A Little More Action

Wow, yesterday was my first day not eating chocolate. Wonder how long I can keep that up. :rolleyes:

Snack:
Carrot Ginger Muffin - 101c
Coffee and Amaretto creamer - 40c

Total so far - 487!
It's not even noon yet! Mann. haha

I feel so tired still. I'm going to play DDR and try to get motivated. Yesterday I didn't meet my cardio goal. I hope I don't crash during, or after it...

I'm not sure if I'm actually sick, or have been exercising too much compared to what I was doing before, thus making me feel drained. If I don't stick with it, I'll lose it though. So... tired or not, I'm exercising.

I haven't had coffee in a long time, I hope it gives me a one up.

The more I think about it, the more excited I am about the 1 pound loss! :D
 
Alright, so I'm comming back to this journal. Heya journal. ;)

I'm done with the "buddy system." It has kind of failed... a few times... already? I wanted to be held accountable for hurting myself, to help someone else, and to just feel like I wasn't alone in this. But nearly everyone I've talked to goes days or weeks without being online. Without someone carring eought to check on me I stopped caring if I had anything good to say... if so happen they did. So I'm done with buddies. I don't mean to sound so bitter, but I'm mearly a teenage girl, and got attached, and loved the idea of help.

Having said all of that, I wouldn't mind having a few people like I did before, who occasionaly checked in on me, but were not obligated to do so. :p No pressure. Rly.

..................................

I bet I've gained ten pounds the past two weeks. It's no joke, I honestly do gain weight (and hopefully lose) that fast. Horrible. I can feel my waist expanding. I'll look like an Tweedle Dee soon... Although my legs aren't toothpicks and my arms extend past my hips.

BLAH.

Tomorrow I'll do better. I've been so lazy this past weekk (spring break), because the weather has been shitty/depressing. I want to go running, or at least for a nice walk, but I just can not stand bad weather.

Yes. So tomorrow I'll eat nice food, kick the chocolate, and stop eating most bagged/packaged items. :) Heh, maybe even start calorie counting again.

I hope once my brain and stomach reconnect, the brain takes over and not the stomach. Srsly, I've eaten so much junk, once I go back to being healthy it isn't going to know what to do, and will probably ache and ache and ache. Maybe I'm still in a "life sucks" mood, and am anticipatig too much bad way before anything happens.

This was greatly needed.
 
My biggest challenge is dealing with boredom. Durring summer I walk, and don't think about food. During the school day I work hard, keep my hands busy. With friend, I'd rather laugh than eat. When it's not summer, when I'm not with friends, and when I'm not in school, I become near obsessed with eating. I feel as if when I'm not doing something I'm wasting my life. Eating changes that, I guess. I won't feel hungry, but will eat beyond the capacity of my stomach... Then eat again soon after, just to keep my hands busy.

Also, I am so freaking sick of DDR. I don't think I can make myself do it. The weather is completely crap, so there is little to no exercise in my life currently.

My ride wasn't going to dance tonight, so I didn't either. If someone would take me driving, and I was able to gain the experience I need to get my lisence, I think this entire "journey" would be so much easier. I'd drive to the mall and walk, or something of the sort... But the point is I'd be able to do something, I'd be able to stop my boredom and not be indulging more than anyone should.

Honestly, when I am content, I can eat near 1000 kcal a day and not care less... But when I'm not, I eat and eat, near 3x that amount (I'd guess.)

Until the weather improves, silly online journal, expect more complaining from me. Bad weather=bad mood=bad lifestyle.

:(
 
Being vegetarian is hard. :(

Also, today I found out that I can no longer eat most poptarts. WTH. Gelatin is everywhere! :eek:

So no poptarts, yogurt (and all of those unhealthy yogurt covered treats), marshmellows, fluff, and gummy bears.

Probably for the best. None of them are too good for me. :p

I'm really dedicated to trying to make this work. I wish someone would tell me that all potato chips and candy are made from animals.

I think I need better dedication to this. Like if something has gelatin, I don't eat it, so maybe if something has over a certain percentage fat or something, I wont eat it either.
 
Tomorrow is the healthy fitness test in gym. I am so unfit, and bet I have only worsened from the last time. I've become so lethargic, and have pretty much given my diet the kick. I need to change, but maybe I'm not at that point yet where I have total body disgust. I want to get there, I feel like I hate myself now... I guess just maybe not enough to do anyhthing about it.

I want to change because I want to love myself completely, and want to get out of the mind set I'm in. No one would say I was self destructive, but my eating habits and lack of exercise completely say opposite. I am slowly killing myself. I know I'm not too bad off now, but give it ten, fifteen years and I honestly will look like the blob.

