Sophie's Diary--Holding Myself Accountable

Breakfast—fiber bar, apple
Lunch—one roll with one pat butter, cup of soup, chicken caesar salad, chocolate cake, coffee with one tsp sugar
Snack—half a bagel with cream cheese, one cup coffee with one tsp sugar and fat-free half-and-half
Dinner—sushi
Snack—hot ginger milk with one tsp sugar

Bleh. I'm so down today. Not only did I emphatically not have time to exercise, but I'm pissed about that chocolate cake at lunch. I wouldn't be so unhappy if I'd wanted it and enjoyed it, but I just ate it because it was in front of me, joylessly forking it into my mouth.

Also, a friend of mine did something hurtful today. She told me that a professor spoke "very highly of my teaching, but somewhat less highly of my grading." Now, you have to understand, my graduate program is seriously like the Smurf village, all knowledge-sharing and encouraging and, "Hey, Bob, that presentation you gave in class was really smurfy!" So to have someone telling me something like that, which I really don't need to know and cannot in the least benefit from (I'm this guy's TA for one semester. If he has problems, he can tell me about them, and if not, I don't need to worry), kind of breaks up the safe space that is what keeps me happy and productive. I don't really know what he said, nor do I care. It's her behavior in telling me something that could only worry me that bothers me. I feel like sending her an email telling her that she's being kind of unsmurfy.

Oh, well. She's one person. And you know, I've had other excellent encouragements from Smurf Village today. I'm not going to waste my time worrying about one thing that I can't do anything at all about.

Natalie Jo, don't fear the 300 and 400 level classes! I solemnly promise you that classes get twice as fun at the higher levels.
 
jw372 said:
Breakfast—fiber bar, apple
Lunch—one roll with one pat butter, cup of soup, chicken caesar salad, chocolate cake, coffee with one tsp sugar
Snack—half a bagel with cream cheese, one cup coffee with one tsp sugar and fat-free half-and-half
Dinner—sushi
Snack—hot ginger milk with one tsp sugar

Bleh. I'm so down today. Not only did I emphatically not have time to exercise, but I'm pissed about that chocolate cake at lunch. I wouldn't be so unhappy if I'd wanted it and enjoyed it, but I just ate it because it was in front of me, joylessly forking it into my mouth.

Also, a friend of mine did something hurtful today. She told me that a professor spoke "very highly of my teaching, but somewhat less highly of my grading." Now, you have to understand, my graduate program is seriously like the Smurf village, all knowledge-sharing and encouraging and, "Hey, Bob, that presentation you gave in class was really smurfy!" So to have someone telling me something like that, which I really don't need to know and cannot in the least benefit from (I'm this guy's TA for one semester. If he has problems, he can tell me about them, and if not, I don't need to worry), kind of breaks up the safe space that is what keeps me happy and productive. I don't really know what he said, nor do I care. It's her behavior in telling me something that could only worry me that bothers me. I feel like sending her an email telling her that she's being kind of unsmurfy.

Oh, well. She's one person. And you know, I've had other excellent encouragements from Smurf Village today. I'm not going to waste my time worrying about one thing that I can't do anything at all about.

Natalie Jo, don't fear the 300 and 400 level classes! I solemnly promise you that classes get twice as fun at the higher levels.
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Hey Sophie!!
Don't listen to her... I love your "smurf" metaphors .. they are awesome ... :coolgleamA:
Anyway ... I am looking forward to those 300 and 400 courses actually, but they will be hard. Just the names of the courses make me shake a little ... worried a little, but I took extra 200 courses to prepare myself for the 300 courses. I took extra, which was not a waste of money, but it doesnt count toward my degree, but I needed to. Because I didnt feel prepared last year. Now I feel prepared after my last class this year. A Harvard prof was teaching and thats how he run his class. He taught me how to write a REAL annalytical essay ..which was actually really thrilling for me .. I know literature just drives me wild ..but I love the written word.. I look up to you!!
You are doing so awesome!! Don't think about that stupid woman's remarks ... You rock Sophie..

and about the chocolate cake ... Your doing good ... just keep trecking ...

always
love yas
your friend
natalie jo :seeya:
 
Soph, I can understand completely your weakness when it comes to chocolate cake and it being right in front of you. It took me MONTHS to resist proccessed sugars plated before my eyes. Next time this happens, my advice to you would be to sip on some water or perhaps take a longer time drinking whatever you're sipping on. This is what works for me.

