A goal without a plan is just a wish...

Nice job sticking to your points yesterday!! I did too! one day down 4 to go! It's so true how one good day can change the scales attitude - let's keep it going down this week! We can do it!
 
Thanks girls! It is very hard with all the temptations in my house but I'm sick of being stuck in my weight loss... I've got to keep my hands off the junk!

Here is how today looked:
- 3 egg whites scrambled (1PT)
- Banana, mixed berries, almond milk smoothie (4PTS)
- Fiber One bar (2PTS)
- Chicken, onion, lettuce, and spicy ranch wrap (4PTS)
- Single serving bag of natural popcorn (1PT)
- Orange (1PT)
- SF Jell-O pudding cup (1PT)
- Slice of reduced-fat swiss cheese (2PTS)
- 2 dum-dum's (1PT)
- 1/2 cup steak strips (1.5PTS)
- Cauliflower w/cheese (1PT)
- SF Jell-O cup (0PTS)

= 19.5 PTS and I had a little spoon of peanut butter so probably 21PTS :-/ but that would be only over by 1PT so not too bad. As you can see I was getting a little snack-y while I was at work. It was hard not to since it was sooo slow today!

I planned to get on the treadmill while watching the Biggest Loser tonight but I ate dinner and was too full... now I'm just tired! I have the morning free tomorrow and I plan to go for a bike ride around the lake and maybe also go for a run! It's supposed to be beautiful outside so I'm looking forward to it!

Goodnight,
~ Sarah
 
Yeah for sticking with it for 2 days straight! I know we can make it for 3 more! I'm so jealous you have the day off - it's supposed to be 28 degrees Celcius here today and I would love to be enjoying it outside. Hopefully tonight I will get out for a bike ride or something. Keep it up Sarah - your doing great this week! Enjoy your day off in the sun!
 
I agree with Lisa i want to be outside today not stuck inside...i have to sit and stare at the beautiful weather throught the giant glass wall in front of me, at least I get to see outside but it's kind of a tease lol!
 
chubbygirl said:
Yeah for sticking with it for 2 days straight! I know we can make it for 3 more! I'm so jealous you have the day off - it's supposed to be 28 degrees Celcius here today and I would love to be enjoying it outside. Hopefully tonight I will get out for a bike ride or something. Keep it up Sarah - your doing great this week! Enjoy your day off in the sun!
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I only have the morning off.. going in to work at 3 but by that time the best part of the day is over anyhow! I'm excited to have another good day :)

Verobc said:
I agree with Lisa i want to be outside today not stuck inside...i have to sit and stare at the beautiful weather throught the giant glass wall in front of me, at least I get to see outside but it's kind of a tease lol!
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I totally understand! I am a receptionist and my desk is facing directly out the big glass wall of windows so I just stare outside all day. Yesterday I sat there for 9 hours watching the sun shine! I was sooo mad! lol

__________

Alrighty, here we go... Wednesday! I haven't planned out my meals yet, but for breakfast I had oatmeal w/peanut butter and banana (6PTS). I'm going to go for a run and a bike ride this morning so that should be a good hour and a half of cardio. I will also do some dumbbell exercises too.

I just found out that my friend in the marines that has been in Afghanistan since September is coming home today so I'm sure there will be a huge party for him sometime this week/weekend. I hope it is on the weekend so I don't ruin my week by the temptations of drinking. I guess I could always just NOT drink... :) Jeez!

Time to get a move on!
~ Sarah
 
That's awesome that you get to see your friend! Just focus on that: it's the real reason you're celebrating, drinking is second to that. I always tend to focus on the drinks and forget that I'm going out to be social and have a good time with friends. Drinks can be an added bonus sometimes, but if they're hurting your progress they're not much of a bonus at all are they? It just sucks that they're so damn good.
 
RachelSilvana said:
That's awesome that you get to see your friend! Just focus on that: it's the real reason you're celebrating, drinking is second to that. I always tend to focus on the drinks and forget that I'm going out to be social and have a good time with friends. Drinks can be an added bonus sometimes, but if they're hurting your progress they're not much of a bonus at all are they? It just sucks that they're so damn good.
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I know! Especially because there's almost always an opportunity to drink. If there's nothing to do or no where to go, we can always drink! Maybe I'll try to kick beer out of my diet and stick to vodka and diet's or something. Not that drinking that was is healthier but the beer is not helping this belly!!!

_____

Yesterday was good - I went over maybe 2 or 3 points :-/ I had 2 chips ahoy chocolate chip cookies before bed... and I wasn't even hungry. I think I just needed some chocolate... PMSing I suppose. I had a really nice day though... I went for a 3.5 mile run and an 8 mile bike ride too! Got some color out in the sun, it was really nice :) I'm off work today so I've been cleaning my room alllllll morning (still unpacking from school as well!) and helping my mom move patio furniture and now I've got some dishes to do! I'm going shopping with my friends this afternoon... so it's a busy day! I didn't get a workout in but at least I'm moving around a lot!

