A goal without a plan is just a wish...

skkroll,

These emotions are normal, just observe them and let them come and then go.
No matters what happens this will pass and you will get your balance back.

This is the consequence of the structure that you are living in. It is called
a structural conflict and it is very simple, let me try to explain it to you.

After understanding this, you will understand that it is not "really" your fault,
no one simply ever explained this to you. But, from now on you will know this,
and will be able to choose a path that will take you to where you want to
go without experiencing these horrible emotions!

Many years ago my best friend, who is a psychologist explained it to me, and
now I will explain it to you, to pay it forward, and maybe help you to get over
this rough time, and help you to make sure this never happens again.

Anyway, here goes. You have two conflicting desires in your life. Imagine that
you are standing in the middle of a room. There are two walls, one on your
right, and one on your left.

The wall on your right has a huge rubberband attached to it, and this
rubberband is also attached to your body.

Both of these rubberbands have the same amount of tension on them, and you
are standing in the middle of the room.

The wall on your left also has a huge rubberband attached to it, and
this rubberband is also attached to your body.

Okay, are you visualizing this? Good, let's continue.

The wall on the right represents the weight loss that you desire to
accomplish. Now pay attention here. When you start to move toward that
wall what happens to the rubberbands?

The one attached to the right wall starts to lose the tension in it, and starts
to hang, but the rubberband attached to the left wall builds a lot more
tension in it and as you keep moving toward the right wall, toward
reaching your ideal weight goal, the tension in the rubberband that is
attached to the left wall builds MASSIVE TENSION in it.

Now, where is it easiest for you to go from here? Isn't it in the opposite
direction, toward the left wall? Especially taking into account how much
tension there is on the rubberband that is attached to that wall?

Now, here is the kicker: That right wall is "hunger and desire" for your
favorite foods. And what happens when you start moving toward the left
wall and start to eat the unhealthy foods that make you gain weight and
feel unhealthy and overweight? What happens to the rubberband that is
attached to the left wall?

Right, it starts to lose its tension, and the rubberband that is attached to
the right wall starts to build tension in it.

This is REALITY, these rubberbands exist, but they are psychological, and
are not visible to the human eye. You can only track the results and the
behaviors which can't be denied if you are honest with yourself!

This is why you are experiencing what you are experiencing, and since you
don't know about this, it is not your fault.

This structural conflict, can't be SOLVED. In other words it's not a problem
that can ever be solved using ineffective self-help and positive-movement BS.

The only way to get out of this structure, is to build a new structure, one
that will not have these two conflicting forces.

These two conflicts are mutually exclusive. In other words, you can't eat
more unhealthy foods than your body can burn off durimng the day, and
simultaneously lose the weight that you desire to lose.

You can only do one of them. And when you can't live with the pressure
that you feel inside (from that rubberband that has the most pressure)
from moving in one of the directions, you switch directions and start to
move in the other direction.

If you want to know how to get out of this structure, please let me know,
because I will post the answer here and also in my own diary thread, so that
other folks in this forum will know how to break free from this conflict
structure FOREVER.

It is quite hard, but it is without a doubt possible!!!

If there is anything that you didn't understand, please feel free to ask me,
and I will do my best to explain it in more detail.
 
omg Sarah, you sound so much like me it's scary. I used to leave myself notes telling myself that I was fat and lazy and if i could just get off my fat lazy ass I wouldn't have a problem. Guess what... that didn't work ;)

What do you want Sarah??? Is your ultimate goal to be 125lbs??? Is it to be healthy??? Do you want to be happy??? Right now, you are NONE of these things. You realize you're going backwards don't you?? You've become so obesessed with the numbers on the scale they you can't look in the mirror or even at a piece of food without judgement. You are overanalizing ever single part of your day. You can't just go out for walk without thinking about how many cals you're going to burn (or you wouldn't walk b/c it wouldn't burn enough cals). You can't have a fun evening out with your friends b/c of all the cals you'll consume. You are beautiful RIGHT NOW!!! You are 20 years old (happy birthday btw :) ), you are living a healthy lifestyle on the outside but are falling apart on the inside. What makes YOU happy Sarah? You have to make the choice to be happy first!!! The rest will all fall into place. If you can love your body and respect your body now, you're going to take of it. I don't know about you, but for me, the motivation for weightloss wasn't enough b/c my weight was not the problem... my attitude and self worth was my problem. Lossing weight was only a treating a symptom, not the cause. Listen to you body, not your head!!!!