We have a klatche after church where donuts and cookies are served and in order to properly resist, I take a really, really long time drinking my coffee or sipping on my water. Anything to keep my mouth busy keeps my itchy fingers off the chocolate. Over time, this really does become routine and you don't even recognize that you're distracting yourself with what's in your styrofoam cup.

I too love your smurf-isms. I haven't watched that cartoon since I was a wee lass. I do like asking people if they enjoyed licking a smurf when their tongue is blue from just eating a blueberry popsicle. LOL.

I hate it when people tell me things I don't want to hear. I have enough problems in my head, why would someone want to purposefully add more? I think writing her an e-mail is a good idea. It'll put her on the right path for the future. Perhaps she could learn from this mistake.

I hope you're having a good Tuesday otherwise. I hope Smurf Villiage is treating your rather hospitably today!
 
jw372 said:
Weigh-in morning--YAY NEW TICKER NUMBERS! I can't believe I'm below 275. It's such a small difference, and yet I am lighter than I've been in at least three years. I sat in one of those one-piece desks at school yesterday, and I fit in it without having to be angled slightly sideways! Oh, God, I can't believe this is really happening for me!

I made the start number for the ticker 275 so I'd have a tiny bit of a jump on my next mini-challenge! I am here and now vowing that I will be at 260 by August 1! I will not fail. I will not flag. I will not lose interest or stop caring about my body and taking good care of it.

And seriously, thank you so much to all of you. I never would have gotten here without you--I know that because of all the times I've tried to get here before and not managed it. You guys are awesome.
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Sophie! I didn't catch this post!! Whoot Whoot! You are under 275!! You go girl!!
I am so happy for you :)
I can't wait till I am there, but I will be there by June.. I am slowly working on it

You go girl!!
You rock!!

love yas
always
your friend
natalie jo :hurray::hurray::hurray:
 
Hey Sophie! Don't let those comments from that woman get to you. I know they're probably laying heavy on your mind, but you're right - if it was something necessary for you to know, you would know it from the professor.

And the chocolate cake is OK! You're doing so well, I love reading what you eat throughout the course of the day. One indulgence every now and again is ok. But I can understand what you're saying when you say you ate it just because it was there. That kind of eating is frustrating. Still, though - you're doing a WONDERFUL job and you're doing so much good for your body. :) Don't let it get you down!
 
Congratulations on needing the new ticker numbers. Whatever the ups and downs moments you've had, you clearly are headed the way you want right now and it's great to see.

I've had other excellent encouragements from Smurf Village
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Good to hear. I love knowing your Village is so full of positivity. (Yeah, one half of one teeny neg doesn't count too much overall does it? Though the idea of an email saying "You are being kind of unsmurfy" put a grin on my face. :D)
 
Breakfast—one cup coffee with three tsp sugar and fat-free half-and-half; plain yoghurt with raspberries sweetened with agave nectar, mango sauce, and two spoonsful granola
Lunch—low-fat, low carb tortilla; roast lamb; fresh spinach; one tbsp low-fat caesar dressing; fresh cantaloupe
Snack—one low-fat oat bran muffin, one cup skim milk
Snack—protein bar, one peppermint
Dinner—whole-grain pasta with tomato sauce and grated parmesan, one turkey sausage, spaghetti squash

Did forty-five minutes on the elliptical AND thirty-five minutes of my new ballet workout DVD (not the whole thing). Let me tell you, it's a hard workout. My calf muscles are burning after those plies! And there was a lot of abdominal work too, as well as thighs, and…yeah, really, everything feels very well exercised, as it should! I can barely climb the stairs now.

Natalie Jo, thank you so much for all your encouragement. It really means a lot to me. I'm so glad you've had a good prof—it makes all the difference, I think. And I do believe you're going to meet your goal by May—you're so close!

Rach, I think I could have resisted the chocolate cake if I'd thought about it. Or else I could have made a decision to eat it and enjoy it. But I didn't. I just ate it like a robot who'd been programmed to eat any pastries put in front of it—and with just about as much enjoyment! I just need to learn to question what goes in my mouth and then I can make real decisions about what I will and won't enjoy.

