☆♡☆Skinnyminny's diary☆◇☆

The kids and I took the dog out for a walk and then I had a snack. I'm in need of a nap later while the kids play games cuz I am feeling exhausted.

I'm too tired to even have anorexic thoughts. I'm eating according to my plan though.

I keep thinking I may need to sleep in tomorrow but again, I love getting up at 5. And if I'm going to get up at 5 I may as well do some sort of workout, even if it's my 20 min low impact aerobics.

That is all for now...lol.
 
So I had an hr nap and feel better. Hopefully I get used to less sleep. Oh! Coffee time in 30 mins, that'll help
 
Its 1:30 and I can't tell if I'm hungry or feeling bingy. I'll wait it out till when I have my protein bar.

I think I might take another nap, kids are being good and I'm feeling exhausted again.

Oh and tonight the hubs gives me a massage! Once a week I get one.
 
Guess who ate 2 cookies with their protein bar 🙋‍♀️ now I'm having anorexic thoughts about how to deal with the extra calories...it's only 140 calories...breathe minny, it's ok 🤦‍♀️
 
My anorexic thoughts are strong right now. Making me feel fat and worthless. Saying that if I eat "normal" I'll gain a bunch of weight. Oiy, but I push on eating normally. I am excited for wings!
 
I slept in till 6 today! It felt glorious. So I've decided to not workout on weekends but to have a couple rest days, even from pacing.

I normally eat brekky at 6 so I skipped it and had my 2 yogurts, strawberries and protein granola at 10 with the family. It was nice.

So the plan today is to sit around and rest. Read diaries on here, browse Instagram and hang out with my family. My youngest has a bday party to go today then we will go grocery shopping. So a pretty lazy day!
 
if you are close to a BMI of 24/25, 10 lbs/ month is really pushing it. my last 10 lbs took a bit over 3 months. with that little body fat, your metabolism will do everything in its power to add some fat.
 
overlandflyer said:
if you are close to a BMI of 24/25, 10 lbs/ month is really pushing it. my last 10 lbs took a bit over 3 months. with that little body fat, your metabolism will do everything in its power to add some fat.
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Ya, that's my anorexic brain talking. I really struggle with slow weight loss but I now know I need to be healthy.
 
I had a 1.5 hr nap today. It felt nice.

My family will be going grocery shopping soon. I love looking at all the food lol
 
So I decided to just take Saturdays off from working out. I'm itching to get back to it tomorrow. So up at 5 for 30 mins aerobics. 20 min low impact and 10 min dance. Plus pacing till 6 where I'll have a shower then cook eggs and toast.
 
I'm really struggling with anorexic thoughts. I counted my maintenance calories and I eat around 2000 with intuitive eating. I'm scared I'm going to gain weight. I'm working out lots and need the fuel, especially since I want to do a body recomp, but these thoughts are so intrusive. I spend my days battling to eat or not but when I don't eat I get so hungry I binge and guess what? I gained weight.

I'm still tracking my calories sometimes and this needs to stop. I can't handle the numbers. So far I'm at 700 calories for the day. It will be upped to 1200 with my pizza. Oiy, I know I need to eat more, but I'm scared to.

So I will have an extra peice of pizza and some chocolate tonight to increase my cals
 
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Woke up at 5 and did 30 mins of cardio. I did not really enjoy it 😅. Then I showered and had a sensible bowl of cereal and coffee.

Plan for today

Brekky- Bowl of healthy cereal and milk
Snack- Oat bar (will bring to church so I'm not tempted by cookies after)
Lunch- 2 eggs and toast with pb and honey
Snack- Protein bar and coffee
Supper- Burritos

I'm feeling very uneasy today mentally. Not sure why. Physically I feel fine, good even from working out but I'm having some anxiety. Maybe it's the anorexic thoughts that I'm still having. Probably.
 
So I just got back from church. What a positive experience. I was brought to tears during worship (music before sermon) and I broke and prayed whole heartily about my anorexia. I cried a bit by how loved I felt by God.

So I'm feeling good about my decision to keep eating and being healthy.

Bringing my own oat bar worked so I wasn't tempted to eat the mini muffins. I'm looking forward to my eggs for lunch.
 
I didn’t do good today. I was out of town for an appt and made a bad choice and got mcdonalds. Back on track tomorrow!
 
So I haven't been doing good mentally. I caved and gave into anorexia. I restricted for 3 days and lost 2.8 pounds, then binged yesterday 🤦‍♀️ Why do I do this to myself?

Although now I remember why I hate restriction, not only was I hungry, anxious and depressed, but I had such low energy, I could barely stay awake.

So I'm done with that way of life. Something just clicked in me that that is NOT the way to go. So I will be having 3 meals and 2 snacks a day.

I haven't been working out except for pacing, dog walk and treadmill, so just walking essentially. I'll be continuing this bc I just hate working out. I liked it for a few days but now I don't lol. I like walking and listening to true crime videos. I've been getting 20-25k steps a day. I just love walking, it's the only exercise I'm constant doing.

Today I have eaten more and I am not tired and have energy. I need to remember this is a life style change and food is fuel, not the enemy. That I won't get fat eating normally...

So today I weigh 139.2. My gw is 130.

So far I've eaten a bowl of cereal for brekky and 2 chocolate chip cookies at church. At 1 I'll have my yogurt and at 4 have a protein bar. Burritos for supper tonight.

Since it's the weekend, my step goal is only 10k. It's 11:15am and I have 9700k.

I'll be having a nap too in a little while, I slept good last night but it was a short sleep.
 
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