alligatorob
Respected Member
No need to feel awful, put it behind you. Do you think you can make it through tomorrow without a binge? I think you can.
Rob's Diary
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Thanks for your support, Rob. Today, I'm sure I can. When I find myself in this situation, I think I really have to put an end to it. I think I can now that I've lost all this weight and I don't see another way other than to just stop it. I hope the all or nothing thinking will resolve itself and perhaps out of necessity, I'll develop more support mechanisms. I'm going to make bingeing no longer an option.
alligatorob
Respected Member
Hey Rob, that sounds good.
Just remember all you really have to do is not binge today.
Just remember all you really have to do is not binge today.
Hi Rob - I'm just catching up after a day or two not reading, so I've only just got to your last few posts. Forgive me if I'm speaking out of turn, but are you being a bit too hard on yourself? Your first breakout - first of two, if I'm reading correctly - doesn't sound disastrous to me.
So, yes, don't let this one episode lure you (that second break-out) into that all-or-nothing thinking - it's more like:
- you ate good things (over and done with!),
- your body will make good use of what you ate, and
- you can go on from there feeling proud of yourself for seeing and avoiding the all-or-nothing trap.
Supporting you all the way!
The fact that you turned to good nutritious things was a positive - yes, there was a lot of them, but they weren't thing that in themselves would make you worse off. And possibly (once again, sorry if I'm talking out of turn) you wanted those things because you'd been cutting out some nutrients - the good fats? - and your body was just letting you know that you needed them?
So, yes, don't let this one episode lure you (that second break-out) into that all-or-nothing thinking - it's more like:
- you ate good things (over and done with!),
- your body will make good use of what you ate, and
- you can go on from there feeling proud of yourself for seeing and avoiding the all-or-nothing trap.
Supporting you all the way!
Yes, Amy. I was being too hard on myself for sure and you're not speaking out of turn at all. I really appreciate your post.
Yes, I think my body was telling me something and I was trying to avoid full on binge and then set myself up for it the next day.
It's not been a good couple of days for no particular reason but that happens sometimes. I think that I can avoid bingeing and now's a good time to do it. I think I need to get in a few bad calories before I commit but this is a trap of course. I think it's important to tackle the all or nothing thinking in the process so I'll try to look at all foods as something I can eat, just in moderation. This was a helpful article How to Challenge All-or-nothing Thinking . I think putting my food into healthy/unhealthy categories is just fueling that dichotomous thinking.
I'm still trying to figure out how much is enough to properly nourish myself though. I'm still trying to lose some weight but not as quickly as before. It's a little challenging to switch up what I consume with the long-term in mind.
Yes, I think my body was telling me something and I was trying to avoid full on binge and then set myself up for it the next day.
It's not been a good couple of days for no particular reason but that happens sometimes. I think that I can avoid bingeing and now's a good time to do it. I think I need to get in a few bad calories before I commit but this is a trap of course. I think it's important to tackle the all or nothing thinking in the process so I'll try to look at all foods as something I can eat, just in moderation. This was a helpful article How to Challenge All-or-nothing Thinking . I think putting my food into healthy/unhealthy categories is just fueling that dichotomous thinking.
I'm still trying to figure out how much is enough to properly nourish myself though. I'm still trying to lose some weight but not as quickly as before. It's a little challenging to switch up what I consume with the long-term in mind.
alligatorob
Respected Member
Rob, that is a great article. I can sure see a lot of myself in it. Right now I am all into a low calorie diet and losing weight. I worry about what will happen when I start to approach goal weight. I will have to somehow transition into that grey area, I think that is where you are now. I think it will take more commitment than losing weight. I did not even know there was such a thing as "Trained eating disorder professionals ". I know you are some kind of counselor, is that you?
Had a pretty good day although still affected by the previous two. I do feel back to myself tonight after exercising.