Todays bad...
Ate a shit load of chocolate. I even put it all in my moms room, but I still sneak in there to get it. I can tell I'm getting worse by the fact that I had to add sneak to that sentence. The amout I ate is embarassing, I have no self control. Even after the point where it began to taste bad, I continued.

I've been running on 3-ish hours of sleep every day for a few days now.

Found out I have an 85 in global. It's an honors class, and I've really been slacking off... but still. I can't get over just expecting to do good because I usually do. I need to stop, and maybe try. ?????

Also, I sat on the couch sewing for 5-6ish hours. :eek:

The good...
Eh, not so much. Only ate one bowl of cereal for breakfast, which use to be normal for me, but the past two weeks I was so obsessed with food I'd eat two or three. My stomach is a black abyss.

It was sunny, and pretty! Yet.... I didn't go for a walk. Decided that I'd walk home tomorrow though, since my boyfriend isn't going to school due to court. He hit a handicap van. HAHAHAHAHA. There was no real damage to his car OR the van, but still. :p

Finished my McDonalds application. I know what you're thinking, that it's a horrible place to work for someone who wants to lose weight... BUT I HATE THEIR FOOD. And, the only thing there I'd eat is either french fries (which I have actually sucsesfully given up) and side salads.
 
I can only do four pushups without dying.
- Last year I could do fifteen!

I ate too much today.

----------
Breakfast:
Wheat & Cheddar Sandwich Crackers - 190c
Nature Valley 100% Natural Fruit Bar - 80c

Lunch:
100% Natural Fruit Bar - 80c
Banana - 109c
Apple - 63c
Oriental Mix - 379c

Snack:
Mr. Goodbar - 132c

Dinner:
Baked Potato - 160c
Cooked Broccoli - 55c
Cheese - 72c
Cantaloupe - 46c
Honeydew Melon - 64c

Snack:
1/2 Muffin. :( :( - 209c (Guessing)

Total = 1,656c
Carbs - 272
Fat - 53
Protein - 39
Water - 4 cups so far

The bad...
Over did the bad foods. Should not have ate the muffin, my stomach even aches now... And it didn't even taste good.
Need to drink more water.
Breakfast was eaten on the bus...

The good...
Got a ton of fruit today!
Walked home from school - about 1 1/2 miles.
Did really well food-wise the beginning of the day, and now see that I need to keep myself busy after school, or else I'll eat and eat.
 
It's so easy to be fat and eat the ice cream.
I want to change, I really do. And this is one of the biggest excuses, but I don't live alone and don't have control over the foods in my house. I'm sure if I did it'd be easier, because I wouldn't buy the ice cream, potato chips, and chocolate. I'm so good about not putting bad things in me when I have to pay for them, but when they are already there, in front of me, I lose control, and I do eat the bad.
:(

I'm a big excuse maker though, and I think I really just need a kick in the ass. Most people here make it sound like it's okay and fine when you do bad, but I do bad nearly every day, and being told that, and telling people that makes me think it is alright too. It's not. I want a kick, and to be told that I'm killing myself. Honestly, don't feel bad if about "hurting my feelings," I think that if more people were straight forward life would be better anyway. For everyone.

I'm not asking anyone to do this for me, the way I write would seem so... I'm just asking myself to be honest.

Eating the ice cream was the wrong decision. No way around it, it was. You don't feel any better, in fact your stomach hurts and you're even more lazy now. Don't do it again!
 
Whoa! Five miles, I'd say you're NOT doing too bad also! Thats awesome. I too live in a house where I don't control whats being brought home, you're so right it is so much easier being fat and eating the ice cream. But thats when I just try to pretend like its not there and go on with myself. Think you're doing pretty good, we all have slip ups, infact I just had one tonight. Well Good for you keeping active. I'm Marissa, I'm pretty new here but I thought your 5miles was great SO I thought I'd let ya know! :D
 
Deliriouslysane said:
Whoa! Five miles, I'd say you're NOT doing too bad also! Thats awesome. I too live in a house where I don't control whats being brought home, you're so right it is so much easier being fat and eating the ice cream. But thats when I just try to pretend like its not there and go on with myself. Think you're doing pretty good, we all have slip ups, infact I just had one tonight. Well Good for you keeping active. I'm Marissa, I'm pretty new here but I thought your 5miles was great SO I thought I'd let ya know! :D
Click to expand...