Marie
 
Marathon Man - Thank you. It really is overwhelming... but it's me that's making it so. You're right... it should be about what I can do, rather than "can't." I know what I can do, but for some reason I don't have the drive for it anymore. Maybe I DO feel good the way I am, but I'm making expectations for myself that physically can't be met, and that's what makes me feel bad about myself.

SilverMetal - I really love the idea of the charm bracelet. That is very cool! I agree with you about the naturally skinny girls and my friend who lost weight with that medication. They don't have self control like me, and that is something I need to recognize. I need to start focusing more on the positives. I wish it was easier!

RachelSilvana - Thanks. It did feel so good to cry - I needed it! I hope I can start to see myself as I should and I hope the same for you. It's difficult to love everything about yourself when you're on this journey. Sometimes it's hard to be proud of the progress we've made because we feel like it's all or nothing... that we're not where we "need" to be or "should" be... but I guess we need to think of it as where we are NOW compared to where we were before.

Sunflower - That quote was really great. I should read it frequently as well. And thank you so much for your comment. I agree with you that I need to stop taking things so seriously and just be myself and embrace what I am now. I really do need to work on my self-esteem. Maybe I should try writing down things about myself that I like or write about accomplishments I have made. I need to reflect on this journey because it seems I have forgotten.

Amsterdam - Thank you very much for your comment. "But you're human, and not an exercise machine, nor a calorie-calculating robot, nor anything else." - I really liked that part. It made me realize that I can't be perfect because I am just human, and not those things. I do have a hard time drawing the line when I decide to indulge in things and I find that this is my biggest problem. But I know I'm capable of it, I guess it's just the fact that I need to really WANT it and WANT to stop myself.

AlexPlatups - That was a very interesting analogy and I did picture it all in my head. I feel stuck in between and I feel the tension within... I guess I just need to find peace with myself so that my mind can follow, and I won't have to be stuck.

Marie - So happy to hear from you, I've missed you so much. I agree with you 100%. I'm going backwards. I'm too obsessed with the little things. My self worth is not what it should be. And I'm happy you know where I'm coming from having gone through this yourself. It seemed to me like once you stopped updating your journal so much and stopped being so involved in this "world" that the weight just fell off for you. Maybe I'm too involved and need to just take a step away for a while. I need to re-assess my goals. I might be setting my expecations too high for myself that I feel I'm not going to get there so I don't really try.

________

Thank you all again for your responses. I really appreciate you reading what I have to say and being here to support me.

I am feeling much better after that episode, but I've got a lot of thinking to do now. After reading through all the comments I received, it is clear that this is all in my head and I need to work on my self-esteem. I need to start focusing on what I like about myself, rather than the flaws. I need to focus on what I've done to get to where I am now, now what I haven't done or what hasn't got me to where I want to ultimately be.

The first step in this is that I am getting rid of my "goal weight." I am not going to be 125 lbs. It's just not in the cards for me. And even if I would ever get to that weight, I would not be able to maintain it. I rememeber going to the doctor when I was in high school and slightly overweight for my age/height (not to mention my body type). The doctor said I should be around 135 lbs. This was my original goal weight when I started my journey and guess what... I MADE IT. I got to my goal weight. And that is where it's staying. No more of this "I need to lose 10 more pounds." I don't need to lose 10 more pounds. If I lose it, then what? It's going to be even more of a struggle for me because I'm below what is normal for my body, and then 135 is going to feel "overweight" to me.

