Step by step, day by day :D

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Just realised that my 'mantra' today is: 'I'm not hungry, I'm stressed and tired' :D

I'm resisting a nap so hopefully I will find it easier to fall asleep tonight.
 
Well done on recognising why you want food. Hope you get that good night's sleep. It is SO important!
 
Delsid said:
Thanks Alex :)

It took me all day yesterday to feel human again, Cate. But got there in the end, thanks :)

I also signed up for a fitness plan, it's called Wobble to Model (ha ha ha) and it lasts 6 weeks. I had a look at the workouts yesterday and jesus f*cking christ I was getting tired just watching them. Then the usual excuse of TIME started to whirl around my head and I could see that I'm just being lazy - of course I can spend 4 hours a week (!!!) doing those workouts. They do look tough though so I was getting scared that I would suck and wouldn't be able to do it like the lovely fit ladies in the videos ha ha. Now, writing about it, I realise how silly those thoughts are, so f*cking what if I can't do what they are doing straight away, I'm trying and if I stick it out (well I did pay for it, which should be a motivating factor) then I'll be super proud of myself. Like, really really proud because it would be the very first time I've completed something like this. Well, I am going to try, I've never followed a structured exercise plan like this before and 6 weeks is really not that long. I wish I could say I'm excited ha ha but right now it does seem like a bit of a torturous thing that I've chosen to do to myself :D Hopefully my attitude will change once I start exercising.

By the way, Happy Easter if you guys are celebrating.
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EXACTLY.

Don't judge yourself by comparing the current version of you to the already fit, totally in-shape versions of other people (who are often professional trainers who do nothing but workout). If I compared myself to people who were already physically fit I would cry on a constant basis and then ease my hurt feelings with a bucket of chocolate ice cream. The only person to whom you should compare yourself is you - the you from yesterday. As long as you are doing better than the you from yesterday then you're doing good and should be proud. That's all that matters.
 
cate said:
Well done on recognising why you want food
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Thanks Cate! I saw it so clearly yesterday. I just had a very satisfying lunch, but I soo wanted to continue picking at different things. Emotional eating at its finest.

cate said:
. Hope you get that good night's sleep
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Last night was much better, I went for a latish run as well to make myself even more tired and it worked :)

Thank you Chef!!!! So many times in my life I've stopped (or never started!!) doing things because I wasn't as good as other people, I'm slowly learning to change that.

ChefChiTown said:
The only person to whom you should compare yourself is you - the you from yesterday.
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So so so true!!! :)
 
Just tried to do the workout scheduled for today. Toughest one yet.

She kept saying 'Yeah, that's right you've got it!' I felt like screaming 'I HAVEN'T f*cking got it' at the screen. So I stopped. Eugh.

I'll try again tomorrow, hopefully I'll stick it out.

'You're a workout away from a good mood'? Bullsh****t.
 
So my night continued to suck ass and my frustration turned into a desire to eat. So I did. Late night eating is never a good idea...FFS.

I got up early today though and followed in Chef's footsteps (thank you!! :D) and did the workout first thing. And I did the whole thing :D And it was much 'easier'...so, unless my fitness levels magically increased overnight the challenge is much more in my head than in the actual exercise.
 
Well done honey. It's mostly in our heads. We can sometimes be our own worst enemies, when we really should be our own best friends xoxo
 
Things are feeling pretty steady at the moment.

The 'wisdom' of 'if you don't have it in your house you won't eat it' is working for me so far. And to be honest, I'm making the choice of not buying certain stuff not because I feel that I should (because I'm trying to lose weight) but because it's ACTUALLY rubbish (nutritionally bankrupt :D) But it does feel like I'm still far from being in control around food. Like, when I'm out and not sticking to my routine the super annoying obsession with food comes back. I'll HAVE to get a grip on that. From June until December I'm going to be on the move pretty much non-stop. And I'm determined not to put on weight!!! I think as long as I keep being active in SOME way and be mindful of what I put in my mouth, I won't feel so inclined to overeat. As a classic example of a self saboteur I have for so long gone 'f*ck it, if I'm not exercising I might AS WELL stuff my face', and REALLY trying to change that. I haven't been running since Thursday, which sucks but been really pressed for time, but I've been doing the workouts and eating lots of good food. I really want to run on a more regular basis again though because I REALLY want it to become a habit. And the more you run the easier it gets, but once I stop, even for a few days it starts to feel like a mission again.
 