I ran 8 miles, 1 of which was outside. I'd like to start running more outside as I think it will do good for me. Inside, I recorded more of myself running. I'm working on my gait. I think my left leg crosses over too much. In fact, I tried to correct my gait while running without knowing how to do it precisely or knowing what exactly I'm correcting, but I let the soreness and very mild knee pain guide me. I made it 7 miles and I think it made a difference. I don't feel in as much pain tonight, hardly much at all. My understanding is that it can just go away with better form, I can run myself out of it. I'm feeling better about it but we'll see. I have more YouTube and videos of my own running to watch to try to pinpoint what's going on better.
I didn't eat much because of the bingeing. I had chicken salad for lunch/dinner and eggs and banana with yogurt for breakfast. Feeling better in general now.
Calories out were 4122, calories in were 1330. 22.6k steps. I did half-kneeling banded Pallof press and glutes today.
I ran 8 miles, 1 of which was outside. I'd like to start running more outside as I think it will do good for me. Inside, I recorded more of myself running. I'm working on my gait. I think my left leg crosses over too much. In fact, I tried to correct my gait while running without knowing how to do it precisely or knowing what exactly I'm correcting, but I let the soreness and very mild knee pain guide me. I made it 7 miles and I think it made a difference. I don't feel in as much pain tonight, hardly much at all. My understanding is that it can just go away with better form, I can run myself out of it. I'm feeling better about it but we'll see. I have more YouTube and videos of my own running to watch to try to pinpoint what's going on better.
I didn't eat much because of the bingeing. I had chicken salad for lunch/dinner and eggs and banana with yogurt for breakfast. Feeling better in general now.
Calories out were 4122, calories in were 1330. 22.6k steps. I did half-kneeling banded Pallof press and glutes today.
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OK today. Stayed on track.
My knee is bothering me again unfortunately. I made it 5 miles on the treadmill and did some elliptical. I also did glute and hip abductor exercises to try to strengthen those muscles to improve my gait. I'm slowly working toward pistol squats. I did some DB bench press too.
I ordered a suit on Thursday. It's supposed to come in this week and it'll be another week for the tailoring.
My weight this morning was 190.0. Total calories out were 4236. 26k steps. Total calories in were 2406.
My knee is bothering me again unfortunately. I made it 5 miles on the treadmill and did some elliptical. I also did glute and hip abductor exercises to try to strengthen those muscles to improve my gait. I'm slowly working toward pistol squats. I did some DB bench press too.
I ordered a suit on Thursday. It's supposed to come in this week and it'll be another week for the tailoring.
My weight this morning was 190.0. Total calories out were 4236. 26k steps. Total calories in were 2406.
Had a good day, today. My weight was 189.2 this morning. I'm feeling so much better than just 2 days ago. When I get down, I get pretty low and then if I binge it's just not good. Overall, I'm trending upward but still get those setback days. I'm not as restrictive with my calories and it's helping.
I ran about 7 miles today and the last couple felt great. My knee was bothering me but I can control the pain with where I land with my left foot. I'm pretty sure it's crossover gait and I'm just feeling my way through it still. I'm not quite sure what the biomechanics should be but I have a vague idea so feeling it out seems to be safe. Part of it is that I don't have a very well trained eye to spot it in the videos I record of my running. I think I'm narrowing in. I also did some elliptical. I'm trying to keep that one up so I don't over focus on the running and feel such despair if I get injured again. I did some landmine press but realized I did DB bench yesterday. I will give it some rest for a couple days. I'm just maintaining I guess because I'm losing weight. Also learning proper form.
2448 calories in, 4314 calories out, 27.5k steps. Kiwi berries are new in my diet and they're fantastic. Had eggs, raspberries, yogurt, kiwi berries, chicken sandwich, tomatoes, roasted seaweed, arugula and spring mix chicken salad, pistachios, blackberries.
I had several lab tests come back and things look great except my LDL cholesterol is high. I'm still waiting on the results for a more specific cholesterol test to see if in fact I should go on a statin. I hope not. I don't like the side effects of statins.
I ran about 7 miles today and the last couple felt great. My knee was bothering me but I can control the pain with where I land with my left foot. I'm pretty sure it's crossover gait and I'm just feeling my way through it still. I'm not quite sure what the biomechanics should be but I have a vague idea so feeling it out seems to be safe. Part of it is that I don't have a very well trained eye to spot it in the videos I record of my running. I think I'm narrowing in. I also did some elliptical. I'm trying to keep that one up so I don't over focus on the running and feel such despair if I get injured again. I did some landmine press but realized I did DB bench yesterday. I will give it some rest for a couple days. I'm just maintaining I guess because I'm losing weight. Also learning proper form.