Thank you Marissa, it was nice to hear this! I think I'm going to try to just pretend it's not there also, and maybe start walking instead of eating. :3

Also, welcome to the forum! I'll keep in touch. ;)
 
Breakfast:
Rye Bread, 2 slizes - 166c
Skippy PB - 143c
Orange - 45c

Lunch:
Apple - 63c
Trail Mix Bar, Cranberry Apple - 150c
Nature Valley Fruit Bars - 76c
Honey Nut Cheerios - 112c
10 Almonds - 69c

Snack:
Cashews - 320c
1/2 orange - 23c
Mr. Goodbar - 264c

Dinner
Vegetarian Chili - 340c
10 Unsalted Saltine Crackers - 130c

Water - 6 cups (so far)
Calories - 1,900
Fat - 73
Carbs - 285
Protein - 57
Vitamin B-12 - 28
Fiber - 38

Clories, fat, and carbs are all over. :/

Exercise:
Walking home from school (35 minutes) - burned about 147 calories
Walking after school (1 hour, 35 minutes) - burned about 388 calories

Today, overall, went well.
BUT DAMN YOU MR. GOODBAR.
 
Today has started off horrid.

Breakfast:
Kellogs Smart Start Cereal - 184c
3/4 cup 1% Milk - 77c
Pear - 98c
Peanutbutter - 166c

SNACK:
Mr. Goodbar - 264c
Coffee Creamer - 25c
Biscotti - 210c

TOTAL : 1,024calories

OMFUGGG. I suck at dieting. :(

I want to live alone, and away from the things that make me fat. I would NEVER in a million years buy myself a Mr. Goodbar, or biscotti, unless I was going into diabetic shock (haha). I don't want people in my life that will buy me those things either. Treat me like a child, I don't care, just don't go out and purposely buy me the things that are bad for me, even if I say they are my favorite.

Like yesterday, my boyfriend bought me doughnuts in the morning... I didn't eat any of them, BUT my mom had bought some a few days ago and I had one for breakfast at home anyway. Just stopppp. :(

Speaking of people, last night I went to the bowling alley with a few friends. It got super boring because no one wanted to go cosmic bowling, and everyone just wanted to hang out and act stupid... So I decided to leave. It's like a two mile walk to my house, which is fine, but it was late and dark, and starting to get near the peak hour for weird scary people to be out... and they just let me go. Like, I know I would have left and walked home no matter what, but they didn't call me to make sure I got home safe, or tell me to watch out or be careful. It didn't hurt, just surprised me. Since when has everyone become so uncaring? And what happened to the support system?

Also, I weighed myself today - 155lb! :eek: I gain weight super fast. So... I reset my ticker, and am starting over. I'm going to focus on the mini goal for now on.

Rain or shine, I am getting my fat ass up and going walking for atleast three hours today... I really don't care if it rains, the only problem I have is that I lost my ipod in school yesterday, so it's going to be silent walking. :/ What the puck.

This entry is slightly incoherent, sorry.
 
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All day I've been eatting and eating and eating... Without feeling full at all, which was upsetting me. I know sometimes I say my stomach is a black abyss, but it truely felt like it, so I continued shoving things in my mouth.

Then, a minute or two ago I drank like a cup of water, and now I ache.

:/ I haven't drank much good ol' H2O today, and I'm about 80% sure that's what my problem has been. The other 20% is divided in half, with 10% being that it's nearing my TOM, and the other part being the depressing weather.

Lesson Learned - If I eat something, and still crave more, I'm going to take a few minutes off and drink just water. If I'm still hungry after, I'll allow myself more.

I honestly ache now, all of the crap food is catching up with me.
 
Today I noticed that not only do I eat when I am bored, but when I'm putting off doing things. Like... "oh, i can't write my essay now, I'm hungry and need to eat!" *GRABS A MR. GOODBAR.*

The ONLY good thing about eating the bad thins is that they aren't there the next day for me to mess up on. hahhaha... So we're out of doughnuts, Mr. Goodbars (well, one left), and birthday cake ice cream. Yes, I ate the rest of all of those. :/

I can actually feel myself expanding. At least my middle. I miss it being tiny. Even when the rest of me is big, if my stomach is flat I don't feel that bad.

... Now it's not. GAH. MOM, stop buying bad food! I know I confessed my love of Mr. Goodbars to you, but that doesn't mean go buy me a 6 pack... And I know we eat ice cream all the time, but that doesn't mean it's freaking healthy, and we should. SO WHY DO WE? Because it's here! It's in our house, it's waiting for us! AVOID IT IN THE FIRST PLACE. Please!

Tomorrow/when she wakes up I'm talking to her about this. She has an "i'm not going to live much longer/you only live once" attitude, but really, it doesn't make sense. If you treated your body well in the first place, maybe you'd live to be a hundred, and not have so many medical problems... And that one life you have wouldn't be over so fast. :(

On to good news...

I walked for about an hour today with my niece. :) Dropped off an application at the dollar tree store, and would have done more, but she got really whiney, and bored.

Also, I began talking my brother into giving me his black lab pit bull puppy! His girlfriend is much more into pure breeds... I hope I get it, I'd love another dog... My two adorable dogs I have now are crate trained, meaning they don't sleep with me. This puppy, all he does is want to snuggle, and when you take him outside he doesn't run up and down the streets, and through neighbor's yards for 15 minutes, but instead runs around next to you, and allows you to soak in all of his cuteness.
 
