minutes. So, according the the calorie tracker on the machine I burned 380 calories. Less then normal, but can hope the stupid sauna suit actually helps burn a few extra. Didn't get any strength training in, that part of the gym was packed. But did some at home before work, so guess I won't be hard on myself.
 
For the exercise you're doing you really need to eat more!
I know you said you struggle to, but burning almost 400 cals and only eating 415 is not good.
What diet supplement is it you are on? Is it an appetite suppressant?

I remember my mum wanted to lose weight so she tried Hoodia once, she ate a banana all day and felt full.

Well done on the 29lbs, seriously, thats a massive achievement, but really try and eat more, I don't want you to be making yourself ill.
 
You just wont see the results you want having such a small calorie intake. Your body will just shut down, store fat and you wont get rid of those pounds. I notice that the weeks I only have less than 1000 caloires, I dont lose as much. If you dont feel hungry there are loads of calorific foods you can have that wont leave you feeling stuffed.

- nuts
- bananas
- fruit juice
- cereal
- peanut butter

Please try and eat more :( Hope you're not coming down with a bug or anything..
 
as for the diet pills I am taking: I am taking Zylotrim. My mother in law had a bunch of it just sitting around since she hadn't tried it yet, so she gave me some. Think between that and diet soda, I am feeling full even when I am not. I noticed yesterday I felt much better after drinking water. Been slacking on that.
My coworker last night kept telling me how wonderful I look. I haven't weighed this amount since I was 18. I don't see it though. Yeah my 'top' gut has gone down some, but that's it. I bought a pair of jeans before I started dieting that were suck your gut in tight. They fit fine now, even pull out a little, but that's it. Guess it's just frustrating.

Goals for today:
-eat healthy!
- strength train at home
- stay active and away from food at work
- 1 hr at the gym

Another busy day at work. Will enter my food log later. Other then that, as of this morning I have offically lost 30 pounds!

WT: 206
 
It looks like your intentions are great. However, I have to agree with Sunflower. Your calorie intake is much too small. I know it doesn't sound right that you have to eat to lose weight but you really do. If you continue to starve yoru body, which is what you are doing right now, you will not only maintain your weight but might gain a little.

Take a look back at some of my posts. There are a few things that I have begun to live by.

Drink water 80-100 ozs, Eat breakfast something rather then nothing, 4-6 small meals a day, exercise hard enough to raise your heartrate atleast 30 mins 3-4 times a week, DON'T STARVE YOURSELF!

We are all here to help, but you really need to raise your calorie intake. I've bene there and done that...what you are doing. Well, let's jsut say I didn't start seeing any results until I did what is above.
 
Well already at 217 calories for this morning. Planning on eating whatever it is I cook for my residents this evening. Not really hungry right now, so hoping to grab something small to eat on my way to work.

Decided I need to buy a tape measure. Maybe I would be more pleased by those numbers. I know the changes are there, it's just hard to see them. I am actually wearing a size xl shirt. Normally I wore 3x, which was baggy but hid my gut. I do actually feel comfortable wearing this xl shirt. I think I will be so happy to shop for clothes that are not from the plus size section. I swear some places think larger women want to look like couches! I am excited that I am nearing 200 pounds! The idea of getting under that... gives me butterflies.
Hopefully my husbands pay will be fixed soon. Decided I don't want to buy the shirt I was planning on when I get to 200. Instead I want to go get my hair done. I usually color it myself and go to chain hair cut places. I'd like to treat myself and go somewhere nice. Plus I owe myself one tattoo!
 
SMabrey - sorry unable to answer you private message. Have to wait a couple more days until I am able to use that feature. Just wanted to let you know I wasn't ignoring you.
 
Another bad night. I did eat at work. I did not eat lunch, but brought a banana with just in case I didn't like what we were having. Ate my banana and a chicken strip for my supper. Then got a phone call from my husband that just pissed me the f#ck off, so ate out of anger. I just went onto the website that I use to track my calories. According to that, the brand of chicken strips I ate was only 301 calories. I can't believe that one serving is only 180 calories. But if it is accurate my calories today then would be 628. I think it is much higher, but will go with that.

