Rob's Diary

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aiminglow said:
I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through a rough patch. That you know yourself as well as you do is a real positive, but I guess just saying that isn't going to help much.
Could you reset by giving your mind a complete break, even just for a day, from the diet/fitness focus? - like going to a jazz club or furniture repair workshop or the races or whatever feels to you like an interesting way to spend some time where the whole focus is on something really interesting in itself, but away from diet/fitness. (Plus giving your knee a bit of rest.)
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Thanks, Amy. How are you feeling now? It does help. :) It's a good idea to reset that way. I bought a book on my iPad that I just started that looks really good. You know, that jazz club idea is a good one. There is 1 jazz club here I think that showcases up and coming talent. I don't think anyone would go with me so I'd have to fly solo. The furniture repair workshop and races are interesting ideas. Are those things common where you are? Were you thinking male activities? lol I'd be into a healthy cooking class actually. Thanks for your suggestions! :):)
 
bensanon said:
Fitbit says 3800 calories out, 22.4k steps. 1835 calories in today.
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That sounds like a good day. Glad you are feeling better tonight, hope that continues.

I vote for Amy's Jazz Club suggestion, I love Jazz. Going solo is better than not going at all!
 
I was trying to think "male activities", and :blush5: shame on me for being so simplistically gendered - but that said, I started with the jazz club because it's something I'd really like myself - a club with late-night laid-back mellow bluesy jazz! I went to one in Sydney in July, and enjoyed it very much. I said furniture repair partly thinking of Truffle Monster's amazing reclamation of a motor mower - but also because I'd like to be doing something hands-on, though more in the art or jewellery-making line. :)
The healthy cooking class also sounds good - is there anything available round your way?
 
I like the idea of working with my hands too. I'm not sure about the cooking classes around here. I found one online I would take. Here it is. It's called Foodist Kitchen. https://foodistkitchen.com/ The link may get removed. I'd like to be able to focus fully on it but don't have the time right now. Maybe soon.
 
Had a pretty good day today. I think my mood has lifted a little since the past couple of days. I don't feel quite as upbeat but I'm not down either. I think it's a more even normal. I will try to stay here rather than living in more extremes that come about if I binge.

Went to the gym and hopped on the elliptical. It felt good but knee feels a little stiff and slightly painful. It's not as bad as when running and I'm going to try to stick with the elliptical for awhile to see if it keeps improving. I feel a little different after the elliptical workouts. They are definitely good for me.

Total calories out today are 4122. 27k steps. Calories in were 2054. My weight this morning was 187.8.

There's a marathon that Kipchoge is running to try to beat 2 hours. It's in Vienna and it'll be live-streamed starting in 2-3 hours. Here's the link.
I suppose if I wake up, I might turn it on but it's right smack in the middle of my sleep time so I think I'll probably miss it.
 
bensanon said:
OK, here goes.

I'm 39, 6'1'', and 254 pounds.

Today, for breakfast, I had:
- 1 cup muesli (Alpen)
- 1 cup kefir (Lifeway)
- 2 scrambled eggs
- 2 multivitamins
Total calories: 473

I'm in pretty good cardio shape because I run a lot. I don't have any medical conditions other than obesity and some anxiety and depression. I used to take medication for anxiety, depression, high blood pressure, and cholesterol but I'm off all medication now. The medication is what led to massive weight gain. I've been as heavy as 330 pounds. In the last year, I've lost about 80 pounds. I've been successful at dieting before (lost 90 pounds about 8 years ago) but was not able to keep it off also because of the medication. I don't drink alcohol and I don't drink or eat anything with caffeine in it other than decaf coffee and occasionally or during binges, chocolate.

The biggest struggles I have now are binge eating on take out food and maintaining energy and motivation. Wrt the energy and motivation, I'm just doing it wrong. I know it and I need to work on understanding and implementing better ways.

