You can't always get what you want (Athala's diary).

Scales can be odd like that. I've had a few times where I needed to weigh in about a dozen times before getting two identical readings. I just mark on my sheet that the scale was odd that day so I can see what happens the following day.

Sorry to hear you got a stomach bug. I hope you're feeling better soon.
 
Hi buddy! I hope you're feeling better today. Eating something might make you feel better. If you haven't gone for glasses yet you could try the link below. It lets you upload a photo of yourself and see how different styles of frames look. You could have a goos idea of the kind you want before you go making it quicker and leaving you with a good choice.

Disclaimer: I haven't used the site and it requires you to sign up to use it so I would imagine you will be getting eyeglass emails from it.



Take care Athala!
 
Thanks Quercus. I've calmed down and I'm feeling better today.

I'm trying not to think too much about the stuff for the moment. I'm always thinking about how bad I look compared to other people. Even when I (relatively) 'like' how I look, I see someone who looks clearly better than me and I just feel bad and inadequate.

Thanks for the link, I will check it out. You take care too.

I completed two days of the fast, but I gave up on it today, as I didn't see any positive effects. Didn't had a good night, I had to take some medication this morning, because the rash wouldn't let me sleep.

I'm still sick of the stomach, but it's not as bad as the first day.

Besides the rash and my stomach, I'm feeling relatively okay.

I've found a song I really like;

[video=youtube;EePkaW6pALY]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EePkaW6pALY[/video]

I wish there were more music like this.
 
I really like A.A Bondy!

Maybe Local Natives would be a similar style?

[video=youtube;8pZkZguPAPs]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8pZkZguPAPs[/video]

I would also suggest Andrew Bird, Mumford and Sons, and Damien Jurado.

If you like any of those and want more suggestions just let me know. Joy Division is an old school group with a very melancholy vibe. You could try "Love will Tear Us Apart" or "Digital".
 
Thanks Quercus. I'll make sure to check those and let you know.

I was expecting a gain for today, but I weighed at 85.2, a 0.4 drop from yesterday.

I over-ate a bit on the breakfast, both bulk-wise and calorie wise. I'm definitively below maintenance calories, but it's a bit more than I'd like.

I was checking some numbers, and I have a 3.3% lost from last Saturday. I literally though 'that can't be right' at first, but it was probably the two days of water fast that got me there.

With that weight, I have a BMI of 29.40 which means I'm no longer 'obese' (Even if I feel like one). I don't really care about what BMI say, I just take it as another indicator.

This one is important, though. According to my (not-so-trustworthy) scale, I have a body fat % of around 31%. It is important because, when I started, I was on 42%. That's around (You can't really be accurate with only a scale) a 10% and it's a great difference.

So you get an idea, here is a picture with BF % (Believe me, I hate posting this picture)



I want to be between 12 - 18%, I don't really know, but I'll have to see when I get there.

It means I have to lose at least 13%, and that's a long road, but hopefully I'll get there. I'm very thankful for not being at 40% anymore.

Have a great weekend everybody.
 
You know... I'm giving up on my rosacea.

And I'm giving up in the sense that I want my face to be of the color it's *supposed* to be, not red, not pink, not slightly pink. And I want that color to *last*. I want to try laser, or whatever happens to be the treatment for it (Still need to talk to a dermatologist).

I'm just tired of trying and hoping and waiting, specially the later one. I don't want to keep trying silly stuff, and, even though I'm not doing this at the moment, I can't imagine and eternity depending on applying some stupid cream or product every single day.

Granted, laser is expensive and not permanent, but it will certainly be a lot better than the other stuff I already mentioned. I'm just sick of hating on me because of this 'condition' (Let me rephrase it: Curse.).

Now, I will continue to gather as much information as possible, read research, and read about how other people got rid of it 'naturally', but I just don't have the patience to try that now. I'm very self-aware, and extremely critical of myself, and this just brings me incredibly down.

Onto the weight-loss subject, Yesterday's weight was 84.9. Same weight today.

I'm going to make the transition into fully carnivore (By carnivore I mean consuming only animal products). Basically, that means I'm going to drop the oil.

I recently learned that Stefansson's 'The Fat Of The Land: Not by bread alone' (I have no idea is that is the correct name) is posted on his totality on one of the forums I'm reading, so that'll make for an interesting read. :)

I guess that is all I can say for now. Take care everybody, I hope you all have a great week. :grouphug:
 
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I used to get a lot of rosacea when I was young... I got it regularly in my early to mid 20s... Then it suddenly disappeared and I never had it again.

I found a very thick cream concealer was the best solution... I found one brand that I liked and used to paint over the marks and make it a lot less noticeable. Unfortunately the skin was bumpy as well as red - but it was a lot less noticeable when I hid it...

I tried to google for the brand that I used to like - but I think that they stopped making it years ago... I havent bought any in almost 30 years...

If you havent tried a cream concealer - I would urge you to give it a try... Don't think of it as putting on make-up... The planet is full of men that hide birth marks and scars.
 
