Thanks everyone! Trying on clothes that aren't ridiculously baggy really helped my resolve. It feels so good to look like me again, I am not going to jeopardize this by eating badly. Also the resistance training is really helping. I can do squats and things now correctly and like the feeling of the burn from strengthening my muscles, so I found a form of exercise that really gets me in shape fast and really helps me feel good.
I think this whole weight gain thing was about not taking care of myself because there is a part of me that is self-defeatist and super hard on myself and so taking care of myself is largely about not siding with that part. Actually sorting my clothes was directly going against the self defeating part because it says not to take care of my clothes, there are more important things to focus on than me and how I look. So it is really nice to get my clothes sorted. Today I look at Marie Kondo folding methods and learn to mindfully put my clothes away. I hope I can keep this up. I really like being organized and mindful!
I can wear a 2 piece swim suit now (the kind where the tops go down to almost your belly button, so will go get a nice bottom with a skirt for vacation - the 2 tops I have are good and I just need a bottom. I saw one in a store I want to go try on - I'm really excited about that! I also found my old favorite shoes in a shoe store the other day, so will go back and get a nice pair of walking shoes. I've been just wearing sneakers and beat up old shoes everywhere.
I did a sketch yesterday, and though it didn't turn out well, I liked sketching and liked what I learned from the sketch. It was of a cast iron Japanese lantern on a table by a lake with reflections in the lake from trees. I plan on just doing simple sketches to get back into the rhythm of it, and to get my skill level back.
Petal, because I have a history of hoarders (not really bad ones, but pretty bad) in the family, I don't throw useful things away very easily (Great Depression mentality in my family). So I just got rid of socks that don't really fit that are from junior high school - 40 year old socks! That is a big thing for me to be letting go of things that don't fit with who I am now. I think it's very symbolic for me to let go of physical stuff, and helps me let go of psychological stuff, too. That really surprised me!