Heather, you're so very kind. I've been thinking often about what your therapist told you and been trying to focus on what will make my body feel good—it's amazing when I realize that exercise really does feel good, and healthy food tastes good and makes me feel good. Uncanny, isn't it?
 
Breakfast—plum, fat-free yoghurt, mango sauce, trail-mix cereal
Snack—fiber bar
Lunch—asparagus, tilapia, coconut sauce, risotto cakes
Dinner—Lean Cuisine frozen pizza, 3 mini peanut butter cups
Snack—grapes
Snack—coffee with two tsp sugar and skim milk, one chocolate caramel cookie, eight jelly beans

Felici, so sorry I didn't see your message last night! Thanks for your kind words. I hope to get everything back to smurfiness soon, and I'm very sure it will be.
 
jw372 said:
Breakfast—one cup coffee with three tsp sugar and fat-free half-and-half; plain yoghurt with raspberries sweetened with agave nectar, mango sauce, and two spoonsful granola
Lunch—low-fat, low carb tortilla; roast lamb; fresh spinach; one tbsp low-fat caesar dressing; fresh cantaloupe
Snack—one low-fat oat bran muffin, one cup skim milk
Snack—protein bar, one peppermint
Dinner—whole-grain pasta with tomato sauce and grated parmesan, one turkey sausage, spaghetti squash

Did forty-five minutes on the elliptical AND thirty-five minutes of my new ballet workout DVD (not the whole thing). Let me tell you, it's a hard workout. My calf muscles are burning after those plies! And there was a lot of abdominal work too, as well as thighs, and…yeah, really, everything feels very well exercised, as it should! I can barely climb the stairs now.

Natalie Jo, thank you so much for all your encouragement. It really means a lot to me. I'm so glad you've had a good prof—it makes all the difference, I think. And I do believe you're going to meet your goal by May—you're so close!

Rach, I think I could have resisted the chocolate cake if I'd thought about it. Or else I could have made a decision to eat it and enjoy it. But I didn't. I just ate it like a robot who'd been programmed to eat any pastries put in front of it—and with just about as much enjoyment! I just need to learn to question what goes in my mouth and then I can make real decisions about what I will and won't enjoy.

Heather, you're so very kind. I've been thinking often about what your therapist told you and been trying to focus on what will make my body feel good—it's amazing when I realize that exercise really does feel good, and healthy food tastes good and makes me feel good. Uncanny, isn't it?
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Wow you rock Sophie!!
Incredible on the elliptical and the dvd ..ballet ..that is hard stuff I heard .. :)

I tried a pilates dvd ..whoa baby ..for what I did ..it kicked my butt ..I am going to try and do more of the dvd .. I only did a little ..but I am going to try to do more today ...

you are an inspirtation to me hun
your words are so kind to me
I actually did my old 42 mintue walk today, partly because of you!! lol
thanks hun

ttylater
love yas
always
your friend
natalie jo :party:
 
Breakfast—two ounces ham, two slices sugar-free, whole-grain toast (each topped with one tbsp light cream cheese and one tbsp mango sauce)
Lunch—spinach feta pocket, yoghurt
Snack—100-calorie bag popcorn
Dinner—cauliflower soup, one slice sugar-free, whole grain bread, half a turkey sausage
Snack—baked apple with one tsp butter and one tsp sugar, hot ginger milk with one tsp sugar

Did forty-eight minutes on the elliptical today—you know, I may not see new lows every week on the scale, but I surely do keep seeing new highs in how long I can exercise! I can't wait till I can do a full hour. Also did thirty minutes of the ballet DVD, which was, again, very difficult. I can tell, though, that I'll see great results from it long-term if I stick to the exercises.

Natalie Jo, that's so awesome of you to suggest I had some role in helping you to your excellent walking! We're both doing so well!
 
jw372 said:
Breakfast—two ounces ham, two slices sugar-free, whole-grain toast (each topped with one tbsp light cream cheese and one tbsp mango sauce)
Lunch—spinach feta pocket, yoghurt
Snack—100-calorie bag popcorn
Dinner—cauliflower soup, one slice sugar-free, whole grain bread, half a turkey sausage
Snack—baked apple with one tsp butter and one tsp sugar, hot ginger milk with one tsp sugar

Did forty-eight minutes on the elliptical today—you know, I may not see new lows every week on the scale, but I surely do keep seeing new highs in how long I can exercise! I can't wait till I can do a full hour. Also did thirty minutes of the ballet DVD, which was, again, very difficult. I can tell, though, that I'll see great results from it long-term if I stick to the exercises.

