Stacy's "Breaking the Cycle!"

[bikinibound]

Wow woman!! You deserve a huge pat on the back for not smoking or pigging out after the accident. *pat pat* See how tough you are? I am soo proud of you for sticking to your guns, and relieved that you woke up feeling all right, if not a bit sore. Dave also deserves some kudos for not giving in to temptation and helping with dinner.

Margaret's right about you losing the most value after you drive it off the lot..lol. Better to buy a year old car that's already lost that value..lol

Sorry your weather's so hot. I would rather put up with our cold, snowy winters than your summer heat.

 

[hickgurltx]

Hi gang.

Today has been a rough day - glad it's almost over.. lol

Boy, I have really, really wanted to go buy smokes today.

I wonder if it's bc my body has started the withdrawl process?

I have had to keep myself busy..lol

The soreness is going away and I'm so thankful.

I can get back to walking tomorrow and get myself back on the bike.

I have had a couple of dizzy spells today and I hope this is the last day for that.

I'm a lil nervous bc this is hubby's last night off. He'll be sleeping all day tomorrpw and then headed for work all night.

I will be on my own.. No more buddy system..lmbo!

We have really supported each other while he has been off/home.

I found out today that the pools will all open this weekend and stay open.

**WooT!** I can't wait to go swimming.

It will be super great for my RA and exercise wise.

Gotta chat with my family tomorrow about my b-day plans.

I want to keep the food healthy.

I was born on Memorial Day, so we always celebrate it on Memorial Day. (No matter the actual date)

My b-day is the 28th. The holiday falls on the 28th every 6-7 years.

I'm gonna be requesting grilled food and veggies.

I think this recipe will be GREAT for the dessert.

SF Jello and FF Cool Whip can be used.

What do you guys think?

Better than the "usual" chocolate sheet cake!!!!! lmbo

Talk about sugar overload - calories - and fat!

We have all made this before and love it.

Perfect for the summer/heat anyway.



Much better choice don't ya think? No guilt will follow..

********

Margaret: Thank u so much hon.

I don't think the hospital would have been covered by their ins. anyway bc they told me today I'm an "Egg Shell" claim bc my condition (RA) of course is pre-exsisting. {sp?} Not clear headed enough today for spelling..lol

It's so funny how when you're scared/hurt, a million things run through your mind.
One of the things running through my mind was the fact our new car that was 'running' would have had to be towed if I would have went to the hospital!

Here is something we can laugh about now that the drama is over...

You should have seen the twinkle in Cory's eyes when one of the paramedics told Cory he should drive me home!

(Cory is now 6 foot - size 12 shoe - been shaving for 3 years.) lol

I quickly said, "NO - he's 14..lol.. lord, that will be another accident!"

The guy just shook his head and laughed. (he saw the twinkle in his eyes as well.)

Kimberly: Thanks sweetie!

Come lay out with me this weekend and go swimming!?!



Goodness knows my pale butt needs some sun!

I only tan a little bc of the Irish in me..

If I'm not super careful, I'll just burn and then peel..

 

[hickgurltx]

Food today:

Twice I had SF Carnation Instant Breakfast Smoothie w/Strawberries and Skim Milk.

aka - SF CIBSw/SB

Granola bar

lots of water

Grilled Ballpark Angus Beef Franks (2) on WW-MG Buns
Light chili - cheese - onions

1-2 tbs. of bushes bbq grillin' beans.. {didn't like them!} lol

(We love the original and steakhouse grillin' beans though!)

5 steak fries with light chili and cheese.

Not such a great dinner I know.

I wanted a whole plate full of chili cheese fries, so I am proud I had control!

I also had the last scoop of coffee ice cream left over from binge eating before my start over and new attitude..lol..

Glad it's gone! - That is my favorite ice cream!

My plan was to have salad instead of fries..lol..

I had also planned on 1 hot dog..

oops!



I guess it could have been worse though!

 

[bikinibound]

Girl--you did just great yesterday!! I'm so proud of your control over the naughty food. Seriously, learning to limit the bad stuff to a small amount is often harder than just avoiding it altogether. So be proud of yourself. I think you'll so just fine with Dave at work. Just keep yourself busy, and grab those mints (or your vibrating friend) when you feel like a cig.

LOL@ the paramedic suggesting Cory drive you home. I'm sure that made Cory feel rather good. Is he any good at basketball? B/c I'm pretty sure he's gonna be close to 7 foot before he stops growing...lol. NBA calling...

Your b-day menu sounds great! Good for you for not blowing the diet that day--I would've (and did... ).

 

[hickgurltx]

Omigosh I want a ciggy!

lol

****

Food so far:

Coffee
Fruit 'n Grain cereal bar

water

DP - leftover grilled hot dog on WW-MG bun with mustard - 1/3 c. 2% cottage cheese - 6 RF triscuits with light green onion/chive cream cheese spread on ea. one.

