Take Two....

Feeling a lot better today which is great. The oppression doesn't seem to be sitting on me as much today and I feel a little more like "stuff it" (but in a nice way), a bit more free to be me today.
I am getting my hair done tomorrow which is way overdue so I am looking forward to getting a different colour. One I want not what I think others might want me to look like.

My weight is down just a little again. I figure if I just keep moving down that's good enough for me. Eventually I'll get to my first goal and then I'll reassess.

Hope all is well with everyone. xx
 
Baby steps Florence, baby steps. Feeling like stuff it, but in a nice way, is a good thing. Lots of love coming your way xoxo
 
What did you end up getting? For me my hair is very much a marker of how "me" I'm feeling at any given time.
 
LaMaria said:
What did you end up getting? For me my hair is very much a marker of how "me" I'm feeling at any given time.
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Hey LaMa,
I ended up going back to my natural colour. I am a dark blonde now. I just felt like I wanted to reboot as such. I realised after my dad died that I tended to keep it light blonde for him (and others) because they always commented on how nice I looked. That isn't bad but I realised I never really made a decision about my hair colour for myself. Such simple things but then on the other not simple at all.
I am loving my new/natural colour and feel like a new person which is fantastic. Thanks for asking LaMa. xx
 
I really think that we should please ourselves, rather than anyone else. I'm really glad that you have worked that out already. Love it Florence :beating:
 
Feeling a bit more better today. Not so much out of my comfort zone with this weight loss business. I feel as though I am finally getting a bit more control on how to cope with emotions. I also seem to be getting a bit better at separating out other peoples issue and my own issues.

I have suddenly noticed though that a little fear in the back of my mind is popping in saying what if I just stop losing weight? This is a bit of a danger zone for me because in the past I have gone down to eating very little in order to keep losing weight and then inevitability I end up eating heaps a week later.
So, as much as I want to limit my food I will just keep going with the healthier plan I have now and let my body work out what it needs to do. It might be an idea to work out what fear is behind why I am so afraid I wont lose weight...Happy Friday everyone ;)
 
PS: the other thing I realised is that I can't rush this journey. I will miss out on all the lessons I have to learn about myself and who I am as a person and what/who I want to grow into. I'm excited by that prospect of this journey and look forward to meeting the real me at the other end.
Go weight loss and this journey :hurray::party:
 
This IS the real you - complete with hang-ups, fears and struggles. I think the journey is to learn to like that person, take good care of them and to come up with more productive strategies to deal with the weak points.
Well done realizing that starving yourself isn't helpful in the long run; that's a point I keep having to deal with.
 
I'm kind of glad to hear I'm not the only one with the fear of plateauing at weight loss. I just had 3 days in a row where I felt like I was doing well but not losing anything and I got it in my head that I was already stuck and never going to lose any more. The demons we create in our minds are often worse than reality and I have to remember that always.
 
LaMaria said:
This IS the real you - complete with hang-ups, fears and struggles. I think the journey is to learn to like that person, take good care of them and to come up with more productive strategies to deal with the weak points.
Well done realizing that starving yourself isn't helpful in the long run; that's a point I keep having to deal with.
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Hey LaMa,
I know you're right. I just find it so hard to accept parts of me I don't like. You are right however. I need to embrace all of me not just the bits I think everyone will like.
 
I had a shocking Friday night and then Saturday.
I thought I was going really well and then Hubby and i went out to dinner. Ended up drinking way too much and have been eating bad food today as a result.
I just don't get my actions. I've done this in the past were I sabotage myself so I have to start all over again. I really don't get it? am I afraid of doing well? Am I afraid I wont do well so I fore-fill that worry? I really don't get why I actively go backwards?
I know I got really nervous when we were walking home from dinner. I felt a bit scared. Hubby suggested we go get some extra drinks from the shops on our way home and when I was in the bottle shop I got nervous and decided I just wanted to go home, I don't think I actually wanted to drink. Then (I think...not sure) because of that nervousness I drank...I think that was the trigger but in the past I have been very happy (which also makes me nervous) so I sabotage anyway.
Does anyone else come across this problem?
 
I think the nervousness may have had to do with not being in control of your food while eating out/drinking. Nervousness is an unpleasant emotion so your body wants to be comforted. What´s the simplest way to do that? For many of us, it´s food. Add alcohol to lessen inhibitions (including the inhibition you´ve placing on yourself to limit calories)... and there you go. I get terribly cravy the day after every night of drinking more than just a little; pretty sure that´s just a normal physiological effect. Doesn´t mean you´re sabotaging yourself. Next time you go out to eat: make a game plan. Think about what kind of restaurant you´re going and which kind of dishes might be worth the calories for you. Study the menu online if you like. Decide what and how much you want to drink and maybe (if that´s something your comfortable with) ask the hubs to remind you of it. With practice you can probably do all that on the spot, but if right now doing makes you uncomfortable... don´t. You can do this, hon!
 
LaMaria said:
I think the nervousness may have had to do with not being in control of your food while eating out/drinking. Nervousness is an unpleasant emotion so your body wants to be comforted. What´s the simplest way to do that? For many of us, it´s food. Add alcohol to lessen inhibitions (including the inhibition you´ve placing on yourself to limit calories)... and there you go. I get terribly cravy the day after every night of drinking more than just a little; pretty sure that´s just a normal physiological effect. Doesn´t mean you´re sabotaging yourself. Next time you go out to eat: make a game plan. Think about what kind of restaurant you´re going and which kind of dishes might be worth the calories for you. Study the menu online if you like. Decide what and how much you want to drink and maybe (if that´s something your comfortable with) ask the hubs to remind you of it. With practice you can probably do all that on the spot, but if right now doing makes you uncomfortable... don´t. You can do this, hon!
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Thank you LaMa,
You have said some things that really make sense to me and things I hadn't thought of before.
I had never thought that I'm not actually trying to sabotage myself; I'm just trying to comfort an uncomfortable feeling. That's such a good point and going forward maybe I can be more aware of my nervousness. I have a list I go to when I'm feeling nervous or uncomfortable within myself. It's things like read a book or do colouring or take the trash out. Simple things.
I had never thought that the act of going out to dinner was what was making me nervous. Plus, when I'm nervous and in situations where alcohol is being drunk I lean on the alcohol to make me feel normal again. The more I think about it the more I realise I really wasn't happy with going to that particular restaurant (Italian, oh the carbs) and I'm not sure I have ever really liked going out to dinner. (It used to be a way for me to get out of the family home for a few hours so I was probably never really that comfortable at dinner, lots of nervous feelings) Now hopefully I can put some of my coping mechanisms in place so I don't feel so out of control re going out to dinner.
I don't feel so bad about myself now either. I was really giving myself a few internal punches with bad critical self talk.
thanks for your wisdom LaMa it has helped me a lot. :)
 
I'm beginning to feel like a broken record!
I am once again feeling lost and confused about life. I know that the weight loss is exacerbating these feelings and it's unbelievably hard to not just eat. I have already snacked on some food this morning and because of the distress I'm feeling I don't particularly care actually.
Facing up to this weight loss is really hard and really tiring. Keeping myself accountable to this journey is a real struggle, way harder than I thought it would ever be. I am hoping the journey gets easier because I am seriously struggling. :frown:
 
Honey, I think it's time you got some help. It's not weakness. I did when I needed it & it really helped me, xoxo Cate
 
Glad to hear you´re getting help. We don´t have to do everything by ourselves to somehow be "worthy".
 
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