RSR36's Journey Continues...

RsR36

RsR36

New member
HI there everyone! I have been Journaling at home now off and on for about 2 years. I figured I'd give things a shot here. At least here I may get some feedback that can help me along my way.

I will be 36 years old this summer, and am 5'7" tall. I currently weigh 248 lbs, down from my all time high of 298. (it was prolly much higher, but I just quit weighing at 298).

My goals aren't too crazy. I just want to feel better physically. No more out of breath from simple tasks. I'm not trying to be waif thin. I will be satisfied if I am around 175-185. According to the charts I'd still be on the high side of overweight, but I am okay with that. I want to be able to buy clothes at normal stores, from the rack, not just shop at Lane Bryant, catalogs, and internet specialty shops.

I also want to make the changes stick. My eating habits are the hardest to change. I have done it, I have lost weight, but I always seem to gain some back. I get so "into" the regimins that I take it overboard. When I start to lose, I do the math and say to myself, if you don't eat this or that or go here to eat, you'll lose more. Then I get myself into something that I can't sustain long term. So I have decided, there is no timeframe for me this go round. I want to try to make this a lifestyle this time!!

Anyways, thats a little about me and where I am at...I will try my best to keep this up and let you all know how I am doing....good or bad...and together, this time will be different.
 
Just finished today's workout. I have like a zillion workout DVD's, and that is how I get through the long midwest winters. Today I did the Jillian Michaels Backside DVD. It is kinda tough, and I usually have to do some variations. I was wondering if anyone out there had any ideas for standing ab work that is effective.

Last year I developed a form of vertigo that is triggered by the position and movement of my head/body. When I lie flat on the floor or twist my head while lieing flat, it seems to trigger it. The whole rooms spins uncontrolable, and I usually end up getting sick for a day or so. This started last year. It took about 3-4 months for the doctors to figure out what was happeneing, and it was the begining of me not exercising and comforting myself with food to cope with the drama. I was scared not knowing what was going on with my body. Needless to say that all led to me putting on some of the weight I had lost, and all that has brought me here.

I was doing good before it happened, but it seems all DVDs end with ab work and most all of it is lieing down. I want to get the full effect of the DVD, but need some alternative options. If you have any suggestions, I'd welcome them all.

Back to todays workout....it was good. Felt real good to do circuit training again and get off the treadmill a while. I like variety and this was the right choice today. I worked pretty hard and got a good sweat going. Now I just need to couple that with good eating today. So far so good. Oatmeal for breakfast...thinking now about lunch, and what to take to work for dinner. (I work nights 2pm-10pm). For now, time to hit the shower!
 
Broke my record!!!!

Running a little late this morning, so not as much time as I would have liked to work out. I did get 1/2 hour in on the treadmill, so I tried to make it worth it. I walked at 3 mph with bursts of 5 mph. 5 mph requires me to run, not jog, run. Each time I hit it to 5 mph I just went til I couldn't anymore. Then I'd jump onto the rails, kick it back down to 3 mph, jump back on and keep walking til I got my breath and do it again. It really got a sweat going in no time at all.

I'm not in shape at all, and it doesn't take me long to run out of steam. My treadmill has an indicator that shows you running around a 1/4 mile track just like in school. The furthest I ever ran was 1/2 a lap or 1/8 mile. Today I broke that record!!! I ran for almost a full lap!!!! I was .05 miles short of a full lap!!! I was pretty proud. Now I know I can do it..I will get a full lap soon I know it!!!!

Okay, time for the shower...just had to share!
 
More layoffs...

Today is an off day for exercise. Today was appointment day. I had a lot of running around to do this morning. Whenever I do, I try to schedule it all the same day, then use that day as my off day.

Last night was a baaad baaad night. As stated before I work 2pm-10pm. I am the Union Steward for my shop at night. Last night I had to let 13 of my guys go due to a layoff. Total our company let 155 go yesterday. We let 164 go between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Needless to say the stress levels were high. I am not too far away from the chopping block now myself.