The second step is to stop looking at foods like they're "bad." Sure, there are some foods that aren't "healthy" but that doesn't make them "bad." I find myself getting jealous sometimes that skinny girls can just eat out of a bag of chips without counting them out to serving size or without thinking how "bad" they are. I need to stop looking at food as the enemy. And I need to realize that I can enjoy those things too, in moderation.

The third step is to stop looking in the mirror so much! I stand in front of the mirror way too long and pick at everything. I'll change my outfit 5 times before I decide to change back into the first outfit I tried on because I liked it until I started looking at myself too much! This is a very big issue for me. I like how I look at first glance but then I just hate how I look after staring for a while.

So that's my plan - get rid of the "goal" weight, because really, I already met my goal and now it's about maintaining. If I lose more weight, awesome. But I'm not going to try to lose it. I just want to be at 135. Next, to quit looking at food as the enemy. I just want to be able to make good choices when I can, and enjoy not so good choices here and there. It's not all or nothing. Lastly, to stop looking at myself in the mirror so much because I don't see myself the way people around me do.

I feel better already.

Now I've got to get outside and go for a run before it gets even hotter outside. It's supposed to be in the 80's... yesterday we hit 90 degrees! The half marathon is 6 days away... I'm so excited!

Hope you all have a great day... thanks for listening to me!
~ Sarah
 
That was a very interesting analogy and I did picture it all in my head. I feel
stuck in between and I feel the tension within... I guess I just need to find
peace with myself so that my mind can follow, and I won't have to be stuck.
Click to expand...

Hi Sarah, the most effective approach is for you to take two steps:

1) ask yourself "What end result do I Sarah truly want to achieve in the area
of my health? Or "What is my primary health objective?"

2) focus on where you are at this present moment, your current reality, in
other words in relationship to your goal.

3) then simultaneously focus on both of these two things at once in your
imagination. The best way is to imagine 2 big screen tv's in your imagination
and on top to visualize your end result that you want and on the bottom
to see where you are at the present moment.

...when you do this (it might take some practice, and some time, since this
is not something many of us are aware off) you will start to sort of feel
what you have to do to go from where you are right now, to where you
want to be in the future!

======================================================

To make it simpler, here was my chart that I created 16 years ago, so that
it will be easier to understand:

1) I choose to create a lean, healthy, well-toned body with 10% body
fat and a visible six-pack (very important that you choose an end-result
that is important to YOU, because this desire is one of the elements that
creates this new powerful structure that will help you get out of that
conflict where you are caught between the two walls.)

3d) allow myself 3 cheat meals every week for breakfast, every Mon, Wed,
and Fri, by making this first meal half the regular size, and eating a moderate
amount of the foods I like (cheesecake, brownies, etc.)

3e) make sure every meal is created from whole-food, and includes
fresh veggies, fruit, a starchy carb, lean protein, and some good dietary
fat like walnuts. If I replace lean protein with fish or shellfish, don't eat
the walnuts.

3d) eat 5 average sized meals every 3 waking hours.

3c) drink 4-5 liters of pure water every day, and stop drinking
sugar-based beverages completely

3b) step two: do weight training three times per week

3a) step one: walk 45 minutes every morning, 7 days per week

2) Currently I weigh 285 pounds, have 44% body fat, know very little
about proper nutrition, and don't exercise. (there were a lot more here,
basically had to do with my bad habits at that time)

======================================================

...by using this chart, and with the help of my trainer, that helped me
to work on the chart, I was able to lose 110 pounds of unwanted body
fat in 12 months. In the middle of my weight loss program, I increased
my cardio to twice per day, 45 minutes before breakfast, and 45 minutes
before the last 5th meal, and I did this every day until I reached 175 pounds.

Hope this helps in some way, if you have any question, feel free to ask.
 