Natalie Jo, that's so awesome of you to suggest I had some role in helping you to your excellent walking! We're both doing so well!
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Hey Sophie!!
 Sounds awesome to me! Another good work out on the elliptical ... so cool! And great on the ballet dvd ..you must be working your legs .. I have that pilates cardio dvd I am doing and holy meow ... it hurts lol
it really does!!
You go girl!! :party:
Your doing awesome!!

ttylater hun
love yas
always
your friend
natalie jo
and yes you motivated me to go out and do my walk! lol and tomorrow I am going to do its again and the next day after that ..thanks for your support hun

Hope your day is wicked awesome!!:party:
 
Impressive exercise you're accomplishing there, Soph. Especially in such short a time as well! I can't wait for you to be able to hit an hour either. As soon as you do, you have to come on here and flail so we can all flail with you!! I can honestly say I know how proud of yourself you are, and that feeling of personal empowerment will carry your steps in a euphoric gait until the high carries you back down to earth. Where you'll just get high again the next time you climb onto that bike. LOL.

Keep up the good work, chica. I'm blooming in pride over here for ya'!
 
Breakfast—coffee with skim milk and two tsp sugar, oatmeal cooked with milk and fresh blueberries
Snack—fiber bar
Lunch—roast lamb, spring greens, low-fat, low-carb tortilla
Snack—macadamia praline chocopod, two cups coffee with one tsp sugar and crappy powdered creamer
Snack—protein bar
Dinner—salmon baked in tapenade, green beans, wheat sticks

Did twenty minutes on the elliptical. I didn't have a lot of time, and my muscles were pretty worn out after yesterday, so I just wanted to fit in a little bit of exercise to keep myself on track.

I'm horribly exhausted and don't have the energy to reply to the kind things people have said, but just know that you have my thanks and thanks again for stopping by.
 
jw372 said:
Breakfast—coffee with skim milk and two tsp sugar, oatmeal cooked with milk and fresh blueberries
Snack—fiber bar
Lunch—roast lamb, spring greens, low-fat, low-carb tortilla
Snack—macadamia praline chocopod, two cups coffee with one tsp sugar and crappy powdered creamer
Snack—protein bar
Dinner—salmon baked in tapenade, green beans, wheat sticks

Did twenty minutes on the elliptical. I didn't have a lot of time, and my muscles were pretty worn out after yesterday, so I just wanted to fit in a little bit of exercise to keep myself on track.

I'm horribly exhausted and don't have the energy to reply to the kind things people have said, but just know that you have my thanks and thanks again for stopping by.
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Sophie...
I hope your body recovers quickly ... You have been working so hard ..

I hope you feel better soon ..

love yas
your friend
always
natalie jo :coolgleamA:
 
Natalie Jo, thanks so much. Today will probably be pretty light exercise-wise as well, so hopefully by tomorrow I'll be feeling ready to really push myself again.

Rach, you're so lovely. When I reach one hour, I promise you there'll be a parade in here with all seventy-six trombones!

And, finally, special weigh-in morning update--I'm at 272.2! I'm delighted--I honestly expected to be at 274, since that's where I've mostly been all week, but then this morning I was down. This means I've lost about 15 pounds since I started--that's a real chunk of weight, though I can't wait to get below 270. I literally can't remember when I last saw a number in the 260s. It's coming, though!
 
jw372 said:
Natalie Jo, thanks so much. Today will probably be pretty light exercise-wise as well, so hopefully by tomorrow I'll be feeling ready to really push myself again.

Rach, you're so lovely. When I reach one hour, I promise you there'll be a parade in here with all seventy-six trombones!