I realized I am definately an emotional eater. In those situations I feel helpless. Like I should be doing something, but what do you do. So I eat. After work, I usually have about 200 calories left in my day that I can use, so, a snack before bed. Last night after work I ate:

1 fudge pop--60 calories
1 grapefruit--not sure, prolly 110 calories or more
1 100 cal pack of twinkie bited--100 calories
finished off the pretzles...not much left, but prolly 2 0r 3 serving--close to 400 calories I'm sure.

It was so weird. I stood in the pantry looking around, saying to myself, "why are you here? your not hungry...go do something."

I grabbed the twinkies and as I unwrapped them knew I didn't want or need them but proceeded to eat them anyways. It was so bizarre yet eye opening.

Then next couple months are gonna be bad. I know there will be more layoffs, and I may be effected to. So I really need to work on this. Hopefully I won't due too much damage, and I can actually progress through it all.

Wish me luck.
 
It's saturday night, and here I am. I have been on the couch the whole day. Friday at work I started feeling funny, and this morning I woke up with a full blown case of something. Prolly just a cold, but it has me wiped right out.

I don't get sick very often. Maybe every 2 or 3 years I get a cold. Usually though, when I do, its pretty bad. I have learned how to rest though. And take care of me first when I get sick...so today was me on the couch, with a box of kleenex and plenty of water and juice. It sounds weird, but it seems when I get sick, it usually gets my eating back on track. When I'm sick I don't eat much, just the essentials, and I realize I can survive on it....so it gets me back into the swing usually. Like today I had a grapefruit for breakfast....a sandwich for lunch and a chicken and rice casserole for dinner....didn't even snack...just not feeling like it at all.
 
I have decided with the help of some from the site, to give up on my "weightloss journey"....now before you go crazy. I have decided instead that I am just going to try to be healthy this year. I am going to make better choices as often as I can. If I don't one day, no biggie...there is always tomorrow. I am going to try to make my everyday life more active, and maybe get into some types of exercise that I can stick to long term.

If I don't focus on the weight and the scale, maybe it will happen. Kinda like they say you find love when you quit looking for it....Maybe if I focus on my life as a whole it will slowly happen. I think I may quit weighing every week too and maybe every month just to make sure I am not getting too far out of control.

Man, this whole journey thing sure has a lot more to do with my head than my waistline.
 
Another day of no exercise. Still pretty sick. Just getting up and doing the daily stuff like showering, getting dressed and packing lunches has me exhausted. I know I should stay home and sleep today, and I'd prolly recover quicker, but at this point in time I can't afford NOT to go to work, so instead I skipped the exercise. I'll regret it next week, but ya know, sometimes ya just gotta do stuff.
 
Feeling Better

Starting to feel a little bit better. My head is clearing up some. I am proud to say that I have kept my eating in check, seeing as how the exercise has been minimal since I started not feeling well.

Just eating when I feel hungary, and thinking twice before I put stuff in my mouth has helped me out too. With everything going on at work, with the layoffs and all, not having to stress out over what and when and how much and colories this and grams that has helped me to stay sane.

Prolly have to hit the grocery store tomorrow morning....then maybe a quick walk or a DVD.
 
In a Funk

It's been a while since I posted here last. I have been in a kind of funk that I have not experienced before. Not real sure what it is. I just feel tired, exhausted almost. Then the next minute I am hyper. I have mood swings like crazy too. Very irratable, and my attitude has sucked lately too. Not real sure what depression is, or "the winter blues", but maybe that's what it is. All I know is it has had adverse effects on my lifestyle. I just have the "I don't care about anything" attitude...and that includes my eating and exercise.

I have been out for a few walks the past few days, as the sun has been shining and it is above zero. I do feel good when I am out there, but it is real hard to get motivated to go. Before I would WANT to go, and look forward to it. Now it is like a chore or something. Hopefully it is just a phase, and it will soon pass. If not I may have to look into other possible causes.

Good news is....I am at least staying even with my weight and not gaining more.
 
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