Unfortunately, I can’t really give you advice on dealing with rosacea as I’ve never dealt with that, but I want to say congrats on your continued weight loss. You’re doing a phenomenal job! Keep at it. :)
 
Omega said:
I used to get a lot of rosacea when I was young... I got it regularly in my early to mid 20s... Then it suddenly disappeared and I never had it again.

I found a very thick cream concealer was the best solution... I found one brand that I liked and used to paint over the marks and make it a lot less noticeable. Unfortunately the skin was bumpy as well as red - but it was a lot less noticeable when I hid it...

I tried to google for the brand that I used to like - but I think that they stopped making it years ago... I havent bought any in almost 30 years...

If you havent tried a cream concealer - I would urge you to give it a try... Don't think of it as putting on make-up... The planet is full of men that hide birth marks and scars.
Click to expand...

I remain hopeful mine will disappear some day. Or that a permanent cure/treatment will be found some day in the future... :(

I had considered using make-up if things got really bad, but I never considered something cream-based.

It's definitely easier than picturing myself with a make-up set...

I'll try finding something like that. Thanks for the suggestion. :)

MandyH said:
Unfortunately, I can’t really give you advice on dealing with rosacea as I’ve never dealt with that, but I want to say congrats on your continued weight loss. You’re doing a phenomenal job! Keep at it
Click to expand...

Thanks Mandy. :)
 
I'm going to disappear for a while, but I wanted to wish (Probably a bit early, but anyways) a happy Christmas and New Year to everybody here before I do so.

Good luck and take care of yourselves. :grouphug:
 
Hi Athala & a big congratulations on being Q's challenge champion. We will miss you & I will look forward to your return. I used to get Rosacea as well in my mid 20's & I remember how it felt. Alcohol & hot drinks were my triggers, from memory, but especially alcohol. If you can take notes of when it's the worst & what you consumed beforehand it might help to avoid the foods (or sun) that may trigger the outbreaks. I think I was particularly stressed in a high pressure office job, when I was diagnosed with it. I was interviewing people every day & it was very embarrassing. Hopefully yours will go away too. Take care Athala, xoxo Cate
 
Congrats on winning the challenge! Will miss you while you are gone. Hope you stay on track and keep losing the weight like you have been :) You're doing great!

Merry early Christmas and Happy New Year, hope to see you back soon!
 
I hope everybody is doing well. :)

I haven't done amazingly well... stalled pretty bad around 84 Kg - 85 Kg. Got into a little vicious cycle here... I get the same reading 2 - 3 days on a row, so I start getting a bit obsessive about it.

By the 4th - 5th day, I can get it down by a small amount (0.4 Kg or something like that), but then I'm just frustrated and cheat because that's not enough progress for me.

And that's how I've been pretty much stuck on all this time. I do seem to stall at a lower number each time the 'cycle' restarts, however, I can't help but feeling frustrated because of all the progress I could've done.

I got my lowest reading yesterday (I believe it was yesterday) at 82.6 Kg with 29.4 % BF. Yesterday was also a carb day that went out of control so I'll probably be up for the next couple days.


As for the 'progression' of events since my last update, I first assumed the stall was a result of the transition to eating zero carbs.

At this point I had stopped counting calories and ate to hunger (1 or 2 meals a day). I wasn't counting but I made sure not to overdo it, didn't ate until *fully* satisfied and made sure of having reasonable portions. I shouldn't have gone over my TDEE, no, unless my estimates are WAY off.

Because I was stalled (And because I *need* to see constant progress or can obsess fairly easy) I was eating only 1 meal a day, doing HIIT, further reduced the portion size, and tried to eat at the same hour every day, aiming for a 24 hour IF.

Weight started going down, but it was slow compared to my experiences on VLC ( 20 - 30 > grams of carbs per day).

Went two days like that on which I dropped around 0.8 Kg. I was already annoyed by the stall, and eating on that fashion (described above) only to drop 0.8 isn't very rewarding.

At the third day I did a water fast. Since I was fasting I decided to had some baking soda + lemon juice and getting the most out of it.

Fourth day and I was still on the same weight (Probably water retention, caused by the baking soda). Being extremely annoyed at this point and just ate whatever I wanted for 2 - 3 days. I ate to the point of feeling physically bad (and emotionally, too).


Can't remember what happened next. I believe I had another little cycle with ZC > eventual cheat. This one wasn't nearly as bad as the first one.

After reading through an interesting discussion, and finding a very interesting theory, I went back to VLC. If I remember correctly, I've had two more cheat days since then, one of those being yesterday. It was supposed to be planned (and with specific carbs only), but eating some carbs quickly advances into eating some more...


And thats pretty much it. Looking back at it, it wasn't the best way to deal with the situation. I've been really inconsistent with exercise, as well.


I need to do a spelling/syntax check and add a few more stuff to this post, but I'm too tired right now.



-(Editing pending)-
 
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Sorry to hear about your frustration with your stalling and cheating :( But 82.6 as your lowest so far, that's pretty good! 2Kg in just over 2 weeks, that's really good!

