Rob's Diary

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Thanks, Robs for adding me in. I’ve made it to a week with no b/p. It’s hard to resist the cravings still but it is getting easier.

I hope you guys day went well!!!
 
vicincali2 said:
Thanks, Robs for adding me in. I’ve made it to a week with no b/p. It’s hard to resist the cravings still but it is getting easier.

I hope you guys day went well!!!
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Of course! And that's great to hear, Vic. Glad the reporting is helping. I know it helps me with accountability.
 
No binges for me today. Rob, how'd you do?


The funk continued from yesterday until this evening. I went out after the gym and things have improved a little. Seems like 1 or 2 days out of every 10 days, I get down. I go through a mini depression or just get a little lost and feel a little disoriented with what I'm doing. I kind of lose perspective and in that time, it's really hard for me to hang on and know that it will pass despite a very clear pattern of it ALWAYS passing.

I ran about 3 miles and walked 1 and then did about an hour on the cross-trainer. Total calories out are 3800. 27k steps. I think I burned more calories than that. My Fitbit just doesn't do to well when it comes to the estimating calories from the cross-trainer. I did about 10 miles total with the running and cross-trainer. My knee has been bothering me so I think I'll continue with the cross-trainer for awhile and probably mix in swimming.

Calories in today were 1859. I had my usual food - eggs and yogurt with Apriums for breakfast, a chicken and fried egg sandwich for lunch and some pistachios, a protein bar after my workout, and a Mediterranean salad with chicken for dinner.

Meditation for 30 minutes earlier and probably another 30 minutes tonight.

My weight was up slightly to 194.2. I have somehow thought I could race through the end here but I'm having to work hard for every single pound.
 
No binges today. No big cravings. I'm back to feeling better after the past couple of days. How'd you do, Rob and Vic?


Not sure exactly why I go through the down days periodically. It's happened since I got off the medication and it started out as very frequent and much more intense. It's difficult to understand why I still experience this though. From talking with others, it's not uncommon.

I felt good enough to get back on the treadmill even though I had planned the cross-trainer. I walked 1 mile and ran 11. My knee wasn't really hurting until the end. I'm icing it tonight. Total calories out were 4260. 28.5k steps.

I'm probably a little low on calories in. 1761 total in. I will try to eat a little more tomorrow.

I haven't meditated yet at all today but plan on doing about 20 minutes later.

Overall, I felt much better and even got a little more sleep than usual. My weight this morning was 193.4.
 
Good for you, I did well today. You should stop by Vic's diary, I think she will be with us again tomorrow.

Also I invited Misty to join us, I hope that's ok with you. I guess I'd be pretty surprised if you thought it wasn't.
 
alligatorob said:
Good for you, I did well today. You should stop by Vic's diary, I think she will be with us again tomorrow.

Also I invited Misty to join us, I hope that's ok with you. I guess I'd be pretty surprised if you thought it wasn't.
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I think this is definitely a more the merrier situation! Totally on board with Misty joining! We might have to create our own club.
 
Today was OK. My weight this morning was 192.4. I'm feeling pretty good about that although I would like to be careful because I don't want to end up getting in a binge-exercise cycle.

I went up to the gym. Ran 3 miles, walked 3 and did another 1 on the cross trainer. My leg is bothering me and I realize it's not just my knee but perhaps it's my IT band which appears to be a pretty common overuse injury. It's not too bothersome until the end of my runs and after really longs like yesterday. Total calories out today were 3500. 21.5k steps.

I ate pretty well. The usual. Total calories in were 1925.

I'll meditate tonight about 30 minutes although I haven't really wanted to these past few days.
 
It's a little earlier than I usually check in but I think I'm going to turn in. I've been feeling down. I lost a big source of support and I feel that loss right now. I think it is for the best because it was becoming increasingly unhealthy. In addition, my leg has been bothering me so I took it easy again today at the gym and didn't run so I could let it heal. That's made things worse bc running is such a therapeutic activity for me.

Total calories in today were 1616. I made Cate's oatmeal today which was especially good with the goji berries - what a great combination in morning oats. I did very similar to Cate's - rolled oats with goji berries and chia seeds covered with almond milk overnight and then zapped it in the morning. I didn't add anymore to keep the calories down but it would have been nice with a banana or even some fresh berries. I had an egg on the side.

4 miles of walking at the gym. Total calories out today are 2563. 12k steps.

No meditation and not sure if I will as I haven't been feeling it lately.

