Time's a Wastin, and I'm Still Fat.

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Please be careful about using sickness as a excuse to eat poorly. Or do you mean you are not eating much food. Its said that when you are sick you should not eat as much food. Just be careful dont set yourself up
 
Thanks guys. Still trying to pull myself out of it. Still sick, ugh. Had 'Thanksgiving' today (a week late for canadian thanksgiving) which is never helpful, though it wasn't a huge thanksgiving meal.
I have ballooned back up again, gaining most of the 10 pounds that I lost a few weeks back. Can' fit nicely into the jeans I was fitting into. Looking HORRENDOUS in the mirror.
And like I believe I said earlier, I have aunts that were my size or smaller when they were around my age and they are now 250+ pound people. I cannot let that happen. I just cannot let that happen. I want to feel good about myself, I want to feel sexy, I want to allow people to touch me and not dread that they feel all my folds and fat.
 
:)Hi mystic,

I hope you feel better. Just always remember that whatever weight we have, you are sexy.. we are all sexy.. inside and out. :) maybe now some people cant still see it but soon. They will. :hurray:

MysticRealm said:
I want to feel good about myself, I want to feel sexy, I want to allow people to touch me and not dread that they feel all my folds and fat.
Click to expand...
 
Thank you. Still sick unfortunately. Hoping to feel better before my staycation coming up on Wednesday.

Another bad day again today. Started off ok, even logged my lunch on MFP... then went to 7-11 after work and got a medium slurpee and 3 taquito's, went grocery shopping on the way home. Most stuff I bought isn't too bad (things I can eat while losing weight) but I also got a big thing of cokes, and 2 bags of white chocolate chips. If I'm careful I can still have a coke now and again, but the chocolate chips are so high in calories and I can never just stop at a few of them.
I had 2 breakfast burritos for lung (which are probably around 600 cals each), then an entire bag of the chocolate chips.
I am wearing my step counter again and took the stairs down in the morning but took the elevator back up (was carrying groceries so would have anyways, but if I hadn't been carrying stuff I likely would have still taken the elevator)
 
Sorry to hear you are sick, get better.
As quick as you can, jump off the eating-train and leave the choco chips behind you!
 
MR, I didn't read your whole diary, but have you considered talking to your doctor about depression? I know, it's not my place, but it seems like there's a lot of self-destructive habits in there.

Regarding the 7-11 stop, I have a bad problem with hitting drive-through on the way home. I've had luck visualizing myself driving straight home when I get in the car. Also helped with a two-day personal challenge, followed by a three-day, etc. I'm halfway through a month-long challenge and it's going well, I gotta say.
 
Make a game plan for when you feel better. Throwing away that last bag of chocolate chips is less of a waste than eating them all at once. Make a shopping list next time (without the junk) and stick to it.

You are going to feel crummy at first when you cut the junk and the extra calories, but that doesn't last long. Then you are going to feel better than you have for a long time. There really is no comfort in food.
 
Thanks guys.
I do make a shopping list, but unfortunately I stray to the wrong aisles sometimes.
Trying to work my way back. I really wish that I had a friend to go to the gym with or do classes with (not only would it help with calorie burning and muscle, but would also keep me from sitting at home getting bored and eating) but I really only have 2 good friends I could possibly do that with and one is in a relationship and isn't the working out type, plus she gets sick a lot. My other friend is a guy so some of the choices in classes would be less appealing to him, and he works out of town a decent amount which means if he signed up for a 6 week class he may only make 3 of them (which is a waste of money). I could maybe entice him into working out with me, though technically I'm not really supposed to have non-residents working out in my building's gym, it usually isn't so busy that I think it would be an issue.
I also think that just signing up for a 6 week class would be helpful but it's hard to find the type of classes I like in my area, and with riding and working full time it's hard for me to have to drive 30 mins one way to a class. I should still just do it. Especially now when I don't have horse shows for a few months.
 
Finding the motivation is always the hardest part, so if you can´t find anyone to come along you´ll have to look for stuff you really enjoy. Easier said than done, I know. Good luck!
 
Thanks.
Today could have been worse. I didn't have anything made for lunch today so had to eat out. Got a donair and soda (should have skipped the soda).
For supper I had cottage cheese perogies for dinner. Not the most low cal, but then I also made a casserole for lunches and dinners and I ended up having a decent sized piece of that.
For snack in the evening (even though I obviously wasn't hungry) I had 2 apples with peanut butter (fat too much peanut butter)
But on the positive side, I really felt like stopping and picking up chocolate on my way home and I fought hard and convinced myself to not stop and get some. Maybe I need to work through one craving/problem at a time for now.

I feel really bad not going round to other people's diaries but I just don't have the motivation for that yet. I don't have the motivation to ride my horse as much as I should either.
 
If you don´t feel up to it right now, let it be. Focus on what you can do for you and don´t be so hard on yourself! (Try re-reading your last post.) Good on you for keeping up the posts here.
 
Just keep posting here and don't worry about the other diaries too much for now. Try and keep the chin up and keep working at things.
 
I third that. Just stick around and worry about you. You'll find your way. Once things are a bit easier you can come tell me how awesome I am. ;)

Also, you're awesome! Hang in there.
 
Give yourself some time to find your way. The one thing that is the same for everyone is they have to find what works for them.
 
Hi Mystic. I know that you are struggling. It has been a tough year. I wanted you to know that I am thinking of you & hope you're OK. Please let us know from time to time how you're going. Sending you lots of love, xoxo Cate
 
Ugh. I suck so incredibly much. I am HUGE difference right now. I don't fit into any of my pants unless they are yoga pants and even then I am cascading over the sides of some. I haven't weighed myself in the morning but have a couple times in the evening and those numbers may be the highest I have ever seen :(
I have zero motivation or energy to do virtually anything due to how poorly I'm eating, which means I sit and home and of course... EAT!!!
I'm trying to force myself to go out and ride my horse and was able to get myself out there a couple times this week. I would also like to force myself to wear my too tight jeans at home instead of comfy sweats. It would make me more aware of my body when I think about eating more than I shiuld. I also need to get the big box of cokes out of my house. I normally never have cokes or sugar drinks in my house and now that I do I may be eating the same amount of calories as I normally do, but gaining more weight cause I'm drinking more cals.

What's odd is that I'm doing SOs poorly in the eating/weight department, but my usually-looks-like-a-hoarder house has been tidy for probably the longest it ever has, except for maybe when I first moved in. I'm still not perfect about vacuuming or cleaning the bathroom ( and my room isn't clean) but it's tidy enough I can have people down at a moments notice which could virtually never happen before. It's just crazy to me how I can be more on the ball about something I usually find extremely hard and yet soooo totally not with it about something else. You'd think they would go together. Being motivated for one would encourage you to be motivated for the other. Apparently not.

Back to try again.
 
Did decent today, compared to what I have been doing lately. Finished up under 2000 calories. Weighed in this morning at 174. Yikes almighty! Gonna slowly start to try to work that number down again.
 
Hi Mystic--Sounds like you're having a hard time at the moment :( Glad you're out riding at least--and a clean house never hurts :) Give yourself time xo
 
Hey Mystic, from my perspective you are doing really well, you are still here! which is better than me, well done for that.

Sometimes you just need to give yourself a break. Hugs
 
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