I'm about to hop on bike now to try and ride off the smoking urge..lol

~~~~

Kimberly: *Smoochies!* Thanks!
Dog gone i wanted a whole plate full like I said. heehee
I mean, who doesn't like junk food?
Chili cheese fries are so yummo.

Yep, Cory is super tall, dark, and handsome!
I dread high school for him next year bc I'm sure girls will be calling non-stop!

I'm sure his phase of just hanging w/guy friends and playin' x-box will end soon. Especially once he see's all the cute high school girls.. LOL

I don't even want ta think about how tall he'll end up..lol

Good grief, his shoes look like boats already!

He does enjoy basketball, but he is our lil academic kid.

Debate Club - Choir - will join ROTC in highschool.

 

[hickgurltx]

I'm sooooo ready 4 bed and glad this super long day is at an end!

Hubby and I just argued on the phone as well.

We are both going through withdrawl and snappy.

He really hurt my feelings though bc as I was telling him how I was feeling and that I'm scared bc I'm jonesing so bad, he said in a scolding tone,

" Just go buy some ciggs then Stacy."

I needed a pep talk in a loving manner.

Yes, I'll get over it, but it just really hurt my feelings.

I'm emotional right now and I've had a rough day.

It has taken every ounce of me to fight off 2 panic attacks today.

Dinner was a WW-MG flat pita with melted cheddar and smoked turkey.
I used 2 tsp. of light mayo for dipping.
1 pickle and 2 c. skim milk.
100 Cal snack pack

Around 10PM I wanted a smoke so bad - I slipped and turned to food.



I heated up some frozen meatballs and made some rice.

Had about 8 small meatballs and at least 1 c. of rice.

I wish I could have just had a yogurt and water dog gone it!

I'll be glad when the withdrawls symptoms get flushed out.

I want to feel like a few days ago when I was doin' so well and also eating well.

Thank goodness tomorrow will be a fresh start.

I have to stay on my toes and not turn to food.
That will be my goal 4 tomorrow.

Nite - Nite

 

[Bellaryna]

Awww!
Can't be mad at the guy as he is most likely "jones'in" too.
But I can understand how your feelings would be hurt. 'Cuz I know mine would be for sure! LOL
As for turning to food you still didn't do bad. It could have been a whole pint of ice cream or something worse. Trust me I know!!! I just came off a 2 week binge of eating anything and everything that I wanted.
It's just like you said today is a new day.
Just don't beat yourself up for any backslides you make. We all are here for you and want to see you succeed. And we KNOW you can do it!
Have a goal reachin day!

 

[bikinibound]

H's reply to you must be a David thing, as that's what my H said to me when I told him on the phone I was really hurting from my walk. "So quit then," he said. "No, I said I was going to do this, and I'm gonna finish it," was my reply. If he'd babied me and said, you can do it, hang in there, etc, I would've just whined some more..lol. This snapped me back to what I really wanted. Come hell or high water, I was gonna finish that walk. You'll give up those cigs, mark my words..lol.

Better to eat than smoke imo. So don't worry about it.

The great news is:
YOU DIDN'T SMOKE!!

How long is it supposed to take before the nicotine gets out of your system?

 

[hickgurltx]

Hey guys.

Only been up for 30 mins. lol

When I got up this morning I had the shakes and I was throwing up.

I had to lie back down.

I smelt like ciggs!

The doc said via phone, I can pretty much count on this bein' withdrawl and the crap was coming out my pores..

Gosh, you'd think I was on crack or something!

The nicotine won't be 100% flushed out bc we are usin' the patches.

The amount will go down with each step.

Step 1 (usin' now) is 21 mg of nicotine.

We were both gettin' WAY MORE than that bc we ea. smoked a pack and a half per day. On a good day where things were calm or if I was super busy, I'd smoke a pack..

Withdrawl symptoms will be different for everyone and last 5-15 days.

The booklet says that you can expect withdrawl attacks with each step bc of the nic amounts going down.

*****

Dawn: lol ... He was very sweet this morning. Esp. since I was sick.
I'm sure we are gonna have lil mini fights bc of all we are going through.

Thanks sweetie! <3

Kimberly: That makes sense ...

Thank U Sweetie!

I'm about to make me a SF CIBSw/SB ...

Dang it to heck though - all this crap is causing me to not have the umph to exercise.

Maybe I will feel stronger later and can at least take a walk.

I sure hope so.

I would love to see my ticker move a little next Friday!
(member, I have decided for now to weigh in every 2 wks.)

I'm tryin' to hang tough guys!

My gosh this makes ya wish you could go back in time and SLAP the heck out of yourself! Then say, "Don't you DARE pick that up and smoke u idiot!"

 

[Bellaryna]

Sorry to hear that you were feeling sooo sick this morning. Just think when all the steps are finally done how much better you will feel!
And how much better YOU will smell. And your apartment. And just think what an example you are setting for Cory. It is showing him how even though it is tough you can stick it out!
It'll get better. I know it will.
Glad that Dave was feeling his old self this morning. Kimberly is probably right in that had he babied you you might have eventually caved. But since he ticked you off you gained some more resolve to stick to it.