My weight this morning was same as yesterday - 192.4.
 
Hey Rob, I'll take a 1,616 calorie day as a no binge day for you. Sorry you are feeling down, hope your leg feels better and you do too soon. Not bingeing won't cure all you problems, but it will make things better.

Can you do it again tomorrow? I will.
 
I'm sorry you're down & hope you get a good sleep. I was so down yesterday & know I need to really look after myself even more when I am, even though I don't feel at all motivated.
I'm glad you enjoyed the oats. I almost always add some banana or frozen berries before I heat them.
 
Thank you, Rob and Cate. I ended up bingeing last night I'm sure because I was feeling down. I was feeling depleted too. I posted over in the Club Challenge thread but total calories yesterday revised are 4296. I ate protein bars, tortillas with Swiss cheese, pistachios, and a bar of dark chocolate.

It sucks when you're feeling down, Cate. I was talking to someone last night and that helped. I think sharing it and allowing yourself to feel it fully helps get through it faster. Bingeing is NOT allowing myself to feel it fully obviously but it may take many iterations and mistakes but I think that's OK and I'm finding out it will eventually get better if I keep trying and moving through it.
 
I think it really helps to share our feelings, but sometimes I just don't have the energy. I know that my down days are usually just that & I bounce back. Sometimes on my down days, I am very grumpy & I hardly post in the diaries as I can't think of anything to say or I lose the thread of conversations. My own diary I find the hardest when I'm feeling like that. I think it's excellent that we have such a good support network happening in here. We'll keep on learning new strategies to help us cope & we're moving forward.
 
I had an off day again yesterday and I ended up bingeing again in the evening. I had 4897 calories. I didn't exercise because of my leg which is playing into the bingeing. Total calories burned according to my Fitbit were 2577. 4639 steps. My weight this morning was 194.0.

I'm planning on going up to the gym today and I will restart the no binge counter.
 
alligatorob said:
Try to forget that; guilt and shame do no one any good.

Can you not binge today? That's what matters.
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Thanks, Rob. I can. The shame here is wrapped in anger that I'm the one holding me back. I have the time and the resources I need to accomplish this, I wonder though if I'm doing something wrong that I'm just ignorant to or is one of blind spots. I'm sure I am in general but is it so bad it's preventing me from not achieving my goal of just 5 more pounds? I don't think I have a lack of will-power although sometimes I do in the midst of some pretty intense cravings but the exercise level I've been able to achieve here and the progress, close to 140 pounds so far, seems to indicate I can do this, it's just a WTF thing at the end or just plain old ignorance and/or a mistake.

Anyway, I ran 8.5 miles today. I had to cut the last mile short because my leg was getting too painful. Now, I feel wonderful and it's so what I needed. I've got it in my mind to swim to finish this if I need to if the leg pain is too much. I won't let myself fail on this and don't have very far to go and that achievement is really symbolic anyway but I still want to hit it.
 
Is that 5 lbs worth it, Rob? Does that extra 5 add up to 140 lbs lost? I just wonder why it is so important if it is causing you so much anguish. I understand being single-minded & not giving up, but sometimes I have to re-think why I put myself through the hoops when no-one else would care or notice. I'm not just talking about weight-loss. I'm my own worst critic. 135 lbs is an absolutely amazing amount of weight to lose, if that is what you have lost already. That's over 61kg! I lost 36 kg in 6 months in 2007 & transformed the way I looked & felt. You must be looking great & I know that you are very fit as well. I'm in awe. Maybe it's time to step back & be proud of yourself. If that 5lbs is so important to you maybe you could just let nature take its course. If it is meant to go it probably will.
 
Cate said:
I think it really helps to share our feelings, but sometimes I just don't have the energy. I know that my down days are usually just that & I bounce back. Sometimes on my down days, I am very grumpy & I hardly post in the diaries as I can't think of anything to say or I lose the thread of conversations. My own diary I find the hardest when I'm feeling like that. I think it's excellent that we have such a good support network happening in here. We'll keep on learning new strategies to help us cope & we're moving forward.
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I wouldn't have guessed, Cate. I hope it doesn't offend you but it sounds like you need to be more selfish. Put yourself first especially in those difficult times and get what you need and then offer your support to others. Just a reminder anyway! ;) You are very good at supporting others here but I'm sure it can take a lot. It's hard for me to comment on more than my own diary but I try to get to at least one other per week or so. I couldn't do your level.
 
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