twolilangels - a journal of a tired mommy...LOL

Boooooy, if I EVER meet that ex of yours I'm kicking his ass!! Oops...sorry, back on topic. Yes, Mal is right ....you know we are here for you, so please do NOT consider it a burden. My shoulder is in a permanent extending position...though I must say it IS rather uncomfortable. So...I think I'll just lean against this wall for support. *ahh, much better* Now...as I was saying, you know I love you girl and I know what you're going through. Feel free to lean on me....that's what friends are for...right? Love ya girl! You WILL make it through this, you WILL.
 
maleficent said:
Hang in there, cerella, if you need some sympathetic ears.. you've got a bunch of people willing to listen
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Thanx that means alot...when I talk about my problems or life and such I always feel like it is so minor in comparrision to other things or people...I feel like a complainer...maybe even a bit of a failure..I have no prob telling people positive things and how to be positive and such but when it comes to myself I just dont or cant follow through with...
 
Ohappydaye said:
Boooooy, if I EVER meet that ex of yours I'm kicking his ass!!
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There is a BIG LINE UP...LOL...Seriously when I took him to court and had to subpena him...I had ppl arguing and lining up to serve him...heeheehee...he screwed us over and around pretty badly...and he wont leave us alone makes it worse...last time I checked he left me and our family but yet, he is never gone for good...He totally messes me up emotionally, im sure he does it intentionally but I have a hard time blocking it out...he has always been the only person that makes me feel as little as he does...he literally makes me wanna curl up into a ball on the floor and wither away to nothing...
 
Hello 2la,
Sorry you have a mean ex sihjn me
up on the ass kicking list please!Hope everything
get better for ya and try hard not to let him bring
you down! Just look at your 2 lil angels:) Tammy
 
In the words of the crack addicted Whitney Houston....HELL TO THE NAW! Ok...it's official, where do you live? I'm packing RIGHT now. His ass is MINE!

Girl, I know what you're going through. He has that power over you because he still has your heart...and he knows it, the bastard! We're going to get you through this, don't you worry!
 
twolilangels said:
Thanx that means alot...when I talk about my problems or life and such I always feel like it is so minor in comparrision to other things or people...I feel like a complainer...maybe even a bit of a failure..I have no prob telling people positive things and how to be positive and such but when it comes to myself I just dont or cant follow through with...
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if it's bothering yuo and on your mind... don't ever thik if it as complaining... you'll feel better if you get it out...

I think most people are like that - i know i am - I can point out 25 good things about people i've known for 5 minutes, heck, cerella< I oculd probably name 50 about you right now,. but i'd have a tough time finding 10 things about myself..

We are our own worst critics and our own worst enemies... it's really hard.. but we'll keep reminding you of your fabulousness.. and you'll beleive it eventually :D OHD is pretty tenacious.. and so are a bunch of others :D
 
I guess it's the mother in me Mal. I like to think of myself as a mother bear... and I'll kick your ass if you mess with my "cubs." *I'm such a potty mouth these days* :eek: :p
 
Ohappydaye said:
Girl, I know what you're going through. He has that power over you because he still has your heart...and he knows it, the bastard! We're going to get you through this, don't you worry!
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*Eyes filling with tears*Screen getting blurry*
Thank you and yes that is true...but honestly I think I still have his too, I can hurt him in a heart beat and know how and do...Honestly if I ever had the choice, I would chooce to have not loved rather than to have loved and lost...we were gonna get married, blah blah blah...He was my one...Now we have this broken up family...children that miss eachother and so on, it isnt easy...We have been making eahcother's lives hell for two years now...
 
Thank you Mal, Ohappy and Nia...I needed this thank you so much...my little one has been napping since 430*Yikes* time to wake her up adn go do Tae Bo...She loves doing Tae Bo!!!
 
twolilangels said:
*Eyes filling with tears*Screen getting blurry*
Thank you and yes that is true...but honestly I think I still have his too, I can hurt him in a heart beat and know how and do...Honestly if I ever had the choice, I would chooce to have not loved rather than to have loved and lost...we were gonna get married, blah blah blah...He was my one...Now we have this broken up family...children that miss eachother and so on, it isnt easy...We have been making eahcother's lives hell for two years now...
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This made me think of a poem I wrote,when I was going through this, I hope you don't mind my sharing.

Cliche, Cliche

They say it's best to have loved and lost,
than never to have known love at all.
But I can't subscribe to that theory any longer,
not after the depth of my fall.
"You can't miss what you've never had,"
is my response to that statement.
The love I've lost, I wish I'd never known,
for my heart will never again feel such contentment.
I long to hear his voice, the softness of his words,
and though I fight against it, I still ache for his presence.
As my heart cries out and attempts to heal it confirms,
the joy of love does not outweigh the pain caused by its absence.
 
a song just popped into my head...

I hope that days come easy and moments pass slow,
and each road leads you where you want to go,
and if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
and if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
if it's cold outside,
show the world the warmth of your smile,
more then anything, more then anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it,
to your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more then you can hold,
and while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
all the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
and you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
and you always give more then you take.
Oh More then anything, Yeah, and more then anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it,
to your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more then you can hold,
and while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
 
TLA, I read (in Pequin's diary I think) about you having some hard days, so I had to come over to see you here.

(OHD that poem is just WOW).

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. You know the answer though is to let him go. You are worth so much more than this. Years from now you will look back and think "Why did I take so long to boot him?" And it stinks that children are hurting, but you KNOW how resilient they are. Would you rather subject them to years of hearing the people they love yell and hurt each other?

Trust me hon, I've been there as a child, and I'm in the middle of it now.
 