Your doing GREAT!!!!
Keep at it!

 

[bikinibound]

Sorry to hear you've been feeling ill. Just think of it as progress..lol.

Don't beat yourself up over not exercising and eating. You can only do so much at once--and not smoking needs to be #1 priority atm. Obviously you don't want to go crazy with the food, but don't worry about small or medium indiscretions. If you're sick, the exercise can wait. Hell, I haven't exercised since my big walk..lmao. I do plan on hitting the gym today, though. No more excuses for me. Once you're feeling better, then get back into the exercise groove. You might have to make yourself, but think of it as a challenge--like how far/fast you can bike--beat old records, etc.

Hangin' tough, girl. Hangin' tough.

 

[Blancita]

You should be so proud of yourself, as I am of you. It takes a LOT to quit smoking and you're making that effort, despite how sick you're feeling. Poor sight! I hope you start feeling better soon from that nasty ole nicotine. DUKE IT OUT WOMAN!

 

[hickgurltx]

Good Grief!

You guys are so wonderful and each of you are truly HELPING me! Thank you.

Man, when it rains it pours here for us......

Dave's dad was admitted to the hospital tonight.

He is in the last stage of horrible COPD which I have explained before.
( his lungs have only been working 30% out of 100%)

He was gasping for air at home and could not breath and had to be rushed to the hospital.

His heart rate will not slow down as well and after tests tonight, they found the blood is not pumping out of his heart like it should.

A heart specialist will be in first thing in the morning and I PRAY he will still be with us by morning.

He is in ICU atm.

My poor sweet hubby is about to fall apart at work.

He is checking with the supervisor to see if he can take a vacation day for tomorrow. The nice boss is there tonight, so I'm sure he'll late Dave come home in a little bit.

Dave has to be careful concerning work bc they are very strict and have a point system.

He has seen people that are near retirement that have worked there 25 + yrs. get fired over points!

I'm also beside myself with worry over his safety.

Your mind really has to be in your work there. (re: the mile long machine he runs.)

He has to change out giant - sharp knives that cut the stacks of paper and so on.

When he feeds the pockets on machine he has to be alert as well so his hands don't get sucked in.

I just hope they let him come home tonight.

His mind will not be on work of course.

His sister Cyndi has taken his mom (Jan) home and will stay with her until Jack hopefully returns home.

Poor Jan. She is trying to feel better and fight for her life and now she has to deal with this to.

Man, talk about needing to SMOKE!

Sheesshhh...
Hubby and I are not giving up and will continue to try our hardest!

We just have to focus on Jack and his conditions which inspired us to quit/go through this anyway!!

We have to say: Look where he is right now. In ICU

Look at his problems.

He can't breath.

We do not want to end up like that.

I swear I have went through 2 packs of gum today! lol

Thank gosh it's sugar free or my teeth would be ready to fall out right now.

My jaw is sore from all the smacking..lol
(wonder if this will help my double chin go away?)

Eating has been good today and on track.

I broke down all my meals to play it safe and have had several small things/snacks all day - thru evening. I'll try anything to keep from going on a binge.

All day/night I have had to deal with the evilness of both battles.

#1 Go buy smokes Stacy..You need them..You really need them..
Dave wants them to, he just doesn't want to disappoint you.

Don't you want this crazy feeling to stop? Don't you want the calm and peace that follows after smoking? Just go get them so you can have it.

#2 You really deserve some treats/food right now.

Go to Jack in the box.
Go to Dairy Queen and get a large Moolatte
Go to Mickey D's
Go get ice cream.
Go get this...this....and that!



I have had many moments of feeling like I was in need of checking myself into a mental hospital!

I will NEVER EVER EVER try/do anything that is addictive again!

Gosh, if you could only Know THEN what you Know NOW!

This has been a GREAT example for Cory though.

I think we have scared the chit of him..

He will probably never try ciggs or drugs bc of watching us suffer so much!

I couldn't even go to his choir concert tonight.

It was all I could do to drive/drop him off/pick him up.

I'm going through the withdrawls bad and have lost all grooming desires as well.

Thank gosh I at least have ocd to make me shower/brush teeth! lmbo.

Other than that, I don't care right now.

Sorry, I have to laugh or I'll lose my freakin' mind.

Cory understands and I'm just glad we have raised such a smart, healthy, and independant kid.
He loves us and knows we love him.
He knows we will be temp. crazy and self absorbed until we can get over this hump.

lol...I don't think he wanted me there anyway tonight bc it was their last event and they had to act a little.. They did parts of West Side Story!

He hated it!

Their last day of school is June 5th.

He is off tomorrow and Monday. (Memorial Day Weekend/Holiday)

Well, I'm gonna go dive into a movie and try to blank out so I can get sleepy/go to bed.