Sarah, its been a while since I posted on your journal. I have been reading your amazing progress since I have been back (mid-April) and I have to say you have come a long long way. You joined the forum after me last fall. Look at how much you have achieved while I am still struggling to get the first few pounds down. The point is you are consistent and very very determined. That's saying a lot already. And 19.4 lbs is a huuuge achievement. I am happy to hear that you have decided to re-assess your goals/plans. When I was reading through your journal this time around I thought you were being very hard on yourself. It is high time you took it easy- you are only 20 and have realized that you need to eat right to stay healthy (long-term). I wish I had your wisdom when I was your age.

Enjoy your new plan, have fun losing the last 1.6 lbs. We are soooo proud of you. U are a true WLF(er).

Hugs.
 
juni said:
Sarah, its been a while since I posted on your journal. I have been reading your amazing progress since I have been back (mid-April) and I have to say you have come a long long way. You joined the forum after me last fall. Look at how much you have achieved while I am still struggling to get the first few pounds down. The point is you are consistent and very very determined. That's saying a lot already. And 19.4 lbs is a huuuge achievement. I am happy to hear that you have decided to re-assess your goals/plans. When I was reading through your journal this time around I thought you were being very hard on yourself. It is high time you took it easy- you are only 20 and have realized that you need to eat right to stay healthy (long-term). I wish I had your wisdom when I was your age.

Enjoy your new plan, have fun losing the last 1.6 lbs. We are soooo proud of you. U are a true WLF(er).

Hugs.
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Thanks Juni. Sorry I haven't made it back over to your journal yet. I pretty much only post in Lisa's journal it seems but I will have to check up on yours and see how everything is going. I'm glad to see you back here and that makes you a true WLF-er as well! :)

_____

I've been laying outside in the hot sun today trying to catch a tan. It is way hot out there! I didn't go for my run this morning because it was so hot and the air was just thick with humidity. I knew I wouldn't make it. I did some strength training moves instead because I really want to work harder on toning! I took a pic of my "muscles" lol but I'm pretty sure my flex does not come close to comparison with Lisa's guns!!!
 
skkroll said:
So that's my plan - get rid of the "goal" weight, because really, I already met my goal and now it's about maintaining. If I lose more weight, awesome. But I'm not going to try to lose it. I just want to be at 135. Next, to quit looking at food as the enemy. I just want to be able to make good choices when I can, and enjoy not so good choices here and there. It's not all or nothing. Lastly, to stop looking at myself in the mirror so much because I don't see myself the way people around me do.
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I really love this plan. It's really awesome that you wrote this, because I know it's something that I need to keep in mind!

When I've dieted in the past, I too have had problems deciding to maintain my weight once I hit my "goal." So I know I'm going to have to be conscious of this myself. I may even go back and revise my own goal weight I have now because it is about 5 pounds lower than what the doctor recommended as ideal for me.

Looking at food as not being "bad" or "good," and working on not obsessing about the mirror as much are really great goals as well! I've done a lot of work on that over the past year, because I had really bad body image and kinda disordered eating habits, and I can tell you that it really does make things a lot better once you can get rid of those hurdles!

So I hope you'll keep posting on here and such, because I look forward to hearing about your progress on these new plans! :)
 
Hey Sarah, I read my journal and got to your post and came right over! Damn I wish I had a computer at home so I could have been here for you. I totally understand what you were going through Friday - I have those days all the time too! I'm glad you are feeling a little better and I'm so happy you have made a new plan. You are smoking hot in that pic and your guns are WAY bigger plus you kept your boobs which is so sexy - I really think you have it all! I totally think it's time to change our focus and move forward on our journey. I don't think I will get to 135 either and I'm going to keep my goal at 140. I agree I won't be able to maintain anything lower than that. Until my body gets used to 140 and it's life at that stage then maybe I can work on losing more. I really find my balance by trying to be good all week and then living life and enjoying my time with my hunnie and friends on the weekend - not really watching or tracking and just living. We have come so far and going backwards is not an option. Just remember how good you feel being healthy and make choices with that in mind. Moderation is key and sometimes it's not so easy. I think taking a break is also necessary to remind yourself how far you have come and where you don't want to go back.
I also think it's harder in the summer because like you I really don't feel like running when it's hot and sticky outside nor being in a gym when the sun is shinning. I can totally agree and relate with living healthy being hard work - I think that's why I'm always needing the validation instead of just being happy for myself.
I love you too Sarah and I'm so happy I met you here - you have changed me and helped me so many times! I look up to you and you are 7 years younger than me! You are compassionate, understanding, motivated, driven, smart, HEALTHY, gorgeous and fun! You can do anything you set your mind to and I know you will get through this and come out stronger! I'm here for you anytime you need me! xoxox
 
