Thanks you're the best ! You definitely keep my spirits up CB.
Here's an update:
SUN Jan 10- Ash finally went to..duhn duhn duhn...the gym! Drum roll please.
Pretty sure its been nearly two years since I did that so it was scary, but I managed to do it because I thought to myself I can always leave after doing some light reps on one machine. I ended up doing some light reps on two machines, 21 minutes on a low level of the bike machine, some light abs repetitions (lay down flat on back, both legs up, one leg down, then up, switch legs, to count of 50, that type of stuff), also did some light stretching to prevent pain in my muscles. So it was a good thing. I got my fear level way down.
I also decided I am not going to care what I look like in going to the gym. When I feel like I have to have the perfect shoes, shorts, matching outfit whatever, it stresses me and get me into perfection mode. So this time I just put on shorts, pink old navy sweats over them, a green tshirt, yup nothing matched, blue socks, yeah it was bad. But it didnt matter. I got to the gym and realized no body is looking at me, they are focused on themself. Taking my eye pod helped. Did i really just right that, ha lol, so funny, I iz retarded?
Anyways, on to Food now.
Last night I made Homemade tacos for my mom and I.
I chopped up Onions, and put them in a sauce pot after adding some olive oil.
Once the onions were nice and soft, then
I added a pound of lean ground beef, let it get nice and brown,
then I added some store bought Taco Sauce by the brand Old El Paso,
I added half the bottle, slowly, tasting until it was the right amount, so that
means one bottle will be enough for two pounds of meat fyi,
and when it got reaal hot, we put the taco shells in the oven for two minutes to get warm
so they dont break when you eat them, and then took them out of the oven.
We put the meat in the taco shells followed by diced tomatoes and lettuce.
My mom put cheese but I didnt.
She had three, I had four, but the second two were a midnight snack so at least I separted my food a bit.
Tonight we had steak and veggies at Outback (terrible food, dont go there)
but it all tasted like someone slapped Crisco on it and stuck it in the microwave. Yech.
Then I was "bad" and ate a box of oreos (the small kind not the kind with three columns)
but I feel like I havent eaten much sweets lately so if that curbs my sweet cravings for a few more days then good for me.
I am reading a new book, another slightly ironic, slightly funny and slightly dramatic story of middle class woes and not quite ever keeping up with the joneses, not qute finding success, and basically, the lives of people who dream big but live in a pool of mediocrity and keep fighting it in small and insignificant ways. The book is White Noise by Don Delillo, which makes me feel good because the title fits without being overthought and the authors name has a pleasing double alliteration without being too wordy.
Here's a quote that I really love because its so telling about human nature:
"'This isn't the lunch I'd planned for myself,' Babette said. 'I was seriously thinking yogurt and wheat germ.'
'She keeps buying that stuff,' Denise said.
'But she never eats it,' Steffie said.
'Because she thinks if she keeps buying it, she'll have to eat it just to get rid of it. ...She feels guilty if she doesn't buy it,she feels guilty if she buys it and doesn't eat it, she feels guilty when she sees it in the fridge, she feels guilty when she throws it away.'"