I hope hubby gets to come home to!

Luv Y'all

<3

- Stacy

*Hanging Tough!*

 

[Blancita]

Well that is awful news about your FIL. My dad has been such a heavy smoker since he was a little boy and he has lots of trouble breathing. Oh GOD I'm so worried about my dad sometimes with the smoking. Corey's lucky you're giving it up and YOU WILL GIRL! I'm hoping for the best for you and your family.

 

[bikinibound]

So sorry about your FIL. Hope he's doing better.

I can't tell you how proud I am of you for not giving in to the smokes. That is a true test of character. Hope you do stick it out. Just remember--and this is not permission to smoke..lol. but if you do end up having a few, don't feel that it's over. Just like dieting, you can get back on the wagon. The momentary comfort certainly isn't worth the misery later on, as I'm sure your FIL would agree.

Sending good thoughts and love your way.

 

[hickgurltx]

Still not smoking!!

Only have a minute..

Thank you Cita.

Thank you so much Kimberly! <3

Dave's dad is still the same.

Now, Jan may be in there with him!

No joke.

She's is just about in the condition when she was in there for a week.

At least they would be in the same place/hospital.

My poor hubby is just a mess. Can u imagine?

If she gets worse today, of course we will have to take her or call 911.

She's even havin' trouble keeping her head raised.

Of course this means nutrition has gone down the toilet again.

She can't even keep her head up.

She passed out while on the potty as well and Cyndi (Dave's Sis) could not get her off. She had to call her husband.

This is just a mess I tell ya.

I've gotta go now..

I have to rush around and get things finished here and run to the store.

If Jan doesn't go into the hospital, we have to give Cyndi and hubby a break and let them return home tonight.
Which means hubby and I will go stay with Jan.
She cannot be left alone of course!

I truly feel Cyndi should have called 911 lastnight!

I don't care if Jan gets mad or if Cyndi gets mad, if Jan is like that when we are with her, I'm calling 911!

If you can't keep your head up, take nurishment, and potty without passing out, you need to be in the hospital!

I don't mean this ugly or disrespectful in any way, but it would be SAFER and easier if she was in the hospital at this point anyway!

I'm scared to death her little body is going to take a big tumble or fall!

to all!

<3 Stacy

 

[bikinibound]

I agree she should be in the hospital if that is her condition. I think your SIL should've called the ambulance.

Congrats on still not smoking!!

I hope both D's parents improve soon. That has got to be really hard to have them both so ill at once.

 

[Omega]

I am so sorry to hear how particularly ill your in-laws are. Naturally I hope that there is a swift improvement to both their health. When people are as ill as your MIL clearly is - I agree that the hospital is the best place. It really makes the stopping smoking extra hard for you both - all that stress does not make things any easier.

I am also sorry to hear that you have been suffering badly with nicotine withdrawal. Thankfully I have never smoked - but I have often heard that it is very difficult to give up smoking.

You say that you wish that you had never started smoking. The fact is that we have acted less than wisely at times. If only I had taken control of my weight before my BMI got up to 52. We are only human and we do make mistakes - but then we get the job of trying to put things right.

I think that your food sounds pretty good - all things considered. I cannot imagine that any of us actually believe that we could do any better if in your situation. Forgive yourself any minor indiscretions. If you put on a couple of pounds - you will take them off when facing less stess. You really are not that big in my terms - and if you gain a couple of pounds you will still be a whole heap healthier if you dont smoke.

Consider every day that you do not smoke as a major achievement.

Everyone is so right - seeing you both suffering in your attempts to quit smoking and seeing his grandfather so ill will surely insure that Cory will be determined never to start smoking.

It being Memorial Day there - I had popped over to your diary to check up on your birthday celebrations. The dessert that you gave the link for looked very nice (I have bookmarked it). Naturally with all the severe health issues - I expect that your celebrations will have gone on hold. Make sure that you celebrate your birthday later - when things improve. It can be all too easy for these things to just get skipped when problems arise.

Take care
Love
Margaret

 

[bikinibound]

Yes, I wonder if you are able to celebrate your birthday with all that's going on atm.

Anyway, I know it's not officially for a couple of days, but

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

 

[Bellaryna]

Sorry to hear about your in-laws.
You poor thing. You must feel like you are just about at your wits end.
Way to go on continuing to not smoke. If you can make it thru all these tough times you will definately make it to the end of this venture.
I can't stay very long but wanted to swing by and make sure to wish you a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!
Catch ya later, gator!