Hanabi - Thanks for the post! I'm glad we can relate :) I know it will take time to get rid of those bad habits but I am taking small steps each day to work on them! This morning when I went for my run outside, I went out in my sports bra and shorts - no tank top or shirt to cover up! At first I was like "GREAT, my stomach is all jiggly when I run" but then I was like "SCREW IT, who cares?! .... did that guy just check me out?" LOL jk but I did stop worrying about it and ran with confidence instead :)

_______

I'm feeling quite good this morning! I only ran for 27 minutes outside because I got the urge to go to the bathroom... haha so I couldn't run anymore! But it still felt great and I worked up a nice sweat!

For breakfast I had an egg with cheese on a whole wheat english muffin and some sliced strawberries. Yummm!

Yesterday I bought SOOO much stuff shopping! And I really did not need ANY of it. But I couldn't help myself! I bought another pair of black skinny jeans (they were on sale, and I always wear the ones I have so I had to get another pair!), a pair of floral printed shorts (so cute!), black leggings, 2 tube tops, 2 tank tops, and a floral lace tank top! I spent so much time in the store that I bought it all from... Forever 21. I could spend all day in that place!

Gotta go pack my lunch and snacks for work and get ready to go!
~ Sarah
 
Lisa - Oh my gosh, you just made my day :) Plain and simple! Thank you so much!!! I'd write more but I am running a little behind... I will make sure to stop by your journal later! <3
 
Holy smokes, you are gorgeous, Sarah. I bet they were all checking you out when you ran. Nice work. And great guns. :)
 
juni said:
Holy smokes, you are gorgeous, Sarah. I bet they were all checking you out when you ran. Nice work. And great guns. :)
Click to expand...

Hehe thanks Juni!!! :)

______

I feel pretty good today! I just got my period and normally I feel bloated and gross about myself but I don't! In fact I have a much more positive view of myself - I am starting to like how I look and not worried about what I DON'T look like! I think my plan has been working. Whenever I look at myself in the mirror, I've been looking quick then saying to myself, "Okay, we're good. That's enough." And just walking away before I can look harder and longer. I've also been enjoying what I'm eating instead of worrying about how many points or calories it is. I'm still eating the same foods but I am eating others that I normally don't, in moderation! I feel really at ease with myself right now and I just feel like I really needed this break.

Today I am *hoping* my boss will be into work because I am telling him I'm quitting! I cannot work for someone who makes me feel like a huge inconvenience to his business and someone who doesn't give me the credit or recognition I deserve! I swear my boss is THE BIGGEST IDIOT in the world and not to mention a complete ass. You wouldn't even fathom in your wildest dreams what this guy is like. He's SO FREAKING DUMB and SO FRUSTRATING and ANNOYING! He always wants to be in control, he will pick at you for the littlest things JUST so he can feel like he has some power over you when we all know he's just a dumbass and no one cares!!!

I've never talked about my boss here to you guys so I guess it's hard to catch everyone up... but I've been there almost 3 years and I've had enough of his bullshit! I can't WAIT to get out of that place! One less thing to stress about that I don't NEED to stress about!

