Taking Back Control (A Diary)

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ABeen a while since I updated.

Things have been alright...I cheated and had some McDonalds about a week ago, and then I cheated again and had A&W...and then I kind of kept cheating. I'm so bad at that. I can have 1 cheat day, but then I always tell myself I can cheat more, and then I miss all those tasty foods. Ugh.

I'm down to 232, not what I wanted for the 16th but still better than gaining weight.

The Curves in my city is doing a "Biggest Loser" challenge starting on the 26th or something. I want to join it, maybe it will motivate me, since I already have a membership.

I've been having a low week, I felt that I had no direction in life. Everyone my age seems to have goals for careers and the like. I didn't even graduate high school until I was 22 years old. The few things I enjoy, don't really mean I'll get a career (I enjoy writing, but everyone says English courses in university are fluff and don't give you much to go on). I all but gave up, scrounging for ANY kind of class I could take, even cooking! I read that the course I was looking into, New Media Communications (which leads into Digital Graphic Design), was only available in two cities, each 2 hours away. I can't drive, and I can't afford to move away from home.

Then today I was re-reading the course and it said that there are 10 online courses that I can take, which will give me the certificate! I'm happier now, I could really get into it, and do something I really enjoy. I know it can be hard to get into something like that job wise, but I want to believe that I'm talented enough to get a career out of this.

Here's hoping that this works out. I don't want to get my hopes up. It'll mean getting student loans but...with any luck, I'll be able to keep working and pay them off promptly.
 
Hey Loch, whats A&W?:)


Dont worry about breaking out, you should have witnessed what i did last week, i ate my entire house. It was not a pretty sight.


Anyways so what if you graduated high school at 22, it doesnt matter. I have respect for you that you went back and finished your schooling:)


I think you would make a fantatic writer though, the first thing i noticed in your first post a month back was ' wow this girl can write'.



Also never compare yourself to people, it always leads to heartbreak either way. There will always be someone who seems better off that you or worse than you. I used to


Whatever course and career path you decide to choose to do, i know you will be fantastic at, but remember to never stop believing in yourself:):)


Hope you have a great day Loch!!xxx
 
AThanks IrishPrincess :). A&W is a popular fast food restaurant in Canada, they have the best hamburgers x.x

I know that, even if I cheat, I'll just keep trying. I think I'll reach my goal by the end of the month :).
 
AHi Loch....sorry I haven't checked in for awhile.... :( we have A&W here too...they have the best chili cheese fries!! o my!!!

But you are right....don't give in to one bad day or bad week...just move on hun...it will all work out in the end!! I know you will reach your monthly goal!! you can do it!!
 
AThanks Tetemcg! It's been a busy few weeks x.x

So I had a doctor's appointment on Monday, I had to get up early so I thought, what the hell, I'll go to Curves. So I got up at 6:30 A.M. and went to Curves, then the doctor, and then I got my hair cut/dyed! Everyone says I look younger, and it suites me. I think I got 6 inches cut off. It feels nice :).

The Curves in my city is doing a boot camp, and whoever loses the most gets a free month. I joined, but I'm worried I won't be able to manage it...you see, I have to do 10,000 steps a day (which I can do, since I walk 1 hour a day to go there), but I also have to do 1 extra activity a week. They'll have activities, but I work 6 days a week in the evenings so chances are I'll miss all the activities. So unless I can switch my day off from Wednesday to Thursday so I can do Zumba, I can't do anything...I guess I'll just have to see what work says.

I went in again today, and the woman that was working just...had bad vibes. I'm not sure, she just gave me that uncomfortable feeling. I felt great though. I did my weigh and measure, I've lost 9lb since I last got it done, and 9% body fat. I also lost some inches on my waist! So far I'm doing pretty good :). Anyway, after my workout she had to talk to me. Back in April they switched computer systems, I had to come in and pay my monthly fee because they mistyped my banking info. Whatever, I paid. Then in May it happened again, I was 90% sure I paid that. Well, she said I owed them for that month. She said "I don't expect you to pay now, I know sometimes it can be hard to get the money, but if you can pay soon that would be great". I kept insisting that I paid, and I know she was just doing her job, but she seriously had that look and tone of voice that made me think she thought I was poor and making excuses.

