Adarkestfairys weight loss journal

Sigh..... got a couple bills paid finally today. But of course, my phone and net got turned off. Could pay the bill, but need to save money to travel down in 15 days to see my husband graduate. So my able to access this site will depend on wifi connections I can find lol. Luckily I think I may have access to it most of the time. Guess we'll have to see.

Haven't finished cleaning the kitchen yet! Been running all over the place paying bills and all that fun stuff. Haven't eaten anything else yet either. That I can thank the stress for. About to make dinner now so that will help
 
Yay! Finished the full hour on the treadmill. Almost didn't make it to the gym. Fell asleep while waiting for my kids to fall asleep. Luckily I woke up. Wanted to go back to bed, but forced my lazy ass to go. Then wanted to quit during the work out. When it was getting down to the last 10 minutes I started thinking I could quit. So I increased the speed and powered through it. So that's good.

Having a hard time figuring out exactly what my calories where yesterday. What I ate other then diet soda and water:
1 medium kiwi (50 calories)
1 cheez-it snack pack (100 calories)
1 soft shell taco........ ? I know the shell was 130 calories, and the hot sauce was 10 calories. Can't find an accurate amount for the meat. It was beef, 80/20, seasoned with Ortega taco seasoning. I had just over 1/4 cup meat on my taco. Closest I can find I don't think accounts for the seasoning and just can't do the math to figure out how many ounces 1/4 would be so going to round up the estimate I had to... (300 calories)
So that would make.... 590 calories. Better then yesterday at least. Today is my 'cheat' day. Pretty sure the kids want to order pizza. One slice of that and a couple breadsticks.... hopefully can go kinda light on calories before that, but if not....that's what cheat days are for.
Off to sleep. not sure if sleeping in a sauna suit helps, but it can't hurt. It's just.... ewww
 
WT: 204

I should be happy with that number. I really don't know why I am not. I've lost six pounds so far this week. I have two more weeks to lose 4 pounds to reach my target before I see my husband. Pretty sure I'll reach my goal and even pass it. Oh well, another pound down, deep down I know that is good.
I am sooooo tired. Slept maybe 3 hours and was tossing and turning. Even took that stupid sauna suit off after a couple hours. That didn't help me sleep any better. Think I am getting nervous about seeing my husband. 2 more weeks until I can see him again! Finances suck, but one way or another I WILL get down to see him! We've been together for 16 years... and I am nervous. Partially because I fear he'll be disappointed in my weight loss. But mostly because it's been 10 weeks. I haven't been this nervous since... well 16 years ago lol.
Have today off again. Need to do a bunch of cleaning. Hopefully it will be nice out so I can play outside with my kids. Then it's an unhealthy dinner! Keeping that in mind throughout the day.

Goals for today:
- don't obsess about calories.... it's cheat day!
- clean house for at least 1 hour
- actually finish the WHOLE dvd I bought- Jilian Micheals metabolism workout... haven't gotten past the 3rd circuit yet, then again haven't tried for a long time
- gym, as long as I do the dvd, tonight I will just do the programmed 45 minute weight loss. then at least 15 minutes on the strength training.

can't send my husband anymore letters until after he graduates and goes to AIT, so will probably be updating this journal way too much.
 
Wow..... 995 calories today! Probably will regret it tomorrow, but had a good time out with the kids. All that's left is to hit the gym in awhile and hope that I don't gain tomorrow. Don't expect to lose any, but would be more then pleased if I maintained.
Tried posting a couple times today but net connection never lasts long.
 
wt: 204

Well at least I didn't gain. Didn't go to the gym. Had something happen that has made me pretty sore. Trust me, I'm leaving it at that lol. Tossed and turned all night. Had the strangest dreams! So tired right now, but have a lot to get done before work. So, guess no more sleep for me. Keeping goals simple today since I am tired and sore.

Goals:
-eat healthy
-stay active at work
-go to gym
 
over all not a bad day. Had 505 calories throughout the day. Had to do spring cleaning again at work, so stayed very busy. Had a good workout at the gym, tried a different program so only burned 300 calories, but felt great. Weights weren't busy tonight so was able to get about 20 minutes in there. And to treat myself tanned for a bit. Was tempted again to skip the gym. A friend wanted me to go to her place hand out and smoke for awhile. But said no. Yay for me lol. Bought one of those step counters the other day. Forgot to put it on right away, but ending count is... 23195. Not sure if that is good or not, but seems alright to me.

Now lets see how my weigh in goes tomorrow.
 
wt: 204.4

Hmm.......... not what I expected to see. Even a maintain I could have understood. But up a little? Is that pizza now catching up to me? I know, everyone says if you don't eat enough it will stall. But really surprised it went up. Guess I'll have to see what tomorrow brings. Work today, and kids home from school today. Should be active most of the day. Guess the gym is a must tonight.

Goals:
-stay busy at home
-stay busy at work
-gym!
 
Another shit night. Work sucked. Ended up working with an on call person who was just annoying as hell to work with. So of course, I ended up eating a couple cookies. Was already in a bad mood because I am really missing my husband tonight. So that didn't help. And my damn brother in law and his loser friends were getting drunk in front of my kids. ARGH. Should be at the gym right now, but my 2 year old is wide awake. And of course all I can think of doing is eating........