So, it was bad to eat out of anger. What's worse is I really want to say f#ck it all and open up my bottle of tequila and drink. Not a big drinker, but just so sick of being stressed out. It's not my fault my husband did not get paid. I told him the first time that it happened, he should have dealt with it then. Second time it happened, yes, I had to send him a frantic letter. My pay doesn't cover everything. I have managed the best that I can. I've paid what I could, when I could. He seems to forget it takes a lot of money to feed 4 kids, meet all their needs, and put gas in for work. He was also mad that I didn't MAKE his parents spend their money in a certain way. Which yes, his parents are horrible with money. They have a gambling problem. I told them about out problems, was promised help. They just got a nice amount of money from the land they rent out, and blew it in under a week. I can't force them to give me money or to spend it a certain way. Just.... ARGH. Sorry, I know to anyone who takes time to read this, it might not make sense. I am just so stressed out.

In this mood, no promises about working out. Sure my weight will reflect that tomorrow. Although I was thinking I should stop the daily weigh in... just too stressful. Guess I'll see.
 
WT: 205.2

I need to hide that damn scale. I can resist the temptation of junk foods, but I can not resist stepping on that darn thing in the mornings. I didn't go to the gym last night. But I also didn't drink. Just went to bed early for once. Feel pretty good this morning, so might have needed a full nights rest.

Going to try to eat a healthier breakfast this morning. Right now I am thinking a banana and a piece of wheat toast with a tiny bit of peanut butter. That has always been one of my favorite things (PB) and I haven't had it for months.I haven't looked at the nutritional facts on peanut butter, but an not going to until after I eat.

Goals for today:
-eat the above breakfast
-eat 1,000 calories
-power clean my kitchen. needs to be done and should burn a few calories
-go to the gym!!!!!!!!!
 
I totally agree with you about how hard it is to avoid junk food. Let me in on a lil secret. If you are careful with your food plan you can still have a lil snack junk once in awhile. One thing I learned is that you don't want to deprive yourself 100% of what you really like. This is b/c if you go a long time without feeding that desire, there is a higher chance of binge eating junk food at the first taste you get. Just the main thing is that if you do "cheat" and have a lil junk, that you still maintain your calories and/or put a lil extra effort into your workout that day/week. Do I eat junk? Yes, once in awhile I will but still maintain b/c my metabolism is working.

I see your goals and I like it! They are definitely achieveable! Keep it up Hun!

PS...as for the venting about finances and the military, I totally feel your pain. It's not easy being the one left behind and not knowing what is going on with military pay. They are an agency in the military that never seems to get anything right...especially when you need them to the most.

Oh yeah, about the peanut butter thing. PB is a great source for protein, but can be hight in Sat Fat depending on what brand you eat. If you ever look at all the fitness/protien/energy bars, the majority of them have a peanut butter base.
 
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Sigh.... goal number one already a failure. My youngest really wanted the banana I was going to have, so gave that to her. Went to make my toast. I should not have looked at the nutrition facts! Needless to say, I did not have toast. I had a kiwi instead and some water. I will be going to buy groceries today, so that will help. Still haven't gotten my husbands money, but thanks to the kind people at the Army Family Center, I have enough gift cards to buy some groceries.
One a plus note, kitchen is about 1/2 way done. Had to run errands and my youngest is very clingy today, but will get that done. Going to make taco's tonight. Bought some whole wheat soft shells to try. I have always just had shell, meat and hot sauce on my taco's. Maybe not the healthiest supper, but tastes good. At 125 calories so far today, so at least should get near 1000.
 
Don't get down on yourself just b/c you have to fluctuate your food a little. This will take a little bit of time to figure out what works for you. I used to get freaked out about the nutritional facts on certain things. Toast is good for you! YOu still need carbs, just try to go for more whole grain carbs. These are considered COMPLEX carbs. Complex carbohydrates take longer to digest and are usually packed with fibre, vitamins and minerals. Examples are vegetables, breads, cereals, legumes and pasta. These provide more engery for longer time frames and boost your metablosim. The ones you want to not comsume as much of are, SIMPLEX carbs. Simple carbohydrates are digested quickly. Many simple carbohydrates contain refined sugars and few essential vitamins and minerals. Examples include fruits, fruit juice, milk, yoghurt, honey, molasses and sugar. Yes, you still need your daily fruit and dairy but try to think sensibly.

The main thing I see is that you are wanting results right now...which is good. However, I believe you are being a little too hard on yourself with what to or not to eat. Bottom line, your body needs calories to survive. Otherwise it thinks you are starving and will store it as fat.

Oh yeha, what's your name? Where do you live in MN? Have any before/progress pics?
 
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