I came home and checked my bank. I paid them in April, and I also paid in May on the 9th. Also, I'll have them look at the log-in info. I only came in those two months those TWO times because I was kind of off the wagon from exercising. If they check the records to see when I logged in with my tag, and it matches the day my bank says I paid, then that HAS to prove I paid. Ridiculous...I like Curves, usually the staff are great, but I PAID and it's not my fault they screwed up my banking info and then OBVIOUSLY screwed up when I paid.

Anyway...one more lb away from the 20lb mark. I haven't been this weight in, well, 3 years I'd say. It feels good.

As for school...up and down. The online courses I saw only count for 40% of the certificate I want. However, I had a small plan in the works. If I take those 10 online classes it's 5000 (from now til sept I should be able to save that much). I'll then apply for the New Media class the year afterward (it'll cost less than 5000 since I'll have those 10 courses credited toward it). I'll have to move, but I'll save up to pay for the class, and 2500 to cover rent/living expenses until I find a part time job. It'll only be for a year, and then after that I can move back to my city and take the last two classes to get the diploma online, since those two classes have online options. The only thing I worry about is my mom. Right now I help with the rent, and I don't want to have her move or something...she works at a grocery store. She says she'll be fine, but I told her that I need assurance that she'll be fine for a year before I do this. We have 2 years I suppose to work it all out. I also hope my job will re-hire me if I do leave for a year...I think they will, they like me and I've been there almost 3 years.

Well, that's it for now :). Oh! Come new year I should be at least 199. Here's to the next 3 months!
 
Hi Loch
smile.gif



Glad to see you're doing well! Congrats on the weight loss and staying committed! You're doing splendidly! :biggrin:


Good luck on your schooling too! I hope everything works out for you
smile.gif
 
AThank ya, Frogged. Sorry I haven't stopped by lately! Been kind of lethargic on the internet these days.

Decided to try out IrishPrincess' little challenge I saw on her journal. Since I just started the boot camp at Curves, both last a month, so it should be fun ^^. I'll add the measurements when I get home from work.

30 DAY WEIGHTLOSS CHALLENGE!


Day 1-


Age
: 24
Height: 5'8"

Weight: 231 lbs
Waist: 36.5
Hips: 48.25
Thighs: 27
Shirt/dress size: XXL

Pants size: No clue...26 maybe
Highest recorded weight: 260
Goal weight: 160 lbs for now

Day 02 - How tall are you? Do you like your height?
Day 03 - A picture of your fitspiration. What features do you like about this person?
Day 04 - Your greatest fears about weight loss.
Day 05 - Why do you really want to lose this weight? Are you doing it for you?
Day 06 - Do you binge? If so, explain why you think you do.
Day 07 - Do your friends and family know you’re trying to lose weight? Do they support you?
Day 08 - Your workout routine.
Day 09 - Did people ever make comments about your weight in a negative way?
Day 10 - What was the hardest thing you gave up during your weight loss journey?
Day 11 - Your favorite fitspo blog and why?
Day 12 - What food plan do you normally follow each day?
Day 13 - Are you losing weight in a healthy or unhealthy way?
Day 14 - What is your ultimate goal weight/look?
Day 15 - Are you vegan or vegetarian? If so, has this helped you lose weight? If not, would you ever consider turning vegan or vegetarian?
Day 16 - When did you first decide to lose weight?
Day 17 - What is your favourite treat meal?
Day 18 - What food is your weakness?
Day 19 - When is your favourite body part to work on? Why?
Day 20 - What is your favourite form of cardio?
Day 21 - What is your favourite resource for healthy living info?
Day 22 - Quick! What are the 5 things you like best about yourself?
Day 23 - Did the media play a role in your wanting to lose weight?
Day 24 - When did you first notice your hard work paying off?
Day 25- When you reach your goals, what do you plan on doing to maintain your results?
Day 26 - What excites you most about reaching your goals?
Day 27 - How do you stay on track in tempting situations? (e.g. BBQs, Birthday parties, out with friends, etc.)
Day 28 - Have you had any setbacks you’ve had to overcome? How did you do it?
Day 29 - Your definition of beauty.
Day 30 - 10 facts about you! And now, what are your stats?
 
