Rob's Diary

[bensanon]

7-15-19 sleep: 5hr 8min

7-16-19 weight: 212.2 pounds

7-16-19 breakfast:
- Greek yogurt with blueberries
- grilled chicken
- fried eggs with olive oil
Total kcal: 454

7-16-19 lunch:
- salad (mix from store) - kale, broccoli, green cabbage, Brussels sprouts, green bell pepper, chicory, dried cranberries, sugar, pumpkin seeds, canola oil with roasted red pepper dressing
- grilled chicken and fried egg sandwich on sprouted bread with Swiss, mustard, red onion
Total kcal: 795

7-16-19 snacks:
- black coffee, Starbucks Pike Place roast, small
Total kcal: 0

7-16-19 dinner:
- grilled chicken, re-fried beans, salsa, hot sauce, yogurt on whole grain sprouted wrap x2
Total kcal: 675

7-16-19 total kcal consumed: 1,923

7-16-19 exercise:
- 6 miles incline walking, 3.81mph speed, 1698 feet climbed
- 6.1 mile run, 5.39mph speed

7-16-19 total steps: 32,376

7-16-19 Fitbit total kcal burned: 5,030

I felt good today. Saw the urologist. It will be wait and see. No surgery for now. The pain was going away and then I think I re-injured the area last week. It's bothersome now but it's manageable and hopefully it will start to go away again.

 

[Trusylver]

I felt good today. Saw the urologist. It will be wait and see. No surgery for now.

that's good news

 

[bensanon]

Thanks all for your encouragement! It's truly amazing what losing the weight does for you. I am feeling less stress overall and my mood is lifting I've noticed also. I do have times I wish I could eat like I did before and I'm sure I will for a long time. It makes it seem like maintenance will be about choices in the moment and developing more awareness about when and why the cravings come on.

I know the benefits of staying very healthy right now bc I'm in the midst of this but that will drop off at some point I'm sure. Hopefully, the healthy habits and choices will remain.

 

[Marsia]

Cate and LaMa and I talk about what happens at maintenance stage a lot, and that most people put the weight back on. We all want to keep weighing ourselves regularly and keeping with calorie counting when the weight begins to sneak up again. I have lost this same 40 pounds at least twice now, and now that I am older it is very, very hard to get off again. So I am all for staying on the forum to keep maintenance going for as long as needed. I think we can all just keep redefining what the next step in our health journey is and that way we don't backslide like most people do.

 

[Cate]

Thanks all for your encouragement! It's truly amazing what losing the weight does for you. I am feeling less stress overall and my mood is lifting I've noticed also. I do have times I wish I could eat like I did before and I'm sure I will for a long time. It makes it seem like maintenance will be about choices in the moment and developing more awareness about when and why the cravings come on.
I know the benefits of staying very healthy right now bc I'm in the midst of this but that will drop off at some point I'm sure. Hopefully, the healthy habits and choices will remain.

Losing weight has benefits far beyond the physical aspects. I think it's important to hang on to the "power" & strength that you feel when you have taken control of your health & wellbeing. It is something you need to think of forever because the moment you think that you don't need to stay focused on it, is the moment it starts to creep back on. It is a slippery slope. It's best to be well aware of how easy it is to put weight back on & how hard you had to work to get it off in the first place.

 

[bensanon]

7-16-19 sleep: 5hr 56min

7-17-19 weight: 212.8 pounds

7-17-19 breakfast:
- flax raisin bran with almond milk
- fried eggs
- vitamins
Total kcal: 392

7-17-19 lunch:
- re-fried beans, spinach, avocado, hot sauce, salsa, tomatoes on whole grain sprouted wrap x2
Total kcal: 561

7-17-19 snacks:
- pistachios
- Greek yogurt with almonds and pistachios
- flax raisin bran with almond milk
- chocolate chip protein bar (Rx Bar)
Total kcal: 2,616

7-17-19 dinner:
- turkey bison double burger on sprouted bread with Swiss cheese, red onion, mustard
Total kcal: 636

7-17-19 total kcal consumed: 4,204

7-17-19 exercise:
- none

7-17-19 total steps: 2,175

7-17-19 Fitbit total kcal burned: 2,177

I had a really bad day. I thought I was doing really well and then wham, today was terrible. And my weight is not going down like it used to. I can feel it and it's not changing despite increased exercise and fewer calories (excluding today). Today it went up a little bit. Last night I probably should have eaten sooner after working out and I may have put too much physical stress on myself. My mood was really really low and I had a lot of unwanted intrusive thoughts. I didn't work, I just rested all day. I felt sick and this was very similar to the horror I went through last year and have just been coming out of. I hope it's just a one day thing and not a setback. It's a reminder that the medication injury is still there, just under the surface and if I put too much stress on myself (mental or physical), I risk opening it up again. The only thing I cared about today was that I eat my normal healthy food. I didn't care about calories. I needed whatever will help me recover because the fallout from what I went through before is just too great to let it happen again. The extra calories might be a bit of a shock but I feel like I need the nourishment, particularly fats. It's scary to me how I can be up for several days and then just have a horrific day the next day. This was the worst day mentally since I started this plan.

 

[alligatorob]

Hey Rob, sorry to hear you had a bad day, that ain't good. As for what looks to you like weight gain, it is probably just short term, particularly if you can get back to eating fewer calories. Don't beat yourself up over today, just focus on tomorrow. When you started this diary, less than 2 months ago, you were at 254 lbs, I am sure you are well below that now. And you said your previous high weight was 330 lbs, you have experienced a great weight loss success. Don't forget that!

Now keep up the good work!

