Step by step, day by day :D

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Yesterday was bad today has been worse :(

My stress levels are sky high and I'm tired and feeling down and in a very 'what's the point' state of mind. Stress combined with emotional pain as I'm going through a strange patch with my best friend.

So I've been overeating...consciously and painfully aware of what I'm doing I've been making trips from the cupboards to the fridge and back. And yet I can't seem to stop myself. Worse still, in a strange and totally f*cked up way I welcome the feeling of guilt over how much I've eaten and the sensation of an OVERLY full stomach because it muffles the other stuff. I know this drill all too well :(

My whole body is tense and I'm feeling sad over so many things.

I HOPE I can start afresh tomorrow and this won't continue. I REALLY don't want it to.
 
Sweetie, you are punishing yourself & that is not good. You are the only one who can take back control & you really must. Please be kind to yourself. If the friendship is irretrievable let it go & move on. If you think it can be fixed & is worth it try hard to fix it. If you are not expressing your feelings to your friend do so. We all must be kind to ourselves & you are giving yourself a hard time. You deserve better than that. Sending you a great big hug & lots of love :grouphug: xoxo Cate
 
Thank you so much Cate for your lovely support! I really appreciate it!!

I've been trying very hard to get out of that mindset today. Spoke to my friend this morning and told him how I feel, which also helped.

I started this new chapter exactly 2 months ago and I'm determined not to give up now.
 
It's weird how hard it is to "just" talk to people. Good job getting it over with, I hope it'll help.
 
Thanks Cate and LaMaria :) Telling him how I feel was basically me venting my frustrating at things which will not change between us. Sounds very cryptic, I know :D I need to chill about this though, because they will NOT change any time soon, if ever...

Health-wise, I got my ass into gear and have kept on top of my emotional eating. I'm also on week 5 of my Wobble to Model Exercise Plan (the name still makes me smile :D and god the instructors are getting on my nerves!!!), nearly nearly gave up this week, but I'm gonna finish this thing!!! Defo not looking like a model ha ha but I love how structured the workouts are.Otherwise I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing...Running is so straightforward :D
 
Wobble to model? Sounds... exaggerated but fun. Why do they get on your nerves? Running´s only straightforward if you can do it; for me it´s like climbing Everest :eek:
 
Hi Sidney. Well done for keeping on top of your emotional eating. I'm glad you're determined to finish the plan &, I too, am curious to know why the instructors annoy you :)
 
Well, the girl behind it all and who is in pretty much every exercise video used to be in a reality show called 'The only way is Essex', it's one of those where they follow around a group of numpties and 'document' their lives...DIRE :D I have low tolerance these kinds of people :D and sometimes her 'philosophical' insights during the workouts are just too much. I know she's trying to be encouraging and all, but there's only so much you can listen to 'perky bum' talks :D And on top of that, she's got two trainers with her, the woman can be VERYYYYY shouty (annoying girly high pitch shouting :D) and the guy's English is appaling :D he says things like 'this exercise is gonna be even MORE HARDER' ha ha I know I'm soo harsh!!! But I just wanna be like 'mate, read a book, pleeeeeeease' :D Only about 6 exercise sets left though and I'll probably miss this annoying bunch :D

Just had breakfast and it's another day of coursework and studying. THAT is going to be my life for the whole month of May. Nothing I can do about it though, so might as well just put my all into it. So when it's over, it's REALLY OVER!
 
Good luck with the learning :) I would probably end up shouting at the scream: "But I don´t WANT to be like you!" After around five minutes.
 
Well, let's be honest :D I wouldn't mind looking like them and having their fitness levels :D But they ARE quite numpteyish.

Eugh, another episode of stress eating this evening. I thought that if I am aware WHY I do it, I would be able to control it...I need to find some strategies to cope better with this and stop myself from stuffing my face with anything that's in my sight when feeling stressed and fed up.

I've read that when I feel like I'm about to eat emotionally I should pause for a little while (even just a minute) and really look within :)D). I'm gonna definitely try it next time,or maybe post on here or go for a walk or something. I know that this NEEDS to change!
 
Knowing why you do what you do is a good start, but you´ll probably need an assortment of alternative strategies before you´re completely safe from trying to heal your soul with calories. You can do it though!
 
Delsid, I am another emotional eater. I find that when I get really tired I can feel very down & that's when I am looking to stuff my face. :iagree: with LaMa. The more strategies you can come up with when you are feeling like that the better. My sister has a bath. She makes herself a cup of herbal tea, takes a book with her & that's her solution. Coming into the forum is good. I used to often type exactly how I was feeling about myself & why I wanted to stuff myself & by the time I had poured it all out the feeling would ease. Often I left the post there, but more often I deleted it. Sharing how you're feeling is good medicine. There would be very few people in the forum who are not emotional eaters. I find getting to a mental place where you feel good about yourself really helps to overcome it. Easier said than done, but it is something we can consciously work on. I am happy with the person that I am, but it has taken me a long time to get to this stage. I have to tell myself to stop giving myself a hard time at least twice a week!
Make a list of your good points & read that list each morning. Try really hard to be kind to yourself xo Cate
 
Thanks, you guys :)

I think getting out of the house might be the best strategy for now. Like last night, I came home after work after being sat all day, and I knew that I wasn't going to study because I was mentally exhausted. So the choices were 'go for a run' or 'stay inside, put some crappy tv show on and snack', I chose the former and felt much better.

May needs to be a month where I control my procrastination and work out more strategies for dealing with emotional eating, the two are linked, really, because when I've wasted a lot of time during the day and feel extra stressed I tend to stuff my face. The general isolation doesn't help either so I'm going to make more of an effort to see and talk to people. Again, that's connected to managing my time better. It all comes back to me being absolutely pants at doing what I'm supposed to, and ticking it off the list. Soooooo annoying!!!!!! And soo hard to change :(

In other news, my scales broke, but I'm not gonna be buying new ones coz I'm leaving in a month and a half. So I'm only gonna use clothes as an indication of how I'm doing. I prefer that in a way knowing how frustrating weigh ins can be.
 
Going grocery shopping in a min and just realised it's shorts appropriate weather :D Gotta shave those legs :D
 
Yay for shorts weather! And for getting out of the house to empty a stuffy head, that´s always a good idea.
 
Today was such a happy day! I did a huge shop, overdid it a bit but got some super lovely fruit and veg. I always go thinking 'I'll just pick up a few things' and then end up with a trolleyfull. I have learnt now though, and I go shopping with my hiking backpack to the amusement of the locals :D One thing I'll for sure miss about living in China is the variety and quality of fruit!!! oh and mushrooms :D SOOO many different types of mushrooms!, and seaweed and tofu skin haha soo many amazing things which I won't be able to get in Europe. But, there's humous and avocados :D haha God how I miss humous.

I also did a good amount of work and spoke to my parents for like an hour and a half, THAT does not happen often, mainly because of meeee being a moody biatch ...but today was such a lovely conversation and it was just GREAT :D really excited to see them in a couple of months.

I really hope tomorrow continues to feel this happy :)
 
Hahaha I'm just gonna continue posting stuff as I remember it :D

I also did my WtM workout but cheated with the high intensity stuff, just watched THEM do it :D I don't mind doing HIIT with others at the gym (still don't love it...) but on my own it's suuuuch a struggle. I'll try again tomorrow.
 
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