List :)

I don't think I'm serious about losing weight yet. :/ It's a bummer, because until then I wont. But, I am learning a lot about myself, and the things that will help me reach my goal when the time comes.

The only problem I really have now is figuring out WHY I let myself be fat and unhealthy. I know I don't want to be like this, but I'm doing my best to keep things the way they are, you know? It's not like I think "oh, lets eat ice cream and get fater" but more of an automatic response to get ice cream. After I start eating, a switch turns on and I start thinking "oh no!" BUT then I tell myself tomorrow will be better, I'm not that fat, it's only a little bit (HAH).
:( I do have self control, I'm just not implementing it.

AH... so to my list. I'll update this when I figure something else out, and am open to suggestions. :)

~1 Stop leaving your candy wrappers all over the place! It's alright if you enjoy something sweet on occasion, but leaving the wrapper out just allows you to continue to think about it! (and just because you're a teenager doesn't mean you have to be such a slob!)

~2 You're pretty good at saying no to others, learn how to say it to yourself! If someone asked you for help, you'd do everything in your power for them, so treatyourself like you would a friend.

~3 Use Spark People every day. Even on bad days you still need to be honest, and pretending your too busy to enter everything you ate is lame.

~4 Keep candy and junk food out of arms reach, and to be safe, out of the living room and your bedroom altogether.

~5 Drink water, before, during, and after every meal. Bring a bottle with you everywhere.

~6 While eating, set your fork down between each bite, and take a sip of water then also. Try counting to ten when you feel ravenous, so you don't eat too fast either.

~7 ALWAYS eat at the table. Never in the living room, or standing up at the counter... When you eat at different places you tend not to focus on what's infront of you, or how much you consume.

~8 Stop eating your boredom. Go outside, do some yardwork, take the dogs for a walk, even take a nap if it stops you!

~9 You also eat when putting something off. Confront what your problem / unwanted task is, and conquer it, don't ignore it more.

That's all I have for now. Time to go work on some essays. (confronting my unwanted task lol)
 
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I need to start getting work done when I first get it, so I don't panic and eat everything I can get ahold of. :/

When I feel like I can't accomplish something, I eat. I eat a lot, you wouldn't believe how far my stomach can stretch after one day. I hate binging.

Summer needs to get here soon. I just want to be able to walk all day and work on building our patio and porch, and not worry about keeping my grades up in honors, or getting retarded english projects in. I can't wait to start reading again because it's something that I want to do, and not have to re-read stories and books that I read years ago. Bleh, I hate school.
 
new job = better health?

I got a job at the bowling alley today! It's about 1 1/2-2 miles away, so on nice days I'll walk there and home. :)

Today, I consumed near 1,950 calories. :/ I think I've tricked myself into thinking that I'm only full when I've had near that much calorie wise to eat. Bahh, maybe I should start focusing on exercise more. I'm pretty good with keeping that up. (when I focus)

Having a job means a lot to me. It means I wont be able to snack non stop after school (haha even though I'm working the snack bar), that I'll have to be up and about more, and that if and when I get a gym membership I'll have no excuse not to go, because it's like a quarter mile away from my work, and I don't go there until 5.

:D
 
Before Pictures

Ah, so here are a few pictures, motivation to change. because I want to change, but am not letting myself do it. In two months, that is July 1st, (or sooner) I will post again... If a difference isn't seen, feel free to kick me in the ass.

back:

side:

front:


I have MASSIVE thighs, and arms. :( I want to lose weight in my arms first though, they're so embarassing to me. The hips atleast I can hide *sorta.*

I've gotten a bit of a stomach since these were taken, not much, but it's not as flat as it was then (about 5 weeks ago hahah). That really needs to go...

And the back fat.

Also, these were taken on a lazy day, sorry I look so gross (other than the obv. grossness that is there always, haha.)

:D I hope this helps me!!
 
you have such a pretty face!!!! your cheekbones are aweseom - like model stylee! wowww
your waist is shapely too :)
just keep concentrating on making sure that the calories that go in are being burned off to lose the flab from the arms etc - then once it has gone you can go to "bulking" phase to build the muscle for muscular definition there. just cut the fat down first. keep motivated - we're all cheerin you on x
 
Sophie335 said:
you have such a pretty face!!!! your cheekbones are aweseom - like model stylee! wowww
your waist is shapely too :)
just keep concentrating on making sure that the calories that go in are being burned off to lose the flab from the arms etc - then once it has gone you can go to "bulking" phase to build the muscle for muscular definition there. just cut the fat down first. keep motivated - we're all cheerin you on x
Click to expand...

First: Thannnkk you for replying!! haha
I'm going to start trying, really, to keep motivated. :)
And have a better attitude!
 
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