2448 calories in, 4314 calories out, 27.5k steps. Kiwi berries are new in my diet and they're fantastic. Had eggs, raspberries, yogurt, kiwi berries, chicken sandwich, tomatoes, roasted seaweed, arugula and spring mix chicken salad, pistachios, blackberries.
I had several lab tests come back and things look great except my LDL cholesterol is high. I'm still waiting on the results for a more specific cholesterol test to see if in fact I should go on a statin. I hope not. I don't like the side effects of statins.
I was feeling slightly off today but not too bad. Yesterday's workout was more than I'm used to. I took it easier today in the gym. Ran just a mile primarily because my knee was hurting but also did about 40 minutes on the elliptical. Some weight training too for my hip abductors and glutes.
Total calories out are 3503. Total calories in were 2497. 19.4k steps. 7 hours of sleep last night. I weighed 189.0 this morning.
Total calories out are 3503. Total calories in were 2497. 19.4k steps. 7 hours of sleep last night. I weighed 189.0 this morning.
alligatorob
Respected Member
Sounds like you did fine, particularly for a day when you didn't feel real well.
I'm pretty sure it's IT band syndrome and the IT band is pretty tough. They used to think the pain was from friction where the band passes over the knee. Now it seems the bursa, or "fat pad", is impinged and that's where the pain comes from. I think I read also that there's a nerve that can get inflamed. I'm not sure I'm doing harm other than prolonging the pain by not resting it. I suppose that could lead to over-compensation somewhere else. I hope this change I'm implementing in my running gait will eventually lead to it healing while I continue to run on it but I'm not sure about it. It's surprising how little is known given how common it seems to be but it also seems that what works for one person may not work for another.
alligatorob
Respected Member
Doesn't sound good, I hope you can work it out.
My mood was further deteriorated today. I was angry at everything and after lunch I had some serious cog fog. I went to the gym to try to work through it and did some but was further aggravated by my knee. I ran 3 miles and did 40 minutes on the elliptical. I want so much to be able to just run and run and run and I can't. I'm on the fence about just stopping all activity until my knee gets better (I think that would be up to 6 weeks!!), stopping running only, or continuing to try to work through it. Today's not a good day to decide bc my mood's in the toilet.
I was at high risk of binging but I didn't. It's been 4 days since my last binge. I actually went to lunch with someone and it was an all you can eat buffet and I did OK so I'm proud of that. I'm not sure of the calorie amounts but it wasn't excessive at all. If I had gone in the evening, I'm not sure I would've done very well.
This would be a day I would try to put behind me with a binge. Like a reset. I would binge, possibly the next day too or for a period of time and at some point soon I would "reset" emotionally or mentally and continue on. Now since I haven't, I'm concerned my mood will suck again tomorrow and I won't ever get the satisfaction of reseting myself. Over time, if I don't binge, my mood will eventually (days? weeks? who knows?) let up and I'll become positive again but that way is uncertain and not nearly as satisfying as a binge. Perhaps you can see, this is a very entrenched issue for me. I know it's best to use my willpower to make it through until the desire fades and deal with the emotions as best I can along the way. It's not so bad now bc I've been eating more calories but it's still a huge issue.
Total calories out are 3563. Total calories in were 2584. 20.4k steps. My weight today was 189.2.
I was at high risk of binging but I didn't. It's been 4 days since my last binge. I actually went to lunch with someone and it was an all you can eat buffet and I did OK so I'm proud of that. I'm not sure of the calorie amounts but it wasn't excessive at all. If I had gone in the evening, I'm not sure I would've done very well.