AJust updating the journal :).

Exercised again today, that makes 4 times this week. I'll skip skip the weekend, since they're closed Sunday and I want a short break. Will be back in on Monday.

The boot camp starts Monday and I signed up for the group activity on Wednesday at 9:00 A.M. Should be fun.

Day 02 - How tall are you? Do you like your height?

I'm 5'8", I've always been tall. I've never really thought about it. On one hand, I was proud to be tall, on the other, I used to get teased a lot. I always had to stand in the back for school group photos. A couple of kids in my apartment building, when I was 13, kept calling me a giant. At one point an ex of mine told me he felt inferior, being shorter than me. I decided to just ignore all the negativity. I can't make myself short, so I'll either find myself a tall guy, or someone who doesn't give a damn about how tall I am (although I do like me a tall man haha). So, all in all, yeah, I guess I do like my weight :). I got no choice!
 
Originally Posted by Loch

Just updating the journal .

Exercised again today, that makes 4 times this week. I'll skip skip the weekend, since they're closed Sunday and I want a short break. Will be back in on Monday.

The boot camp starts Monday and I signed up for the group activity on Wednesday at 9:00 A.M. Should be fun.

Day 02 - How tall are you? Do you like your height?

I'm 5'8", I've always been tall. I've never really thought about it. On one hand, I was proud to be tall, on the other, I used to get teased a lot. I always had to stand in the back for school group photos. A couple of kids in my apartment building, when I was 13, kept calling me a giant. At one point an ex of mine told me he felt inferior, being shorter than me. I decided to just ignore all the negativity. I can't make myself short, so I'll either find myself a tall guy, or someone who doesn't give a damn about how tall I am (although I do like me a tall man haha). So, all in all, yeah, I guess I do like my weight . I got no choice!





So sorry you used to get picked on for your height! Kids can be so mean, and most of the time they dont relise that their actions are hurting others! Im an inch shorter than you and im delighted about my height, we need to embrace how tall we are:) Also in all honesty, 5'7 and 5'8 is not even that tall, i know plenty of girls that are 5'11!!


Cant wait to hear the rest of your answers :D xxx
 
AHaha yeah, I liked your answer. Being tall means I can carry more weight without looking too bad lol. I'm over it now, but yes, children can be really cruel without realizing it.
 
AGood day, I had about 1400 calories eaten today. No exercise, but I'll probably do some dancing tomorrow on Dance Central. I had to lower my calorie intake from 1600 to 1500. I'm kind of worried about having to lower my intake as I lose weight...it's hard enough to stay under 1600! Ah well. I started taking a "one a day" vitamin, hoping it helps give me energy.

Anyway, that's it.

Day 03 - A picture of your fitspiration. What features do you like about this person?

The funny thing is, I don't really have any sort of images for inspiration. I mean, yeah, I've looked at magazines and such and admired the women in them, but I've never had one image stick with me. There's really only one thing...however, the girl isn't real. I've done a lot of writing, and I styled one of my characters after Luka Megurine.



Realistically I'll probably never look this good, but my character in my book is beautiful, and strong, and she can kick ass. So every time I see pictures of this girl, I think of how much I want to be in shape, and able to kick ass. I want to have abs, and I want to wear bikini's and have confidence. So, really, I just use the image in my head most. I always picture myself in better shape, and it inspires me.
 
Cool pic, Loch


That's good 'fitspiration' for sure


As my grandmother always says, 'Think Positive!'


If doubt lingers in your mind, it makes reaching your goals so much more difficult. Just believe that someday you can and will look that good in a bikini - maybe better!