 

[Marsia]

Hi Rob. I tend to try to look at the big picture when I have had a bad day. Some days I just need to eat more, and I view that as part of the process. Some days I feel like crap, and I try to get out in nature, get some sunshine, do something different to break up the routine, or do something relaxing and soothing. Please don't let this day interfere with all your good momentum. We all get stressed or off balance and need to be kind and patient with ourselves for being fallible humans. I hope tomorrow you can do something nice for yourself and just put the bad day behind you. Hugs!

 

[Cate]

with alligatorob & Marsia. I have felt down the last few days but I have forced myself to get out & have a walk in the fresh (very) air. While I don't feel like I'm back on an even keel yet it helps. Your lack of sleep would not be helping. I really, really need my sleep! Don't be afraid to get help.
Thank you for sharing this article- NPR Choice page I have been beating myself up about not getting enough steps & it has made me feel much better.
from me too.

 

[Llama]

What all the others said. Also hugs

 

[bensanon]

Thank you, all. I feel better today. Yesterday really freaked me out as it was so similar to what I was going through with the medication I was on. The physical activity I believe was a trigger. I had been hitting the gym hard to try to get my weight loss to move again. It did today despite the higher calories yesterday. My weight was 211.0 this morning. Go figure!

I am planning to be with this for the rest of my life so there will be difficult days for sure. I hope they never approach what they were when trying to get off that medication though.

I'm trying to give an honest account here - the good, the bad, and the ugly. Change typically won't come about for me without that experience and some acceptance. I'm sure there will be more difficult episodes ahead. I appreciate the encouragement. It is so helpful.

Cate, glad you found that article helpful. I thought that was pretty interesting and the benefit max at around 7500. Would like to see some results for men.

Thanks again.

 

[bensanon]

Week 11 calories, weight, sleep, and macros.


Weeks 1-11 calories, weight, sleep, fish, macros.


Weeks 1-11 cardio.

 

[alligatorob]

My weight was 211.0 this morning.

Wow, you have lost 119 lbs since your peak weight. I know how hard and rare that kind of accomplishment is. Just keep that in mind!

I'm trying to give an honest account here - the good, the bad, and the ugly. .

That's what this place is for.

 

[Cate]

I'm glad you're feeling better Rob. (So am I ) You are doing so well!
I thought you might like this Leunig cartoon-

 

[bensanon]

7-18-19 (night before) sleep: 5hr 49min

7-18-19 weight: 212.8 pounds

7-18-19 breakfast:
- flax raisin bran with almond milk
- fried eggs
- vitamins
Total kcal: 356

7-18-19 lunch:
- salad (mix from store) - kale, broccoli, green cabbage, Brussels sprouts, green bell pepper, chicory, dried cranberries, sugar, pumpkin seeds, canola oil with roasted red pepper dressing
- turkey burger on sprouted bread with Swiss cheese, red onion, mustard
- tomatoes
Total kcal: 711

7-18-19 dinner:
- Mediterranean salad trio bowl with chicken and marinated slaw (Zoe's Kitchen)
Total kcal: 860

7-18-19 total kcal consumed: 1,927

7-18-19 exercise:
- 7 mile run, 5.44mph speed
- 4 miles incline walking, 3.75mph speed, 1022 feet climbed
- shoulder press, 55lb 12, 12, 9
- pulldown 65lb 12x3

7-18-19 total steps: 28,003

7-18-19 Fitbit total kcal burned: 4,861

I felt much better today. Night and day compared to yesterday. I felt shame and guilt yesterday about overeating. I don't want to present that person. I've felt that way about many of the thoughts I share here too. It's much better than the alternative though which is to stuff them. They are for me. The responses here though have been worth it and do not make me regretful. I've had the opposite experience.

Cate, that's definitely my experience although I wish the down days were as predictable as they look in that cartoon. I could at least manage them better.

 

[bensanon]

I'm glad you're feeling better Rob. (So am I ) You are doing so well!
I thought you might like this Leunig cartoon-

Glad to hear you are doing better, Cate, and that the walking has been helping. I like that you go outside. There's always something extra I get when I can be outside. Like I'm better adjusted to the world around me.

 

[Llama]

I felt shame and guilt yesterday about overeating. I don't want to present that person. I've felt that way about many of the thoughts I share here too. It's much better than the alternative though which is to stuff them.

Definitely better than stuffing. Letting it out, especially in writing, means you have to put words to feelings or vague thoughts and that alone can be very helpful.

 

[Cate]

I think I am inclined to be more inward when I spend too much time inside, but when I get outside in the fresh air I am more inclined to be positive. I love nature & walking in nature I find really therapeutic. Our diaries are a great place to "think out loud" & the support we give one another here is priceless.
I really wish you could get some more sleep. Have you considered taking Melatonin?

 

[bensanon]

I really wish you could get some more sleep. Have you considered taking Melatonin?

I've tried melatonin. The first dose worked but made me groggy the next day. If I keep taking it, I'll be too groggy. I might try a one off again. There are no prescribed medications on the market I'm willing to take except for Vistiril which I also sometimes take as a one off. I've talked to a lot of people who've been through a similar experience as mine and there's a lot of anecdotal information too. They say it takes a really long time for your sleep to return but it eventually will. I didn't have insomnia before the medication so it's reasonable that it will return at some point. On the other hand, I'm functioning well and it wouldn't be the worst thing if this is my new normal. It'd be nice to have more hours in the day.

 

[Cate]

I wondered about melatonin as our son seems loath to take it. Being groggy the next day would explain it. I take a low dose promethazine each night as I am a lousy sleeper.
I'm glad that you're functioning well