I think you'll find that the longer you go trying to make good choices, the easier it becomes. You start to learn that one bad choice doesn't have to make a bad day/week. It's all about creating habits and you're on the way to doing that.
 
Thanks, Cory. I think I need to trust myself more. As in, I really want this to be a fundamental change, rather than something I'm doing for an X amount of time. But somewhere at the back of my mind I have this annoying sense of dread that I will screw this up again. Really want to sort that out.

Last night I ate a ridiculous amount of kombu, a very strange thing to pig out on, I know, but I was really craving it...not sure why.

Still working on those planks and push ups. I can now do a 90 sec plank and 10 push ups (from my knees) without stopping. Really determined to do a 'real' push up by June.

Still haven't been out running but I'll try today, I kinda miss it and just need to get back into it.

My scales are annoying me because they show different readings (like, I get on them 4 times and the 1st one would be different from the other 3...)...I guess I should just go with the last 3?

A massively stressful day tomorrow, need to go to Shanghai to be observed by a Cambridge examiner - it's a part of my course and I'm dreading it. Gonna try and not to eat my stress away today.
 
Well, this is a nice surprise. I've JUST done my FIRST ever proper push up!!!!!! 2 of them actually :D

After writing the post I thought, 'let me just try' and so I did, and to my massive surprise I did not collapse on the floor straight away. YAY!!!!!!
 
Went for a run on Sunday, after 10 days and completed my fastest ever 5k! It's really motivating to see that eating well and exercising make such a difference!!

Yesterday went well. Both work and food wise. After the observation I went out for lunch and had:
Two small paper rice wrapped spring rolls
A pumpkin soup
A falafel and humous wrap
An aloe vera juice

That's a massive lunch, I know, but, I didn't feel guilty eating it (and that was also such as nice feeling!!!) because:

a) I was celebrating
b) Eating stuff like that in China (whilst not living in Shanghai I mean) is actually sooo rare! I'm averaging a wrap a year these days :D

I contemplated having a slice of tofu 'cheescake' but was too full (went to the supermarket next door and had loads of cake samples though, sigh sigh :D they are everywhere!!)

I'm really tired this morning. Woke up at 4:30 for some reason and couldn't get back to sleep for ages. Now it's nearly time to go to work and I'm feeling quite zombie like.

I need to choose a weigh in day and stick to it. Really hoping to get under 58kg this month and watching my weight fluctuate daily has been frustrating to say the least.
 
Fast running and proper pushups?? Sounds like things are going great! I have total spaghetti arms and have never worked up to a full pushup. I'm proud of you!
 
Thanks Oaks! This was the first time EVER I did a push up!!!! Really want to be strong! :D

Been doing loads of studying, 5 and a half weeks until my exam and final submission. Really gotta push through now.

Food has been ok, although with all the stress and not sleeping properly (I wake up at 3, 4 and 5 pretty much every night these days, which is annoying...but no idea how I can stop it) I've been feeling more hungry and not really sticking to the 1300 calories a day on MFP. Trying to do some sort of exercise every day though and the food I've been eating has been mostly good. Met up for dinner with my Kiwi friend on Wednesday and felt like some chocolate cake, so we had a slice between us! It was such a lovely feeling to enjoy it without feeling like it was THE END :D and sharing cake is something I wouldn't do before he he, I'd scoff it and feel guilty and then probably have some more junk on my way home feeling like I've blown it. A slice of cake now and again is OK as long as I eat well most of the time and move.
 
Sharing that piece of cake was an excellent decision. A little bit of something we enjoy is a good thing & should not come with guilt. You showed self-restraint & had a win. Well done! :)
 
Thanks Cate!! It really felt sooo good!

Today is a bit all over the place.

Got up at 6, cycled 10k to this Parkrun sort of thing, ran 5k, cycled back 10k = I'm EXHAUSTED :D

It's after 2pm and I still haven't done any work, I wish I could just chill today, but there's so much on my to-do-list.

Should start soon or this will turn into a very frustrating day where I procrastinate and stress, but don't actually do anything.
 
Some days are just like that. No wonder you're exhausted. Do you have to do any work? Can't you just chill for the rest of the day? You have already done a lot......just saying.... xoxo
 
Ha ha, you're a bad influence :D

I'd done a lot, but not coursework wise. I've done a few hours though and feeling better :)
 
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