Well that's all for now... I didn't work out yet but I plan to watch the Biggest Loser (I recorded the finale) and do sit ups and arm workouts and kettle bell swings and jumping jacks, stuff like that.. while I'm watching it or during commercials :)

Have a great day everyone!
~ Sarah
 
skkroll said:
In fact I have a much more positive view of myself - I am starting to like how I look and not worried about what I DON'T look like!
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I really like that quote. Very awesome. :)

It's funny that you said you went running in just your sports bra, because I just did that for the first time the other day as well!! Morning is usually when I feel the best about myself, but I still hadn't quit worked up the courage until the other day. It's been sort of a "fantasy" of mine, something I always imagined I'd do once I lost weight... but I figure, even once I'm thinner, I won't automatically have the confidence to do it then, so why not go ahead and start now? (And it wasn't quite as ideal as I'd always pictured in my mind- I was still hot and sweaty. xD)

I hope you are able to talk to your boss about quitting today! He sounds absolutely horrid.
 
skkroll said:
Hehe thanks Juni!!! :)

______

I feel pretty good today! I just got my period and normally I feel bloated and gross about myself but I don't! In fact I have a much more positive view of myself - I am starting to like how I look and not worried about what I DON'T look like! I think my plan has been working. Whenever I look at myself in the mirror, I've been looking quick then saying to myself, "Okay, we're good. That's enough." And just walking away before I can look harder and longer. I've also been enjoying what I'm eating instead of worrying about how many points or calories it is. I'm still eating the same foods but I am eating others that I normally don't, in moderation! I feel really at ease with myself right now and I just feel like I really needed this break.

Today I am *hoping* my boss will be into work because I am telling him I'm quitting! I cannot work for someone who makes me feel like a huge inconvenience to his business and someone who doesn't give me the credit or recognition I deserve! I swear my boss is THE BIGGEST IDIOT in the world and not to mention a complete ass. You wouldn't even fathom in your wildest dreams what this guy is like. He's SO FREAKING DUMB and SO FRUSTRATING and ANNOYING! He always wants to be in control, he will pick at you for the littlest things JUST so he can feel like he has some power over you when we all know he's just a dumbass and no one cares!!!

I've never talked about my boss here to you guys so I guess it's hard to catch everyone up... but I've been there almost 3 years and I've had enough of his bullshit! I can't WAIT to get out of that place! One less thing to stress about that I don't NEED to stress about!

Well that's all for now... I didn't work out yet but I plan to watch the Biggest Loser (I recorded the finale) and do sit ups and arm workouts and kettle bell swings and jumping jacks, stuff like that.. while I'm watching it or during commercials :)

Have a great day everyone!
~ Sarah
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I totaly get the boss thing! My boss is only the boss cause he is married to the owners daughter so he can do anything since he is the future owner he thinks he can pick on anyone at anytime for the most stupid things...I can't wait to quit! I have got to find something else first!
 
skkroll said:
Today I am *hoping* my boss will be into work because I am telling him I'm quitting! I cannot work for someone who makes me feel like a huge inconvenience to his business and someone who doesn't give me the credit or recognition I deserve! I swear my boss is THE BIGGEST IDIOT in the world and not to mention a complete ass. You wouldn't even fathom in your wildest dreams what this guy is like. He's SO FREAKING DUMB and SO FRUSTRATING and ANNOYING! He always wants to be in control, he will pick at you for the littlest things JUST so he can feel like he has some power over you when we all know he's just a dumbass and no one cares!!!
Click to expand...

Sarah, time to get out of this job. It is not worth working with someone who doesn't respect. I've had amazing bosses since I graduated from college and started working, and one of the main reason why I grew as much as I did professionally is because they let me grow and be my own person. Your boss sounds like a douche and a selfish moron, so get out now for your sanity. You are 20, you really don't need that kind of stress in your life right now.

Hope your week is going well.
 