Weight loss is such a dynamic experience. The difference between how you are now and how you will be a year from now could be unbelievable! It may just surprise you No matter what, keep going strong and maintain that focus! Always think of things like that image when moments get tough


Although not always just pictures, there are certain things I keep refreshed in my mind to help keep me rejuvenated and going strong. It's become almost a daily routine for me actually - and it works!


Keep that fire inside you ignited however you can! :biggrin:
 
AAw, thanks for the optimism. I'm definitely keeping my head up this time, and staying on track.

Day 04 - Your greatest fears about weight loss.

There are a lot of things I worry about. I worry that I'll never lose those trouble spots, that I'll never look as good as I see myself in my head. I want to be attractive, but I'm worried that losing weight won't help with that. I've had weight and self-image issues all my life. I'm afraid my stretch marks won't go away. I'm always afraid that I'll never make it to the finish line. I'm trying so hard, and I have my hopes up, but there's always that chance that I'll just...stop. Last, but not least, I fear having loose skin. I read and saw images on it, and if it happened to me I'd have no idea on if I can fix it. I have to try not to lose weight too fast :(.
 
Originally Posted by Cord the Seeker



Quote:





Originally Posted by Loch

The only cruddy thing is that I'm not supposed to eat past 8pm, right?





Hello, Loch, and welcome to the journals!

It doesn't really matter so much when you eat, although you may well feel better if you go to sleep at a more 'normal' hour, get adequate sleep, and eat your final meal well before bedtime.


I agree, the times you chose to eat during the day have basically no impact on weight loss, this is a myth.


Common myths with the same theme are


Eating breakfast helps stoke your metabolism and burns more calories

Eating regularly (little and often) keeps your metabolism going all day and burns more calories

Eating after late at night causes you to burn less calories because you're asleep.



None of these things actually matter, your metabolism does not change based on when you eat or how regularly you eat, 1000 calories of food is 1000 calories of food, there is no way to cheat your body in to burning more calories. When you decide to eat only decides when you get the most useful energy from the food and affects when you get hungry.


It's not opinion, it's scientific fact :)
 
Originally Posted by Loch

Aw, thanks for the optimism. I'm definitely keeping my head up this time, and staying on track.

Day 04 - Your greatest fears about weight loss.

There are a lot of things I worry about. I worry that I'll never lose those trouble spots, that I'll never look as good as I see myself in my head. I want to be attractive, but I'm worried that losing weight won't help with that. I've had weight and self-image issues all my life. I'm afraid my stretch marks won't go away. I'm always afraid that I'll never make it to the finish line. I'm trying so hard, and I have my hopes up, but there's always that chance that I'll just...stop. Last, but not least, I fear having loose skin. I read and saw images on it, and if it happened to me I'd have no idea on if I can fix it. I have to try not to lose weight too fast :).


Another myth is speed of losing weight matters for loose skin, in the long run it does not. Your skin will shrink slightly to fit your shape as you lose weight and in some cases the effect can be delayed by up to 6 months (doctor recommended wait time after weight loss before you consider surgery), but the actual amount of loose skin at the end cannot be prevented, it's really depressing but it's the unfortunate truth.


Some of these worries are things you'll slowly get over as you start to lose weight, once you've lost something like 50% of your target you will start feeling a lot better about yourself and it's likely that by then you'll realise that the end result is the end result, and that feeling better about yourself is worth it.


It's worth keeping in mind that a lot of peoples perfect look cannot be obtained through weight loss alone, if you want to get really toned it means working out quite a lot in order to shape and tone your body, if thats part of the reason you're losing weight you should make sure to exercise regularly and try doing some tension training, it will all help with your weight loss as well which is great.
 
AThanks for the advice and the tips Frosteh :D. I read up on some of those myths before. Definitely enlightening lol. I also know I won't look perfectly how I want to. Ultimately my goal is to feel better. I plan on doing toning, and hitting the gym as often as possible (starting tomorrow I plan on going 4x a week). This is a long journey, and I'm in it for the long run. My fears can only be conquered if I remain realistic, optimistic, and positive.

Doing alright today. I can't seem to avoid those delicious, wonderful Tim Hortons Ice Cap's. I only get a small one, it's wonderful. I'm so tired, nothing seems to help. I struggle just to get up and out the door.

