Rob's Diary
- Thread starter bensanon
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Corrected the dates above and finishing out yesterday's progress.
6-23-19 lunch:
- seasoned grilled chicken
- turkey burger on sprouted bread with Swiss, mustard and red onion
Total kcal: 718
6-23-19 snacks:
- Medjool dates
Total kcal: 140
6-23-19 dinner:
- southwest spicy salad with chicken (Coolgreens)
Total kcal: 670
6-23-19 total kcal consumed: 1,938
6-23-19 exercise:
- none
6-23-19 total steps: 5,731
6-23-19 Fitbit total kcal burned: 2,855
Rest day.
6-23-19 sleep: 6hr 19min
6-24-19 weight: 221.4
6-24-19 breakfast:
- Greek yogurt with pistachios and almonds
- vitamins
Total kcal: 397
6-24-19 lunch:
- seasoned grilled chicken
- turkey burger on sprouted bread with Swiss, mustard and red onion
Total kcal: 718
6-24-19 dinner:
- chicken kabobs with braised white beans, roasted vegetables, and marinated slaw (Zoe's Kitchen)
Total kcal: 810
6-24-19 total kcal consumed: 2,084
6-24-19 exercise:
- none
6-24-19 total steps: 2,774
6-24-19 Fitbit total kcal burned: 2,190
I did very little today. I didn't do much yesterday and every time I take a break, my body wants more and I couldn't ever get going this morning. I was agitated this evening and had negative thoughts all day. Not fun. Good news is I needed it, I'll probably feel great tomorrow when I work out, and it will probably have only a positive effect on my progress. This has been an issue for awhile.
Separately, I feel like I'm undergoing change and not quite sure how to deal with it. I'm a little uncertain about myself and this plan. I think if I didn't have this diary to track my progress and if I didn't know my numbers, I could easily fall out of what I'm doing. I can't even describe it but will attempt. It's like my body and part of my psyche is already moving on. It wants to take the progress I've made and be done with it all and almost forget all the work I've put in. The other part of my psyche knows better and knows I should stay the course and will feel good when I reach my goal. A bit like a split mind I guess. When I look in the mirror, there are still a lot of areas I'm not happy with and I'm already wondering if I need to keep going even after I hit my goal of 189.
6-24-19 weight: 221.4
6-24-19 breakfast:
- Greek yogurt with pistachios and almonds
- vitamins
Total kcal: 397
6-24-19 lunch:
- seasoned grilled chicken
- turkey burger on sprouted bread with Swiss, mustard and red onion
Total kcal: 718
6-24-19 dinner:
- chicken kabobs with braised white beans, roasted vegetables, and marinated slaw (Zoe's Kitchen)
Total kcal: 810
6-24-19 total kcal consumed: 2,084
6-24-19 exercise:
- none
6-24-19 total steps: 2,774
6-24-19 Fitbit total kcal burned: 2,190
I did very little today. I didn't do much yesterday and every time I take a break, my body wants more and I couldn't ever get going this morning. I was agitated this evening and had negative thoughts all day. Not fun. Good news is I needed it, I'll probably feel great tomorrow when I work out, and it will probably have only a positive effect on my progress. This has been an issue for awhile.
Separately, I feel like I'm undergoing change and not quite sure how to deal with it. I'm a little uncertain about myself and this plan. I think if I didn't have this diary to track my progress and if I didn't know my numbers, I could easily fall out of what I'm doing. I can't even describe it but will attempt. It's like my body and part of my psyche is already moving on. It wants to take the progress I've made and be done with it all and almost forget all the work I've put in. The other part of my psyche knows better and knows I should stay the course and will feel good when I reach my goal. A bit like a split mind I guess. When I look in the mirror, there are still a lot of areas I'm not happy with and I'm already wondering if I need to keep going even after I hit my goal of 189.
I have this image of myself that I look like one of those hairless cats. This is completely unrealistic. I have a bit of body dysmorphic disorder I'm sure. In reality the loose skin is not bad, barely even noticeable. It's just an internal way of thinking about myself. I'm hard on myself and I think I should have figured out how to go slower to allow my skin to shrink as I lose the weight. On the other hand I think I needed to move forward and my image is not that important and why am I even focusing on something you can barely see?