This would be a day I would try to put behind me with a binge. Like a reset. I would binge, possibly the next day too or for a period of time and at some point soon I would "reset" emotionally or mentally and continue on. Now since I haven't, I'm concerned my mood will suck again tomorrow and I won't ever get the satisfaction of reseting myself. Over time, if I don't binge, my mood will eventually (days? weeks? who knows?) let up and I'll become positive again but that way is uncertain and not nearly as satisfying as a binge. Perhaps you can see, this is a very entrenched issue for me. I know it's best to use my willpower to make it through until the desire fades and deal with the emotions as best I can along the way. It's not so bad now bc I've been eating more calories but it's still a huge issue.
Total calories out are 3563. Total calories in were 2584. 20.4k steps. My weight today was 189.2.
To borrow Rob's term, I WAGed these. Anyone want to take a guess at how many calories total are here??
On the right, there's pot roast, bourbon street chicken, and pulled pork and the Brussels sprouts too - all pretty small portions. On the left, it's spinach, onion, tomato, mushroom, black olive, and that's several slices of turkey among other veggies. Dressing was oil and vinegar.
On the right, there's pot roast, bourbon street chicken, and pulled pork and the Brussels sprouts too - all pretty small portions. On the left, it's spinach, onion, tomato, mushroom, black olive, and that's several slices of turkey among other veggies. Dressing was oil and vinegar.
alligatorob
Respected Member
That's great Rob, and resisting at the all you can eat place was an accomplishment. I looked at your pictures and your WAGs look fine to me. Nothing wrong with WAGs, it means you are paying attention to what you are eating and doing your best to estimate calories. That may not be perfect, but its good enough.
Sorry you are in a funk, hope it lifts soon. Maybe going easier on your knee and letting it heal is a good idea.
I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through a rough patch. That you know yourself as well as you do is a real positive, but I guess just saying that isn't going to help much.
Could you reset by giving your mind a complete break, even just for a day, from the diet/fitness focus? - like going to a jazz club or furniture repair workshop or the races or whatever feels to you like an interesting way to spend some time where the whole focus is on something really interesting in itself, but away from diet/fitness. (Plus giving your knee a bit of rest.)
Could you reset by giving your mind a complete break, even just for a day, from the diet/fitness focus? - like going to a jazz club or furniture repair workshop or the races or whatever feels to you like an interesting way to spend some time where the whole focus is on something really interesting in itself, but away from diet/fitness. (Plus giving your knee a bit of rest.)
I had a tough day this morning and afternoon. The carryover from yesterday was difficult. I was no better, but worse. I feel better tonight though. I took a big step professionally. Oddly, my confidence has increased after I pulled the trigger but the lead up was fraught with self-doubt.
I did go to the gym and did elliptical and weights only and some functional exercises to help warm-up. I could feel my knee this morning and knew I shouldn't run on it so I didn't. I can still feel it tonight. I did HIIT on the elliptical. My fast heart rates didn't register on my Fitbit but I can feel the effects already. It was a good workout and that'll add variety and help me cope with the elliptical while waiting for my knee to get better. I did seated row and DB bench press.
Fitbit says 3800 calories out, 22.4k steps. 1835 calories in today.
This morning my weight was up almost a pound to 190.0. I think it may have been the salt in the meat I ate yesterday either that or the extra 500 calories per day I've been eating. My weight loss seems to be much slower with the additional calories, more than just a half a pound a week difference compared to 3 pounds per week before. I may go a little faster. I've felt full at times and I'm trying to be more aware of my hunger level. We'll see.
I did go to the gym and did elliptical and weights only and some functional exercises to help warm-up. I could feel my knee this morning and knew I shouldn't run on it so I didn't. I can still feel it tonight. I did HIIT on the elliptical. My fast heart rates didn't register on my Fitbit but I can feel the effects already. It was a good workout and that'll add variety and help me cope with the elliptical while waiting for my knee to get better. I did seated row and DB bench press.
Fitbit says 3800 calories out, 22.4k steps. 1835 calories in today.
This morning my weight was up almost a pound to 190.0. I think it may have been the salt in the meat I ate yesterday either that or the extra 500 calories per day I've been eating. My weight loss seems to be much slower with the additional calories, more than just a half a pound a week difference compared to 3 pounds per week before. I may go a little faster. I've felt full at times and I'm trying to be more aware of my hunger level. We'll see.
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