Well that's all! Happy Wednesday!
~ Sarah
 
skkroll said:


I totally understand! I am a receptionist and my desk is facing directly out the big glass wall of windows so I just stare outside all day. Yesterday I sat there for 9 hours watching the sun shine! I was sooo mad! lol
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Hey we have the same job....don't you just hate sitting at a desk all day! i have to find a job that has a bit less sitting involved!
 
Hahahah I had chocolate chip cookies last night too!! We are so bad! That's really funny to me! You had a much better work out though! I'm so jealous of getting some colour too. I know the sun is not good for me but I look so much better with a tan! I used to use tanning beds and then when my hunnie quit smoking last year I said I would quit tanning and really miss it. I can't go though because that's like telling him to start smoking again. I just need to be outside more I guess. I'm nervous about tan lines though since my dress is strapless - guess I will have to bike topless to get some sun!! hahah like that would ever happen. HAve a great day - let's keep it up! I think we are doing great this week!
 
chubbygirl said:
Hahahah I had chocolate chip cookies last night too!! We are so bad! That's really funny to me! You had a much better work out though! I'm so jealous of getting some colour too. I know the sun is not good for me but I look so much better with a tan! I used to use tanning beds and then when my hunnie quit smoking last year I said I would quit tanning and really miss it. I can't go though because that's like telling him to start smoking again. I just need to be outside more I guess. I'm nervous about tan lines though since my dress is strapless - guess I will have to bike topless to get some sun!! hahah like that would ever happen. HAve a great day - let's keep it up! I think we are doing great this week!
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LOL I started laughing when I just read your post today. It seems like whenever we slip up... we usually do the same things! So weird! I even thought about another cookie but I was like NO! 2 is ENOUGH already! I'm glad you stopped at 2, too :) haha! I have stopped using tanning beds as well. I love being tan but I just think the risk of skin cancer is NOT worth it. I am very fair skinned so it is hard for me to tan anyway. Wouldn't it be cool to just ride a bike around town topless? LOL if only the world were a better place.. hah!
 
Oh these COOKIES going around!!! Glad you are getting to moving that body!! I love the combo of running and biking!! :) Nice work. New muscles being used.

...and tanning sounds GREAT!!! It's funny cause, I'm BROWN already...hahah..but I tan FASTTTTTTTTER than anyone I've seen. Literally...I stand out there and in 10 minutes I have tan lines. It's INSANE. When I was small, my mom would put on Bronzer when we went to the beach to actually get DARKER!!! She's dark like me, but still I would think..."MOM!?!! what are you doing!!?!" I thought that she was going to be my DARK sista MOMMA after all that tanning. My dad would have probably thought "Who is this African American woman you brought home with you!?!!" :) LOL.... ..."That's your NEW Aunt Jemima dad!" Duh!"

...now I like tanning. Go figure. LOL!!! Mainly upper thighs and ass portion though! :)

...Can't wait to ride around topless....I was just thinking about running topless yesterday too!
 
Fell off the wagon a little bit!

So yesterday on our way for our shopping trip, my friends and I decided we wanted to drive to the capitol instead (we were already half way there) to go shopping on state street and eat at one of our old favorite restaraunts that went out of business in our area. It is a Chinese/Asain restaraunt that has the BEST sweet and sour chicken EVER. So when we got to the captiol we ate there first. Good news is I didn't pig out on the whole thing like I used to! It was delicious and I'm sort of glad it's over an hour out of town so I can't eat there all the time like I used to :)

After we ate, we did some shopping! I bought a small black purse and a pair of earrings from a store called "Re-Threads." It's where people bring in old clothes and sell them to the store. The store picks what they want and gives people cash for their clothes. The store chooses name-brand things so you can get really nice stuff for a really low price.

When we were done shopping, we stopped at Red Mango - it's a frozen yogurt (nonfat!) place very similar to the franchise PinkBerry (which is big in California). I got a small frozen yogurt with Gharidelli dark chocolate bits and shredded coconut on mine. There were so many things to choose from for toppings... kiwi, strawberries, blackberries, almonds, cereal, white chocolate chips...

After our trip we came home and decided to have a little bonfire and some drinks. I had one beer and two vodka + diet's. I had some potato chips too but I didn't pig out or anything.

I'm upset that I didn't have a "perfect" day but the trip to the captiol was completely random and since it doesn't happen often (or ever!) I didn't mind making the most of it. ALSO, I got a reminder of what I will be RUNNING around in just 9 days! (OMG I can't believe it....) There were lots of runners out and I'm assuming a lot of them were training for the marathon.