This is one example of the internal struggle I go through. It's a symptom of poor self esteem, a lack of self-confidence I've had for a long time while I was overweight. I was not always overweight. About 6 years ago I was at the weight I am now. 10 years ago I was at my goal weight. The needless criticism and not focusing on what I've accomplished is so unhelpful. Does anyone else battle stuff like this? It's getting better as I drop the weight but is so silly. I want to let go of this type of thinking.
This is one example of the internal struggle I go through. It's a symptom of poor self esteem, a lack of self-confidence I've had for a long time while I was overweight. I was not always overweight. About 6 years ago I was at the weight I am now. 10 years ago I was at my goal weight. The needless criticism and not focusing on what I've accomplished is so unhelpful. Does anyone else battle stuff like this? It's getting better as I drop the weight but is so silly. I want to let go of this type of thinking.
You certainly are! I checked back to your opening post, and you're 35 pounds down in two months. More than half-way to your goal, in about a quarter of the time you allowed.
But then there's the reaction...
Yes, I think a lot of us do. It's part and parcel of the way our self-esteem was bound up with not having the "perfect body" in the first place, and maybe we've learned (somewhere internally) that self-criticism will bring us closer to our goal - so we pile on the self-criticism. I agree it's unhelpful, maybe even damaging.
To help you love your skin (which will come back to taut in time!) could you treat yourself regularly to a massage, or skin treatment of some kind?
6-25-19 snacks:
- mandarin orange
- chicken breast
- pistachios
- tomatoes
Total kcal: 355
6-25-19 dinner:
- southwest spicy salad with chicken (Coolgreens)
Total kcal: 670
6-25-19 total kcal consumed: 1,438
6-25-19 exercise:
- 6 mile run (5.45mph speed)
- 2.5 miles incline walking (3.6 mph speed, 551 feet climbed)
- chest press 55lb, 12, 12, 8
- bicep curl 20lb, 12, 12, 11
6-25-19 total steps: 20,363
6-25-19 Fitbit total kcal burned: 4,108
I missed lunch today so calories are low. When I got home tonight I didn't want to eat too much before bed so I'm having chicken, pistachios and tomatoes. Hopefully I won't swing the other way but I haven't really been having any cravings lately.
- mandarin orange
- chicken breast
- pistachios
- tomatoes
Total kcal: 355
6-25-19 dinner:
- southwest spicy salad with chicken (Coolgreens)
Total kcal: 670
6-25-19 total kcal consumed: 1,438
6-25-19 exercise:
- 6 mile run (5.45mph speed)
- 2.5 miles incline walking (3.6 mph speed, 551 feet climbed)
- chest press 55lb, 12, 12, 8
- bicep curl 20lb, 12, 12, 11
6-25-19 total steps: 20,363
6-25-19 Fitbit total kcal burned: 4,108
I missed lunch today so calories are low. When I got home tonight I didn't want to eat too much before bed so I'm having chicken, pistachios and tomatoes. Hopefully I won't swing the other way but I haven't really been having any cravings lately.
You certainly are! I checked back to your opening post, and you're 35 pounds down in two months. More than half-way to your goal, in about a quarter of the time you allowed.
But then there's the reaction...
Yes, I think a lot of us do. It's part and parcel of the way our self-esteem was bound up with not having the "perfect body" in the first place, and maybe we've learned (somewhere internally) that self-criticism will bring us closer to our goal - so we pile on the self-criticism. I agree it's unhelpful, maybe even damaging.
To help you love your skin (which will come back to taut in time!) could you treat yourself regularly to a massage, or skin treatment of some kind?
Hi aiminglow, Thanks for your comments.