I'm hoping to work it all out here with support from others here. I'd like to offer my support to others as well. Support and having others to talk to about this helps me tremendously. I don't have much of that type of support elsewhere my life right now.

My goal weight is 189 pounds and to lose the weight over the next 7 months (by the end of 2019). Ideally it would be faster but based on my history and previous attempts, I am trying to be realistic.
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Congratulations are in order for the weight loss, I too am in my late 30's and have found it hard to lose weight until I came across F45 which is a HIT work out high intensity helps you burn more calories than the average jog you will take every day

I have managed to lose 44 pounds myself and still losing weight till now!!! One thing I have found that helped me as well to keep the weight off and is something I'm extremely grateful for is Spam Link Removed it helped me not only lose weight but keep it off, hope it helps some others as well.
 
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My weight this morning was 185.8!! I hit my revised goal weight. I am now no longer overweight according to my BMI of 24.9 with height of 6 feet 1/2 inch. Here is my weight loss since May 1 when I started here. 68 pounds total in 23.5 weeks.
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Onward to my final target of 175 and below!!!
 
Thanks all! I was happy about it and then I binged today. :( I feel ok right now but I suspect I won’t feel too well tomorrow. :banghead:
 
Petal001 said:
Hi Rob I read the start of your diary and now the end and huge huge congratulations. That is awesome work. Lovely reading another inspirational story.
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Hi Petal, Thanks for posting. I appreciate the congrats. It's been like the quote in your signature - a little progress at a time adding up. It's still that way in all areas I'm trying to improve.
 
Hi, Rob. I think it took a long time to get to where we once were & when we get to or near what we think is our ideal weight we realise that the problems or issues we have always had are still there. I never really dealt with mine until I got to my goal weight & still felt the same about myself. There are so many adjustments to make & there will be slipups. I'm still making them & probably always will. We're mere mortals. Hope you felt better on Sunday & did something nice.
 
Thanks, Rob and Cate. These binges are complex. They’re wrapped up in many struggles and I’m not able to sort through them yet. I don’t feel I’m even close to understanding. There’s habit, shame, self-hatred, painful memories, fears and uncertainties, perfectionism, and just simple mismanagement of my calories. I don’t have a good sense of what my balance or my normal looks like. I do feel like I’ve eliminated one negative emotion by getting here with my weight so that’s one less complexity in the mix. It’s going to take a while to sort through. I’m not going to keep pledging I won’t binge because I inevitably do and don’t want to keep feeling like I’ve failed myself. I know I can accomplish all I want even with this problem but I think I’ll eventually figure it out or move past it if I just keep trying.

I binged again today. Lately the pattern is two days in a row. I didn’t go to the gym because my knee is hurting me. I’d really like to get back to running and if the elliptical is bothering my knee too then I should just stop and rest. I will try anyway.

It’s a little colder in the evenings and this weekend I’m dog watching. One of the dogs sleeps with me and helps keep me warm.
 
Hey Rob, you have to do whatever works for you. And I am in no position to advise or judge, you are way ahead of me in this process. I have learned a lot from you, and will keep reading and commenting on your diary, no matter what you do.

Our dogs always sleep with us, and you are right in winter it can be comforting.
 
I'm like Alligatorrob - in no position to advise, because (in my case) I know so little. But please take it easy with your knee and get the best medical advice you can. (Okay, I'll shut up now!)

A dog on a winter's night is certainly as good as another quilt, or better. :)
 
Cate said:
Hi, Rob. I think it took a long time to get to where we once were & when we get to or near what we think is our ideal weight we realise that the problems or issues we have always had are still there. I never really dealt with mine until I got to my goal weight & still felt the same about myself. There are so many adjustments to make & there will be slipups. I'm still making them & probably always will. We're mere mortals. Hope you felt better on Sunday & did something nice.
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Cate, thanks for this reply. How do/did your problems or issues manifest themselves with food? I've always thought, probably too simplistically, there are those with problematic food-related behavior and those without and you are in the without category.
 
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