Hey how's it going with your boss? Did you resign? That must be a load off your shoulders if it worked out. I'm just on my lunch break and don't have time to write more but tomorrow I will have time to catch up with everyone so hopefully you will have an update by then. I'm so excited for your half marathon this weekend - wish I could come cheer you on or run it with you! I know you are going to do great and finish - I think that's all that's important for the first one! Take some pics like Melissa does - they are always so motivating!! Take care. :waving:
 
Thanks girls! I did talk to my boss yesterday - I told him exactly how I've been feeling. I brought up to him what really bothered me, and I'll share it with you (sorry this is long):

So I got my second job for summer. It starts in a month, and I'll be working Monday-Friday in the mornings. I told my boss I would still work for him this summer (before I knew I had this job). When I found out that I got the job, I thought it would be fine because I could work my new job in the morning, then go to my other job in the evening. (I'm a receptionist at a barber shop, the mornings are very slow in the summer anyway).

When I told my boss that I would only be able to work evenings once my new job started, he got very angry and said, "You told me you could work." I said, "Yeah, I can, just not in the mornings but I can still work every single day of the week if you need me." He freaked out because he is going out of town the week I start my new job, so he was expecting me to be there all week while he was gone. He told me he'd "think about it" and "let me know" the deal later. Well he never did.

I found out that I have 2 work meetings coming up for this new job. I spoke to my boss on the phone the other morning, and he mentioned how he wanted to give me more hours before I begin my new job. I said, "Okay, by the way, do you have next week's schedule ready? There are a few dates that I need to make sure I'm off or can leave a little early because I have meetings for my new job." He asked me what the dates were. I said, "Well, the first one is next week Thursday... it's at 6:45PM so I would need to leave work by 6 or 6:15 the latest if you have me on schedule that day." *Mind you, he hasn't been scheduling me on Thursday's, and we close the shop at 7PM*. He goes, "Ugh.... you're really killin' me... you know, I have a meeting that night too, so..." and I'm like, "Well, I have to be there, it's a mandatory meeting for my new job, I can't miss it, and I would only need to leave 45 minutes early if I'm working that day..." He says, "Yeah, well, my meeting is mandatory too and I need to be there at the same time, so..." I'm like, "Okay, well I'm sorry, but I really need to be there so if I can leave a little early, I think it should be fine" and he says, "Well I'll just talk with you later" and I said, "Sorry, Steve.." and he just HANGS UP ON ME!

THEN the morning after, he calls me and asks me to come into work early. I'm thinking to myself... OK, I ask you a small favor A WEEK IN ADVANCE, and it's a huge deal... but you call me the morning of and expect me to drop what I'm doing to come into work early?

I told him he was making me feel bad that I had other obligations that I needed to take care of and that I felt like I was being an inconvenience to have around. He actually LISTENED to me (he is terrible at confrontation) AND apologized, and said he is going to work on how he handle's things and that he only gets frustrated so easily because he looks at me as such a valuable employee and wants me to be working there. He told me that I'm really at a manager's position and I would be a great manager. He said he was diappointed to see me leave, but that he would always give good references for me in the future. It felt good to get everything off my shoulders. I told him I would work through this month, (when he goes out of town) and then I will be moving on.
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Anyway... this morning I went for a run with my friend that is doing the half marathon with me! We ran at the same pace, we did 4 miles. Close to the end, she had to walk because her hamstrings were hurting and she says this has been a problem for her. The only problem I had was ANOTHER STUPID BLISTER on my foot! It's always in the same spot... my friend's mom who ran the military marathon in Washington, DC last year said it's a really unusual spot to get blisters and suggested I try moleskin which is a fabric that I could put on as a layer over it. I found some bandaids made for blisters to heal them and I put it on so hopefully that takes care of it. I don't want to have a blister during the half marathon! That would suck!

It's really nice out so I'm going to lay outside in the sun, maybe go to the beach, with my neighbor! :)

Til tomorrow!
~ Sarah
 
When I started the running clinic they gave us each a pair of amazing socks. They are cushioned in specific areas and I notice a huge difference on my longer runs. They are about $15 a pair, but well worth it!!
 
That's so awesome that you worked things out with him. It sounds like you're a really valued employee and that he was bummed at the idea of losing you. Way to stand up for yourself!

And man, blisters are a bitch!
 
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