I seem to be going through cycles as well. I get to my lowest, then gain, lose a little but not hit lowest, gain, hit lowest, eventually get a little lower. Very annoying and frustrating and makes me want to eat everything in sight. I need to actually list all weights by date and see what the cycle really is. I do weigh every day but I only use Saturday as my "official" weigh in. Except that I do change my signature regardless when I hit a low even if it's not Saturday hehe.

I hope you get into a good routine and figure out the best foods that keep you satisfied in terms of hunger and energy through the day and also help you steadily lose weight.
 
I understand how you feel. This can be very frustrating and sometimes the frustration leads more to counter productive behavior than motivation. But then we get back on track. This seems to be the ebb and flow of weight loss.

You've still made some amazing progress!
 
Thanks Icy and Jade for stopping by. :)

The stall doesn't really bothers me as much, but what really gets me is not knowing why I'm stalling. Is it for eating zero carbs? is it too little calories? intermittent fasting? too many calories? Arggg it drives me crazy! I can't possibly fix it if I don't know why!

Figuring it out is the hardest part, but once I do it, I shouldn't have any major problem.



Following from my last post here, I'm on VLC territory at the moment. I'm not counting calories right now, and a bit lost about how to proceed from here.

I'm going to make a list with the different options and things to try. That should help me organize my ideas a little



Now, a couple positive things that I've noticed; (Highlighting positives, for a little change!)

First and most important, I'm back at the same size that when I was 70 kg. Most of the clothes I could wear at that weight I can wear now! That includes the skinniest jeans I was ever able to fit in!
I've also gone from wearing XL shirts to large. Most of them fit fine, and there are a few I can wear, but could use a little "extra" space.
:biggrinjester:

I can also see a few veins in hands/arms. They aren't incredibly defined, but at least I can see them now! It's great! :)

My neck is more defined, too. If I turn I can actually see it's form now. Can't see the collarbone yet, but I hope it won't take too long. That'll definitely cheer me up.

Not much left to tell... Take care everybody! :grouphug:

-Athala.
 
Friday, December 20.

The scale said 83.3 Kg with 29.2 % - 29.3 % body fat. Yesterday was 84.(something), result of my carb-day-gone-wrong... :blush5:

I want to start exercising again. I'm not going to push myself too hard, but I want to do some form of cardio and a form of resistance training every day.

I'll focus on making the habit first and then I'll build upon that. :)

In regards to food intake, I'm going to keep doing very low carb for the time being. Going to experiment alternating (On a day-to-day basis) Intermittent fasting and eating several small meals a day.

I'll going to keep a detailed log and try different stuff to figure out what seems to work best.

Have a good day everybody! :)

-Athala.
 
Fitting into clothes you used to wear is a great feeling, congrats :)

Hope you find a plan that works for food. And good luck with the exercising! Definitely start slow and listen to your body and what it can handle.
 
Friday, December 20 (Cont.)

Thanks Icy. :)

I can honestly say that I feel more like a 'normal' person now. Meaning, I no longer have the 'I don't belong here' feeling when I go out, and I'm no longer paranoid about people staring at me. There is still some work to be done, but I'm so much comfortable now.

As for finding a food plan, I tend to obsess about it and try different stuff constantly without giving enough time to anything, that's my biggest problem... :blush5:

Hopefully writing thoughts and ideas will 'calm me down' a little.



Okay, yesterday I did the first round (about 20 minutes) of a resistance workout from Fitness Blender. Didn't felt like pushing through the second and third round.

This time I'm committed to make a habit, and really don't want to make exercising a chore. I'll do it every day, but once the initial motivation is lost, I'll simply stop and move onto the next day. I'm going to focus on the stuff I don't have a mental challenge against (not necessarily a physical one).

If I try doing the stuff that does represent a mental challenge, it becomes a chore, and I can only go through that a finite amount of days before I want to quit.

Now, I say 'mental' challenge, because how much I struggle with the exercise isn't so relevant here. What counts here (and will greatly determine success) is my willingness to do the stuff and reaction to it. Planning on doing HIIT, for example will generate an instant negative reaction, and I will put a lot of effort into delaying it.

On the other hand, other types of exercise won't get a negative reaction, and I can just get up and do it, because there isn't a barrier I have to overcome.

Anyways, yesterday family had a surprise visit from a cousin which complicated my cardio session a bit. I managed to squeeze a 20 min yoga session in, which while it wasn't challenging enough to be considered a good cardio, however, I'll still count it, as I could have easily used the visit as an excuse and do absolutely nothing.

It was a grazing day so I ate several stuff through the day, eggs, avocados, tomatoes, some butter, and a fair amount of meat!

I would do a update for today, but this post is already a huge wall of text... :leaving:

-Athala.
 
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That's really good that you are starting to feel more "normal" & comfortable when you go out Athala. I understand that totally. Finding a way for exercise to be a part of your daily life, rather than a major thing is good thinking. Cheers, Cate.
 
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