Didn't do the calorie count today.
I ate:
1 slice of pepperoni pizza
2 50 cent piece sized oatmeal cookies
handful of cheerios
2 starburst
1 cheezit 100 calorie snack pack.
so I'd guess over 800................. hoping tomorrow is better.
 
So I have just had a bad week. I swear I almost undid in one week what it took me ten weeks to achieve. Don't have the internet right now so wasn't counting. Husbands payday came and went without pay again. So I was sure that I would not be seeing him graduate. So I was really bummed out and said screw it to the diet and comfort ate. Today I come to find out that my husband is getting an advance on his backpay (gotta love the military) So... I'll get to see my husband in two days. So now it is time to try to undo the damage I did in a week in two days. Won't happen, but will lose what I can. Know I'll gain it all back when I see my husband, so not going to do an official weigh in until Monday. By then I'll have the internet back so I can get back on track!

So excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Finally have the internet back!

So to update. Last Friday I thought I would not be able to see my husband when he graduated from basic. I was already having a bad week eating too much because of boredom and stressing about finances. So when my husband didn't get paid yet again last Friday- I really just said fuck it. I ate, and ate, and then ate some more. Monday my husband called with news that I would have money in time to go down to his graduation. I stepped on the scale after that phone call....... 213!!!! I did not want to weigh that much when I saw my husband. I had until Wednesday morning to lose weight fast. I left on my trip on Wednesday and saw my husband on thursday. I will fully admit that Monday and Tuesday I basically starved myself and worked out a ton. Wednesday morning before I left on my trip I was down to 205. Wednesday and Thursday all I ate was junk food. Wednesday I ate a few pieces of popcorn chicken, a hamburger and a few peanut butter crackers. I was driving for 13 hours so just ate a few things. Thursday I expected to eat like a pig, but didn't do that bad. Mostly didn't eat much because of being busy and wanting to spend every possible second with him. So on thursday I ate 3 chicken fingers, handful of fries, a small regular cherry coke and 2 breadsticks. Today was another day of driving all day. Today I ate a few bites of yogurt, a hamburger and a small piece of pizza. Not hungry right now, but mostly do to the fact that I am dead ass tired. I stepped on the scale out of curiosity and was pleased with the number. Although I know I will probably gain a few pounds over the next day, I am glad to get back on track.

Todays weight: 202

So I didn't make my goal of 200 for when I saw my husband, but not beating myself up over it. Eating isn't one of the worse things I do when depressed, and since that is all I did, not going to be hard on myself. Now looking forward to my husbands graduation from advanced training. I have 16 weeks to reach my next goal. My husband has put on weight since joining the army. He has always weighed right around 130. He now weighs 160. So I would like to weigh as much or less then him in 16 weeks. That would mean I have to lose at least 42 pounds. So about 3 pounds a week. I think that sounds reasonable. Not going to the gym tonight because I need to sleep. Will start calorie counting and getting back on a good workout routine again tomorrow. So excited that I might be able to accomplish this.
 
Adarkestfairy said:
Finally have the internet back!

So to update. Last Friday I thought I would not be able to see my husband when he graduated from basic. I was already having a bad week eating too much because of boredom and stressing about finances. So when my husband didn't get paid yet again last Friday- I really just said fuck it. I ate, and ate, and then ate some more. Monday my husband called with news that I would have money in time to go down to his graduation. I stepped on the scale after that phone call....... 213!!!! I did not want to weigh that much when I saw my husband. I had until Wednesday morning to lose weight fast. I left on my trip on Wednesday and saw my husband on thursday. I will fully admit that Monday and Tuesday I basically starved myself and worked out a ton. Wednesday morning before I left on my trip I was down to 205. Wednesday and Thursday all I ate was junk food. Wednesday I ate a few pieces of popcorn chicken, a hamburger and a few peanut butter crackers. I was driving for 13 hours so just ate a few things. Thursday I expected to eat like a pig, but didn't do that bad. Mostly didn't eat much because of being busy and wanting to spend every possible second with him. So on thursday I ate 3 chicken fingers, handful of fries, a small regular cherry coke and 2 breadsticks. Today was another day of driving all day. Today I ate a few bites of yogurt, a hamburger and a small piece of pizza. Not hungry right now, but mostly do to the fact that I am dead ass tired. I stepped on the scale out of curiosity and was pleased with the number. Although I know I will probably gain a few pounds over the next day, I am glad to get back on track.

