ups and downs and shifting around

hey,

How have you been? I came to give you some of that motivation you asked for. So here it is :jump: MOTIVATION:jump: LOL!!!!

I hope everything is going well for you.

~Jenna
 
Your vacation doesn't seem nearly as fun as mine and I had rain 3 days out of six while camping :(. Next time, head my way. We'll have a blast :).
 
I haven't wanted to come back in here and tell everyone how I have been feeling b/c I don't really understand it myself. I feel like I might be depressed, but I've been doing o.k. anyway. For example, I've been making healthy meals from recipes I find online for sport. Though, come to think of it, it's not fun, but slightly gratifying. I went back to Curves yesterday and had a great work-out (kept my heart rate up), but I didn't get that rush I kinda wanted. I drank 160 oz of water yesterday. I picked up a new sport, disc golf. It's great for someone like me who wants to be active, but can't run. I spent some time with my brother over the weekend, which is so rare that it's good. I went to a birthday party on Sat that was pleasant. But, throughout all the good, I just haven't been myself. I even bailed on movie night with my friends, which is not like me.

And then, in a whole chapter to themselves, are the hubby issues. Which, at this point, really are this. He has a terrible, uncontrollable temper that I don't like. And he's practically demanding I move to Germany with him, but he won't change enough about himself for me to want to. He KNOWS I'm tired of the cussing and yelling when he gets mad, esp road rage and at VIDEO GAMES (which are not real anyway!) b/c the kids hear it and they just don't need that. Yesterday, he tried to ask me nicely to come with him and all that, but then he went to his old ways. Then today he has planned to be out of the house and away from me! So I don't think he's sincere in his intentions. And I'm tired of dealing with him. Who wouldn't be?

I'll make it up as I go along. It just sucks right now.
 
I am in so much pain today. [[stupid cramps]] I just don't feel like moving around much or getting things done [or being nice, for that matter]. Yesterday I felt pretty bad too, like I had a stomach bug. That's gone at least.

My difficult-to-please husband has now decided that my decision to stay or go will be the final one. He has opted out of deciding for me. [Which, dear readers is a relief and a burden.] I stay here, go to school, and deal with loneliness and pseudo-single-parenting for 2 years or go with him for 3 years and deal with him deploying and live alone in a foreign country. I am shy by nature, but here I am close to where I grew up [30 minutes down the road] and old friends, some from childhood. Besides, what fun is Germany if you can't afford to travel? Which we can't. It bites. :[

In good news, I have lost the 4 lbs I gained when I went to the beach!!! I mean, I had gained before I went too, so I'm back to where I started in almost every sense of the phrase. The thing is, Aunt Flo came to town today, so I'm just shocked that I showed a weight-loss from yesterday. [I check every morning. It motivates me.] I am really looking forward to picking up the Curves routine again. I can't believe I keep letting it fall to the side! I just don't know anyone at the gym and the manager is always rude to me [but everyone else likes her- it's weird]. So my work-outs are solitary, just like me, because I'm shy. I really could benefit from the buddy system. Talking for half an hour would make it a breeze... lol. :]

Well, I feel a little better having written all this out. Words have always soothed me in that way. I love to read and write.

Have a great day, everyone!
 
I got up and did some things yesterday, and I felt sooo much better. ['course the Ibuprofen is the real hero here] The laundry was put away; the table, counters, and oven scrubbed; the beds remade and sheets washed; the dining area swept and vacuumed; etc. My mood, though grouchy, was at least bemused by all I accomplished. I'll be honest. I'm not a generally happy person. So when I have to deal with this, and all the pain it brings, I'm mean as a bear. Or can be.

Tomorrow it's back to the school for paperwork run-around and off to Curves for a well-needed work-out and back home to spend the day doing what my hubby wants. Then it's off to the clubs with my good friend who rescues me monthly. I'm just not looking forward to it. :[
 
Sometimes even when we arent looking to go out it is the best hting for us...I hope you start feeling better soon...
 
I'm sorry you havn't been feeling well. Hopefully your mood will start changing for the better soon. :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: If you need to talk pm me anytime!
 
The paper-work can be a nightmare! Once you get the paperwork done, it's free sailing from there.

The ibuprofin can work wonders! I hope you're feeling better soon :).
 
This morning I woke up and remembered this argument I had with the hubby last night. [It was about me going to Germany and just doing the SAHM mom thing, doing PTA with the school, homeroom mom, keeping the house clean, and that kinda thing. Not worrying about school or work. He threw a fit saying I would drive him nuts with all my ideas about school and stuff. Which, in my mind, was a "score one for me!" But I cried anyway.] So I got dressed, grabbed my info, and went straight to the school. I did what I could today. I scheduled to meet with my adviser next Wed. at 2:30. Financial Aid said I may have to take a loan out for school right now, but the Pell Grant [if I get it] will re-imburse me. Changing programs from accounting to paralegal was a breeze. One of my best friends from childhood goes to the school too, and he's going to give me a tour soon. :] Lookin' good from here. :]

Gotta look for a daycare! Oh crap!