Thanx gals...OHD your poem was awesome...Thanx Mal for those touching song words...Patty...I know all this I actually let him go at least a year ago...all was good I was getting on with my life, personally...the girls and I were doing well, he was once agian whining and begging to be let back in...so I let him back in...tehn unfortunately we hugged, which was the worse thing possible...all the feelings flooded back, we started having sex , even got back together and made plans to move out again...We told all our family and hten about a week later he dumped me and left agian...so 5 months have passed and now he has been begging and trying to re-enter our lives again...this is what made me fall again...I have always loved him and didnt realize how much I still did till all that happenned...I havent been able to fully pick myself up again...I know he is a loooser, I knwo the kids and I deserve better...somehow this still doesnt help...I often think my parents raised me too well....yes I made ALOT of mistakes but look at me, I have walked a hard path, hell I am sure I even crawled that looong hard path at times, but I have always picked myself back up...anyway...I believe in trying to see the good in everyone and allow second or third or fourth chances...I like to believe that everyone has good and that sometimes ppl do change for ht ebetter within time of realizations...but it has never been abt my daughter...he proves that over and over agian whichc is why I hold onto her tightly...anyway I kinda lost my focus here...LOL...I have alot of underlying issues that I am still dealing wiht about all this...I was doing so well when I met him...I had worked my way up with the city, had a great job, made awesome money, Kaylea nad I lived comfortably (my oldest) then I met hima nd it all seemed to fall apart...now I have been struggling for the past 27 months or so...and I was never gonna be a single mom agian with a second child and so it goes on...Boy I could go on and on and on...LOL...I have however learnt to slow down and try to keep my stress lowered...went through a bunch of health issues couldnt drive for a year and lost mygood job due to that...so I can honestly say I have learnt how to slow down and smell the roses and not let so much get to me but it doesnt make it easier....as far as my X he is an ass and always will be...what sucks is I also have a stepson but rarely get time wiht him due to his dad...anyway...enough of this long ass pitty story...LOL...Him being invovled or trying to be invovled just really gets me down adn I am constantly reminded abt how we werent good enough for hima nd still arent by the games played...a classic example is...he started seeing her again (Taneesha my youngest) after 5 months of nothing promised that this meant he woudl be commiting to her twice a week...I told him if he starts he needs to follow through b/c it had already been so long no sence in changing it now...so gee here we are Thursday and I havent heard from him since Sunday...imagine that...
 
:( so sorry TLA!!!!!
I hope all turns out well for ya! You and
your kids deserve so much better! A good man is hard to
come by these days.I may be wrong but from my expiernce
(which is not better) I think they get to darn comfortable
and take advantave of us!
My hubby whom I have 4 kids by and we lived together for
81/2 years and married 3 1/2 years I was 7 months preggers
with my 3rd child at the time in 2001 when he decided we don't get along and instead of talking about problems he went to work and hooked
up with a coworker that was married and had 1 chcild herself but
it gets better she was 15 turning 16 and "SKINNY"!!I felt like shit!
His brother actually caught the 2 in the work parkinglot making out
in our car! When he went to work that day we wasn't arguing for once
and he kissed me said I love you no sighns what so ever!I begged
and cried for him to come back I didn't know any other way 2 kids
1 on the way couldn't work 7 months preggers and sick everyday
what do ya do? After a month I quit answering phone calls made up this
person I was seeing"supposely" told family members so it would get back
to him.Then tables were turned he begged me wanted me back, it took
alot of forgiveness and trust and as of today her name gets brought up
once in a blue moon and I have forgave but didn't and will never forget
what he put me through.We made up 2 weeks before my son was born.So I had the men stink outlook for a while now.
One reason losing weight not only to for health reasons but to make me
feel better about myself reasons to!
Sorry for the long story but I went through crappy man thing to and I
hear ya and it will only get better!Thanks for sharing your story!Tammy:)
 
I'm beat and was just gonna wave and dash out, but I had to stop. I know that there's really nothing I can say to make you feel better, I know because unfortunately I've been there. I just wanted to remind you that you're not alone and that you are MUCh stronger than you give yourself credit for...you just have to believe that, especially when your mind tries to trick you into believing that you're not.
 
He came back to me and begged me for us back and said it all you name it, this was after his other relationship of one year, after we hooked up...I believed it all, I still do, honestly I believe he meant it but he is a runner and I am not...Ive often wondered what it would be like to be so selfish...Ive never had the option to run away or give up...must be nice, LOL...I hear ya Nia...he left me the first time at 9 months prego , not a penny to my name and ready to pop anytime...*SIGH*...I have had a cpl offers since then but not interested...one guy actually wouldnt stop persuing me, it was crazzzy...LOL...Thanx for sharing...and for stoppin by...
 
Ohappydaye said:
I'm beat and was just gonna wave and dash out, but I had to stop. I know that there's really nothing I can say to make you feel better, I know because unfortunately I've been there. I just wanted to remind you that you're not alone and that you are MUCh stronger than you give yourself credit for...you just have to believe that, especially when your mind tries to trick you into believing that you're not.
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Thanx Babe...I do forget this, I have been through alot, I grew up fast, I am very proud of myself and such but sometimes, some things I just cant seem to handle well...
 
Todays Menu...

Sparksppl is annoying me, dont have the time to fight with it now...so anyway

Breaky...

Noodles...half a serving at 100 cals

BLT Chicken Salad...680!!! WOW...

Snack an apple...81

Dinner...

3 sausage links...144
baked potatoe...128
1 cup of corn...161

Grand Total...1,194 + my 100 for noodles so 1,293

Oh also had a half cheese bagel...140 cals

Grand Total 1493

Exercise...1 hour walk plus, moved a love seat couch up a flight of stairs and out to the road by myself and a dresser and drawers and a king sized bed ...
 
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