In about 2 hours I'm supposed to pick up my grandma and go out for lunch. Ugh.... I don't want to eat out again! But that's what she wants to do so all I can do is try to choose the healthiest option I can! After that, I'm going to hang out with my ex to give him a hair cut and we are going to make sweet chili cashews for his brother's birthday party tomorrow. Again, tomorrow is going to be a challenge because I'm going to be around party food!

I'm going to work out tonight and hopefully get my ass up tomorrow morning before work so I can workout again! I will do my best to eat healthier foods and watch my portions this weekend.

Until Monday.......
~ Sarah
 
Your day sounded like fun yesterday so just enjoy that and don't worry about the extra snacks - nothing you can't burn off in a good workout or run! I can't believe the half marathon is so soon!! Yikes are you getting nervous. The deadline to sign up for the one I want to do in September is coming up and that alone is making me nervous - I should just sign up and get it over with but I always doubt that I will not be able to train enough for it and not be able to run it all. I really haven't been putting much into running these days and I'm not sure I want to make it a focus going forward. I really want to do more strength training in the next two months so I don't know. I can't wait to hear how yours goes because I know it will give me more confidence.
I'm glad I don't have any parties to go to this weekend and as long as I don't stop at the store there shouldn't be many temptations.
Have a great time at the party and get up early before work to sweat it out tomorrow!!
 
Having a serious breakdown right now. I can't stop crying and I know why but I don't know why at the same time.

I went to lunch with my grandma this morning and of course instead of getting a soup and salad, I got half of a chicken panini and soup (which came with a roll). I ate it all. Then on a journey to Walgreens, I found Red Vines licorice on sale 2 for $4 and grabbed two bags right away. Ate probably 10 pieces... ugh. THEN I got home and the first thing I saw on the countertop was two pieces of banana cake with chocolate frosting. And I did not even second guess grabbing a piece and devouring it. Then I ate a cookie because I wanted more sugar.

My mom got home and yelled right away because I had completely ignored the fact that my puppy was still in her cage and I did not let her out to go potty or anything. I totally forgot she was even there because all I cared about was eating that cake.

I told my mom I was so mad that I ate that cake... I said, "Sorry I was too busy being fat that I forgot to take care of the dogs. Oh and I bought some Red Vines so we can be fat together."

My mom asked me what's wrong, I said, "Nothing is wrong!" And again she asked, and again, and again, and my grandma was standing there with her (they just got home from shopping) so I jumped off the table I was sitting on and screamed, "NOTHING IS FUCKING WRONG!" and stomped to my bedroom, crashed onto my bed and started crying. Cried and cried and cried. I haven't cried so hard in so long. I just completely broke down.

A few minutes later my mom came to my room and asked me what was wrong, and all I could say was that I didn't know, and I didn't know why I was crying.

I came here to the computer when I was done, and she came to the door and said she felt really sad for whatever was going on in my head that was making me act this way.

I want to say it's the PMS but maybe it's more. I have problems with myself. I call myself fat, I complain about being fat, I told my grandma I didn't want to get lunch with her because I was a "fat fatty" last weekend when it was my birthday. I blamed my friends last night for making me "fat." I am losing it. I don't want to feel this way. I just feel like this battle is never going to end... I have to try so hard to keep this weight off... every day is all about numbers and counting and telling myself I can't eat this or I can't eat that. Every day is a constant battle.

One of my best friends that I went to school with freshman year lost so much weight and is pretty much the same size as me now (which she was probably a good 20 pounds heavier than me at my heaviest) and it's all because she got prescribed to Adderall. It's for ADHD but a lot of people take it just for fun. It totally surpresses your appetite. So basically it made her lose all this weight and I was SO mad. I work hard, day in and day out to try eat the right things so I can lose weight but I CAN'T. And then I SCREW UP like I did yesterday, and today, and I just go back and forth all the time.

I hate it. I'm sorry I'm so negative right now but I'm so upset with myself I just needed to come here and vent.

Lisa... I read your journal today and started bawling (again) when I read that quote you wrote down:
May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are.
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Thank you for that... and thank you for being you. I love you <3