And, finally, special weigh-in morning update--I'm at 272.2! I'm delighted--I honestly expected to be at 274, since that's where I've mostly been all week, but then this morning I was down. This means I've lost about 15 pounds since I started--that's a real chunk of weight, though I can't wait to get below 270. I literally can't remember when I last saw a number in the 260s. It's coming, though!
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Awesome Weigh in hun! 272.2 pounds is a big achievement!! I am right behind you hun! Awesome ..so cool!:party:

and Sophie you so rock with your elliptical...you so deserve a rest day!
Thanks for your kind and supportive words hun

thanks
love yas
always
your friend
natalie jo :party::party::party:
 
Breakfast—coffee with skim milk and three tsp sugar, light yoghurt, two slices no-sugar toast with reduced-sugar marmalade, one small turkey sausage
Lunch and Dinner—I ate everything, all right? Everything.

Yeah, so there were quesadillas and tamales and chips and queso and fish tacos and cheese and crackers and fruit and coffee and everything. Oh, and cheesecake. And you know what? I thought about it, I wanted it, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Tomorrow I shall exercise like the devil himself was prodding me.

Natalie Jo, thanks so much for the encouragement! Seeing progress feels so bloody wonderful.
 
jw372 said:
Breakfast—coffee with skim milk and three tsp sugar, light yoghurt, two slices no-sugar toast with reduced-sugar marmalade, one small turkey sausage
Lunch and Dinner—I ate everything, all right? Everything.

Yeah, so there were quesadillas and tamales and chips and queso and fish tacos and cheese and crackers and fruit and coffee and everything. Oh, and cheesecake. And you know what? I thought about it, I wanted it, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Tomorrow I shall exercise like the devil himself was prodding me.

Natalie Jo, thanks so much for the encouragement! Seeing progress feels so bloody wonderful.
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Good for you hun! You should enjoy it!
I sometimes do the same thing. BUT sometimes I eat when I dont want to, but other times .. I actually enjoy the bad stuff and dont mind. I just walk and walk and walk .. u know

best wishes
love yas
always
your friend
natalie jo :hurray::hurray::hurray:
 
Breakfast—coffee with skim milk and three tsp sugar, light yoghurt, sweet potato pancakes with one spoonful blueberry maple syrup
Lunch—black bean burrito with light sour cream and salsa
Snack—fresh raspberries
Dinner—very small portion baked flounder with artichoke red pepper tapenade, baked asparagus lightly sprayed with canola oil, half an ounce cheese
Snack—coffee with milk and sugar, one Oreo, eight chocolate cat cookies (the latter only about seven calories apiece)

Did forty-five minutes on the elliptical today. I honestly didn't think I was going to get it in. I kept going back and forth between how tired I was feeling, how I wouldn't have the time or energy to work out tomorrow, how this was my only day to myself, etc. etc. And it kept getting later, and I kept not working out. But then I was reading a book called Flying Solo: Single Women in Mid-Life, and it made me think, as I often do, about what the rest of my life's going to look like. And it reminded me of my real reason for doing all this. It's about wearing a Lilly Pulitzer dress and going skiing and not being discriminated against when I go on the job market, yes. But primarily, it's about being able to walk across a room when I'm seventy years old. That's why I'm here. Old age care in this country is despicable, and the longer I can be the fiercely independent and self-reliant person I have been all my life, the better that life will be. So I got on the god-damned elliptical and did forty-five minutes.

I'm feeling so gluttonous with my cookies and coffee, but I'm running a fierce calorie deficit today, even considering yesterday's splurge, so I figured I might as well have something sweet.

Natalie Jo, I actually really like the times when I make the decision to have something big and enjoy it. It's those times when, as you say, I eat without really wanting to that infuriate me.
 
Soph, I am so, so very proud of you for working out regardless of how tired you are. I know what it's like to make excuses, and you know what, they never work, they never truly justify our laziness. I also know the sense of accomplishment we feel *after* the workout. Not only are we wearing a huge grin, we feel amazing. That's worth it, imo. I'm so happy and proud of you. You go, you vixen you!

Congrats also on the new low!! I'm sorry I wasn't here to congratulate you sooner. Life has been so very hectic lately. I'm here now though, and that's what matters. I hope, as you do, that you reach the 260's soon. I can feel it. You're almost there chica. You can SO DO THIS!!

I hope the rest of your week is as wonderful as you are, sweetness! Much love!
 
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