It sure has caused me a lot of grief and probably the weight gain in the first place. I have been like this for a long time and I'm able to see it more clearly now and after all the damage that's happened. I think addressing it involves losing the weight healthily and exploring the past and my values as I'm sure it is with many others.I do have a massage credit I need to use. Thank you for the suggestion. I've heard it does not go away though and surgery's the best way to remove it. I don't think I would do that though. I've been drinking a ton of water and overall it's pretty healthy (not a ton a sun exposure over the years) so it may shrink a little which would be great.
Replying generally.. Yeah, things are going really well. It's odd. It's like I've hit my stride. The low calories I had today will probably have minimal impact. My sleep is returning slowly now. I'm trying to process things but I'm just going to let go of this idea that I'm losing weight too fast. It's not helpful and it's been weighing on me a bit. I know I'm not doing this in an unhealthy way and I feel good so we'll see where this goes. Why not?
alligatorob
Respected Member
Hey Rob, you really are doing well, I think that should make you feel better about yourself. Down 35 lbs in a couple of months is a real accomplishment. A little lose skin is a lot better than fat, and it will get better.
And sometimes I think I look like George Clooney, but then I look in the mirror! Our self images rarely match reality..
All the time, we all do, unfortunately for me the George Clooney image doesn't last long. All we can do is stay on track, that will make you feel better and with time hopefully the battle will get easier.
Definitely. Sadly I know of no way to prevent excess skin - it's a combination of age, previous weight, and genetics. I'm glad to hear your body image IS improving with weightloss, because there's no guarantee for that and if it doesn't it can lead to eating disorders. A thing that has helped me, although I am still struggling somewhat, is to look at other people (real ones, not images on tv/Instagram/ads) and look for things I find beautiful about them. I think it helps retrain the eye.
I like this! Thanks!
6-25-19 sleep: 4hr 49min
6-26-19 weight: 218.2
6-26-19 breakfast:
- flax raisin bran with kefir
- vitamins
- grapes
- decaf coffee
Total kcal: 345
6-26-19 lunch:
- seasoned grilled chicken
- salmon burger on sprouted bread with Swiss, mustard and red onion
- sweet cherries
- tomatoes
Total kcal: 874
6-26-19 snacks:
- sweet cherries
Total kcal: 30
6-26-19 dinner:
- Mediterranean trio salad bowl with chicken (Zoe's Kitchen)
Total kcal: 690
6-26-19 total kcal consumed: 1,939
6-26-19 exercise:
- 4 mile run (5.4mph speed)
- 0.5 miles incline walking (3.6 mph speed, 94 feet climbed)
6-26-19 total steps: 16,068
6-26-19 Fitbit total kcal burned: 3,803
A little worn out today most likely from the lower calories yesterday and lack of sleep. Otherwise I feel pretty good.
6-26-19 weight: 218.2
6-26-19 breakfast:
- flax raisin bran with kefir
- vitamins
- grapes
- decaf coffee
Total kcal: 345
6-26-19 lunch:
- seasoned grilled chicken
- salmon burger on sprouted bread with Swiss, mustard and red onion
- sweet cherries
- tomatoes
Total kcal: 874
6-26-19 snacks:
- sweet cherries
Total kcal: 30
6-26-19 dinner:
- Mediterranean trio salad bowl with chicken (Zoe's Kitchen)
Total kcal: 690
6-26-19 total kcal consumed: 1,939
6-26-19 exercise:
- 4 mile run (5.4mph speed)
- 0.5 miles incline walking (3.6 mph speed, 94 feet climbed)
6-26-19 total steps: 16,068
6-26-19 Fitbit total kcal burned: 3,803
A little worn out today most likely from the lower calories yesterday and lack of sleep. Otherwise I feel pretty good.
I'm trying to drop a little bit just because my BMR is likely slowing down as I drop weight and I want to keep this rate of weight loss up or even go a little faster. My BMR is about 150 kcal less than it was when I started if I use a common BMR equation. As I go through this though, I realize it's about making small adjustments and when I do, I can push myself quite far as long as it's slow, small, and consistent change. Starting a whole new lifting routine would be difficult so I might think about adding in or switching an exercise or two. I don't track my water intake. It's too much trouble because I drink all time. I go by the color of my urine too. It's at least 4 liters a day.
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