~ Sarah
 
skkroll said:
I want to say it's the PMS but maybe it's more. I have problems with myself. I call myself fat, I complain about being fat, I told my grandma I didn't want to get lunch with her because I was a "fat fatty" last weekend when it was my birthday. I blamed my friends last night for making me "fat." I am losing it. I don't want to feel this way. I just feel like this battle is never going to end... I have to try so hard to keep this weight off... every day is all about numbers and counting and telling myself I can't eat this or I can't eat that. Every day is a constant battle.
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I feel for you. It's all about finding that balance, which I am so far from finding after having like the most stressful day/week/month ever that I really have nothing to offer other than a sympathetic ear. I feel so anxious and overwhelmed lately. It's been crazy. I don't know how people with kids manage all this shit and stay sane. I'm thinking of trying meditation or something to calm my mind and remind myself it's not all about what you CAN'T do but about what you CAN. Sometimes, like today, we just get a little overwhelmed. But I think a lot of that is just us making things harder than they have to be with all the counting, recounting, feeling bad about our choices, etc. when we should be focusing on all the positives. Hopefully it all passes and you can learn to find that balance and inner peace or whatever the answer is.
 
skkroll said:
One of my best friends that I went to school with freshman year lost so much weight and is pretty much the same size as me now (which she was probably a good 20 pounds heavier than me at my heaviest) and it's all because she got prescribed to Adderall. It's for ADHD but a lot of people take it just for fun. It totally surpresses your appetite. So basically it made her lose all this weight and I was SO mad. I work hard, day in and day out to try eat the right things so I can lose weight but I CAN'T. And then I SCREW UP like I did yesterday, and today, and I just go back and forth all the time.
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I know the feeling, but that is the curse that comes with being overweight and then loosing it. All you want to do is be like that girl who is "naturally" skinny who can eat anything she wants without worrying about gaining a pound. I have to say i am envious of these people but think about this: you have such a self control over yourself that not many people can say they have.

As for your friend, all that weight she has lost, will IMMEDIATELY come back as soon as she gets off that drug. ive seen it SO many times before, so dont envy her!

You started out where i am starting now, and i have to say that seeing everyones progress on here makes me get motivated, but it also makes me nervous. What if i fall off the bandwaggon AGAIN?!

I have dieted, lost weight, gained it back, rinse and repeat for years.

But when ever you feel like this, you have to realize how far you have come. I keep a simple chain bracelet on and each time I loose a pound, i add a charm to it. it gives me a reminder of the accomplishment.
 
You've done so well so far, but I know how you feel. I'm far from my final goal, and even though I'm happy with the weight I've lost, I still look in the mirror and see a fat girl. I hate getting out of the shower because the first thing that I see is my gross body in the mirror in front of me. I am ALWAYS thinking about food. Always.
BUT...look at what you've accomplished so far. It's not nothing, you ARE succeeding. And you're doing it the right way. You're doing it in a way that will make it last and you're not resorting to drugs or other methods which are just quick fixes. You are making a lifestyle change for the better. Soon enough you will meet your goals and it won't be a struggle, you'll just be maintaining.

Don't beat yourself up. And remember that your mom and grandmother love you and are not the enemy, even if they can never understand what you're going through or feeling.

Finally, just let it out! Cry, cry and cry some more. Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason for it, but it's such a good release. I know that since I've started on my weight-loss journey I've gone through wave after wave of emotions, and it's overwhelming. But if you feel that things are just too much for you, maybe look into talking to your doctor about it. Your body is changing, chances are your mind is too.

I hope that you feel better and that you have a great weekend.

Rachel
 
I always look at this quote when I slip up and get mad at myself.

""I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it -- I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know -- but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me. However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay."
-- Virginia Satir

You're in control, Sarah. It is your body and you have worked so hard to get where you have. You look fantastic and you're so close to getting to that goal weight. But there is no point getting to goal if you're still going to feel fat and not like yourself even then. You need to work on your self-esteem, I think and not take everything so seriously. I know it's tough because I'm always thinking about food, calories, exercise all day as well. I think most of us on diets feel this way on some days. But it's okay to get upset and it's okay to eat candy some days and it's okay. It's not about the slip-ups--It's what you do AFTER that's important and I know you'll jump straight back onto the wagon.
You're not fat. You're gorgeous and have a wonderful body. Enjoy it a little more instead of trying to improve all the time. Yeah, you still have a little way to go but that doesnt mean you can't love and embrace the body you have right now.

I hope tomorrow is brighter for you, lovely.

xx
 
I think Sunflower summed it up really nicely.
You're successes up until now are beyond incredible, and reading your diary is a real motivator! Youve come by so far and you've done an amazing job at trying to eat better, exercising, and trying to get fit.
But you're human, and not an exercise machine, nor a calorie-calculating robot, nor anything else. You'll have slips a long the way, the journey is a hard one, but, once you have that sac of chips, that chocolate bar, and then that piece of pie, it's all about finding that strength and will that's deep deep inside of you to know that you should draw the line.
You've been on this constant battle since September, and I think it's really important that you take a breather. A step back from this place, from your diet and what not, and just take things into perspective. It's not about going back to your old habits, but it should be a time for you to reflect on all that you've done, see what you want and learn to be proud of all that you've done!

Hoping that things are better for you today
xox
 
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