I've decided to lower my calorie intake from 1500 to 1200. Don't worry, I'm not going to go any less than that! I'm eating every couple of hours, and not starving myself.

Today I had
Breakfast shake for 300
Ham stick for 45
Cheese string for 60
Ham & cheese sandwich for 250
Ice cap for 150
Two bowls of homemade soup, no clue for calories, it was all vegetables and pasta. Let's say 300 ish.
1205 calories

I've become addicted to Fresca! I probably already said that...I have 1, maybe 2 a day. Is the aspartame back for me? I've heard rumors, but it helps. I crave soda so bad, and it hits the spot, same with diet ginger ale. It's better than chugging a 2L of coke a day, that's for sure. I'm trying very hard to avoid the Red Bull. I was drinking one a day, and then going to sugar free, but even then I've read that it's still bad. Hence why I've been drinking those ice cap's from the Tim Hortons, it's not as much caffeine, but it does the trick.

I felt sick today. I felt like I was going to die. I almost thought I had appendicitis or something. I tend to overreact like that, still, the pain was bad. Felt a little better later on, but still felt a little sick. I hope I feel better tomorrow. It was probably something I ate. That or I need more fiber, who knows.

Day 05 - Why do you really want to lose this weight? Are you doing it for you?

This is 100% for me.

I feel that I've been overweight most of my life. I'm tired of being tired, I'm tired of feeling as if I'm not myself. It got to the point where I would avoid looking in the mirror. I want to be happy, I want to love myself. That's what it boils down to. I had a recent break-up with a man, and he was a good man, but I was so self-conscience and I hated myself. I truly, and deeply hated myself. I hated what I had done TO myself. He needed to be with someone who had their act together, and I needed to fall in love with ME. It's hard to give yourself to someone after having so many things happen to make you feel like a monster. Some day I will be ready, but everyone else can wait, because this is my time.

I'm not just losing weight, I'm changing my life. I'm growing. I'm making changes to be someone better. I'm going to heal my mind AND my body. I've been looking into school, and into things I can do once I'm more active, so that I can stay active and healthy. I will be happy. I know that all I can do is try, all I can do is get up when I fall and get back on the road. One healthy day is a day to be happy about, and that's enough for me.

So, to sum it up, I want to lose this weight so that I can find myself. I lost myself so many years ago, before I could make my own choice, it was shoved into my lap by my peers. I've grown to avoid society, and hate the only person that matters; me.
 
What a great post there, Loch! :hurray:


You are going to be so successful! The mentality you have is exactly how I think every day when I wake up, and since it's helped me lose almost 200 pounds, I can guarantee you that you will reach your goals!
smile.gif



Awesome! :biggrin:
 
AJust getting the update up, will edit in everything at the end of the night.

Today I had
Small apple for 50
Curves shake for 120
Lean Cuisine Chicken for 250
Packet of carrots for 20
Three pickles for 12
Pizza sub for 270
Weight Watches pizza 380 calories
Ham stick 45
Cheese string 60

Total: 1207

Today I did
60 minuet's of walking - 280 burned [Numbers vary, but that's the general consensus for my weight. I can walk 2 miles in one hour.]
Curves workout - 424 burned

Total: 704

Day 06 - Do you binge? If so, explain why you think you do.

Yes, sometimes I do. I tend to eat when I feel down, I also eat when I'm really happy. I eat when I'm bored, too. I hate it. My mood tends to go up and down on a whim, although lately it's been pretty good. I'm trying harder not to binge. I'll treat myself to a small ice cap, or a handful of chips once in a while. I realized that some people enjoy a treat day, where they don't count calories, they just eat whatever they like. For me, it doesn't work. When I have a cheat day I end up having a cheat week. I tried it, and it went badly. So, every day I try to keep myself from overly indulging.
 
ALOVE your honesty in your answers Loch...you are a beautiful person...and I am happy you "know" you and see you grown on this journey!! I am proud of you....you are going to hot and kind...that is a deadly combo!!
 
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