Because I was in a rush, I didn't get coffee or breakfast, so I have a headache. Since then I had a Dr. Pepper with sugar and caffeine, and a full meal. I hope this bad boy goes away so I can go to the gym. If not, I may just take it with me... lol. I can't stand headaches.

Better go for now, grab the phone book, and call day cares. Good day, all!
 
Headaches Suck!!! When I have them I feel like they suck the life outta me.

Great job getting up and going today:) You're getting so many things accomplished.

Have a good afternoon
~Jenna
 
I am going to have a hard time saying this, but I hardly know where to turn. I'd rather not everyone know what a hard time I am having b/c word travels in small towns.

I found out yesterday, that [for the 3rd time KNOWN to me] my hubby has set up yet another profile looking for sex. I found something while running my net cleaner, that had a website mentioned named lovehappens.com. Stupid me! I thought he was looking at something to improve our marriage. So I went to the site and found out what it really was. He has a profile and it says he's in a relationship and just looking for a "non commital friend with benefits. So, for the 3rd time, this has been in my face. I used to confront him and we'd fight and all that. But what's the point? I guess I'll go through the divorce emotionally now, and just deal with the reality later. Where would I be without school? NOWHERE! So I'm keeping my mouth shut, acting like it's all the same, but counting down until he ships off. And all for the kids.

So my heart is crushed, but used to it. And I'm too depressed to finish a full meal. [I lost 4 lbs in 2 days- and not even in the good way.] I'm having a bout with insomnia, which I do when things get this bad. And I don't know where to turn. It hurts in so many ways. It hurts.
 
SoSel said:
So my heart is crushed, but used to it. And I'm too depressed to finish a full meal. [I lost 4 lbs in 2 days- and not even in the good way.] I'm having a bout with insomnia, which I do when things get this bad. And I don't know where to turn. It hurts in so many ways. It hurts.
Click to expand...

:hug2: :hug2: :hug2: What an ass - I cant wait till he ships away!!! remeber how great you were in the beginning - remember tha tand find the strength you need to carry on with out him - you can do it - you know you can - If I can anyone can but all he does is break you adn I hate watching it - it breaks my heart...You can pm me or email me anytime girl - I knwo what your situation is like - ive been there and I knwo how it is keeping it all inside I do tha tan ddid that that - so please feel free to talk to me anytime rather than holdin it all in
:hug2: :hug2: :hug2:

P.S. I hate your hubby and all kinds like him...
 
My current husband did that once, the online profile, when I was pregnant. We almost split up then, we weren't married yet. I was very very angry. I can imagine that you are quite pissed right now, too. It's hard emotionally with the profile because he hasn't "done" anything physical, but emotionally, it's just as bad as if he had, maybe worse because a physical thing could have been a moment of drunken idiocy, but putting up the profile and planning this sort of thing... We'll there's no way to rationalize it in the slightest.

Keep working on the school. And kick that headache in the butt!
 
I'm sorry your husband is treating you like that. You don't deserve that... when he ships off you won't have to deal with him being an asshole to you... emotionally betraying you like that. You deserve to be treated like the wonderful person you are. :hug2: :hug2: :hug2:

Kick ass in school... i know you will do wonderful there.

Pm me anytime if you would like to speak... holding it all in can be really rough.:hug2:
 
I feel ok with things except I really want someone to just hold me and love me. [even if it's only a friend] There's no one in my life right, not even my family. I once saw my friend's mom hold her while she cried over a break-up. I would give ANYTHING for that. Non-sexual, loving contact, just so I know that the problem isn't me. I'm not repulsive.
Other than that feeling of emptiness, I feel fine. I went to a daycare this morning and I love the location and the people in it. They make the place alive. There's a cirriculum [just like 4K] for my son when he turns 4 in Nov. They will take my daughter after-school if need be [for a fee, lol]. They also bus to the school she's in. YES!! I just need to see if I can get daycare assistance then I am on my way. :] I can also enroll my daughter just to go to daycare on teacher's workdays, 8 bucks a day. The place is great, I hope. I guess you never know until you get in there.
I've also, in a rebellious mood, decided to dye my hair blonde. I love this color on me. I'm letting the dye set right now. I can't wait to put up pics.
Thanks for all the kind words. I do hurt some, but I mostly feel optimistic. I'm going to have the world open doors to me. I just know it.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top