Todays weight: 202

So I didn't make my goal of 200 for when I saw my husband, but not beating myself up over it. Eating isn't one of the worse things I do when depressed, and since that is all I did, not going to be hard on myself. Now looking forward to my husbands graduation from advanced training. I have 16 weeks to reach my next goal. My husband has put on weight since joining the army. He has always weighed right around 130. He now weighs 160. So I would like to weigh as much or less then him in 16 weeks. That would mean I have to lose at least 42 pounds. So about 3 pounds a week. I think that sounds reasonable. Not going to the gym tonight because I need to sleep. Will start calorie counting and getting back on a good workout routine again tomorrow. So excited that I might be able to accomplish this.
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I am sorry to hear about all of the stress you have had this week :( Despite the not so great food choices it is great you still managed to lose weight :D
 
I need to hide my scale. I use to never want to weigh myself, now I do it too much. Trying my hardest to wait a week to weigh in again. So far all I have had is a diet soda. But it's really early and waiting till my kids get up to eat something. Not really setting much for goals for the day. Have a busy day today. Need to unpack and put everything away. Need to wash a ton of clothes. Then work tonight. Planning on going to the gym tonight, but will honestly skip that if I have the chance to talk to my husband. Already thinking that I might have to start going to the gym in the mornings again. His free time is in the evenings. Guess I'll wait and see how these few days go. So will keep todays goals as:
1. Eat healthy
2. Stay active at home and work
3. Gym
will update with my food log at the end of the day
 
I should have known my luck was going too well. After I posted earlier today I loaded my kids up to go run errands. Opened my van door and saw my car stereo was gone!!! ARGH!
What I ate today:
breakfast: snack size butterfinger 85 calories
ritz snack pack 100 calories
Lunch: banana 90 calories
Snack: small cinnamon roll 140 calories
Dinner: ritz snack pack 100 calories
drank 3 glasses of water and two diet sodas
total calories: 515

the butterfinger and roll were both stress eating. need to stop doing that. Low on calories. actually hungry right now but so stressed out I just don't care to eat right now. Work was very slow paced. I tried to find extra things to do but was not very active. Might try to eat something before I go to the gym.
 
Made it to the gym last night. Was too crampy to do my normal workout, but got 50 minutes in on the treadmill. Didn't get any strength training in since that side of the gym was packed.
Did not eat anything else. Think I allowed myself to be overly sensitive about a couple comments my husband made. I really know that he did not mean anything by them, but for some dumb reason I allowed myself to be bothered by them. The base he is on is mostly female. He made a few comments about how 'hot' they were. So I let that bother me. Yeah, I see attractive guys a lot of the time. But I know I have an attractive, amazing, loving husband. So when I see that, not such a big deal. Have that around a guy that has only had sex once in 11 weeks, who has a fucked up and fat wife........ yeah mind started to wander a bit. Need to stop being stupid.

For today...... well it's mothers day so could use that as an excuse to slack off. No real plans so not going to allow myself that excuse. So goals are the same as always, eat healthy, stay active, and go to they gym.
 
Today's calories were 533. Would have been much lower but had a small piece of cake at work. Think the calories I compared it to is a little on the high side though. I really should go to the gym. But I am so exhausted. With all the driving and sleepless nights I've had this week.... my body is finally saying 'fuck you bitch'. So yeah, going to skip it. Going to try to get a good nights rest. Hopefully I won't regret it tomorrow.
 
I weighed myself today. Know I was going to wait until Friday, but honestly skipping a few days is a good start. Not kicking myself for that little bit of cake either!

wt: 199.4

*Happy Dance* I know, it's barely under 200. But I haven't seen my weight start with a one for at least 15 years. Right now I am happy happy happy.

Goals for today:
-get at least two rooms really clean in my house
- eat healthy and slightly more then I have been
- gym tonight
 
You are not eating enough. 500 calories is DANGEROUS. You are starving your body which is why the weight is coming off slowly and you are not being healthy. 500 calories is just insane. You will make yourself ill. Please eat more.
 
Sunflower- yes, I know 500 is way too low. Only counting calories to keep track. Just being honest so I can see what does and doesnt work.

Today I had 800 calories. Didn't go to the gym. Have a feeling I am not going to sleep. Which means I am probably going to eat even more. Was having a good day. Cleaned a lot. Ate a little more healthy. Even got to chat with my husband some. He was in a bad mood. That put me in a bad mood. Then.......11 weeks of him being gone hit me like a ton of bricks. I cried when he went to basic training. I cried when we parted ways again at graduation. But tonight it all hit me at once. Guess complete and total mental breakdown could describe it. Been crying for at least an hour now and starting to wonder when I'll stop. So just going to let it happen for as long as I need. Cuddle into one of his shirts. And hope for a better day tomorrow.
 
My bad night turned into a bad day with eating. I didn't 'count' calories, but a quick guess would be around 1100. Did get a good work out in. Hopefully when I wake up in the morning I can get off to a good start.
 
Keep letting stress get the best of me. Hopefully I can have a few stress free weeks now. Weight got back up to 205. This morning back down to 199. I know I have GOT to find a balance that works and stick with it. Just have to keep in mind the things that I am enjoying so far.

Yesterday meals:
2- 100 calorie ritz party snack packs
salad 1/2 cup, tiny piece of chicken, 5 sprays of 1 calorie italian dressing

so yes, did not eat enough. I didn't put the calorie count down. I know it was too low. I allow myself to worry too much about calories when I am counting them, but when I don't count I eat too much. Had a great workout last night. And yes, I burned more then I ate. Hoping today will be better
 
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